Push
by CherokeeRose713
Summary: ***I do not own The Walking Dead or any characters within.*** Starts after the fall of the prison. Daryl and Beth need to balance each other in order to survive. Along the way, a bond much stronger than friendship begins to grow. Follows show and comics. (Slow-Burn) (Eventual Bethyl) (Other characters in future chapters) Rated M for language, violence and eventual smut.
1. Chapter 1

What the hell'd I do to deserve this?

The question's crossed my mind a dozen times in the last half hour. All we done was cover all of a quarter mile. I'm sweatin' like a fuckin' hog out here. My body's all beat to shit but I keep movin' forward. Months of comfort don't reverse what a lifetime of desperation's done. I reverted back to the man sleepin' with one eye open. I got my bow in fronta me, my buck knife strapped to one leg an' my handgun to the other. A person never completely changes after a lifetime of hardness, you always keep that grit an' roll with the punches this shitty world throws. I just so happen to be the son of a bitch that dodges the blows an' swings back. If you wanna survive out here, you gotta close away all feelin's. Feelin' don't save your life, actin' does. I ain't ever gonna just lay down an' let death take me. The bastard wants me, I'ma put up the biggest fight he ever did see.

"Daylight's wastin'." My voice's gruff. Hoarse. Dry. S'most I've said in two days, an' it reminds me of just how thirsty I am. Rationin' water's the safest bet, awful's it is. But even if I had a whole well of water, I don't much feel like shootin' the shit with my current company. Alive is all I wanna be. Alive an' hidden from walkers. An' seein' as how I'm now a fuckin' babysitter, that means the effort's doubled. Fuckin' exhaustin'.

I know I was never a great person, by most standards. Ain't nobody can tell me different. I was trouble, a degenerate. The walkin' dead seemed plenty enough punishment for my sins. What I been through over the last year or so, I figured my debt was paid; interest included. But life ain't fair, is it? A reality I shoulda known better'n anyone. The last few days woulda been enough to sort out what I owed the world in full, past aside. How's it the shit just keeps pilin' on?

"I'm sorry, Daryl. I'm really tryin' to keep up." She's sorry. I almost laugh. I could shit in one hand an' fill the other with her stupid apologies. Which one'd fill first? Outta all the people I coulda gotten away with... Maybe it's an awful thought, but I often wondered how Beth made it this far. She's soft. I tense up. That thought- that word- chills me.

The memory of my bastard father's one I've struggled to bury deep down. Try as I might, I know it ain't ever leavin' me. _Soft_. I can't wrap my head 'round how I even kept that fuckin' word in my mind, let alone on the tip of my tongue. I can hear his drunken voice again like thunder in a small room. Right 'fore he struck me like lightenin'.

_"Ya know what yer problem is, son? Yer too damned soft! A Dixon's s'posed to be hard, unbreakable." He paces in fronta me, reakin' of hooch. The room's dark; that old lamp on the table's nearly burned out._

_"An' here ya are, cryin' like a soft, little bitch 'cause yer mommy's gone. Ya don't see Merle blubberin', do ya? I ain't losin' no sleep o'er some stupid bitch who burnt the house down! Took her dumb ass with it, just as she deserved! Ya reap whatcha sow! I only hope she suffered. Hope she's still burnin' right in Hell where she belongs. Her dyin' ain't the problem! We're stuck in a fuckin' shack 'cause of her!" He's right in fronta me now, bloodshot eyes an' clenched fists. I already know where this is headed. Ain't the first an' sure as shit ain't gonna be the last._

_"An' ya still wanna cry? Makes me fuckin' sick. I couldn't be more ashamed if ya walked up to me in a dress an' told me ya changed yer name to Daisy. Pisses me off." I can hear him workin' at that buckle, but I keep my head down. I know better than to look him in the eyes. It's like facin' a feral dog. Eye contact only challenges the balance of dominance._

_"If it's the last thing I do, boy, I'ma toughen ya up." His voice's behind me now; he thinks the fear's killin' me. The seconds seem like ages. My head's still down, eyes shut tight. I ain't afraid of him no more. I'm just waitin' for it to be over._

_Then came the leather belt. Lickin' at the skin of my back like fire, numbin' me to the core like ice. I don't cry or scream. He'd get his rocks off if I did. I was past the point of pain, past feelin' anything. I had already started puttin' my walls up. It was the beginnin' of the end of Daryl Dixon. I'd become hollow, a shell. I was nine years old._

"Daryl, d'you hear me?" I turn to Beth. I ain't even know she was talkin' to me. Too busy tryin' to shake off my nerves. Realization hits just how tight my grip's on my crossbow. Fuck that bastard for still hauntin' me after all this time. Even the memory chips away at my walls. For a moment, I almost feel weak. Bastard.

"Well, all's I said was this might be a good spot to camp for the night. Trees are thick here, so we should be well covered. Dontcha think?" I grunt in response an' drop my bag, start to pull the tent out. Better to let her rest. Stumblin' 'round all tired an' shit'll get us both killed. If I had to be honest, I didn't have anything against Beth. In the time I've known her, she seemed like a decent kid. Hell, she's been through just 'bout all the same shit I have. Least since the dead no longer stayed dead.

Maybe it's just the added burden. Alone, I survive. Did it before, comes natural to me now. Guess I resent that havin' her with me puts us both at risk. I'm too fast for her to keep up. She can easily fall behind an' then I lose her. If I hold back to keep my eye on her, I forfeit my own guard. Can't fuckin' win.

As I glance over at the girl, I think of her father. That's when the guilt hits, an' just 'fore I shove it back down I remember why I gotta try an' keep us both alive. If there's anything I've learned in this new world, it's keep your allies close. I scoff at my own pussy thought. Shit ton of good that thinkin' did for the group when our enemy remained closer.

Completely unseen, the perfect fuckin' predator. The Governor.

We were stupid to think it was over, stupid to think we stood a chance if it weren't.


	2. Chapter 2

It's fuckin' cold tonight, for Georgia at least. Breeze cuts through to the bone. Shit. What'd I'd give for a smoke right now. Wishful fuckin' thinkin'. I sit outside of our only tent, keepin' all my senses sharpened for any disturbances. I'm grateful there weren't no argument over who took watch. Took little persuadin' since she was tired. She knew I was the better lookout, knew she needed her strength come mornin'. I need her to keep up better, so she's gotta get the weariness outta her system before we set off again. 'Sides, I wouldn't be able to close one eye knowin' some scrawny little girl was lookin' out for me.

Our immediate perimeter's visibly clear. Past that, unknown. I smell a hint of the smoke from our previous fire, the lastin' taste of that greasy rabbit still in my mouth. It was hardly enough to say you're full but settled the growlin' in our stomaches. Fuck it. That's how it was for me even 'fore the world went to shit. But I gotta give her credit: Beth don't complain 'bout food.

I rub my chest to keep heated; heart's more important than arms. I look down at the ashes an' blow a warm breath in my cupped hands. We can only keep a flame long enough to cook meat, much longer an' it could draw the wrong sorta attention. Fires ain't for keepin' warm in this world. Not if you wanna remain among the livin'. Still, kinda eats away at you when the time comes to put out the embers. Not like they'd warm me up tonight. I kick at the ashes with my boot.

My hand reaches down an' I feel the leaves that crunch, twigs that break. This is the terrain that saves or kills you. The protection of the surroundin' forest's worth the risk. If you got enough sense to watch your step, you can remain quiet an' undiscovered. An' alive. If you're someone like Beth, who could trip 'cross a flat surface, your chances slip away. The girl's hopeless. I push the thought aside. We ain't close, but we're all each other's got left. Pissy as I am, I know I gotta be patient with her.

The cool night air's silent. No crickets, no groanin'. I woulda noticed the bastards comin' 'fore they'd start the groans. With the ground covered in autumn's wake, I'd hear a walker from least twenty yards away. The fuckers ain't exactly quiet, draggin' their rotted, mangled bodies through the foliage. I pull my crossbow to my lap, make sure a bolt's in place. Even on a night this quiet you can't go puttin' your guard down. Damn shame you can't enjoy a peaceful evenin' outside no more.

Strainin' my ears further, I hear murmurin'. Slowly, carefully, I raise myself up; bow at the ready. Keepin' silent as the woods 'round me, I listen again. I know I heard somethin'. It's a few moments 'fore it starts back up. Holdin' my breath, I crane my neck in the direction the sound's comin' from. To my surprise, it's source is inside the tent. 'Fore I catch myself, I breathe out her name,"Beth." I pull back the flap an' peer inside. Flat on her stomach, head on her arms, Beth speaks again. It's quiet as a dove; I almost miss it. But I'm certain: She's callin' out her sister's name in her sleep.

"Maggie..." As silent's she is, I can hear the mournin' in her voice. I don't know if it's pity that washes over me or just plain curiosity, but I convince myself I needa be certain she's fine an' lower my bow to the ground. It's gotta be curiosity. I manage to maneuver my way into the tent without wakin' her. There's barely enough room to hold us both. I allow myself to crouch down next to her an' my back brushes the fabric wall.

Even in the darkness, I can make out her features. She has some of the palest skin I ever set my eyes on, like milk from the carton. Her light blonde hair's dirty an' pulled up off her neck with a rubber band. Matted, curly pieces fall 'round her face. She looks peaceful, young an' innocent. Such a contrast to the world 'round her. I picture a single rose in a field of coals an' ashes. I study her face, tensin' up as she sleeps.

That's when I notice the tears streakin' her cheek. It's harsh, but I'm damn thankful she ain't awake an' havin' a cryin' fit in fronta me. I ain't ever been one to comfort people, least of all a girl. Dammit, I'm in over my fuckin' head with this.

In my own way, I get it. I know how hard it was when I was separated from Merle. We wasn't even the lovin' type of brothers. It's strange tryin' to picture a relationship with him like those girls had, even now that he's dead. Ain't like I could try to fix the past. Sure as shit ain't like I'ma pretend we was one big, happy fuckin' family. The girls were close, a blind man could see that, an' I feel a trace of jealousy briefly flash through me. Them an' their dad was what a family should be like, I guess.

Hershel. My chest tightens when I think of him. He was more of a father to me in the little time I knew him than my own old man was my entire life. Hershel was smart an' carin'. Stronger than most men you'd meet. The way he handled losin' his leg... I find myself wonderin' if I'd go through with it. If hackin' off a limb meant savin' my life, could I go that far? It's really no question. I'd go into survival mode. If the option was between crutches, a bullet through the skull or bein' a walker, there'd be no choice.

A new sound snaps me back to my current situation. Beth lets out a whimper, like some injured animal. I don't even realize my hand's reachin' towards her face 'til it's almost there. I freeze. The fuck am I doin'? The muscles in my hand twitch. What harm'll it do when she ain't even awake? Ain't like she'd know I gotta scrap of emotion in my body. Almost like I ain't even lettin' my walls down. Gently's I know how, I brush a piece of hair away from her face. I can't think of much else to do, so I just whisper, "S'alright." Her face relaxes at my touch an' she lays still, only movin' with quiet breaths. I pull my hand back and bring the tip of my thumb to my mouth, thinkin'.

Maybe she's a burden, but now she's my burden to bear. I gotta keep her safe. It's the least I could do to repay Hershel for all he did for me. I'm fit to try an' balance my new debt in life. She may be his only livin' blood at this point. I know I didn't deserve his kindness or even his trust, for that matter. He musta seen somethin' in me I ain't even know I had. But I don't hold onto that type of thinkin'. What difference does it make? I let him down. I let all of 'em down. The only real family I ever had.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm all alone in these woods, 'cept for that damn brown thrasher singin' up in the tree I'm sittin' against. Ain't nobody searchin' for me. Merle ain't 'round no more, not since he took off with that new drugged up bitch. I spit out my chaw. Course he left. Woulda been a matter of time 'fore he just took off, anyway. Skank or no skank. Merle desertin' me ain't nothin' new. Now the old man's turned to his favorite whippin' boy. My back's tore up, scarred. But the pain's dull today. I know he sure as shit ain't lookin' for me. Old bastard would no sooner quit the hooch than try an' find me.

Out here, I'm finally able to breathe. I know I gotta go back, eventually. But sittin' to myself's an opportunity I ain't ever gonna get again, time to soak it up. I got a toothpick in my mouth now, chewin' over my thoughts. The sun's warm on my skin, shinin' down through the mess of leaves up there. A light breeze brushes against me. It's so fuckin' peaceful out here, I almost forget why I'd ever go back to that shit shack. Then my stomach rumbles. Damn. I'm fuckin' starvin'. Reality sets in on just why I gotta go back.

_"Daryl?"_

I look 'round but it's only me, the woods an' that damn bird goin' off above my head. I feel a sudden pressure at my left arm, but ain't nothin' there. Heat must be gettin' to me. I shift my focus back in fronta me, but the settin's different. I try to pinpoint what's off, sharpen my senses to pick up the change. It hits me that the sun's set behind some clouds, castin' darkness 'round me. What once was peaceful now seems hauntin'. It's also gotten quiet, completely silent. Where's the thrasher? For a moment, there's a slight panic that goes through me. The feelin' that you ain't as alone as you thought, like there's eyes on you. When you realize you ain't the biggest predator in the surroundin' no more an' you're bein' hunted like wild rabbit. I take a deep breath an' try to figure out just what's out here with me.

Then somethin' does tug on me. I glance down to see a decayed hand, grippin' at my bicep. "What the fuck?" I hear a moan, almost a low growl. In the back of my mind the answer flashes briefly. I know what the fuck this is. "Shit!" I shout, barely gettin' off the ground- still at a low crouch. That's when I look up. Fuck me. Even mangled an' rottin', I know that face.

"Beth?" It's barely a whisper as I take in the blood-soiled blonde hair, clumps fallin' away. Her skin's somehow whiter than before; parts are tattered an' bloody an' chunks of flesh's hangin' off. The pale blue eyes are glossed over, milkier than the skin. I fall flat on my ass an' try to push myself 'cross the grass to distance us. "What the fuck?" seems to be all's I can say. I don't remember her death. I thought I was doin' fine, thought I kept her safe. But there she is, the right side of her face's ripped open, exposing her teeth an' torn gums. The mouth that's longin' to be on me.

As she drags a twisted right leg behind her, she has her arms stretched out towards me. Gone's the frail, child-like Beth I remember. That little girl was replaced with the most horrifyin' walker I ever laid eyes on. Still small, her body battered an' broken. But I see the strength she has now. She no longer looks at me as her protector. I'm fresh meat, flesh to tear away from bone. A feral, hungry growl rips from her throat. I'm brushed back against a tree trunk. She's advancin' on me, the urge to feed overpowerin' all other senses.

"Beth," it's a whimper; I'm comin' apart at the seams. "I'm so sorry Beth. I fucked up. I always fuck up. You were my last chance to make things right. I let you down. I'm so fuckin' sorry." The tears are blurrin' my vision; I clench my eyes closed. I can still hear her growlin', hear the leg draggin' over leaves an' grass. My eyes stay shut. I can't look at her like this. It's too much. Then she's on me. Her beaten hands shake me, clawin' at my shoulders. I can't man up the balls to take her down. She's got the upper hand. A cat toyin' with a cornered mouse.

_"Daryl!"_

My memory's tauntin' me, I almost believe I hear her voice. I know better. Walkers can't speak. She shakes me again. Instincts kick in. I ain't goin' down without a fight, so I start thrashin', tryin' to buck her offa me.

_"Daryl! Please, wake up!"_

For a moment, I'm confused.

_"I'm sorry, Daryl!"_

A stingin' pain shoots over my face. The fuck was that? She bite me? I gotta look, so I open my eyes.

Son of a bitch. I musta fallen asleep in the tent. I rub the stubble on my chin, my cheek's sore. Daylight's just breakin' in through the openin', an' all I see's a spark of gold. After rubbin' my eyes, I see the glow's comin' from Beth. She's leanin' over me an' the sun's shinin' through her hair. If I wasn't such a hardass, I'd almost say it was the most beautiful sight I seen since I can't even remember when. Probably just still shook up from that fuckin' nightmare.

"Daryl! I was so worried! I'm sorry I slapped you, but I just didn't know what else to do! You started twistin' about, I thought it was a fit or somethin'." Her slappin' me explains the ache in my cheek. I look up into her eyes, powder blue. I scan her over. Skin's in tact. Hair's still dirty an' matted, but no blood. She's alive. I collect myself enough before I almost lunge at her an' pull her to me. Instead, I run my hands through my own dirty hair. Shit, that dream really fucked me up. But I'm relieved. She's still alive. I haven't failed. Yet.

"I didn't know you fell asleep in here. I woulda kept watch." Beth's all worked up, wringin' her hands. Won't even look me in the eyes. I deserve that. Ain't like I welcomed the kid with open arms. A small pain of guilt shoots through me. But it's gone 'fore it can really form. I'm losin' my grip. The fuck's wrong with me? I just nod an' scratch the back of my neck. Sortin' through my thoughts, figurin' out our next move.

"Gonna take a piss." Her cheeks burn up at my bluntness. There's that innocence again.

I slip outta the tent an' throw my bow over my back. I make my way over to the edge of our makeshift camp an' unzip my jeans. Fuck. I had no idea how long I was holdin' it in, but it almost hurt to go. My stomach growls. Guess I didn't dream up the starvin' feelin'. I wonder if I should get us some game 'fore we head out. More importantly, we needa refill our water bottles. I zip back up an' check for any sign of moss or mud...anything that signals some body of water nearby. Ain't shit out here. Dry as my own damn throat. Figures.

I get back over to where the camp is, or was. Beth's already folded everything up an' packed it away. Almost makes me smile. "So, where're we headed now, Daryl? To look for the others? Maybe they're around here, too."

The others. I ain't so naive to think anybody else from the prison made it. Why should I? Every time I think I got somethin' good goin' on, somethin' worth holdin' on to...it's all just ripped away. I'd wager that, backtrackin' through all of Georgia, you'd find pieces of me scattered throughout. Feelin's an' people don't last long anymore. It don't matter how bad it hurts: When you feel parts of yourself tearin' away you just push on an' leave 'em behind. It's gotten me this far, so I imagine it ain't such a bad thing to leave it back where it detached. They're only memories, after all.

"You think we're the only ones, don't you?" Beth whispers. By the hurt in her eyes, I can only imagine that my face gave away my thinkin'. How do you explain to a girl that we're all that's left? That her group's been torn apart? Her father was killed in cold blood. Who knows where Maggie is? Rick, Glenn, Michonne. They're all gone. Wastin' our time formin' a two man search party ain't gonna help 'em. You can't help what's already dead an' gone.

"Well, we're not. We can't be. We can find them, Daryl! You're a damn good tracker an' you can find anything. I know you can." The hope in her voice hits me in the chest. An' she trusts me, despite my coldness, despite my silence an' my pushin' her. I'll never understand this girl. After every blow she's still standin'. Maybe that's why she's here. Maybe I ain't pushin' her forward. No matter what's happenin', Beth fights back. She's movin' herself onward, hopin' an' prayin' it's the right decision but stickin' to it nonetheless. She's got a big heart that's pure an' strong an' she wears the damn thing right on her sleeve. So much feelin' an' hopin' used to make me think a person was powerless an' pathetic. I look in her eyes an' see somethin' there, but it ain't weakness. It's a piercin' blue flame. Seein' that causes me to falter, makes me think I ain't the only one fightin' all the anger an' the guilt. She's right there with me. But I know better. I can't open up to her. That same fire there can melt away the ice that's guarded my own weak heart my whole life. I let her in an' she'll burn away at me. I'll be reduced to ashes.

Her cheeks turn pink an' I realize I've been starin' at her like an idiot. I put my gaze down an' gesture for her to follow me as we make our way north. Both of us are silent. There ain't nothin' to say, anyways. I glance over my shoulder to make sure she's keepin' up an' I'm surprised to see she's right at my side, like my equal. An', in many ways, we are the same. We've shared victories an' losses. We're in this together. It's the hardest battle tryin' to hold tight to somethin' you just keep pushin' away. An' in that moment, I don't know what scares me most: Lettin' her in or lettin' her go.


	4. Chapter 4

The web of fate has been taken down, tossed aside an' re-spun. How else could my current situation be explained? It's as though my life was supposed to go one way, only to jerk in the wrong direction. Maybe I just hit a tangle in the web. Or maybe the spider is on it's way to snatch me up.

Life is different now. There are no more graduations. Marriages are unheard of an' the prospect of bearin' a child's frowned upon. In this world, those milestones don't exist. They're extinct, spoken of in the fashion of old folklore from a time long ago. Some survivors are old enough to have experienced most, if not all. Others were too young to know what any of it meant. Then there were those of us caught in the middle. We grew up watchin' our loved ones experience such beautiful moments in life. The promise of what was to be expected hung in the air, pregnant with hope. Time stopped when the world changed. Hopes were only memories an' promises were broken.

In a perfect world, I woulda gotten married. Maybe to Jimmy, maybe someone else. Daddy woulda locked arms with me, silent tears fallin', as he handed me off to my husband. The vows woulda been heartfelt an' beautiful. I envision a teary-eyed Maggie, glowin' in her bridesmaid dress an' pride. My mother woulda cried softly into her old lace handkerchief, watchin' her baby leave the nest. My brother'd hold her close an' smile up at me.

I woulda had two children, a boy an' a girl. We'd live in an adorable farmhouse on an old country road. It'd have a tire swing in the front yard an' a doghouse in the back. Family meals would be intimate, an' every Sunday an' holiday we'd go to Daddy's.

But fate is a mysterious thing. It never takes hopes an' dreams into account. You just sit back an' watch where it leads you. It's like the whole world is in on the same movie. The story of our lives now are no longer expected, well-planned scripts. Everyday you wake up is a cold read an' you can act in the moment an' you can move along with the flow, but you best not stumble across the lines. It's a one shot audition for the roll of livin'. An' you do your best to make the cut, not to be cut.

I don't normally have such a hardened outlook on life, blame it on the company I currently keep. I know I have my weaknesses. I long for the life that was stolen from me, especially now. Shawn an' my mother are gone. Jimmy, too. Maggie is out there somewhere, but I can't begin to imagine how far off she is or who she's with. I can only pray she's safe. An' Daddy... I stop there. I ain't gonna cry today. We all got jobs to do an' mine is to survive.

Here I sit across from Daryl, sinkin' my teeth into charred snake. He's especially silent today. Part of me thinks it has to do with whatever that fit was about in his sleep this mornin'. But my gut tells me there's more. Sometimes I think he's buried deep back in hisself, more than ever before. He doesn't speak to me much. Not since the prison fell. I noticed he hardly looks up anymore, either, least of all to look me in the eyes. I peek over at him. His shaggy brown hair falls in his face, blue eyes set to the snake in his hand. I wanna say somethin', anything. I don't want to be shut out from him. Until we find the rest of our group, we're all each other's got. How can I prove to him that I'm still his family? I still care about him an' I don't want him to push me away. I won't let him push me away. I need Daryl, an' I know he needs me.

I tear my eyes away from him, my heart splinterin' at the thought of how much he wants to let go an' carry on alone. Tears are buildin' up an' I need to focus on somethin' else, anything else. I can't cry. I decide to study our surroundin's. We're covered by the biggest trees I ever seen. Leaves're startin' to fall. Must be early autumn. It's all dirt on the ground, no grass. The woods around us are eerie. Silently closin' in on all sides, just like the thoughts that creep into the crevices of your mind when you only want to sleep. It's too much to take at once. So much for tryin' to distract myself. Where did the world go wrong? How did terrible things keep happenin' to good people?

Good people. Daryl wouldn't appreciate me labelin' him that way. He puts on such a tough exterior. But I know better. I've seen his guard fall, even if only slightly. He's a self-proclaimed outsider. An' nobody penetrates his wall. I don't think he realizes that he's a silent guardian. The wings on his vest suit him: A protective angel from God above, one that's broken an' heavily guardin' a heart he doesn't even believes exists. But why build a fortress for an empty shell? No. I know better. There's a warm heart deep down, he just doesn't open it up enough to remember it's there.

Sittin' on the cold ground, politely chewin' on the food he's given me, I wonder how many milestones Daryl's met. Maybe one day he'll tell me. The thought causes me to think back on the things in life I'll never know. I realize that there's one right of passage this new world can hardly deprive me of. It's a matter of findin' it, an' then indulgin'. Who knows? Maybe fate will finally be on my side.

"I need a drink." Daryl doesn't say a word, just tosses over the water bottle we've been sharin'. He doesn't understand.

"No. I mean a real drink...as in alcohol."


	5. Chapter 5

I ain't gonna just let her wander off on her own, so I follow close behind. I tense up when I see the walkers approach, but hold back. Beth can handle this, she has to. I gotta know that she can. She tosses a handful of rocks at a tree to get the bastards to change course. It actually works. Dumb luck. I move in closer, purposely makin' sound so she knows I'm there. She ain't too happy with me steppin' in. Tough shit.

I motion for her to follow me. She seems relieved. Soon's we get back to our camp she flips shit; thought I was takin' us off to get her drunk. Then she threatens to go at it alone. She all but spits at me how she can take care of herself an' storms off. But if she's leavin', I'm goin' with her. She's my responsibility now. So I pack up an' catch up to her. Fuckin' women.

When we see that uppity country club, Pine Vista, Beth gets all excited. "Golfers like to booze it up, right?" Fuck if I'd know. I ain't ever been a part of no upper class society. Sons of bitches think goin' hungry is havin' to wait over twenty minutes for a table in a restaurant. Musta been nice.

There's a body on the front step that I search for cash an' jewelry, only to come up short. Beth looks confused. That cash can start a fire an' the jewelry may come in handy. I ain't gotta explain myself to no one. The old rules don't apply no more. 'Sides, ain't like they'll be missin' it. A group of walkers is headin' towards us, so we run 'round to the side an' make our way through the door. Inside we find it's no better'n what I expected. The yuppies're all dead. I start lootin' pockets, bags, cupboards an' boxes. We go down a level an' a walker comes at Beth while we're searchin' through the shit. She struggles, but after crackin' a bottle of wine over the bastards head an' puttin' the blade through the skull, she's still standin'. She looks at me with pure venom in her eyes. "Thanks for the help." Bitchy sarcasm. "You said you can take care of yourself, an' you did."

We find what I guess is supposed to be a store, gift shop or somethin'. Beth finds herself a new shirt an' sweater an' goes back somewhere to change. I'm lookin' 'round for anything of use. That's when I notice the woman's body with a sign tied 'round her neck: Rich Bitch. I admit, it's uneasy seein' what some people can do to the human corpses. Beth seemed to take it harder'n me. She wanted us to take her down. The girl was broken over the corpse of a person she ain't ever even met before. I don't know what to make of that, so I just toss a sheet over the body instead.

We're makin' our way outta the shop an' down the hall when more find us an' chase us into the locker room. The only good thing 'bout a walker attack at a golf course's all the clubs layin' 'round. I knock one fuckers head clean open, keep it from gettin' at her. When I look up, her new white sweater's covered in the blood of the walker I took out. Part of me feels shitty 'bout that. The other part thinks that's what she gets for actin' like a spoiled, bratty ass kid.

Finally we find that stupid fuckin' bar. Full of top shelf classy shit, all broken to hell or empty. Only thing the girl can find is peach schnapps. Course that's the only shit they'd leave behind. Over on the other side of the room's a dart board, 'cross from that's pictures of the club members. I take the darts an' start aimin' at their heads. Fuckin' rich pricks. Musta been nice bein' in some high society club. Havin' more money 'an you know what to do with, so you waste it on stupid shit you don't even need. Buyin' memberships an' peach schnapps. Fuck them. They got what they deserved.

By the time I release the last dart, I'm aware that Beth's cryin'. She's really messed up over somthin'. Maybe the dead lady, maybe the sweater. More an' likely she's worked up over what we've gone through. Tellin' her that the only drink available weren't any good probably didn't help her. Couldn't find any clean glasses, either, so she's ready to drink straight from the bottle. I just look at her sittin' at a busted ass bar, clothes bloodied up, tears flowin'. Girl's 'bout to take a big step in any adult's life; up 'til recently, at least.

That's when it hits me. This is a big fuckin' deal to her. Your first drink should be better'n fuckin' schnapps. I actually feel pissed off that Beth's gotta drink uppity shit 'cause it's all that's left. She ain't one of them. She may have had more love 'an me growin' up, but she wasn't born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Just a farm girl who never had a chance to really live. Fuck this shit.

I grab the bottle from her an' smash it on the ground. "Ain't gonna have your first drink be no damn peach schnapps." I shove open the door that leads us outside, an' look back at her.

"C'mon."


	6. Chapter 6

Here we are. Michonne an' I found this shack once while out lookin' for The Governor. It ain't no five star hotel, but that ain't what Beth needs. Drinkin' up in a shit hole like this was exactly what I did at her age. Least now the company's better.

I sit her at the table an' put the crate down. Apparently, these fuckers were runnin' their own shine distillery right at home. They had a whole shed dedicated to only that, so I grabbed what I could an' brought it in. I set a jar in front of her. "That's a real first drink, right there." She hesitates an' looks up at me. I don't get it. "What's the matter?"

"My dad used to say that bad moonshine can make you blind." I snort at her. Sounds like Hershel.

"There ain't nothin' worth seein' out there anymore, anyways." That's a good enough answer.

I pour some of the jar into a glass an' hand it to her. Beth takes her first sip. "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted." But she sips it again an' smiles. "The second round is better." She wants me to drink with her, but I know better. I'm all too aware of what happens when liquor passes my lips. Last thing I need is a drink. "What, you're my chaperone now, Mr. Dixon?" There's that smart mouth, again. Gonna be a long fuckin' night.

This whole damn place throws me back to the broken home of my youth. Everything in here looks so familiar. For fuck's sake, they even had the same stupid bra planter the old man had. It's all here: A place for drinkin', somewhere to spit your chaw. Shit thrown all 'round. I think I'm ready for that hooch, after all. I grab a jar an' drop down in an all too familiar recliner. "Home sweet home."

I thought all she wanted was her first drink. Then she goes on 'bout some dumb ass drinkin' game. "I ain't never needed a game to get lit before." But she's persistent. Says she learned this game watchin' her friends play. Shoulda known it was somethin' like that. Fuckin' teenagers.

"Ok. I'll start. I've never shot a crossbow. So, now you drink." This is stupid.

"Ain't much of a game." An' it ain't.

"That was a warm up! Now you go." What the fuck are we doin'? I shrug it off. "Just, say the first thing that pops into your head." Shit.

"I've never been outta Georgia." She's surprised. Obviously she's been outta this state, 'cause she drinks up. We go back an' forth, an' then she strikes a nerve sayin' she ain't ever been to jail. As a prisoner. I'm a tough son of a bitch, but that got under my skin. Why would she put that on me?

"That's what you think of me?" She tries to recover, tellin' me she meant nothin' serious. Like the drunk tank. She's shocked as shit when I tell her to drink up. Then she asks me if I was a prison guard before all this shit. Fuck. I thought that game was over already. I can't understand what's so fuckin' great 'bout my past that every motherfucker I meet wants to know it. I tell her no, an' when she tells me it's my turn again I say I gotta take a piss. I stomp over to the wall an' let the jar fall to the ground.

Shit. I'm really fuckin' angry. I know it's mostly the shine, but damn, I'm seein' red. Fuck her perfect life with her perfect fuckin' family in her perfect fuckin' home. Fuck these stupid games an' fuck her. I don't need to stand for this shit, least of all from some little eighteen year old girl. She points out that I'm bein' too loud, that I'll attract a walker. Tells me to keep quiet. That's the trigger. I glare over my shoulder at her an' ask if she's my chaperone now. She looks hurt, but I'm past the point of carin'.

She had said it was my turn, didn't she? So I rattle off the things in life I never gotta have. No frozen yogurt, no pet pony. Santa never brought presents to the Dixon house. I ain't ever relied on anyone for protection, or anything else for that matter. I don't know why, maybe it's 'cause I took this personally, but I started swingin' below the belt. "I never sung in front of a group out in public. Like everything was fun! Like everything was a big game! I sure as hell never cut my wrist lookin' for attention!" The pain in her eyes only pisses me off more. Why the fuck's she so weak? Guess she don't like discussin' personal fuckin' shit either. Too fuckin' bad. I know that I need to push her. I need her to keep a distance.

Then we hear that piece of shit walker outside. She ain't ever shot a crossbow? Now's a good a time as any to start. Gonna make a whole day outta firsts. So I grab her up by the arm, kick open the door an' drag her ass outside. The walker comes out front. I aim my sight an' put a bolt through its shoulder, nailin' the dumb ass to a post. I grab her again an' hold her tight in fronta me. She don't even wanna try. So I shoot another arrow at it, her still in fronta me. I keep tryin' to make her shoot the fucker an' she tells me that it ain't supposed to be fun killin' em. Comin' from the girl who plays stupid ass drinkin' games. She runs up to it an' stabs through its skull. An' here I thought we was havin' fun. She tells me I'm bein' a jackass, then tries to compare what I was doin' out here to somethin' someone coulda done if they found her dad, but I cut her off. It ain't the fuckin same.

"What d'you want from me, girl?"

"I want you to stop actin' like you don't give a crap about anything! Like nothing we went through matters, like none of the people we lost meant anything to you! It's BULLSHIT!" What the fuck?

"Is that what you think?" She looks me right in the eye.

"That's what I know." I tell her she don't know nothin'. She can't even begin to imagine my demons. The nightmares that carry on even when I ain't sleepin'. "I know you look at me an' you see another dead girl. I'm not Michonne. I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie. I survived an' you don't get it 'cause I'm not like you or them! But I made it! An' you don't get to treat me like crap just 'cause you're afraid."

Fuck her. My rage's finally at it's boilin' point, I can feel all my muscles tighten up an' I got ice in my veins. If she were a man she'd already be missin' her fronts. I'd cover the ground in brain matter. But I'm just barely hangin' onto that more noble side of me. This girl can take the punches, but can she take the truth? If I'm gonna fight her back, I've gotta rip her fuckin' heart out an' splatter it on the walls of the shack. I get right up in her face, and I put all the hate an' venom I got into my next words.

"I ain't afraid of nothin." I hear my father's voice in place of my own, but this is the way to save myself. I'll deal with that nightmare soon's I take care of her. She doesn't cower away from me, she don't even flinch. For a moment, I see the ghost of myself starin' back at me. But, far different from me, her gaze isn't lifeless. There's a fire in her eyes now, same as before, an' I brace myself.

"I remember. When that little girl came outta the barn, after my mom. You were like me. An' now God forbid you ever let anybody get too close!" Jesus Christ. It's not her fuckin' place to bring up my mistake with Sophia. I know I coulda found her. She woulda never ended up in that barn if I tried harder. Beth just can't fuckin' let up, it's like she wants me to hurt her.

"Too close, huh? You know all about that. You lost two boyfriends! You never even shed a tear! Your whole family's gone! All you can do is go out lookin' for hooch like some dumb college bitch!"

"Screw you! You don't get it."

"No, you don't get it! Everyone we know's dead! Might as well be, 'cause you ain't ever gonna see them again! Rick... You ain't ever gonna see Maggie again!" That's when I know I struck her biggest fear. That we'd never get anyone back. That this is permanent.

As I look into her eyes, I see the flame has finally been put out, replaced with sufferin'. The lifeless eyes I would catch starin' back at me from a mirror. I've finally took her to a darker place where hopes an' dreams never existed. Where everybody you care 'bout drops off the face of the Earth. I was drownin' her in my own pain an' she stopped fightin' back for air. But I don't feel like I just won. I feel more like a monster that just crushed a little girl's heart in his bare hands. She's made it this far livin' on hopes an' prayers. She gets by just holdin' onto that pipe dream of a big family reunion.

I realize at that moment that I am afraid. Of never seein' our group again. Of failure. I can't bear the weight anymore. I completely split myself open in front of her an' pour it all out. I shoulda never stopped lookin' for The Governor, shoulda never gave up. He bust right through our gates an' there was nothin' I could do to protect my own. I know it's all my fault. Her dad? What if I coulda done something? He wouldn't be dead right now if I had. This is it. I always knew I'd fall apart once I spoke my fears. Once I opened up I'd never be able to put myself back together. I ain't ever felt so hopeless in all my life.

Then it happened. Beth came up behind me an' threw her arms 'round me. She squeezed me tight as she could. Wouldn't let go even when I resisted her. After all I've said, the way I treated her, how I tried to break her. No matter how bad I got since the fall of the prison. Goin' days without talkin' to her, lookin' at her as some little kid. I only did it to protect myself. To save myself from destruction. But here she was, holdin' me tight to her. It's like she put her own hurt aside, just to comfort me. I can't believe how much she cares 'bout me. How good it feels havin' her there with me, keepin' me in one piece when I feel shattered. I can't remember the last time I felt the weight of the world lift from me.

That's when I know it's the first time. All 'cause this girl cares for me an' she wants me to trust her. I'm grateful that my pushin' her only made her push back with equal force. Grateful that she saw through my bullshit when no one else could, that she fought so fuckin' hard to remain close. I can't help it. It's all too much an' I know I can't struggle anymore. I'm cryin' in her arms. I feel myself cower, hang my head an' just let it all go. I'm finally broken.

But she holds tighter, keeps me together. She trusts me an' I know I have to trust her. I know now that I need her as bad as she needs me. We really are all we got left.

Beth's my family now.


	7. Chapter 7

Daddy bought our horse, Nellie, just a few years back. She was unbroken an' scared of everything. She fought us from the trailer to the stall. I remember my mother tellin' him how he wasted his money on a maniac, before droppin' her hands to her hips, shakin' her head an' stompin' off inside. The biscuits were burned that night.

I remember askin' Daddy why he didn't just take Nellie back an' bring home a better horse. He gazed at me with that knowin' look in his eyes, his wisdom shinin' through. He said, "Bethy, that there's a beautiful, strong horse. But underneath that, she's a frightened animal." I giggled. It didn't make any sense. How can somethin' so strong be frightened? He continues, "She's just as afraid of us as we are of her. Think about it, dear. She's been on her own in that old pasture all her life. There were no other horses, an' the people there paid her no real mind. They just kept the trough full of water an' left the rest to nature. She's spent all these years takin' care of herself, never thinkin' she'd ever need anybody else. But we're gonna help her. We're gonna mend her heart an' by the time we're through, Nellie's gonna trust us an' accept us as family."

Nellie always had her guard up. She'd approach the fence an' watch us mess with the other horses, always in the background but never comin' to get any affection. I'd go out to her stall at night an' sneak her an apple or a sugar cube. Within a month she'd approach me. But I knew she was still guarded. Within a few more weeks, she'd let me brush her, an' a few weeks after that I could pick her hooves. I knew it was gonna be a long, slow haul. But I believed what my daddy said. Nellie was a very special horse, you just needed to take the time to earn her trust. I put so much work into her; gettin' her to tie up, stand for the farrier, bathe. She would look over to me an' take in strength knowin' she wasn't alone.

The first time I was ready to break her under the saddle had me full of jitters. I gave her a fresh red apple an' patted her side. She didn't even flinch when I put on the blanket. I haltered her up an' walked her 'round the front yard. She was so calm an' gentle. In a few more months, I had her saddled up an' I was ready to ride. She had been trained with the saddle an' had no problem walkin' 'round with it on. I was almost certain that she trusted me. So I climbed up on her back.

Nellie nearly threw me off that day, an' I was devastated. All I could think of was all the work I put into our bond, how I thought she trusted me. It broke my heart. I cried to Daddy that night. He held me close an' whispered in my ear, "She's still afraid, Bethy. This trust is new to her. Keep pushin' an' don't ever give up. You might be surprised." So I stayed sweet with her. I pushed her trainin' an' stayed adamant. But most importantly, I never let her push me away. By the end of that summer, I was ridin' Nellie through the fields. She knew she could trust me an' I trusted her. She still spooked here an' there, but I stayed by her side an' reminded her that I was her family.

That year I learned such an important lesson. Sometimes you will have troubled souls come into your life. All they need is love an' patience. Give them a few kind words to remind them that you care an' you know they're worth the effort. Don't ever let them push you away, always push back. They just might surprise you.

I feel as though that's been my entire journey with Daryl Dixon. Never in my life did I think any man could be so broken under such a powerful shell. But he was. He was hurtin' an' afraid deep down. His life was a tragic tale, but he never wanted pity. He only ever wanted someone to fight to break his curse. To open his eyes to hope, friendship an' love. He wanted a real family, people to care about that cared about him. That's what the prison was to him: Family. An' when it seemed that all hope was lost an' his family was taken from him, Daryl put his shield back up. He kept his distance an' seldom spoke. It was what he knew an' what he believed was the answer to heal his pain. Never did he think anybody would take the effort to get in an' release him from that spell. But I was there.

I kept adamant an' never left his side. When he pushed me I just pushed him right back. I wasn't gonna give up on him no matter how hard he fought me. When he tried to tear me down, I stood strong. Every vicious syllable only caused me to fight back. He spat some of the nastiest, cruelest words right in my face an', for a moment, I thought he broke me. I thought Daryl had finally succeeded in distancin' hisself from me once an' for all. I could feel my insides fragmenting, my heart was withering away. Then he caught me by surprise. He shattered right in front of me.

All of his strength, his stubbornness an' that temper slipped away. For the first time since I met him back on my Daddy's farm I saw his fortress completely fall, exposing the pained, haunted soul underneath. His shoulders shook an' he turned away from me. I watched as he was crumblin' in front of me, his body tremblin' with his own guilt an' fears. It was too much to handle so I did the only thing I could think of: I ran up behind him an' wrapped him in my arms. Daryl flinched at my touch, the slightest of resistance. But he wasn't fightin' me anymore. I clutched him as tight as my arms would permit. I allowed him to shift all of his pain to me. I only wanted to hold him together, to keep all the pieces in place. Daryl may have only just realized it but I knew it all along: We're family. We're in this together an' we need each other to keep movin' forward.

After standin' there for some time, just holdin' on tight, he started to calm down. His breathin' became smoother an' he stopped shakin'. The sun was startin' to set back behind the tree line when I finally let him go. He turned to face me after wipin' at his eyes. He caught my gaze an' held on strong. No words were needed to express our epiphany, none would even be fittin' enough to come across exactly what happened. But, in that moment, we established the closin' of our gap. I knew he would still be testy, moody an' challengin'. But he would never shut me out or cast me aside again. We're family. We always have been but now he believes it, too.

"C'mon." Daryl said, gently tappin' my shoulder. "Let's go get you drunk. I'll chaperone." I smiled up at him an' said, "Ok, Mr. Dixon." The corner of his mouth pulled up slightly.

"That's still Daryl, to you."

We were gonna be ok. As we make our way back to the door, my daddy's voice comes back to me, _"Keep pushin' an' don't ever give up. You might be surprised."_ An' for the first time since the world turned, my heart swells with the promise of a brighter tomorrow. Nothing can come between us now.


	8. Chapter 8

If you told me this mornin' that I'd be sittin' on the front porch of some run down shine shack bondin' with a drunk Beth tonight, I woulda told you to lay off the pipe. But here we are. After all we been through today, we're just sittin' back an' keepin' each other company; an' it ain't even forced.

In fact, it's the most natural I ever felt with another person, 'sides Rick or Merle. Course I was close to my brother, least, close as you could get to someone who ain't ever 'round. Merle would taunt an' torment me, but always said it was to better me. For most of my life, all I had was my brother. An' then I had Rick. Unlike Merle, Rick saw me as an equal. He always wanted my opinion, even if it wasn't what he wanted to hear. An' Rick always made it a point to let me know he thought I was a valuable part of the group. He was like a brother to me an' the polar opposite of my own real flesh an' blood.

Naw, this was different. I don't have that urge to put up my front no more. There's no need to. Beth's already seen me at my worst an' she's still sittin' here with me like nothin' even happened. That's just how it is with her. She would never hold me against myself. I don't deserve it, but I'm finally openin' up to the idea of someone carin' 'bout me.

It's a feelin' like none I ever had, it's soothin' an' comfortin'; two words I ain't used to describe any part of my life. There's a bitter taste in my mouth when I think of how I've been cheated, an' I'm the one doin' the cheatin'. Like I been wastin' all this time alone when I coulda been with people like her. But I ain't dumb enough to assume there's ever been anyone else like her. She's a special find. I coulda tracked the world over lookin' for someone like Beth an' never felt as whole as I do right now.

The only way I can explain it's to say it's like bein' thirsty. You ain't got no water, so you keep on goin' 'til you find it. You don't pay attention to how bad you need that drink, don't pay no mind to the parchin' ache. You just suck it up an' move along. An' when you get that first drop of water to your lips you wonder how you ever made it that far without it. Shit. Beth's 'bout the most quenchin' glass of water I ever did come 'cross. Hell, more like a shot of whiskey; burnin' all the way down but soothin' nonetheless. That girl's tough as shit. I know I ain't ever gonna look at her the same I did 'fore. The way she stood tall against me- no. She stood tall for me. All that hollerin' an' carryin' on, all to save me from myself. Beth definitely ain't that same shy, quiet girl from the prison. She's grown up. I almost wonder if she's always been so strong an' if I just didn't notice 'fore.

Out here on this porch, it's like we known each other for years an' we always been close. We just fall into step together. An' bein' with her makes me feel better guarded. I know I'm the muscles an' gut of this pair, but she's got the strongest heart an' I trust her to watch over mine, too. I still feel vulnerable without my iced core, but I'm safer puttin' my trust in her hands than any other. I start to think I needed that fire all along. I tease her 'bout bein' a happy drunk, an' she's quick to call me out on bein' less than happy when liquored up. I admit it, I'm a dick when I drink. I still shudder at how I treated her. Part of me thinks she actually seems to enjoy bein' on this level with me, bein' honest.

Maybe it's the lingerin' hooch, maybe it's the thaw in my chest; I tell Beth what I spent my life doin' before the change. I had an ugly life among the livin'. I have an ugly life among the dead. Not much's changed in my world. I was a nobody, a drifter. A redneck asshole with an even bigger asshole for a brother. I ain't ever done nothin' in my life that was any good. I spent most of my time with Merle an' his friends. I never wanted to be like them, not so much's I just wanted to be a part of them. I was the youngest an' therefore I became the most expendable. They'd do deals or break-ins an' wouldn't hesitate for a moment's thought to leave my ass behind if I was slowin' 'em down. Fiends are the worst sorta people. Least, they were when we was all livin'. But I ain't 'bout to dig up all that shit, now. All she's gotta know 'bout me is that I was a nobody, so I leave it at that. I have a brief glimpse into a future where I can tell her everything 'bout me an' nothin'll shake her. She won't leave my side 'cause she cares too much 'bout me.

Beth counters with her dreams of a better world. An' not even the world 'fore; the one we live in now. That's just how optimistic she is. An' while she talks of Glenn an' Maggie havin' a baby an' her father dyin' of nothin' more than old age with all us -his family- surroundin' him, I can't help but be sucked into the pipe dream. She thinks it makes her pathetic. I couldn't disagree more. I think it's peaceful to think of a life where we die of old age, a life we all took for granted 'fore. But all's I do is tell her that's the way things were supposed to happen.

Tonight feels like I'm seein' her for the first time. I'm noticin' the little things I ain't picked up on 'fore. I used to think she was no more than a little girl, now that I'm lookin' more clearly, I see just how little mind I gave to Beth. Her skin is more than milk. It's flawless as a fresh snow 'fore anyone touches it. I don't see dirty, tangled blonde hair no more. In this moment, it's shinin'; a perfect halo 'round her angel face. An' then there's those eyes. Once they seemed too large on her frail features. Now I can see the way they light up an' dance under the Georgian moon. They're round an' warm; that fire's still blazin' away. Beth's a gorgeous fuckin' girl. I can't believe I never seen it 'fore. I'd thought she was a pretty girl, sure. But she's fuckin' beautiful.

Then she speaks my greatest fear. She thinks I'll be the one to survive this life; that I'll be the last man standin'. It rips at the raw edges of my battered soul. Course I wanna survive. I spend every minute of every day keepin' myself alive. But I don't want to be all that's left. A chill runs through me as I think of all the people I grew to know as my own. How each tore a piece away from me when they left. How the only person I have at my side is directly across from me. The pain intensifies as the horrific thought of her no longer bein' next to me flashes 'fore my eyes. I'm havin' trouble keepin' my breathin' steady. She ain't keen enough to notice, but I calm myself best I can. Christ, I won't survive if I lose her, too.

As if the fear weren't bad enough in my head, she voices it. When she tells me that she's gonna die, too, I tell her to stop. But she won't. She says it may not be anytime soon, but she'll die. I can't fuckin' take this. I want happy-drunk Beth back.

"You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon."

I don't think she realizes just how right she is. The thought of her gone is eatin' away at what's only just rebuildin' of my heart. I feel a rush of panic course through me. I can't let her go. I look at her face starin' up into the night sky. She's pure an' carin', fuckin' beautiful an' everything I coulda ever dreamed up an' never once woulda gotten close enough to touch in my old life. I look at this girl an' think 'bout what she's sayin'. An' she's damn right. My heart wouldn't last if life took her away from me, too. Not now that I let her in.

When she glances at me an' locks into my gaze, I feel my insides melt. I hate myself for lookin' away, but it's all so new to me. All I can concentrate on is the time I already wasted with her. Here she is, talkin' 'bout her own death like she's discussin' the weather. I can't imagine life without her, but I feel like I don't even know that much 'bout her. I mean, I know she likes singin', but what was her favorite song 'fore the turn? Where'd she even learn to sing like that? An' that's only one part of the whole. I need more time to get to know her an' to let her open me up.

The sweetest sound to ever fall on my ears breaks me away from my thoughts. She's laughin'. I chance a look back at her to see the shine's taken its course. Her eyes aren't as focused right now, her muscles are relaxed an' I bet she don't even know what she's laughin' at. She catches my stare an' gives me the most heartbreakin' smile I ever seen. My soul ignites, clenchin' my chest an' I swear she just cast her flames into my veins. I'm warm all over an' completely mesmerized by her.

I suggest we go inside. After a beat she says we should just burn the dump to the ground. It reminds me of the death of my mama. I think 'bout all she's said tonight. How we need to let go of our pasts 'fore they kill us. We need to remain who we are, not who we used to be. I pick myself an' my jar up off the floor an' look 'round. I don't need to bury my past. I need to light this bitch up an' burn the motherfucker to the ground. I no longer feel the need to hide within myself, my past only prevents me from movin' on. In a sick way, it's almost funny that a sweet, pretty girl could convince me to cast my demons back to the pits of hell in the middle of a world where the dead walk among us.

So we light the bitch up. Doused in shine, she goes up in a blaze of glory. Beth puts her middle finger up, her final _Fuck you_ to her own pains. She smiles up at me an' nudges me to follow suit. It felt almost cleansin' to tell my old life to fuck off. I don't need my memories to push forward. All they ever did was was sink their hooks into my flesh an' tether me back to the darkness I so desperately sought to escape.

I shift my gaze back to Beth an' I'm rewarded with the most beautiful smile. For a second, I can't blame Zach or Jimmy for bein' so fuckin' nuts over the girl when they had her to themselves. They were probably caught in her fire as well; helplessly drawn to the pretty girl with the big, blue eyes an' a heart of gold. I imagine them facin' their deaths, how their last thoughts woulda been of her. In this moment, searchin' the depths of those eyes, I know I'd make my last thought of her. My last breath would be to speak her name for a final time.

If you told me this mornin' that I'd be sittin' on the front porch of some run down shine shack fallin' in over my head for Beth tonight, I woulda said you were crazy. But here I am. An' next to me is the girl I may have been waitin' for my whole life.


	9. Chapter 9

**I'd like to start this off by taking the time to thank everyone for reading this. Thank you all for your support and please keep the reviews coming! :)**

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As we head out into the forest with the heat at our backs, a sudden calm washes over me. For the first time in my life, I've broken free. Gone was the frail, shy Beth. The weak little girl had been left behind to burn with her wretched memories. I stood before that shack an' was baptized by the flames. My pain an' fears slipped over me, meltin' away at the mouth of the inferno. I was a phoenix risen from the ashes, born anew with fire in my veins.

The moonlight shines brightly down on the earth before us. It brightens the woods enough to see all our surroundin's. We weave through brush an' branches, Daryl keepin' to my side; a silent protector. But he was more than protection, he was my friend. I smile over at him. He catches my eye an' gives me a shy smirk just before lookin' away. I'm not hurt, I can tell he's tryin'. The 'friend' concept is obviously still new to him. All he ever had was his brother. I think back to what he told me about his past. I know there has to be more to it, but the honesty flattered me. I won't dig any further, yet.

I'm so proud of how far he's come along since the prison. The last thing I wanna do is scare him off. A giggle slips from my mouth at the thought of him bein' scared of me. I hoped he hadn't noticed, but he turns 'round. "What's so funny?" But he's not annoyed. He actually looks curious, brows slightly furrowed an' another smirk playin' at the corner of his mouth. I smile sweetly at him an' tell him that I'm just thinkin'. He gives me a peculiar look then, like he's tryin' to work somethin' out. But, before long, he drops his eyes back to the ground an' leads us on.

We find a small patch in the woods that's cleared through. Daryl mentions it could've belonged to a deer that bedded down recently. "Shit! I hope it's a deer. A big ass buck fulla meat. We could be eatin' like fuckin' kings offa that son of a bitch, girl!" There's a smile in his voice, an' I'm reminded that he's in his element. If there's any chance of food 'round here, Daryl can find it. An' I make it a point to never turn my nose up at whatever game he brings back, even snake jerky. I'm grateful. He's a good provider.

We set up camp in the little clearin' an' Daryl sets down with his crossbow. I'm entranced with how intricately he studies his weapon, the care he takes with each arrow. There could never be a doubt that he's a skilled hunter. I can't help but be fascinated with the power that overcomes him with that bow in his hands. I could never be any good with that thing. Not on my own, at least.

"Hey, you know what we could do tomorrow?" He mumbles his acknowledgment of my question. "We could go out huntin'! You can teach me how to be an all-powerful predator of the forest like yourself." He just looks at me, so I continue, "I mean, unless you're scared I could end up better'n you. I guess I understand, who wants to be showed up by a little girl?" I peek over at him. His eyes shine brightly as he sizes me up. Without warnin' he stands, bow hung at his side. A small alarm goes off in the back of my head. Did I upset him? Is this another mood swing? I remember his reaction to my sayin' he was afraid, but surely he knows I'm only teasin' now? I brace myself.

He slowly makes his way over an' ends up standin' at my side, holdin' the crossbow out to me. It's only a millisecond of confusion before I take it in my hands. It's heavier than I thought. Before I know it, Daryl's standin' behind me. He places his hands on my elbows an' positions my arms an' the bow to the appropriate stance. His face is next to mine, I can feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek. "The trick is to steady your breathin'." He speaks so softly into my ear, I all but stop breathin' entirely. He chuckles a little. "Not that steady, Jesus."

I let out the breath I'd been holdin'. I think I'm just so used to his distance an' the emphasis he's always placed on personal space. I don't want him to be afraid of gettin' close with me, but I have to remind myself not to be afraid of him, either. I want us to be friends. I want us to sit back an' relax together over fresh meat an' a good time. Most of all, I'd love to hear him laugh. I can't imagine what it'd sound like.

My arms start gettin' sore from holdin' the bow up, but I wait patiently for him to further instruct me. He's in front of me now, lookin' me over, searchin' for flaws in my form. He reaches out to touch my arm, guidin' my aim down slightly. Overall he seems pleased. He places his hand on the side of my face an' my heart beats tremendously against my ribs. He's gently tilted my head down the slightest bit. "Now, in order to be a good shot, you gotta have good aim an' a good trigger finger." His hand lightly brushes over my own, electricutin' every single nerve endin'. I need to pull myself together.

"So, what? I just point an' pull the trigger?" I knew this was easier than it looked.

He rolls his eyes at me, "There's more to it 'an that. You can't have the two actions be separated. You want the aim an' the pull to be one motion. Steady your breathin'. Take your aim." I point to the dead tree in front of me. He's behind me again an' carries on his lesson. "Now, click the safety- that part there. Steady, your breathin', Beth. Sight on your target an' slowly start to pull on the trigger," But I went too quickly. The arrow sticks out from the saplin' next to my original mark. Damn it.

Daryl scoffs at me before he goes to pull it out. I'm embarrassed. He takes the bow from me an' sets it up again. This time, I'm much calmer. An' when he instructs me to start pullin' as I'm aimin', I slow my breaths an' finish my sequence. I gaze at the bolt, stickin' straight outta that tree. I'm dumbstruck. I can't believe I did it! I let out a laugh an' smile up at Daryl. His eyes are full of emotion-pride?- as he looks back at me. Then he gives me a genuine smile before settin' over to get the bolt from my 'kill'. "That's some damn good shootin', girl. I knew you had it in you. Just wait. You'll be pluckin' squirrels off one by one in no time." The entire affair has been nothin' short of euphoric. That's the best way to sum up gettin' praise from Daryl.

We decide to settle in for the night, me takin' the first watch after quite a round of persuadin'. Daryl's out before his head hits the ground. I sit at the openin' of the tent an' think how things have shifted. I want life to continue in this pattern, small moments where you forget how terrifyin' the world 'round you is. The moments when you catch a haunted man actually enjoyin' hisself an' smilin'. I just want us to be happy. More importantly, I want Daryl to be happy.

I look over my shoulder at his sleepin' form on the ground. For now, he's sleepin' but he won't be out for long. He never is. I'm all too aware of my starin' at him when he mumbles somethin' incoherently. I hold back my giggle. I never pegged him as the type to talk in his sleep. There's so much more to learn about him. I whisper a silent prayer to myself, just a hope for a chance to get to know the real him.

He mumbles again, an' I choke on the sip of water I just took. I had to imagine that. Tryin' to clear my airway, I scoot closer to him to listen. His lips are slightly parted, the expression on his face almost looks peaceful. Then he speaks again an' I know I didn't imagine it. My eyes nearly pop out of my head as I take in the scene before me. Daryl Dixon. Hardened by a cruel world that only better prepared him for a crueler world. The man with the icy fortress guardin' his heart, who don't let nobody in. The man who hides feelin's. My mind goes numb tryin' to process what all of it means, my body starts to shake as my heart hammers away. Then he says it again.

"Beth..."


	10. Chapter 10

As she lays sleepin' I just watch her. I don't worry 'bout our eyes meetin' or the way my heart falters when that happens. I memorize all her features. I notice her eyelids twitch while she dreams. Her lashes flutter against the tired, purple skin below her eyes. She really should sleep more. Her lips are pink an' open just slightly. The skin of her neck is smooth, an' her shoulders are perfectly relaxed. My hands cover my face an' I take a deep breath, usin' the opportunity to think things over.

I didn't get much sleep, but it musta been restful. I vaguely remember a dream. Not so much the place or what was happenin'. More like who I was with. I look at her sleepin' figure an' I could just picture her crawlin' out from my dream. I try to wrap my head 'round what's goin' on. I ain't ever dreamt 'bout no girl before. Even in my fuckin' sleep I'm consumed by her. I get up quietly as I can. Need to clear my head an' there ain't no better way than to go out an' kill somethin'. 'Sides, we could use some food. I barely get fifty feet away when I bag a woodchuck. I keep goin'.

It's cool this mornin' an' quiet out here. I make my way through the brambles with my bow raised. Out here, I don't have to think. I just have to hunt. I see a descent in the path ahead of me an' approach it slowly. Sure as shit, I've found a gully. An' ain't it just my luck...

Right there in the middle, up to its knees in mud, stands a walker. One ugly son of a bitch. He's just caught sight of me an' he's tryin' his damnedest to get at me. Stupid bastard. He's growlin' an carryin' on. I lift my bow. "Shut the fuck up." The arrow flies silently an' penetrates just between the eyes an' he drops, head just within reach from a dry spot of dirt. When I go to retrieve it I take a closer look at the fucker. Ugly was an understatement. His face was all ripped to hell an' he was missin' his left arm. I wipe the arrow on my pants leg an' carry on.

What's goin' through my head? I can't stop thinkin' 'bout yesterday; 'bout last night. My fingers graze 'cross my side. I can still feel her arms wrapped 'round me. The thought of that moment makes my pulse quicken. The pretty girl holdin' me together. The one who looks past the dark in me to see whatever light may be there. I have no clue what it is I'm feelin', an' I ain't sure where to go from here. Just lookin' at her sleepin' earlier tore me apart. I could never be enough. I could protect her an' I could feed her. But what more can I offer? I don't know how to be what someone like her needs. She needs a light in the dark, not the dark itself. An' that's all I am- darkness, a black hole of a soul. How could she not see a monster when she looks at me, 'specially after my jackass behavior yesterday.

But then I think 'bout last night. Talkin' like two people who always knew each other. Burnin' down that shack to reduce our pain to ashes. An' then we made camp. Out of nowhere she starts goin' on 'bout learnin' to hunt. An' I feel a rush all over me. This was somethin' I could share with her. The look on her face when I went to hand her the bow worried me. Like she was afraid of me, like all she could see was that heartless son of bitch who crushes hopes an' wishes.

Then I think 'bout her holdin' my bow. How she looked like an angel of death an' how I thought my chest was gonna burst open from the poundin' of my heart at the sight of her. A warm sensation runs through me when I think back to standin' behind her. Feelin' her pressed back against me. The way her hair smelled when I leaned in to tell her what to do. I can still see the flush on her face over my closeness. An' when that bolt struck the mark, when she let out a laugh an' was just so fuckin' happy 'bout what she did, I allowed myself to hold her gaze. A rush of emotion flooded through me, then. At first I was just damned proud of her. But it was immediately replaced with somethin' I'm unsure of. Somethin' much larger than pride.

I look 'round an' realize I made my way back to camp. An' all I got is a fuckin' rodent. Son of a bitch. I peer into the tent at her sleepin' silently. She don't even know I was gone. Almost immediately she stirs, an' I shift my gaze so it's not obvious that I watched her. She's sittin' up now. I look over at her an' she blushes.

"You still wanna learn huntin' an' trackin' today?" I'm thinkin' 'bout what little food we have left, couple squirrels, an owl an' now a pathetic little woodchuck. We'd be set if we can find that fuckin' deer. Now's as good a time as ever to train her.

"You're serious? You don't mind teachin' me?" She's surprised. I figured the first lesson last night went well. Suddenly I remember the way her breathin' hitched when I spoke in her ear. Judgin' by the flush of her cheeks, I imagine she's rememberin' that, too.

"Course I'm serious. I better watch out, though. Apparently you're gonna be showin' me up today." She laughs at my attempt at humor. The sound resonates in the tent an' clings to my chest. She gets up an' we pack all our shit away. I grab hold of the bag, hand her the bow an' we head out.

For the first hour or so, I have to keep remindin' her to be quiet. I've got her on a trail now. It's a walker 'round here somewhere. She pauses in front of the telltale signs. She seems frustrated. "What're we trackin'?" I can't always hand her the answers. She'll have to figure everything out for herself. I'm a little gruff.

"You tell me. You're the one that wanted to learn."

She keeps movin' along the trail. "Well, somethin' came through here." It almost sounds doubtful. "The pattern's all zig-zaggy. It's a walker." She's visibly excited. I tell her it may be a drunk. "I'm gettin' good at this. Pretty soon I won't need you at all." She speaks so lightly of the prospect of us losin' each other. I'll never understand this girl. I tell her to keep on trackin'. We get to the forest line when she spots her walker. He's bent over a deer an' rage courses through me. That disease-bearin' motherfucker is gnawin' away at what was our best chance of food. I pull myself together an' return my focus to Beth; the rage lets up. It's a strange thing.

She says it's got a gun. Good eye. I motion for her to move in for the kill. This is it. I've taught her the basics of huntin' an' trackin' an' we're 'bout to see it pay off. She creeps carefully towards it. Suddenly I see her buckle, she lets out a cry an' falls to the ground. My heart stops.

I run to her as the walker comes at her, alerted by her cryin' out. She shoots an arrow into his face. Not a kill shot. I grab the bow from her an' connect it full force to the bastard's head. I stumble back to where she's fallen. A sick feelin' rises in my throat when I see her foot in a trap. I get down next to her an' pry it off. Thankfully it's a smaller one. If it were a bear trap we woulda had a lot more to worry 'bout. I touch her ankle gently's I can. She flinches an' lets out a harsh breath. It's definitely gonna swell up. But she can stand an' we need to get somewhere safer so I can take a better look at it an' figure out how to help her. I get her to support her weight on my right side, her left arm around my shoulders. Even in this situation, the warm feelin' washes over me at our contact.

We get through the clearin' an' come to the entrance of a cemetery. Beth asks me to wait up, she says she needs to sit down for a moment. I look 'cross the cemetery an' spot a buildin'. It's not much further, but I know she shouldn't put weight on her foot. There's only one thing to do. I put my bow 'round my front, bend my knees an' tell her to hop on my back. It's obvious that she weren't expectin' no piggy back ride. When she asks if I'm serious I just shrug it off an' tell her it's a serious piggy back. She gets on an' wraps her arms 'round my neck an' hooks her legs 'round my hips. I don't know what to make of the way I feel at this exact moment. Part of me is content havin' her clingin' to me. The other part is a little anxious at the contact. I don't know when that fine line will just fade away, but I tread it lightly.

We get a little ways when she starts to loosen her grip an' 'fore I know it she's dropped offa my back an' stopped in front of a grave. It doesn't take long to see what drew her attention. _Beloved Father_ is etched on the headstone. I can see the pain in her eyes, but I'm lost on how to help her. I don't look at that stone with remorse. Beloved fathers ain't exactly somethin' I know too much 'bout. But this hits her hard, an' I know I gotta do somethin'. Outta the corner of my eye I see flowers. They aren't much, but I pick some to place on the stone.

Beth leans into me an' I feel her small hand fold into mine, her fingers linked delicately between my own. I've never been one to hold hands, come to think of it, I don't think I ever held nobody's hand . Closeness was never somethin' I wanted to attempt. But in that moment, I can feel her tryin' to pull some strength from me. I know the gesture can't mean more than that to her. But I let my mind run wild with the thought of her wantin' to lean against me, lockin' her hand tightly in mine an' havin' it mean more than sympathy.


	11. Chapter 11

A funeral home.

What fuckin' irony. The only place for miles that can shelter us from the dead's a house of death. It's well kept with clean white walls. The white's almost overpowerin', like it's too pure for this world. I look over at the equally pure girl behind me an' realize there ain't ever such a thing as 'too pure'. This place may just be what she needs. I scan the rooms, Beth stays down by the door. I'm not gonna lie: This place is fuckin' creepy.

One room stood out the most to me, off to the side of the entrance with vases full of fake flowers on shelves. There's only one other item in there. I walk over to the shelf under the window an' pick up the picture book. Flippin' through it I see photo after photo of dead bodies. Not the dead bodies you come 'cross now. Naw. These were the type of dead from a normal world. Tucked away in half-opened caskets, dressed in their Sunday best. The women in these pictures were covered in gaudy jewelry. The gold bangles adorned arms as a means of beauty. But, in my mind, it looked like a couple of slit wrists soakin' in golden blood. The rings were stacked on each other. Warm sweaters wrapped their bodies. I roll my eyes. The fuck good'll all that shit do in the grave? I notice the men were much plainer; ties an' cufflinks. The only similarity between the sexes is the putty shit spread 'cross their faces. I toss the book down. What sick fuck keeps pictures of dead bodies?

After what I assumed to be a thorough perimeter check, I discover a bathroom, two bedrooms up the stairs, a parlor with a piano an' empty casket, the flower room an' a parlor with an occupied casket. Beth's resumed her place behind me. We approach the coffin an' look in. The body of a man lays still as sleep. He's got that muddy shit all over his face an' I wipe my fingers through it. It takes only a second to register, but I know this weren't no livin' person laid to rest. The decayed skin under the putty's my only sign, but it's all I need. Someone killed a walker, dressed it up an' gave the fucker a wake. Bile rises in my throat. I have to get outta this room. I head out an' take the stairs down. I don't even know where I'm headed, nor do I remember there bein' stairs that went down. Course I would end up in the damn embalmin' room. An' course there's two made up walkers on slabs.

I clear my mind enough to know there's gotta be gauze or bandages somewhere in here, an' Beth's ankle needs wrappin'. I comb through the cupboards an' find a bandage, still in its packagin'. I turn to show Beth what I got, only to see her studyin' the bodies. I walk 'round to the side just in fronta the exit. Now, I ain't goin's far enough to say I'm claustrophobic, but I need the proof of my potential escape to be in plain sight. Old habits die hard, an' all that shit. Liftin' the corner of the pack to my lips, I tear it open with my teeth an' keep my eyes trained on her. I glare back down at the ugly fuckers, followin' her own gaze.

"Looks like somebody ran outta dolls to dress up." I meant it to lighten the mood, but she stood firm an' held tight to my eyes. She tells me how it's 'beautiful' an' I'm startin' to wonder just how much pain she's in. She goes on to say that someone obviously cared enough to make sure they got a proper funeral, they remembered these things were people...before. I just look at her now: The fiery girl who battles to remain a good person. She has an appreciation for the possibility that there're others out there who share her spirit.

"Don't you think it's beautiful?"

I can't bring myself to look away from her. I know she's askin' me 'bout dolled up walkers. But, in that moment, I'm overwhelmed with a different beauty. The kinda beauty that sees through the glacial shell of a pained man an' holds him together as he falls apart. The kind that dreams an' hopes. It shines a light at the end of a dark corridor, a promise of a brighter day. This beauty upholds behavior that is kind an' carin'. A funeral for a walker don't taint it, that's not even what it focuses on. The bigger picture is that someone still cares 'bout the way things used to be. It still catches glimpses of a lost, distant world. In this small speck of time, I do see what's so beautiful 'bout this scene. An' she's standin' right in front of me.

I clear my throat an' walk back over to the counter. "C'mere. Let's wrap up that ankle." She does as she's told, no fuss. I slip the boot off as easily's I can. She shudders from the pain. It's swollen, alright. Beneath the sock I find delicate skin, once a beautiful porcelain, now blotched an' splattered in varyin' shades of blue an' purple. I do my best to be careful wrappin' it, but I ain't exactly got what you'd call gentle hands. She stays strong an' thanks me with a sweet smile after I replace the sock an' boot. I'm startin' to wonder what I wouldn't do for that smile. We head back upstairs, Beth insistin' she can make it up on her own. We turn the corner to another door an' step into the one room we been needin' the most.

The kitchen is the same whitewash as the rest of the place. White walls, white cabinets, white appliances. This house don't fit in the world 'round it. It's perfectly kept an' cared for. The livin' quarters have me chewin' on the inside of my cheek. Who could possibly live in a funeral home? Surrounded by nothin' but death, day an' night. I stumble over the thought that it ain't no different from the woods or fields out there. 'Cept it's got walls an' that means protection. Protection's hard to come by out there. Looks like this is our new camp for a little while.

Our search of the kitchen turned up a whole cabinet of food. There's sodas an' canned fruit, peanut butter an' jelly, an' jars of pigs feet. We came 'cross a white trash brunch. I freeze up as I pull the jelly jar out, somethin' ain't right.

"Hold up. There ain't a bit of dust on this stuff. This is someone's stash." We look over the rest. Just as I figured. It's all fresh an' stockpiled away. Someone put the effort into this, but who? Where were they now? I suggest we only take a small ration an' divide it between the two of us. She gives me a pleased look an' says, "I knew it! There's still good people out there." I roll my eyes at her, open the jelly an' shove my fingers in, lickin' 'em clean when I bring 'em to my mouth. Beth just stares at me an' says I'm gross. While she fumbles through drawers lookin' for a spoon, I tip the jar up an' lick more out. Jelly ain't ever tasted so good. She finds a spoon an' helps herself to one of the peanut butter jars. I point back to the cabinet an' tell her the pigs feet are mine. A look of disgust masks her face, an' I can't help it. I smile at her.

Right here, right this very second, life don't seem so bad. We're lighthearted an' jokin', completely comfortable in each others presence. I cave just a little to what she's been goin' on 'bout all along. The strange, fuzzy feelin' blanketin' over my mind. It's hope. For the first time in my life I feel hope. I look over at Beth standin' in this kitchen an' my mind's playin' a different story. In my deepest thoughts, I see us here. We're safe an' sound. We can spend the rest of our lives with each other. It's the most stable home since the prison fell. Shelter, food, beds, each other. My heart snaps like a rubber band. We can make this work. This really could be our home.

There's only one flaw in my plan, an' it remains to be unseen, even though it weighs heavily over my thoughts. A black cloud cast above a beautiful scenery.

Where are the people who run this place? An' when should we be expectin' them back?


	12. Chapter 12

"I'll be right back. Don't go wanderin' 'round, either. Sit on that couch an' prop up your foot."

We had just stumbled 'cross a gold mine an' he was already settin' back out. I guess Daryl still needs time to unwind his tension. Who am I to stop him? I look 'round the room an' feel suffocated already. A coffin at the far side doesn't exactly lighten my mood. I really thought we were past this. The overbearin' protector routine is startin' to weigh me down.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Dixon." I roll my eyes to the ceilin'. When I look back at him, I recoil under his glare. Deep down, I know he means well an' he's only lookin' out for me. I just hoped we'd finally find a place to stay, where inner walls are no longer required. I should know better with him. It's only been a little over a day since we connected at that cabin. I don't know why I expected a complete turnaround.

He's standin' directly over me now, a hauntin' memory of that last argument blazin' behind those eyes. I can see him gnawin' away at the inside of his cheek. I honestly think he's strugglin' to hold back whatever it is he wants to say to me. I gaze up at him, unaware of what he's seein' in my eyes. But whatever it is, it's caused him to visibly relax. He puts his hand to the back of his neck an' rubs hard, eyes trained to the floor.

"Hey," he starts, his voice thick with what I can only assume is an attempt at hidin' his anger. "Don't look at me like that. I'm sorry. I ain't mad at you, I swear. I just need to scope the outside to make sure we're secure. 'Til I know we're in the clear I can't afford to have you lookin' 'round. We don't know how safe this is, Beth." He leans down so his face is level with mine. "Just- please- humor me. Stay put. I'll be back before you know it." He looks at me then an' there's no mistake what he's tryin' to convey. He does care about me. He has a strange way of showin' it, but he does care. I think back to when he spoke my name in his sleep. My heart thumps violently.

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to get crappy with you. Go on. I'll be waitin' right here for you." I flash him my most sincere smile an' his whole demeanor changes. He's more than relaxed, he looks accomplished. His blue eyes are wild an' bright. A ghost of a smile plays at his lips. He raises hisself back up an' puts his hand on my shoulder. In the time it takes me to register the touch, he's headin' out the door. An' I miss him already.

"Hate to disappoint you, Daryl, but I ain't sittin' my butt on this couch all day." I slowly rise, tryin' so hard not to apply pressure to my foot. Standin' straight up I smile at the thought that I had so much to explore here. I limp out of the little parlor an' decide to try my hand at the stairs. The first step 'bout near killed me, but I managed to get to the second floor in only a few minutes. I open the door to my right an' find the bathroom. There's nothin' interestin' in there, so I move along. A few feet away is another door; one of the bedrooms. I turn the handle an' peek inside.

It should come as no surprise that the room is perfectly well kept. The white walls don't surprise me either. I step inside to have a better look 'round. The bed is made with white linens an' not one wrinkle could be found. I run my hand over the covers, an' laugh at how foreign a blanket feels to me now. It really has been so long since I've been able to use one. I pull it off the mattress an' fold it up, placin' it over the crook of my arm. An exceptionally soft pillow catches my eye, so I grab that, too. There really is nothin' else in here, 'sides the bed, so I make my way back out to the hall. The pillow an' blanket in my arms. I look over to the other side of the small upper level an' see just one other door. It probably ain't nothin' more than another white room with a pristine bed, but my curiosity gets the better of me. I limp over to the other room an' set the pillow an' blanket next to the door. I don't even hesitate turnin' this handle. Once I glance inside, I wished I had.

It's not a white room at all. It's walls are a soft lavender. There's a toy chest in one corner an' a toddler's bed in the other. A lump forms in my throat as my eyes rake 'cross the nursery. The blanket on this bed is a soft pink an' the little pillows match. I can't help myself. I step inside an' approach the tiny bed. I glance 'round the walls. Opposite of the bed is a white bookshelf. Just a small one, an' it's filled with children's books. Even from here I can make out certain titles an' a pain shoots through my chest when I realize some of these were stories my parents used to read to me. At the end of the bed is a tiny white dresser with flower stickers plastered over the front. A porcelain doll with fair skin, rosy cheeks, big blue eyes an' curly blonde hair stares back at me from the top of it. I cross over to her, hold her in front of me. My finger traces the fragile skin of her face. She looks just like me. She has a pretty blue bonnet an' a matchin' blue dress. It's frilly an' soft. I squeeze her to my chest.

Sittin' on the bed, doll still tight to me, I finish my assessment of the room. I can feel myself shakin'. I don't even realize I've been cryin' until a small sob escapes me an' the hand that brushes my cheek comes back moist. I wish I never came up here. I wish I could forget everything I've seen in this godforsaken room. I feel so fragile, a shadow of the girl I used to be creeps up on me. I hold the doll in front of me again an' admit to myself that I'm just as fragile as she is. This world hasn't toughened me up, no matter how hard I try. I'm still that same broken little girl. I have no recollection as to just how long I sat in here, but I finally hear the door downstairs.

"Beth?" I don't even know if I care that he'll be mad at me. But I don't call back. Somethin' inside of me has me in a chokehold. I hear him walk into the parlor. I should call out to him. There's a pause where the footsteps fall short. It's a brief silence.

"BETH!" He starts searchin' the bottom floor now. Every now an' again he calls my name, but I can't answer. I feel like a marionette who's been tangled in her strings an' she hasn't been cued to speak yet by the great puppet master. Heavy footfalls take the steps. I hear him open the bathroom door, slam it shut an' run to open the first bedroom. He's stompin' 'round in there. I can't imagine what's goin' through his mind. I glance down at the little porcelain doll in my hands an' I hate her for how weak she is. I stand in front of the bed an' throw her as hard as I can. She shatters the instant she makes contact. Half of her face is one way, the other half looks back at me with that one blue eye.

"Beth!" He shouts again before he kicks in the door to the nursery. I hadn't even realized I closed it. No wonder I felt so caged. I'm still starin' at the pieces of that stupid little doll. I can feel the tears streamin' now, my eyes must be puffy an' red. "Beth..." It's almost a whisper, he's so out of breath. I turn my eyes to him. Whatever momentary peace he felt at findin' me has immediately been replaced with an icy storm. His rage is palpable, the glare he's givin' me could make a grown man crumble. I can see his muscles tightenin' an' his hands are clenched in fists. I never thought I could imagine him more pissed than he was at that cabin. I had been wrong. This Daryl is absolutely terrifyin'.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you even up here?" He takes two steps towards me, but I don't fall back. I deserve this. "Why the fuck didn't you answer me? Do you have any idea what the fuck you just put me through? Jesus Christ, Beth! I thought somethin' happened to you!" I continue to stare at him, my body shakin' with silent sobs. "Ain't you gonna say somethin'? For fuck's sake, Beth! Say somethin'!"

But I haven't found my voice. What I found instead was the instructions my mind was sendin' through my body. Ignorin' the sharp pain in my ankle, I run to him an' slam into his chest. My arms wrap 'round his back an' I sob silently into his collarbone. I could feel his breathin' quicken an' his heart fluttered in my ear. His arms are held up an' it's obvious that he's out of his element here. I just don't care. This nightmare of a room just reminded me how fragile I am. I know I don't have much longer on this earth, I can feel it in my gut. I'm a weak little child. An' I'm gonna die an' never see anybody again. It's too much to handle.

Before I have a chance to object, Daryl has already lifted me in his arms an' we're goin' down the stairs. He stops, 'bout to set me down. My arms snake 'round his neck an' I just cling tighter. The message is clearly received when he tightens his own grip on my legs an' back, holdin' me close to his heart. We stay like that for just a little while before he sets me down on the couch. I look up into his eyes an' see they're red. Slight wet streaks shine on his cheek. He kneels down in front of me an' places his hands on the sides of my face. "Are you alright?" His words sound broken. I nod. His thumb brushes against my cheekbone just before he gets up.

"I'm so sorry I scared you." My voice comes out in a whisper. His eyes are cautious as he looks at me. I stand up in front of him. "I'm ok now. Really. That room just did somethin' to me. Why didn't you tell me it was there?" Now it's his turn to remain silent. But I've pulled myself together. I felt so shut in an' broken in that nursery. Away from it, I'm composed an' level headed. I'm not even cryin' anymore. I look into his blue eyes, tryin' to convince him that I was alright. It's a while before he speaks, an' he's especially quiet when he does.

"You were gone. You said you'd be right there waitin' for me. But I come back an' you're gone. When you didn't answer me, I thought the worst. I was so afraid of what I'd find when I heard the crash come from the little kid's room." He looks so helpless, I want to reach out to him, but I decide to hold back. He takes a deep breath before he continues, "Beth, I didn't tell you 'bout that room 'cause I was worried it would remind you of Judith, or any of the other kids from the prison. When I walked in there earlier it ripped me apart. I should've known you couldn't follow through with an instruction as simple as stayin' put." His eyes are locked on mine, darin' me to challenge him. I remain silent an' he goes on, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was there."

The idea of Judith never crossed my mind. A sharp pain jabs at me when I think of her an' those other little children. But that wasn't it. I stood in that room an' it radiated vulnerability. I felt so small standin' in there. Now that I'm out, now that he's here with me, I feel better. I smile at him. "I'm better, really."

It takes quite a bit of convincin', but I finally manage to get him to go out an' set up our makeshift security system of hubcaps an' cans. My eyes fall on the piano an' I can't help myself. I need somethin' familiar. Daryl is busy out front, he won't even hear me. I make my way to the piano bench an' my fingers brush the keys. The lithe movements of my hands are proof of muscle memory. I can't even think of the last time I played. Without even bein' aware, I've started into a song. I'm caught in the moment an' relieved in the feelin' of the music takin' over me.

"Mmhmm." Daryl's cleared his throat. I turn an' see him in the doorway of the parlor. He's caught me red-handed.


	13. Chapter 13

That girl's gonna be the death of me. I know it. I'm stringin' up the wire an' aluminum. If somethin' tries comin' in, we'll hear it. I drop a can. I can't even concentrate on the simplest fuckin' task. I feel the anger risin' in my chest, but the memory of earlier stops it cold. Standin' in that parlor, gettin' pissed over how fuckin' hardheaded she is, I thought I was gonna lose my shit. Then I looked into her eyes. They were wide with fear an' it stopped me on the spot. I don't want Beth to be afraid of me. I feel sick just thinkin' that I could scare her so much.

An' then she scared me. I had made a clean sweep of the yard an' actually thought we had somethin' good here. I go back inside to tell her that I think we'll be fine, an' she ain't there. My heart stood still. I knew I left her on that couch. I don't panic just yet. My first thought's she wandered off even after I told her not to. Son of a bitch. So I call her name. Silence. I run between the other rooms on that floor, still callin' her name to no response. I looked up at the stairs an' imagined her up in one of those rooms, that she'd fallen an' was unconscious. Why else wouldn't she answer me?

I don't find her in the bathroom. As I tear apart the first bedroom, I feel my eyes waterin' over. The fear was overwhelmin'. All I could think of was how I needed more time with her. I didn't know what I was feelin' when it came to her. But I knew I needed more time to figure it out. I stand in the destruction of the room, an' my hands run through my hair. I'm so fuckin' lost in this. That's when I hear the shatter. "Beth."

I run to the last room an' kick the fuckin' door open. There she was. I feel my body relax. She's standin' there, alive. The peace doesn't last. I couldn't understand why she was up here. I didn't know why she hadn't answered me. All I know is I saw red. I just start shoutin' at her. I get closer an' she doesn't even flinch. For a moment, I thought somethin' was wrong with her after all. Then she runs to me, throws herself against me an' holds me to her. She's sobbin' an' I just stood frozen.

I don't know if I'll ever get used to so much emotion. But feelin' her pressed against me, her sobs rackin' my chest, I just acted in the moment. I lifted her an' held her to me. I didn't know what to do, I just knew I had to do somethin'. So I carry her downstairs an' make to sit her on the couch. Her grip on me tightens, an' I'm briefly lost in the moment with her arms wrapped 'round my neck. She needs me. But that need has nothin' to do with food, water or protection. The thought shocks me to the core, but I only hesitate for a moment before I readjust my own grip on her an' pull her tighter to me. She's calmed down an' I lose myself in that instant. I care so much 'bout her an' it scares the shit outta me. I want to tell her what I'm thinkin', part of me wants to know if she's feelin' just as fucked in the head as I am. The words never come. So I set her back down.

After I explain to her why I was so upset, an' why I didn't tell her 'bout that awful fuckin' room, she convinces me to set up our redneck security alarm. An' here I am. Once I'm done an' satisfied we're locked up tight, I head back inside. I hear a sweet melody just as I step in an' close the door behind me. I follow it over to the parlor. An' there she is. Her voice carries to me, hits me right in the heart. It only takes a moment to realize how sad the song is she's singin'. I could care less what it's 'bout. All I know is she has a beautiful voice. I almost wonder why I don't hear her singin' anymore, but I know damned well why. I had been wrong that day. Her singin' soothed me. I lean against the doorframe an' let the words slip over me, gentle an' warm like a blanket. That feelin' I get whenever I think 'bout her comes over me again. But I feel like I'm trespassin' on her memories.

So I clear my throat to let her know I'm there. She stops immediately an' turns on the seat to look me in the eyes. I let her know that we're nailed up tight, the only way in is through the front door an' we'd know if someone wanted in. She only stares at me. I feel awkward just standin' there so I make my way into the little room an' place my bow on the seat. I see the open casket an' hoist myself into it. Holy shit. That feels so fuckin' good. Course the dead would have it better'n me.

"What are you doin'?" I want to laugh at her question. I figured it was pretty obvious what I intended. I let her know that this is the best bed I've had in years, but she doesn't believe me. I think for a moment, just lookin' over at her. I figure to go out on a limb.

"Why don't you go ahead an' play some more? Keep singin'." I really want her to keep goin'. It makes her so happy to sing. An' I didn't even know she knew how to play any instruments. This might be my chance to figure her out.

"I thought my singin' annoyed you?" I had really hoped she wouldn't bring that up. I feel like shit for ever makin' her doubt herself. She shoulda known better'n to listen to a hardass like me. What do I know?

I shrug. "There ain't no jukebox. So..." I let the idea hang in the air, an' I'm relieved to see her smile an' turn back to the piano. She starts over the same sad song. The melody drifts through the room. I lay back in my makeshift bed an' stare at the ceilin', one hand beneath my head, the other to my mouth. I want to know so much more about this girl that I'm with. I feel like I could process my thoughts better if I have more to go on. The song slows to an end an' she starts playin' another. No words. I want to hear her sing. An' I'm reminded of a question I meant to ask her before.

"Hey, where'd you learn to sing like that?"

She stops playin' an looks back at me. The hint of a smile is at her lips. "I was in the church choir with my mother, same place I learned piano. I've sung for as long as I can remember, I think I was singin' 'fore I could walk." She giggles an' it's the most amazin' sound I know.

"What was your favorite song?" She lets out a little sigh an' turns to face me directly now. The smile is there, it isn't the heartbreakin' smile I love, but I'll take it.

"Amazin' Grace. It was Maggie's favorite, too. We'd sit out on the porch an' sing it over an' over again. Lookin' over the fields, thinkin' what a beautiful life we had, the song just fit." Her explanation is honest, completely heartfelt. An' her whole face was glowin' in the candlelight. I couldn't help myself. I was so caught up in her openin' herself up to me, I didn't even think 'bout what I was askin'.

"Will you sing that one to me?" Then it's there. That beautiful fuckin' smile that lights her whole face up. My stomach drops an' my heart jumps to my throat. It takes her a moment to get situated, but when she starts playin' it's so fuckin' peaceful. The words hover above us.

"_Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me_..."An' it was a sweet sound an' in that very second I could imagine her savin' my own wretched soul.

"_I once was lost, but now I'm found. 'Twas blind, but now I see..._" Lost could explain how I felt before she broke through my walls. An' I never knew I was blind before the first time I saw her clearly that night on the porch. She looked so fuckin' pretty in that moonlight.

"'_Twas grace that taught my heart to fear an' grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed..._" Didn't she teach me that my fear was ok? That I could be relieved from them? An' then I know.

Beth was my savin' grace. The prayer I never knew I asked for. All those years I spent on my own, surroundin' myself with jackasses an' the like, the pain was unbearable. The feelin' like I had no one to turn to, that I was the only person who cared whether I lived or died. An' there she was an' precious was a pretty good word to describe what she was to me. It fit how I felt when I first saw her good heart an' her intentions to save me. She finishes the song an' her eyes are glistenin'. She's the most amazin' person I've ever known. She's good an' strong an' I find it so hard to believe that she's here with me.

"I like that one." My voice is husky. The unknown feelin' I've been havin' the last few days when I'm 'round her comes back to me full force. It hits me at my core an' I finally understand what my weak heart has been tryin' to say all along. The same heart that I never believed I had before I opened it to her. I need to make her see who I am now, who I've become because of her. She needs to know I'm not just some crazy redneck who goes off the handle all the time, the one who sat back for so long an' watched the world move past him.

The idea strikes me. I pull myself out of the casket an' hold a finger up to her to give me a second. I run upstairs an' grab the pillow an' blanket that she had obviously intended on bringin' down earlier. I go back into the white room an' find another pillow among the damage I caused. When I come into the parlor I'm greeted with her curiosity. I set the things on the couch next to my bow an' start movin' the chairs against the walls. I'm satisfied with the little clearin' I've made an' throw the blanket an' pillows down in the middle. I lay down on the floor, prop myself up on my elbow an' look up to her.

"What's all this?" She's smilin' at me an' there's humor in her voice. It's now or never.

"Figured we'd be better set sleepin' in here tonight." I wait on bated breath. Slowly, excruciatingly slow, she steps away from the bench an' lays next to me on that floor. There's no worry or bother in her eyes. I'm relieved to see comfort there.

This whole scenario is new to me. I have honestly never tried to sweep a woman off her feet. The only women I ever knew had wicked intentions for the time they spent with me. Nobody ever cared 'bout me. Those skanks saw what they wanted, went after it, an' walked away leavin' me to myself in cold, wrinkled up sheets. Sex to them was a one way street, the drive for pleasure was only a temporary high. Not one of those bitches wanted more than a quick fuck. I'm the first to admit that I wasn't some gentleman. They weren't the only ones with needs to be met. Fuckin' had never been more to me than a way to pass the time. Fuckin' was just fuckin'. But that's far from what I'm goin' for here with Beth.

Right this minute, I am so damn grateful there had never been anyone worth the time or energy to impress. It's probably the pussiest way to think, but I want Beth to be the first woman to steal my heart. Whether she knew it or not, she had already cracked the lock, the safe door was wide open. All she'd have to do is reach in an' take it. I know there's no wicked intent with her. She's too pure. I want her to have my heart, to keep it safe, look after it an' mend it for me. I want her to feel the way I do. To look at me an' feel her breathin' hitch, the warm rush floodin' through her body, the permanent lump in her throat. I need to make myself the man that she deserves. I know what I want now. I only need her to feel the same way.

As she lays down next to me, she smiles sweetly up at the ceilin'. I'm an idiot who can't take his eyes off of her. As she seems to slip off into sleep, her small hand reaches over an' interlocks with mine. She lets a soft sigh pass her lips, an' then she's out. Still holdin' on to her, my heart beatin' painfully in my chest, I look down at her layin' next to me. My thumb gently traces the outline of her fingers, an' I'm lost to my thoughts.

All this time I had thought I was bein' punished for a bad life. It never once occurred to me that I would need those struggles in order to fully appreciate someone worth fightin' for. The same person I would die for, the person who ripped down my fortress an' breathed life into my stilled heart. An' here she is, peacefully sleepin' next to me.

Without thinkin', I lean down an' lightly press my lips to her hair. There's gonna be a time when I need to tell her my revelation. But, for now, it can wait. I know the change I've gone through. I know what's different now. I move my lips to her forehead an' I whisper against her warm skin.

"I love you, Beth."


	14. Chapter 14

My eyes fly open. There's an ache in my chest from my labored breathin' an' my pulse is runnin' at an alarmin' rate. I blink in the dark a few times an' realize it was only a nightmare. It's the same one I've had every night since the prison fell. But there was somethin' new that caused my stomach to twist in knots an' sent a roll of shakes through my body. I hastily wipe my tears as I try to remember the change.

_ It's a beautiful day outside the prison walls. People are startin' to get better an' the feelin' that the worst is over hangs in the air. I watch the smaller children pickin' flowers by the garden, baby Judith bouncin' on my hip. I cherish the sun on my skin as a gentle breeze tickles the hair that's fallen 'round my face. It's quiet out here._

_ But the silence doesn't last. From the depths of the woods comes rumblin'. The children look frightened as they run to where I'm standin'. Judith starts cryin' so I ask Mika to take her back inside with the others. I see Maggie runnin' to the fence where Daryl, Carl, Tyrese, Sasha an' Bob are gathered. Fear claws at my mind, but I fight through it an' break into a sprint. I make it to the group when I notice Rick is at the entrance facin' what looks like a small army. Scannin' the faces 'round me, my stomach drops when I realize I don't know where Daddy is. He was down by the tree line with Michonne. I don't see her with the rest of us, an' that's the first thrill of terror that runs through me. _

_I watch as Rick speaks with someone. I see all the people standin' out there, guns raised. There are trucks an' a tank. I take a closer look at one of the trucks an' see a man standin' there on the tailgate. I hear Maggie gasp an' turn to see what scared her._

_ "The Governor..." Her whisper was small an' soft, but the words rampaged through my mind like a tornado. I had never set eyes on the man that had tried to kill us just months ago. From where I stood, I could make out dark hair an' the patch over his eye from where I knew Michonne had stabbed him. He was a shadow in my nightmares, a complete stranger that craved the blood of good people. My heart races as I gaze down at the monster from my dreams; a face finally placed to the man in the dark._

_ As Rick tries to speak with him, a man an' woman are pulled from out of another truck. The white hair an' beard are what give my father away, Michonne is next to him. I try to catch my breath, but I'm drownin' in the vision of the monster holdin' the people I love hostage. I only vaguely notice that Daryl has discreetly handed guns amongst us, that he is levelheaded enough to still prepare for a fight. There's more words between Rick an' the monster. I start to tell myself that everything will be alright: Rick will save them an' the monster will sink back into the shadows where it belongs. I almost fool myself into believin' it. _

_My eye catches the sun as it hits the sword, flashin' in the air before strikin' my father in the throat. I feel myself start to fall, but my hand catches the fence in front of me. Somewhere, a girl is screamin'. I look 'round to see who it is; it takes only an instant to realize the screams are my own. From here I can see Daddy's white shirt washed in red at the collar. His body crumples to the ground. That's when we begin to fire into the crowd. _

_Before long, we retreat back to hide behind water drums an' pieces of broken wall. Their tank tears through the fence as though it were paper. I see my sister take off with some of the others._

_ "Maggie!" I run after her but she's too far ahead. My eyes rake over the forms lifeless bodies strewn across the prison yard. When I look up I'm starin' into the face of the monster, terrified to see him smilin' as he raises a gun to my head. It happens in a split second; Daryl runs in front of me, shieldin' me. Before I process what he's doin', a shot rings through the air. I stare at the blood poolin' at his back just before he turns to me, the penetration point scarlet red in his chest. He stretches his hand to me an' I take it as he falls to his knees. He pants my name before his face hits the cement, the life dimmin' from his eyes. The monster has hidden himself back into the shadows of the woods. I'm all alone now._

That's where I woke up an' I know what the change was. This nightmare usually ends in Daryl killin' The Governor, takin' my hand an' leadin' me into the forest away from our dead. I've never dreamt him bein' killed before an' the fresh image rips at my heart. But I can hear his breathin' next to me an' it soothes me. I sink back down to my pillow an' pull the blanket up to my chest, tryin' to fight the chills that have nothin' to do with the temperature in this room.

Gently as I can, I reach my hand out until my fingers brush his shirt an' I feel the firm muscles underneath. The slight rise an' fall of his breathin' soothes me, but it isn't enough. I only hesitate for a moment before decidin' that I could deal with any consequences in the mornin'. I cling to his side, my arm tight 'round his chest, my leg hitched over his thigh. I place my head on his shoulder an' turn my face to his. I take a deep breath, unintentionally inhalin' his scent. It's a mixture of cigarettes, sweat an' dirt, the combination causin' my heart to hammer mercilessly. I don't think a single person could question just how masculine Daryl is.

I feel the smooth, sinewy bicep firmly press against me as he pulls me tighter in his sleep. I'm reminded of a time when the roles were reversed; when I was the one holdin' him to me as he fell apart. We are learnin' from one another, supportin' one another. In the depths of my mind, I sense that a shift has started between us; the way he looks at me now, how his eyes glow whenever they fall on me. I remember him smilin' at me in the woods the other night an' know it was the first time I've ever seen him do so.

I look at his face washed in moonlight cuttin' through the boarded windows. In another part of my mind, I can dream of fallin' in love with Daryl Dixon. I imagine the good heart wrapped in a bad boy shell, the one he finally opens to me. My mind swarms with images of our hands locked together, our first kiss, the first time we share a bed with no intentions of sleepin'. He would be faithful an' gentle. I would know he'd lay his life down on the line to protect me.

The last thought is equally true in our dark reality. The hauntin' image of Daryl standin' before me- reachin' for me- with a gunshot wound to the chest tears through my fantasies. Our relationship is destined to end in tragedy before it has even had a chance to blossom. I silently cry into his side. As the weight of my fears holds me down, I stupidly let the more beautiful dream slip over me. The last image I have before sleep consumes me is of Daryl leanin' his face into mine as our lips meet for the first time. It couldn't hurt me to pretend it could be real.


	15. Chapter 15

I watch as the little rodent digs away at the ground. Probably finishin' up his stock before winter. The mornin' light illuminates the richness of his grey fur. His eyes are watery little beads, dartin' all 'round. The small, black nose twitches at the air, but senses no danger. He won't know I'm here so long's I stay silent an' still. His limber little body scurries 'bout two feet off the ground an' I take a split second to appreciate the willowy movement before my bolt skewers it to the tree trunk. I walk over to it an' take it down, tyin' it to the rope on my shoulder. This little bastard makes four fresh squirrels. Thank Christ, 'cause I can't live off of pigs feet an' jelly alone.

I'm only vaguely aware that I'm wanderin' aimlessly through these woods, an it ain't natural for me. I should be more alert. I try to focus on sights an' sounds; anything to hint approachin' predators or prey. All I hear is the ground crunchin' under my boots. My body pushes through the briars an' branches, steppin' over fallen trees. This is my element an' it's where I've always felt at home. Physically, I'm here in the heart of these woods. Mentally I'm back in that funeral home.

If I lived another hundred years, I would never have a memory as good as the first time wakin' up next to Beth.

I felt her flushed to my side with her head on my shoulder. Her leg was on top of mine an' her arm was 'cross my chest. I don't know when or how, but she ended up tangled up with me in her sleep. The contact was a lot to take in. My first thoughts after the initial shock weren't entirely noble. It's not everyday in the apocalypse that you wake up with a beautiful girl pressed against you, 'specially when the beautiful girl's the one you want next to you. But I pushed those urges aside. This has to be different, an' she deserves the better me.

I reached my own hand up an' lightly placed it over hers. I noticed how small it was as I traced it with my thumb. Closin' my eyes, I wondered what this actually means. I want her to open up to me, to feel the way I do. At the same time I question the damage I could be puttin' on my own heart while chasin' this. For all I know, she only looks to me as her protector an' provider. A deeper part of me thinks there's more to it. Why else did I wake up in that position with her?

My thoughts were interrupted by the feelin' of her body pullin' away from mine. As quickly as her fire warmed me, the few remainin' pieces of ice are quicker to slide back in place once the flame is gone. We shifted 'round the room awkwardly. I felt a sharp pain in my chest at the thought that this really was nothin' more to her than two friends campin' out in a funeral home parlor. I needed to get out of that fuckin' place to clear my head.

She knows I'm out here huntin' fresh meat for us. She doesn't know I'm workin' out this fuckin' mess in my mind, tryin' to figure out my next move, if there is one. Thinkin' of the different possibilities, I could completely forget the fuckin' nightmare of a world out here away from them walls. I can see us livin' in this place an' everything workin' out for us. I would show her how I've changed, an' she could love me. But something in me's not so sure anymore. I want to think she feels the same way, but it feels like a gamble with fate. I ain't ever been good at gamblin'. An' this mornin' was strange, at least, the distance was. In all my life I would've never been troubled over distance between myself an' another human bein', but this is fuckin' killin' me. I know I have my flaws. There's still demons that lurk beneath my surface. She helped me overcome some of my guilt, my fear of bein' alone. But she doesn't know everything. I can't bring myself to talk 'bout my life with my father, that he's the reason I preferred solitude all these years. An' I always had Merle tellin' me not to trust nothin' that weren't blood. Ironic considerin' my old man was the last person I woulda ever trusted.

Without even realizin' it, I'm standin' back at the porch' wonderin' how the fuck I got there. This is the second time in a matter of days that my sense of direction has been thrown off by my hazy mind. Son of a bitch. Beth's hobblin' towards the kitchen when I get inside.

"You'll take all day gettin' in there." I walk up next to her an' throw my bow over my back.

"I'm goin' as fast as I can!" She laughs at me as I tell her it ain't fast enough an' sweep her up in my arms. I carry her through the door an' she tells me to stand her by the cabinets. Her back's turned to me as she's goin' through the cupboards. She stretches up to grab a can an' the movement draws my attention to how graceful it is. Her shoulder blades shift when reachin' up an' the bottom of her shirt raises to show her waist. It isn't until I go to clear my throat that I realize my mouth went dry. For fuck's sake. As if my mind wanderin' off ain't bad enough, now my own body is against me. Windin' up back here 'fore meanin' to makes a lot more sense when all of me is drawn to her.

She heard my weak attempt at gettin' her attention an' I tell her to sit down an' let me get whatever she needed. "I was just tryin' to figure out what we've got that goes well with rabbits or squirrels. That's why you saw me comin' in here. I reckoned we'd make a meal out of it."

I hold up my squirrel line. "How'd you know I'd get somethin'?" I struggle to fight the smile playin' on my lips.

"Really, Daryl? If you came back empty handed I'd be speechless. I knew you'd bring home meat." She rolls her eyes with the last sentence, but all I hear is that word: _Home_. I only realize the stupid grin stretched 'cross my face when it's too late. She's laughin' at me now.

"Daryl Dixon, are you laughin' at my trust in you?" She's gigglin' an' my mind swims with the idea that she trusts me, that she considers this place our home. But she misread my smile. Her insinuatin' that this was our home set my insides on fire. I cling so desperately to that slippery edge between this bein' real or all in my head.

"Whatever you say, Beth." I toss the squirrels on the counter. I'll clean them after we eat an' we'll have them for later. Normally I'd eat them now, but all I care 'bout is the thought of her wantin' to make a meal out of it with me. I grab what's left of our usual meal. Ain't much jelly left, so I grab a jar of pigs feet. She's barely made a dent in that damn peanut butter. As we sit across each other eatin' our rations, Beth points out that I'm usin' a spoon instead of my fingers.

"I guess you've finally domesticated me, girl." I can't hold her gaze even when I'm only jokin'.

"I find it hard to believe that anybody could domesticate you, least of all me. But I'm flattered all the same." She nods to me, an' I tap at the bottom of the jar to get what's left. Before I know it, Beth starts scoopin' peanut butter with her fingers an' completely disregards her own spoon. I shoot her a questionin' look.

"Well, I like the undomesticated Daryl way more. If it takes me gettin' my hands dirty to keep that Daryl 'round, it's worth it." She slips her fingers in her mouth. I can't take my eyes off her. This beautiful fuckin' girl, the one who's always so polite, prefers my wild side. She even quoted my previous statement of her gettin' down an' dirty. A quick flash of her bein' dirty makes my heart stand still. Just as I secretly picture what that Beth would be like, the cans outside start rattlin'.

"Stay right there." I grab up my crossbow from the counter an' head out to the front door. I check through a crack in the boards an' hardly believe what I'm seein'. I open up the door to a scruffy white dog missin' an eye. I call out that it's just a damn dog so she doesn't freak out. Lookin' down at him, I feel kinda sorry for the bastard for losin' his eye, but the fact that he's out here says he's one tough son of a bitch. I kneel down an' try to call him to me. The fucker smells my hand an' takes off runnin'. What the hell's his problem? I straighten up, peer 'round the yard an' close the door back up.

Beth's standin' in the doorway starin' at me. I'm startin' to think it'd kill her to listen to me. "I thought I told you to stay put?" I find it hard to mask me bein' pissed at her.

"Yeah. But, Daryl, you said it was a dog." I know there's no harm in her bein' curious over some stray mutt. We head back into the kitchen to finish eatin' up. I can't help but admire the innocence of the sweet girl who concerns herself with strays; dogs an' men alike.


	16. Chapter 16

**This is the chapter I've been waiting for and dreading all at the same time. I really hope I did this justice. The rest of the chapters from here out will be a mixture of what we've seen on the show and my own ideas of what could happen. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)**

* * *

I've never run so hard or so fast in all my life. The road beneath me is all worn down dirt an' rocks, much harder to track on, 'specially in the dark. But I keep pushin'. This is the only road for miles so I'm bound to see that black car. I'm gonna kill every motherfucker that had anything to do with this when I find them. I think 'bout her, 'bout how afraid she has to be. My body is drained, but my anger only charges me to push it harder. I can't believe I ever let my guard down. It's all my fault she's gone. I can't shake the thought of how only a few hours ago everything seemed to finally be fallin' into place. I shouldn't rely on this shitty world to remain calm for more than a few fuckin' hours.

_She had helped me skin an' clean our squirrels as I started a fire in the yard. We were laughin' an' teasin' each other all afternoon. I'd go as far's sayin' we were actually havin' fun. I sat down by the fire, turnin' the meat to cook it evenly. I glanced up when I saw her approachin' me, one of the bottles of soda in her hand._

_"Mind if I join you?" Her voice was light as she smiled down at me. I nodded at her before lookin' back at the squirrels. When she sat down she didn't put space between us, only sat right at my side. She leaned her head against my arm an' a shiver ran through her. I didn't even pause before wrappin' my arm 'round her shoulders. She offered me the bottle of soda an', after I took a swig, she took it back an' drank from it herself. I smirked at her._

_"What? I can't share a bottle of cola with you? I don't have cooties, Daryl." The humor an' teasin' was heavy in her voice. She angled her whole body against me, now, the light of the fire castin' shadows over her face. Her hand raised up to my own that hung over her shoulder an' she weaved our fingers together. There was a promise of so much more in that gesture. I tensed up when she brought our hands to her mouth an' pressed her lips against the back of mine. She looked like even she was amazed at what she did, but that look changed to a small smile._

_"I just wanted to thank you. I've been thinkin' 'bout so much this afternoon. But mostly I've thought 'bout what you've done for us; for me. I don't know how I'd ever have made it this far if I didn't have you, Daryl. So...thanks." I wanted to tell her that I would do it all again in a minute, I would do it all better. Shuttin' her out in the beginnin' woulda never happened if I knew where we would find ourselves later. But I just squeezed her hand tighter in mine an' quietly said, "S'alright."_

_The meat was just 'bout done, so I picked her up to carry her to the kitchen table. Honestly, I didn't know if her ankle was better or if she still couldn't walk on her own two feet. But I'm too comfortable holdin' her to me now. I don't look forward to the day it's no longer needed. It's like I've been grabbin' at straws to draw out the possibility of makin' her see what I do. When I kicked out her chair to set her down, I looked at her face. There was somethin' behind those eyes amongst the flames. I could only assume she's thinkin' of something, an' really strugglin' with whatever it is. But I still held her close, any distraction that prolonged what I imagine comes off as an innocent embrace is a welcome one._

_Everything goes in slow motion, then. The look behind her eyes changed from questionin' to determination. She raised her face to mine an' looked into my eyes-for what? An answer? I couldn't even guess the question. But I didn't need to. One hand let go of my neck. It brushed over my cheekbone then swept the hair from my eyes. Her lips hovered over my jawline for what seemed like ages before they lightly touched my skin. I was frozen to the spot. I felt the gentle, warm pressure against my stubble an' closed my eyes. Before I could fully appreciate her perfect lips on my face, they were gone. She cleared her throat an' I opened my eyes to see her smilin' shyly up at me._

_"What was that for?" My voice was raspy, givin' away to the emotion that devoured me._

_"For bein' so sweet. You may think you're a hardass, Daryl, but I know better. Your gentle side always comes through when I need it most. So, thanks. Again." It was the openin' I'd been waitin' for- when she would let her own walls down an' make the first move. I had to tell her how I felt tonight._

The memory of that moment carves away at me. I hate myself for not tellin' her what she needed to hear. I look round for any turns or signs the car veered off, but it looks like it kept goin' straight, so I keep pushin' in that direction. In the back of my mind, I'm only roughly aware that the sun's started to come up; it's been at least three hours now. But I don't question what could've happened in the three hours since they took her, I won't be able to go on if I open those dark corners of my thoughts. Instead, I try to think back on how everything went wrong.

_She was set next to me at the table, a pen an' paper in hand. We had just finished eating three of our squirrels; I figured I'd get more in the mornin'. I was scrapin' bottom on that damn everlastin' jelly when I noticed she had barely touched her canned fruit. She explained to me that she was leavin' a thank-you note to the people who stashed away the food we've been tearin' up. All I could think was how pointless a note would be for people we ain't ever met, they could've been psychopaths._

_But she didn't see that. In her mind, there were still good people out here. People who would appreciate a note thankin' them for a deed they had no clue they'd done 'til they came back to an empty house an' half their food missin'. There's so much hope in this crazy girl. She looks at the good in everybody, even when they don't notice they have it. A voice in the back of my head reminded me that she saw the good in me. It made me realize that she's right. There are people out there who don't have a bad bone in their body, all's they need is a chance._

_"Maybe you don't have to leave that. Maybe we just stick 'round here for a little while. They come back, we'll just make it work. May be nuts, but maybe we'll be alright." I couldn't look directly at her after I made that suggestion, but outta the corner of my eye I see her straighten up with a big ass grin on her face._

_"So, you do think there're still good people around?" I couldn't answer that yet. What if she was wrong? What if I was?_

_"What changed your mind?" I had trouble keepin' my eye on her, so I shrugged an' said, "You know."_

_"What?" She was persistent, determined to whittle away at my fuckin' change of heart. But I didn't answer her. I didn't know if my voice could form the word, it's everything I needed to tell her. I was just fightin' with my own stubborn ass to let it out. So I only shrugged again. She called me on my shit, told me not to shrug it off._

_"What changed your mind?" That heartbreakin' smile ripped right through me. In my head I told myself it's now or never; the answer was on the tip of my tongue. It was her. She changed my mind. She changed my whole existence. For the first time in my life I felt like livin' was more than just survivin'. I've needed this shift for so long, the very emotion behind it was weak to stand on it's own. I knew what changed: I'd fallen in love with the pretty girl with the big blue eyes an' heart of gold._

_Our eyes met, an' for the first time since I can't remember, I held her gaze. I felt so pathetic for usin' her intuition as my out. But I couldn't tear through what was left of me only to be rejected by her. I plead with her eyes to work this out, take the weight offa me. An', slowly, realization dawned on her face._

_"Oh..."_

_She looked at me, an' her body tilted towards mine. She had the same determination behind those eyes that I saw earlier, an' I realized this was it. This was the moment that I had been so dangerously close to but pushed off all the while. My heart raced, preparin' myself for either acceptance or rejection. My breathin' hitched when I saw her lips part slightly, I didn't even realize my body had been angled towards her, too. I was helplessly drawn to her. Her expression gave me the answer that I needed. I had to close the gap between us; I needed to show her how I felt. My own lips stung at the anticipation of finally meetin' hers._

But I never got to hold her or kiss her. All the fantasies of what could happen once we were on the same level burn in my mind, now. We were set up. I had thought it was that stupid fuckin' mutt again tanglin' up in the wires. We weren't prepared for those walkers. It had been a trap all along, I realize that now.

A sick feelin' weighs heavy in my heart when I think back to tellin' her to run, get to the road an' wait for me to meet back with her. She had told me she wasn't leaving me. I yelled at her to grab her shit, go through the window an' wait for me at the road. For the first time, she didn't defy me. She did exactly as I said. All the times I had sarcastically thought her listenin' to me might actually kill her...

I hunch over an' throw up on the ground. It's mostly from my own exertion, but a small part of it's the overwhelmin' guilt I feel at the thought of sendin' her out to danger. I let my guard down, I let her out of my sight for one fuckin' minute at my own orders, an' she was taken from me. I wipe my face on the back of my hand an' take off again.

Another mile or so down the way, an' I'm caught at a crossroads. I look in all directions for any sign of that damn car. But there's nothin' out here but me an' the achin' in my chest. I can't believe this happened. I'm completely lost an', for a split second, I think to put my cover back up an' push my fuckin' pain deep down. I'm alarmed to realize the walls are no longer there. I'm completely defenseless against this wave of desperation. The pain is killin' me 'til I can't take it anymore. I drop to the ground.

"Beth..." My voice is no more than a ragged whisper. It's the first time I've thought of her name since I had taken off after the car an' I had shouted it 'til the runnin' tore at my lungs. Jesus Christ, I can't take this. I've never felt so defeated in all my life. The sweat is drippin' down my face mixin' with tears I have no strength to hold back. I'm fallin' apart again an' the only person who could ever hold me together is gone. Slowly, the cryin' stops. I'm crumpled to the ground. I need to find her. I can't let anything happen to her. At that moment, I'm roughly aware of the sound of footsteps. I take in the several pairs of legs that have me circled.

"Well, looky what we have here boys."


	17. Chapter 17

Again, I find myself turnin' back into the man sleepin' with one eye open. The group I'm travelin' with is no good, I know that. Every one of these bastards is wound too tight, I knew it was only a matter of time before one of them fuckin' snapped.

We've been travelin' for two days now. Nobody paid me no mind, 'cept for Joe. In a lot of ways, he reminded me of Merle. Bossy, high on hisself. Joe gave off the impression that he was ten feet tall an' bulletproof. I only spoke to him when he addressed me. He would share smokes with me an' get all fuckin' preachy 'bout life on the road with his ravagin' pack of mongrels. These men came from all fuckin' walks of life. The one jackass used to be a fuckin' postal worker. Now he wields 'round that fuckin' assault rifle like it's a fuckin' flag. Stupid son of a bitch.

We sleep in a circle, alternatin' shifts for watch. I don't ever plan to sleep 'round them. I'll fuckin' sleep when I'm dead. I get most watch shifts but someone has to fuckin' babysit me to make sure I don't cut all their throats; drain 'em dry an' rob 'em blind. I already know I ain't the one to be worried 'bout.

Last night, Joe insisted on takin' my shift. Apparently he thinks I ain't ever run days with no sleep. But I don't argue with him. I could only imagine how that'd turn out. I set myself down in the dirt usin' my pack as a pillow. My eyes drifted up to the sky.

The moon wasn't as full tonight. I close my eyes an' imagine bein' back at that shit hole cabin. _I'm sittin' on the porch an' there's a beautiful girl 'cross from me_. I take a sharp breath but push further into the memory, ignorin' the pain eatin' away at my chest. _I remember the way she shined in that light, how she looked like a fuckin' angel_. If I reach further back, I can even hear her sweet laughter. The memory claws at the fresh wound of my heart, but I only chase it further down. _She looks over to me an' gives me her heartbreakin' smile,_ an' that's the end of my mental endurance. In that moment, I opened myself up to how much I missed her. I'd literally give anything to go back to where we were. The last thought I have before sleep takes over is the way she looked into my eyes when she realized how I felt 'bout her.

I rise 'fore the others an', for a split second, I chew over the idea of takin' off on my own. I think better of it an' decide to walk the woods instead. I leave my pack, grab my bow an' head out. I'll give off the impression that I was out for food, but I know I'm usin' this time to plan how to find Beth. I know I can't tell those bastards back there 'bout her. My temperature rises just thinkin' how they'd react if they saw her. This is somethin' I'm best handlin' myself.

I find a trail on a rabbit an' track the little sucker down. I figured I may need proof that I really was out lookin' for food. It took all mornin', but I finally stumbled 'cross it. Apparently, I wasn't alone.

That bastard Len had been on my ass since they first recruited me on that godforsaken train track. I didn't know what the fuck his problem was, but he always wanted to start shit with me. It should come as no surprise that, when you band together a group of feral dogs, the urge to prove dominance is bound to happen. Shit, I thought I was gonna kill that prick myself. When he 'claimed' my rabbit, the one I had been out huntin' for hours, the one he shot at the exact same time I did, I got pissed off. He tried to stop me from takin' it. But I brushed past him. That's when he said it.

"You know what? I bet there's a bitch. Got you all messed up. Am I right?" The words ring through my skull like a shotgun blast, but I keep walkin' away. I knew he'd love nothin' more than to have me lunge at him.

He keeps goin', "Gotchu walkin' 'round here like a dead man. You just lost yourself a piece of tail. Musta been a goodun." I stop walkin'. My sight is blurred by a haze of red. Beth wasn't some 'piece of tail'. I was in love with her, an' part of me thought she was ready to admit she felt the same. My hand grazes the knife at my hip.

"Tell me somethin', was it one of the little'uns? Cause they don't last too long out here." I turn on him fast, knife drawn. But Joe was there an' he stopped me. He settled the shit by hackin' the damn rabbit in half an' dividin' it between us. That's when I first learned 'bout claims. When they explained the rules of claimin', I knew I could never lead them to Beth.

Just's my luck would have it, it was only a matter of time 'fore Len was tryin' to start shit again. We hiked all the way to some abandoned garage to camp out. Those other jackasses were claimin' cars to sleep in. There weren't none left, so I took to the floor in the center. The bastard woke me up an' accused me of takin' the other half of the rabbit from him. Joe asked me if I stole it. I ain't steal no fuckin' halfa rabbit. Len tells him to empty my sack an' out falls that piece of shit cottontail. I told Joe I didn't steal it. He suggests one of us is lyin', even asks Len if he planted it on me. Len swears he didn't. So it was my word against his. Either I was lyin' 'bout not takin' it, or Len was lyin' 'bout not plantin' it on me.

Joe tells the guys to teach the rule breaker a lesson, an' to my surprise, he took a swing at Len. When I questioned it, Joe told me he had seen Len plant the meat on me. Said he only let it carry on to see if Len would tell the truth or drag out his lie. I'll never understand these idiots. They beat the shit outta him. When I woke up the next mornin', there were blood smears all over the floor of that garage.

We headed out an' I distantly wondered how bad off Len was. That's when I see his body, beaten to shit with one of his own fuckin' arrows in his head. I didn't like the bastard, but they were just gonna leave him there. A sweet voice speaks up in the back of my mind.

"_They remembered these things used to be people..._"

I realize that the walkers weren't the only change out here. People changed, too. Maybe Len was a son of a bitch before the turn, maybe the new world made him that way. He wasn't a human anymore, he was no less an animal than the filthy beasts that crave our flesh. I start to pick up a loose sheet to throw over his body. After all, he used to be a person. But I stop myself. The men I'm with now would see that as a weakness. I toss the sheet aside. I wanna be better for Beth, but I needa get to her first. I can't risk pissin' those psychos off an' them killin' me 'fore I can find her.


	18. Chapter 18

Wherever I am, it's pitch black an' very cold. There's a dull ache at the back of my skull, an' I feel a lump when I reach back there. I hear voices-men- from somewhere nearby. They're quiet but one sounds angry. I look 'round for anything that could hint to where I am, but it's just too dark. I think back to how I got here, try to find the missin' pieces of this puzzle.

_My memory is foggy, but I can think as far back as standin' on that dirt road. I remember the black car squealin' to a stop in front of me. A man jumped out an' tried to grab my arm an' I dropped my bag. I had fought back. Did I hit him? I can't remember. I do remember him grabbin' me by the hair. He was shovin' me in the back of the car when I threw my arm out an' dragged my nails across his face. He had cried out in pain just as he hit the back of my head. I remember my vision blurrin', my eyes slowly closin' as I heard a man shoutin' my name._

"Daryl..." Fear grips me. Where's Daryl? Did the man that took me hurt him? I can't believe that someone hurt him. I have to remain calm an' know that he's lookin' for me. He'll find me an' whoever took me. But I need to figure out where I am.

"Who's Daryl?" His accent is definitely Northern. The smooth voice is the kind that slips out like a satin train. It's also the kind that can delude you into believin' you're safe. I don't answer, but I doubt words would come if I tried. I hear a sharp click an' the room is cast into fluorescent lights. My eyes blink back at the pain from the brightness. I can barely make out the form of a man a few feet away from me.

"Hey, did you hear me? You said 'Daryl'. Who is he?" The blurred outline of a man comes into form now. He's tall with broad shoulders. When my eyes come into focus, I notice his tanned skin an' dark hair. His eyes are deep brown, I'd swear they were black. I can see his muscles through the shirt he's wearin', an' I notice the mud on his boots an' jeans. He's lookin' at me like I'm some trapped animal he's hesitant to approach.

I gaze up at this guy, an' only then realize he isn't alone. Behind him is a man of about the same height, but he's much broader an' looks older. His skin an' hair are duplicates of the younger man in front of him, he even shares the same black eyes. Brothers? I can make out four scratches down his cheek. He's the man that took me. His own clothes are covered in blood. I cringe at the possibility of who that blood belonged to-no. It can't be _his_...

"When you're asked a question you'd do best to fucking answer it. So, answer him." The other man addresses me an' his voice is sharp. There's no satin or silk here; this one's all barbed wire. He's definitely dangerous. I think fast: Would it hurt to tell them who Daryl is? That might be my only way to find out if he's alive.

"He's my friend. The one you took me from. Who the hell are you?" I hate how weak my voice sounds when I try to be brave. The younger man keeps his eyes on me, the older one starts to come towards me, before the other stretches out an arm to stop him. I crawl back to get away only to smack against a wall. It reminds me to take in my surroundings.

The room looks like it could be a basement; both men stand by a set of stairs leadin' up. The walls are bare drywall an' the floor's cement. It looks old, all except for the ceilin' lights. It's a place they must've found that they've been workin' on. The lights are new. They must have generators here to run them.

The younger one takes a few steps forward now an' kneels down next to me. His eyes break away from mine when he looks back to speak with his friend.

"Calm down, Vic. She's afraid. Obviously she's not thinking about what she's saying to us. Are you?" He's turned back to me again, the black eyes hold me to that wall. I can't speak, so I just shake my head.

"Besides, it won't kill us to tell her our names." Vic looks furious now, but says nothing.

"That big douchebag over there is my older brother, Vic. I'm Travis. What's your name, sweetheart?" His lips curl up at 'sweetheart', the word sends bile up my throat. I pause for a moment, decidin' whether or not I should lie.

"Beth." Travis smiles at me. Vic looks irritated. There's a noise above us, Travis nods to Vic an' I watch as the older brother takes to the stairs, closin' the door behind him. Travis is lookin' at me again. I want to speak, to ask him where I am. I need to know where Daryl is. But he's talkin' before the words can form in my mouth.

"So, Beth, how is it that an itty bitty thing like you's made it this far out there? I've long thought all the pretty girls were biter-bait. But here you are, a sweet little Georgia Peach." I feel disgusted at his words. I don't want to have this conversation, least of all with my abductor. I just want to get away. I have to find Daryl. Vic comes back in the room, they exchange a look, then Vic steps closer to us as Travis continues.

"You don't talk much do you, sweetheart?" I see his hand raise to my face, there's a black tribal pattern on his arm. He pushes my hair back from my eyes. The contact is enough to make me want to cry. I don't want him to touch me. I don't want him anywhere near me. A tearless sob escapes my lips. He withdraws his hand and scratches at his chin.

"Are you afraid of me?" The words are spun out of pure silk, they're smooth an' soft. The perfect illusionist. I don't know how to answer him. Of course I'm afraid, but do I tell him that? Does he want me to be weak or brave? I remember the spark in his eye when I spoke up to his brother.

"I'm not afraid of you. Any of you, however many of y'all there are. I've already lost everything. There's nothin' you can take from me now." I regret my words the moment they leave my lips. Travis lets out a small laugh. Vic is next to him now, his face is only inches from mine when he speaks to me.

"You should be afraid of us. We're the new bad guys in this world. And don't think you've lost everything, yet." A sick smile spreads across his face. Someone calls down to them from upstairs. They stand an' head toward the door. They look back at me again, Travis' tattooed arm reachin' for the handle of the door. Vic has a wicked gleam in his eye, his hand on the light switch as his brother has already started ascendin' the stairs.

"Welcome to Terminus."

The room goes pitch black.

* * *

"Wake up, sweetheart."

The lights are back on, blindin' after the dark. I look up to see Travis standin' in front of me, holdin' a cup an' plate. I don't see Vic anywhere, an' that leads me to wonder which is the more dangerous of the two brothers: the charm or the temper.

He sets the plate in front of me an' hands me the cup. I gulp it down before it even crosses my mind that you don't accept anything from strangers. I can feel the fear showin' on my face. Travis laughs.

"I'm not gonna poison you if that's what you're thinking. Do you want more water?" I ignore him. I figured I already drank what he gave me, if he's poisonin' me I may as well make a clean job of it. So I reach for the bread on the plate. It's soft. This bread is fresh, but that's not possible. How could they have fresh bread here? My hunger gets the best of me as I scarf it down. He laughs again.

"Shit, girl. How'd you ever stay so tiny with an appetite like that?" I scowl at him before I realize it, then I flinch away, expectin' the worst.

"Hey, hey. Easy, sweetheart. I'm not gonna hurt you. You don't have to be afraid of me." I want to challenge him. How am I supposed to fight back fear in the presence of one of the men who keeps me hostage in a basement? I know better than to argue, I don't want to push my luck.

"I've been meaning to ask you. What's a little girl like you doin' out in the wild with an older man?" I almost choke on my bread. He's diggin' for information on Daryl.

_The memory of what almost was that last night floods my mind. I think about how close we were. The look in his eyes. Daryl wanted me, an' I had long decided to stop fightin' my feelin's for him. He was my protector, my friend. An' I was in love with him._

"Like I told your brother, he's my friend. What'd y'all do to him?" Travis smiles at me.

"We didn't hurt your _friend_, if that's what you mean. My brother drove back here and that friend of yours followed him most of the way. But he obviously wasn't fast enough." I don't know that I can trust him.

"Why was your brother covered in blood?" The smoothness leaves his face, an' he looks like he actually has to think over his answer. I'm afraid of what he'll say.

"Let's just say, you weren't the only little girl brought here last night." He gets up an' heads to the door. He faces me again. "But you're the only one who lived to see morning. I'll talk to you later, Beth."

My heart's in my throat. He just told me that there was another girl here, an' Vic killed her. I feel lightheaded when ideas of how an' why he'd kill someone shoot through my mind. I'm in the most danger I've ever been in, surrounded by killers that aren't walkers.


	19. Chapter 19

That act of vicious 'justice', as well as the way I reacted, reminded me that I no longer fit in with a crowd like this. They're everything I spent these last few days tryin' to escape, a vicious flashback to my former life. I need to distance myself from them. The only problem is gettin' the chance to slip away. Joe frequently asks me if I'm stayin' or goin', but I ain't stupid enough to think he'd just let me leave. You don't defy him. The memory of Len's body flashes past me. I know I can't make my intentions obvious. I'd end up with one of my own damned arrows in the chest.

We're headed back on the tracks, Joe's busy talkin' my fuckin' ear off 'bout some revenge they're plannin'. I'm only half listenin'. I don't give a shit if one of their number was strangled by a madman in some abandoned house. If he was anything like the rest of these jackasses, he probably deserved it.

"So, that there's why we're on his trail. We're gonna find that sorry son of bitch an' burn his ass at the stake. I sure hope he has others with him. What good is a little retribution when there ain't no spectators to witness it? Like the wild fuckin' west. Right, son?" He shoves my shoulder. I don't give a fuck what he plans to do with that stranger. I can only concentrate on a way to get out from under them. I look just ahead an' see a sign posted on the track. I pause to read it.

**Sanctuary for all. Community for all. Those who arrive survive.**

Below that is a map of Georgia, specifically of these tracks. Dead center of the tracks, in bold black letters is what I figure to be this sanctuary, an' it's marked with a star.

**Terminus**

Joe tells me not to mind it, that there ain't no such thing as a sanctuary in this world. I think back to the prison, the funeral home, an' the ache I feel is the only proof I need that says he's right. So we keep travelin', lookin' for their revenge, an' I take my mind off any sanctuaries.

The sun is mercilessly beatin' the back of my neck. Joe offers me a smoke. I inhale it deeply, appreciative of the nicotine rushin' to my brain. Fuck. It's been just a few hours an' already I forgot how fuckin' bad I needed this cigarette. It makes sense considerin' I used to go through a pack a day. I remember how many fist fights were started with my jackass brother over missin' Marlboros. Back in the day, I had no shame sportin' sore ribs just to keep his thievin' hands off my shit. Bastard. I almost smile at the memory.

After another mile or so, we stop to rest. There's woods all 'round us. I lean back against a tree an' close my eyes. I just started to think back on Beth- all her features, her kindness, her pure heart- when I hear a round of gunfire. It made me jump, an' I looked 'round for its source.

"The fuck was that?" The postal carrier is wavin' that fuckin' rifle 'round again like he's gonna do something. Idiot. From deep within the trees, I hear someone scream. I turn to the other men, all standin' in place. Not one of them makes to follow the sounds. I turn to Joe.

"What the hell's that all about? Someone under attack?" He smiles at me, the image of that with the gunshots an' screams in the background sends a chill down my spine. He doesn't answer me.

"Well? Ain't we gonna go out there? It sounds like they could use our help!" Tony laughs. They're all laughin'. Joe just shakes his head at me. I can't fuckin' believe we're just gonna stand here an' listen while someone could be killed. I look 'round at the others. I can't carry on with people like them. This is too much like my own past, people seein' the shit that happens, people hear the cries, but nobody ever came to help.

"_You gotta let go of your past." _

_"What if you can't?" _

_"Then it'll kill you." She placed her hand over her heart. "Right here."_

I need to let go of this group. I drop my pack on the ground I stood, swing my bow out in front of me an' take off in the woods. I'm only vaguely aware of the men shoutin' behind me. Branches beat 'cross my face, I nearly tripped over a fuckin' stump. I keep runnin' to the sounds of yellin', there's more rounds fired off. I hear a woman scream an' I just barely miss hittin' a tree. Beth.

"Beth! Beth! I'm comin', girl! Hold on!" Adrenaline is pumpin' through me, my muscles scream with resistance. I push on. It's her. It has to be her. There's a man's voice now. It might be the poxy bastard that took her from me. She yells again, an' in that instant I don't give a shit who she's with, so long's she's alive. I break through a dense patch of brush an' see the walkers.

There's at least twenty of them. Whoever they're after, I can't make out. They're grouped over by a set of trees. A gun goes off an' one drops. I steady my crossbow an' drop another fucker. Two turn to me, big ass fuckers. I run up to them, kick the one in the chest to send him far enough back to give me time to grab my buck knife an' plant it between his eyes when he gets back on me. I throw his body into the other one that had seen me. He's on the ground, his mangled up buddy pinnin' him down. I put a bolt through his forehead. I can't make out how the people are doin', I assume they're still fightin'. One of the assholes keeps firin' that damn gun.

A noise causes me to turn 'round. Runnin' straight at me is that damn group of bastards, guns raised. For a split second, I thought they were aimed at me. But Joe steps to my left an' starts firin' at the walkers, the others follow suit. Before too long, we take out the rest. I double over, hands on my knees. Fuck. I need to get my shit together.

"Hey! Hey, wait! That's the guy, Joe! That's the bastard from that house!" Tony's yellin' draws my attention. But they're circled 'round whoever the fuck it is that killed their man. My heart drops when I realize whoever this bastard is, he has Beth. He killed a man, an' he has my girl.

Joe talks directly to the stranger, "I reckon you killed one of our own, pal. In this new world, we believe in an eye for an eye." I walk over to where the others are standin'. Tony speaks again.

"Claim. I call that female." I see red. He can't have her. I will kill everyone an' everything that stands in my way, but I have to see her first; I might not make it out alive killin' them all. I push my way to the front an' the sight before me almost puts me to my knees.

It ain't Beth. Instead I'm lookin' in the faces of three of my own. Only a portion of the family I thought I'd lost.

Rick. Michonne. Carl.


	20. Chapter 20

Rick looks 'round at the men in front of him, he looks beat to shit. I'm still stunned to see him standin' right in front of me. Carl is to his right, Michonne next to Carl. All have weapons drawn. But I know how this will turn out, they're outnumbered, an' they look like they can barely fuckin' stand. I thought I was runnin' to save someone; all I did was bring death to the people I cared about.

Rick's sight shifts to me; there's a moment where he has that look in his eye, the one where he's tryin' to tie all the loose ends together to form the pattern. I shake my head slightly, enough so he's the only one to see it. The look he returns is one I've seen so many times, but just this instant is the time I needed it most of all; the look that says he trusts me. He knows I'll always have his back like I know he's always had mine. Right now, it's just a matter of bein' faster than these fuckers.

Joe's voice cuts through my thoughts, "Well, it's a damn good thing we stopped those dead bastards from tearin' you up, fittin' that we save your life only to end it." The men all laugh. Rick looks confused, until he sees Tony. The puzzle has finally fallen into place. Recognition spreads over his face.

"Listen to me, what happened to that man in the house was nothin' personal. I had to look out for my people, for my son. I had to get away from there, to make sure they didn't walk into your death trap. You raided our camp! I was willin' to let you keep it, I just needed to get out. That guy was the only thing standin' between me an' my family. He came at me! I acted in the best interest, to keep the people I care about safe. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, but he was a threat." Rick's lookin' to each man, hopin' he got through. I look to Joe. He starts laughin'.

"So you kill a man? With the best intentions at heart, is that right? What if I were to say my boy here puttin' one of them pretty arrows through your lungs was with the best intentions?" He claps his hand to my shoulder, a sick feelin' risin' in my chest. The other men are still laughin', they raise their guns. I see Carl's hand squeeze his gun tighter, Michonne tenses her grip on the handle of her sword. They haven't looked up from the ground. They don't know I'm here. I clear my throat an' look directly in Rick's eyes as I speak.

"Wouldn't wanna waste the fuckin' bolt." At the sound of my voice Carl an' Michonne look up. I look from one to the other, holdin' their gazes. I need them to understand what's 'bout to happen. Joe laughs harder, his grip tightenin' on my arm. He thinks I'm his man, he sees me as one of them. What he doesn't see is my hand graspin' the handle of my buck knife. He sure as shit wasn't expectin' to see me rip Tony open at the jugular, or stabbin' the other fucker through the eye as Tony's body hit the ground.

It all happened so fast. Michonne made one clean swipe through the air an' postal carrier's head rolled at Joe's feet. Carl put a bullet in one asshole's head an' Rick shot the other through the heart, the bastard shot in retaliation but he was too far off to the side. We had the ultimate element of surprise, there was no way they saw it comin'. I turned to Joe, bow to his skull. He's such a fuckin' nut job, he laughed right in my face.

"Daryl, I woulda never guessed you had this in you. All for a couple of strangers? You're a dumb motherfucker, son." I meet his glare.

"These people are with me." Rick stands next to me now, gun raised.

"You killed my people with the best intentions, I'm sure. So you gonna make a clean job of it, pal? Pull the trigger." Joe's grinnin' from ear to ear, a ghost crosses his face. This man is every bit as stubborn an' crazy as my jackass brother.

"I ain't your pal. An' I will do whatever it takes to make my people safe. I don't care who I have to go through in the process. But I will go through them." I hear the unmistakable click of the hammer, his finger on the trigger. I move faster an' put a bolt in Joe's chest, right side. He falls on hands an' knees. Rick turns to me.

"It'll kill him. 'Sides, he'll slow down any walkers that might catch our scent." I spit at Joe's hands on the ground, he's coughin' up blood. I couldn't gun down an unarmed man, I don't know why I didn't. The way I see it, I gave him half a chance to live. Without his pack of dogs, he ain't a threat to nobody.

Rick says we should head for the tracks. We take off at a run an' don't stop 'til we get there. By the time we reach the edge of the woods we're all outta breath. Rick comes up to me an' places his hand on my shoulder. Michonne smiles at me, Carl is still in shock.

"Daryl, you have no idea how grateful we are to see you. Thank you for what you did for us back there." I roll my eyes.

"It's what we do." He smiles, obviously rememberin' that last time I told him the same thing; he had broken down after Lori died durin' childbirth, he thanked me for watchin' over Carl an' Lil' Asskicker. Anybody woulda done it. I realize I don't see Asskicker with them, an' it's a pain I'm becomin' all too familiar with. I loved that fuckin' kid. Michonne pats my arm.

"I should've known. If anybody could survive out there, it's an animal." She winks at me. I missed her teasin'. Michonne has always done good by me. Her an' I looked all over for The Governor together, we grew closer over that time. She's just as much my family as Rick. I look over at Carl. He finally seems to accept I ain't no mirage. He's grinnin' bigger than his face should allow.

"I knew you'd be alive, Daryl. If any of us made it outta there, it would've been you." That tells me they haven't run into no one else. That we may be the only ones alive. But I don't know if I really believe that. I found my way to these three, hadn't I thought it was only Beth an' I? Beth. God, I miss her. How do I tell them what happened? Just days after I fail a whole group of people, I fail her. An' she was everything to me now. How can I possibly help keep these three alive?

"Dad, look! It's another one of those signs for that sanctuary." We walk up to the post, Rick looks it over. My head hangs, I can't shake my thoughts.

"We should be able to make the trip in about a day. Maybe we can find the others there, as well." Rick sounds confident. I think back to what Joe said, how there ain't no such things as sanctuaries. I had thought he was right. I realize I've thought a lot of things these last few days an' have been proven wrong every time. I trust Rick's judgement.

"What're we waitin' for? Let's get the hell outta here." For the first time since I've lost Beth, I feel like I can almost breathe. I'll finally be whole again once I find her.


	21. Chapter 21

The screamin's been goin' on for so long that I panic when it stops. In the darkness, my senses are heightened. I think back to Daryl trainin' me on trackin', to pick up any changes 'round me. The silence is eerie, worst than the screams. I jump when I hear the door open, the lights flash above me.

"Wake up, Peach." Vic swings the door wide, he's covered in fresh blood today. There's a new man with him, shorter, not as wide. He looks at me like I'm a meal. I want to cry. I can only imagine what they were just doin' in the other room, what they plan on doin' with me.

Vic tosses a pan down to the floor, there's some more bread. I hesitate before takin' it. I know they plan on killin' me, why give me food an' water in the meantime? Unfortunately, my hunger wins over an' I pick it up. But the fear of what's to come keeps me from devourin' everything in a few bites. I look into their faces. They both smile at me.

"Afternoon, Peach. You sleep well?" It's a sick question. He has to know I can't sleep with everything goin' on 'round me. The screams come in intervals, they're always different. These men are killers, I can't begin to guess the tally. Every time that light comes on I'm afraid it's my turn to go. But they haven't killed me yet. I don't reply, just set my eyes to the floor. The new man is at my side when I look up, he's speakin' to Vic.

"Peach?"

"Yeah. She's a Georgia girl." Vic's friend looks down to me now. I look away.

"What's the matter? Don't you like the bread?" His voice is cool. I glance up. He has hair as blonde as my own an' green eyes. Like Travis, he also has a tattoo on his arm. This one's a grim reaper, an' that hints to the type of monster it belongs to. I tear off another piece of bread.

"That's a good girl. You gotta eat." He turns to Vic. "You weren't kidding, she's definitely the cutest one we've got." His eyes are back at me. "You sure are a pretty thing, Georgia. No wonder Travis can't shut up about you." They both start laughin'.

"Vic, why don't you leave me and Georgia alone for a little while? We should get to know each other better." His lips twist up, it reminds me of a snarlin' dog. My insides turn to ice. I don't want to be alone with any of them. But Vic just laughs. He's shakin' his head as he turns for the stairs.

Before he's outta earshot he says, "Better hope Trav doesn't find out what you're doing, Mitch. He'll rip your fucking face off and eat it raw." Then he's gone.

Mitch laughs, "Stupid fucking ass. Like I'm afraid of his little brother." His focus is on me again. "What's the matter, Georgia? Are you uncomfortable being alone with me?" He's too close to me, now; right in front of me, both of us on our knees. He sweeps the loose hair behind my ear, his hand lingerin' there. The touch makes my stomach turn. After a moment, his grip tightens 'round the back of my neck. I close my eyes, I can't look at him. I feel his breath in my face, it's warm an' smells like tobacco. The scent reminds me of Daryl an' I feel my eyes water behind my lids. His lips are at my cheek, now, the pressure of that contact holds me in place. A sigh escapes him an' I'm aware of the tears that have finally fallen down my face. His mouth is at my ear, his voice a deadly purr.

"Don't fight this, Georgia. It'll all be over soon." I let out a sob as he brings his other hand to my face, I clench my teeth together an' pray for it to stop. His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, his mouth is at my jaw. When he nips at my skin I don't even think as I push him off me. I can't let him do this. I'd rather he just killed me. He hadn't expected me to react, which explains why he's fallen back on his heel. He lets out a deep laugh, then hits me full force on the side of my head an' I fall over. My ears are ringin' from the trauma, so I don't hear the sounds of the man runnin' into the room. I look up to see Travis.

I watch as he throws the other man to the ground, as his foot connects with ribs, repeatedly. He picks the other guy up an' his fist connects with the jaw. Even through the ringin' in my ears, I can hear the telltale crack. The new guy is on the floor. He isn't movin'. Travis drops to my side.

"Jesus Christ, Beth! Are you alright?" His tattooed arm reaches out to me. I flinch away from him. I don't care what he just saved me from. He's just as bad as the guy unconscious on the ground.

"Hey, remember what I said? You don't have to be afraid of me. I don't want to hurt you." The door flies open an' Vic reappears.

"Travis? What the fuck? What happened to Mitch?" Travis doesn't answer his brother. He gets up an' walks back over to Mitch. I see his foot raise, an' just turn away when I hear the crunchin' of the man's skull. He stomps into him two more times, then shoves past his brother. Vic looks over at Mitch's body. When he looks at me, it's a mixture of fear an' rage.

"When you're gone, this place might be able to go back to fucking normal." His voice is a low growl, but the threat is there. He charges after Travis an' I hear the door slam. My head is throbbin' an' everything in the room is fuzzy. I try to stay awake, but I finally succumb to darkness.

* * *

The cigarette cherry glows brightly, I can feel it illuminating my face. I run my fingers over my knuckles. They're beaten to shit, skin torn and bloodied up. The memory of breaking his jaw comes back to me, I can still hear the crack. It was satisfying. I'm leaned back against the side of the armory now, eyes focused on the approaching figure. This should come as no surprise to me. I know what he wants.

"Trav, what the fuck was that all about?" Vic's eyes are reduced to slits, his glare pure venom. I can't help but let the little laugh escape my throat. Big ass fucking Vic, always trying to intimidate me. He gets in my face now. "I asked you a fucking question! What the fuck were you thinking back there?" My brother's such a fucking prick. I savor the look he gives me when I blow a smoke ring in his face. I don't have to answer him. He knows damn well that anything goes out here, what I did tonight wasn't exactly out of the ordinary given our current global situation.

"Alright, jackass. But if you won't explain that shit to me, you sure as hell better come up with a good reason when Mark gets back. I'm not covering for your ass this time." He spits on the ground at my feet and storms back off to patrol the fences. I tip the cigarette between my teeth. I know what I did would have consequences. I know there's a process that Mark likes to take with this shit. I just snapped, complete blackout. And for what? Over some little girl that won't be around much longer, anyways. But watching Mitch hit her like that was all it took to flip my switch.

I think about how that girl's made it this far. And she's fucking tough. She took that swing like a man, quite surprising since she's so fucking small. I hear the jeep pull up to the gate, Mark's back already. He's parked over by the entrance when he sees me. He comes up to me.

"There ain't shit out there, man. I looked all fucking day and couldn't find anything." He's pissed off, but what does he expect? We've scoured the same ten mile radius for weeks now. We're lucky to have gotten as much as we did. I take another drag of my cigarette as he speaks again. "You guys think about going back to the area where you found those two girls? Maybe there's more out there." He must be desperate. I can't imagine what the big deal is. We've got plenty.

"Vic went back that way yesterday. He didn't find shit out there. If we want more, we're gonna have to extend our perimeter." There's a gleam in his eye, he knows I'm fucking right.

"You know what? I'm fucking starving. Let's head over to the cafeteria. We can discuss shit there." I know I could eat something, too. All I had today was half a loaf of bread. I take one last, satisfying inhale of my smoke and flick it to the ground, grinding it into the dirt with the toe of my boot.

"Let's go."

When we get into the cafeteria, the smell of meat hits us as soon as we open the door, my mouth waters. We get up to Diana and she hands us both plates. I smile at the lady, she's got that maternal thing going on with all us guys. Always feeding us, washing our clothes and shit. It's nice to have her here. She returns my smile.

"Travis, you're all skin and bones, honey. Take another piece." She drops more on my plate and hands me a glass of water. "Thanks, Diana. You're too much." Mark grabs a bottle of wine and turns to her.

"So, was it a good haul? Do you think we have enough to last at least until we can regroup and find new places to search?" She looks right into his eyes, her face is warm and caring.

"I think you boys can all take a breather for at least a few days. We have plenty here. And those new people that came today will add more. The Asian man and his group of eight was quite a surprise walking in here. But they got a warm welcome and they're camped out in the shelter, now." I had nearly forgotten about that group. They seemed pretty fucking relieved to make it here. It's always the desperate ones that come to us.

"I will say one thing, Mark. If you all can find somebody with a little more meat on their bones, we wouldn't have to keep these people around for days on end to feed them. The little girl on your plate right now was hardly enough to go around. I had to dig in the freezer and pull out that gentleman from last week just to add to the mix. I can't have my boys withering away in front of my eyes!" She gives us both a warm smile before heading back to the kitchen. Mark laughs and we make our way over to one of the little wooden tables. This place reminds me of my high school cafeteria: shitty wooden tables, cheap linoleum, cheaper wallpaper. Fucking nostalgia.

"Hey, good thing we've got that little blonde girl eating, right? I heard Vic calls her Peach. I sure as shit hope she's sweet as a peach." He winks at me and my insides feel like there's a snake slithering around. I can't meet his gaze.

"So, where the fuck is Mitch? Usually he's out by the gate keeping patrol."

Fuck.


	22. Chapter 22

"Are we there yet?"

"Jesus Christ, you ain't one of those kids, are you?" Carl smiles at me, I nudge his shoulder. He's a tough kid. The shit he's seen, the shit he's had to do? How many kids have to shoot their own mom in the fuckin' head?

"We can always play I Spy. It'll pass the time. Winner gets the last candy bar. What do you say, Carl?" Carl just laughs at her, tells her it ain't much of a game when everything looks the same out here. She told him he was too afraid she'd get that candy. I have to admire her; Michonne gets the kid. They've been teasin' an' laughin' this whole damn trip. It's obvious the effect she has on him.

Rick slacks back to be at my side. I can tell he wants to talk to me 'bout somethin'. Somethin' he don't wanna say in front of Carl. Michonne looks back an' picks up the mood. She tells Carl to race her to the next sign right up ahead. They take off an' I look to Rick.

"What's up?" He looks ahead at his boy, then faces me.

"Daryl, I've been meanin' to ask you. What do you know of the others? Did you see anybody take off a certain way?" I had really hoped we wouldn't fuckin' get to this yet. I don't even know what the fuck to say.

"I didn't see which way our people headed. I saw Beth an' took her with me. That's all I know." Rick is silent for a minute, probably lettin' it sink in that Beth was with me, now she ain't. I don't want to face that right now.

"Beth didn't make it." He ain't askin' me a question. The words leave a devastation in my mind. But he already knows what it's like . Why should he ask? What are the odds out here? A sweet girl with a fuckin' redneck bastard out in the middle of a world fulla walkers an' psychopaths. Despite all our hopin' an' dreamin', the odds were against us all along. I wipe at my eyes. For some reason, maybe 'cause I trust him, I decide to tell Rick what happened. Just the need-to-know. Shit, how do I even begin to explain my fallin' in love with the farmer's daughter? The farmer we watched get beheaded.

"An' so that's how I ended up with that band of assholes. I chased that damn car all the way to the crossroads. They came up on me. It was do or die, so I stuck with them. But I wanted to get away. I've been thinkin' 'bout nothin' else 'cept lookin' for that damn car. Least, 'til I came 'cross y'all." Rick has been listenin' patiently, he never interrupted me or shown no emotion. When my eyes finally meet his, I see understandin'. If anybody knows how I feel right now, it's him. He went through this just months ago when Lori died. I don't know why, but I still can't bring myself to open that much up to him.

"You did what you had to do to survive. Nobody blames you for that, Daryl." Just as I thought: understandin'. We're gettin' closer to the next sign, Michonne an' Carl are gapin' at it. When we get to them I see what stopped them. Painted on a wall just past the usual Terminus sign was a message.

**Glenn go to Terminus **

**Maggie **

**Bob Sasha**

"Holy shit." It's all I can say. When Rick reads it he starts laughin'. I'd almost laugh myself if I really wanted to. What're the odds that these could be different people? This was a part of our group. Maggie, Sasha an' Bob are together. But where's Glenn? It's obvious that we have to keep goin'. Carl seems excited.

"Can you believe that? It's like we were supposed to all run in to each other the way we did. Michonne found us, we found Daryl, an' now this. We're gonna see everybody once we get to that place."

"Hey, man. If I remember it was me findin' y'all."

We walk a few more miles by the time the sun sets. We decide to rest for the night an' build our strength to head out again tomorrow. I tell them I got first watch. Nobody argues an', before long, they're all out. I'm sittin' back against a tree now, just outta reach of the track where the others sleep. For the first time in days, I feel the smallest bit of hope. We know that others are headed this way. When we get to them, I can get some of us together to find Beth. I refuse to give up on her. I think of her sister, that she's still alive out there. It reminds me of the nights where Beth would say Maggie's name in her sleep. I can only imagine what she woulda felt if she was here with us now. She woulda seen that sign an' told me that it was all hopes an' dreams. I imagine that smile when she would see her proof of her sister still out here. I'm the type of person that would think how long ago it was done was equivalent to the chances of them still bein' alive. Beth would see it as some sign that the world ain't entirely a bad place. Her optimism was refreshin'.

I look over at the other three an' I can't help but have that optimism touch me. The four of us are alive, an' there's a damn good chance at least three others are. Four. Four others; I ain't rulin' out Beth. I won't rule her out. My thoughts are all fucked up. I'm torn between the me that only follows hard facts an' the me that wants to have some hope. I realize that the fight is really between who I used to be an' who I am now. I was the man who never once believed in all that hopin' an' prayin'. If somethin' needed to be done, do it for yourself. Then I let that girl in. She showed me that it was alright to hope for a light at the end of a tunnel. Sometimes you need some of that damn hope just to get you to see the hard facts more clearly. I'm a changed man because of the people I've come to call family. It took Beth to open my eyes to the transformation.

_"You gotta stay_ _who you are, not who you used to be." _

I see Rick shift as he sits up. He comes over to relieve me. I take my place next to Carl an' Michonne, my eyes close soon's I lay my head down. I dream 'bout a pretty girl with big, blue eyes an' a heart of gold.

We grab our bags an' weapons the minute we get up. The conversation is light. I figure we're all just fuckin' nervous 'bout what we will an' wont find at this fuckin' place. It only takes 'bout half the day to get there, the sun is high in the sky. Terminus is painted 'cross the windows of the building we're facin'. We've made it. This is the place that has been a small bubble of hope at the backs of our minds. We walk up to the gate an' are greeted by a younger guy. I catch sight of the tribal tattoo on his arm as he pulls the gate open.

"Welcome to Terminus. I'm Travis." There's something in his eyes that alerts me, a small feelin' in my gut that don't sit right. But Rick takes his hand in a firm shake, and they all don't seem to pick anything up. Maybe I imagined it. But I quickly scan the area to see what we've walked into. There's buildin's all over. They have a full lot of vehicles. I notice two more men standin' at opposite ends of this fence. I can't shake the feelin' that something's off. But I chalk it up to not bein' 'round a place like this since the prison.

"Come on inside. I'll give you the tour. If you plan on staying, however, those weapons will have to be kept in the armory." They want our weapons? An' they have an armory. I don't know if that's comfortin' or suspicious, but I follow them in, anyways. We walk a little deeper in when Carl suddenly stops in front of me, I nearly knock him down. I follow his gaze to see what the fuck's goin' on. When my eyes catch it, it's the second time in two days I've felt my damn feet lock to the ground. They've seen us, too, an' now they're runnin' to us.

Maggie, Glenn, Sasha an' Bob.

Rick runs to meet them an' throws his arms 'round Maggie. He moves down the line. Takes in Glenn with a one armed hug, claps his hand on Bob's shoulder an' moves on to hug Sasha. It dawns on me that this is real. They're here. It ain't everybody, but it's more of us than we had an hour ago. An' I'll fuckin' take it. We all stand together now, talkin' 'bout who found who, how we've all made it here.

Maggie's cryin' she's so damned happy. I can't make eye contact with her. How can I tell her that her sister was taken 'cause of me? I feel her hand on my forearm an' I look to her face. Her eyes are all shined over with tears an' it's almost too much to look at. She pulls me into a tight embrace, for a moment I tense up. But this is Maggie, an' she ain't ever been one for boundaries an' personal space. She speaks gently in my ear.

"I'm so glad you're alive. I'm glad you found them. You're our family, too, Daryl."

Jesus Christ, I can't take this. What's she gonna say when I tell her 'bout Beth? I hear someone clear their throat an' Maggie lets go of me. I look behind our people to see four more. Two girls, some military lookin' fucker an' some jackass with a mullet. This place is just a regular fuckin' meltin' pot. Glenn speaks now.

"These guys are with us," he points to each as he introduces the new people. "That's Abraham, Eugene, Rosita and Tara. None of us would be standing here if it wasn't for them." Everybody is makin' nice with one another when I glance back over to that Travis guy. He don't seem too pleased that we all know each other, but he looks like he's tryin' to mask that.

What the fuck is this place?


	23. Chapter 23

It's almost like it used to be. We're all sittin' in this apartment an' it all feels familiar. We had been given some bread an' water. Travis had taken all our weapons, our ammo, everything, an' locked it up in their armory. He brought us back to this buildin' an' showed us where they had put Glenn an' the others. He told us we could sort out our own spaces, but nobody wanted to be alone tonight.

"I can't believe we're all together again," Maggie looks 'round the room before continuing. "Well, almost all of us." At that moment, the room goes quiet. But the silence seems fittin', a final respect to the people we've lost. Everybody else is gathered by that old ass fireplace while I sit on the windowsill an' look 'round our new location. From here I have a direct view of the armory. I spot some of the men patrollin' the area. I can't help but question what they're patrollin' for in a fuckin' sanctuary.

The tour we were given today went through the armory, some mess hall, another apartment complex for permanent residents an' a head office where this Mark guy stays. He didn't speak much to us. I thought he might be hidin' somethin', but I couldn't be sure. I wasn't the only one who got a weird vibe off him, though. Even Rick said we should keep close watch on that one.

"You know, rationally speakin', the odds are astronomical that y'all found each other out there." That mullet fella never fuckin' lets up. I swear to God above that guy has no fuckin' off switch. I know I didn't give him the warmest welcome earlier. The first thing he did was look at my bow an' ask me some shit 'bout shootin' practice. I told him to run out 'bout thirty yards so's I could practice long range. I was twenty feet ahead of him by the time he stopped gazin' at me blankly an' he had put together what I said. Fuckin' idiot.

"Our group is strong. I told you all along that we'd find each other. I wish it'd been sooner, but I never doubted we would." You have to admire Glenn's confidence sometimes. He told me 'bout goin' down that dark ass tunnel lookin' for Maggie. I said it before an' I'd say it again, he's a tough bastard. I decide to leave my perch an' sit with the group. I notice half of them are already sleepin'. Maggie lets out a heavy sigh, but it ain't 'cause she's tired.

"I know I should be thankful we're all together, an' really, I am." She looks into our faces. "But I wish there were more of us here." We know what she means. We've lost so many along the way, family an' friends. To me, there was no line. These people were my friends an' my family. I think back to how I used to be. I wanted nothin' to do with the whole lot of them. Rick took me in as a fuckin' brother. He trusted me an' eventually that trust grew with the reliability the others placed on me. I was part of our council, I had a voice in all matters an' these people listened to me. I sit back against the couch, Carl snorin' above me, an' I consider what all it was I really lost.

I'm stuck in my mind for a while, ignorin' everything 'round me. Hell, I dunno how long I sat there. One minute I'm thinkin' 'bout how this world got worst an' I got better, the next thing I know Maggie's hand is on my shoulder. I'm immediately pulled outta my thoughts at the contact. She motions for us to move over by the window an' I realize we're the only two awake. We make our way over quietly, steppin' between the ones sleepin' on the floor. I nod to her, promptin' her to tell me what's on her mind. Her voice is a whisper, but I hear her perfectly clear.

"Daryl, Rick told me. 'Bout you. An' 'bout Beth." Son of a bitch. I wasn't ready for this. I was just thinkin' 'bout how to approach the others on the topic of a search party when she pulled me over here. I can't hide the irritation in my voice.

"'Course he did." She doesn't look hurt at my rough tone. Maggie's seen all sorta sides of me. She don't scare off too easily, an' I think it must be a family trait.

"Don't be like that. He told me how you chased after that car for miles. I need to know, do you think there's a chance she's still alive?" She has my full attention now. I hold her gaze. She continues before I can say anything. "I just need to know, Daryl. I already lost my dad, my family at the farm. I need to know if there's even a faint chance she's still out there." There's so much hurt in those eyes, I can feel my own pain clawin' away at me. I know exactly how she feels. This is what I wanted all along. If anybody will help me find her, it's Maggie.

"I think there's a damn good chance she's still out there. I've been meanin' to get a sorta search party goin'. Soon's possible." There's a determination 'bout her face now, just another thing those Greene girls share.

"I'm in. Glenn will be, too. I'm almost positive Rick an' Michonne would be more than willin'. The others can stay back an' get us better situated in this place." I don't know how to tell her that I'm not comfortable here. I just can't bring myself to trust this place or these people.

"What's that look for?" This is the problem with lettin' people in. They know when there's a change in your thoughts 'cause you so fuckin' clearly show it on your face. But I need to be honest with her. She might think I'm crazy, but it weren't too long ago that Maggie stood by my gut feelin's.

"I don't know 'bout this place. Why call it a sanctuary when you have armed patrol an' a stockpile of weapons? There ain't no point in sayin' it's an open door for everyone when you keep it locked down so damn tight." She looks like she's considerin' what I'm sayin', so I go on. "At first I thought it all had to do with safety, but that don't make sense. What's there to guard against anymore? You heard that Travis guy earlier. They almost lost hope in anyone bein' out there. They were shocked to see us. An' he didn't look all too happy seein' that the whole group of us knew each other. I can't shake the feelin' that these walls aren't for protectin' us. I think they're for keepin' us in. Remember Woodbury?" I can see her eyes glaze over at the memory of that godforsaken place. I know she remembers. The fuckin' Governor saw to it she'd never soon forget that place.

"What does Rick think?"

"He got the same strange feelin' 'bout that Mark we met earlier. Like the guy's hidin' somethin' from us. What if he is? How do we know this place is as safe as they claim?" She seems to really think it over.

"Alright. We need to talk 'bout this to the others. I trust you an' Rick. If y'all say this place is off, I believe you. Let's try to get some sleep. We're gonna have a lot to discuss with the group tomorrow." I tell her to go ahead. I look out the window again to see a few men gathered a few yards away from the buildin' we're in. Even when I lay down to sleep, I can't stop the thoughts swarmin' through my head.

* * *

"Well, we weren't planning on staying here long anyways. I already told the others that we would come here to stay only for a few days." Abraham don't seem too concerned with our feelin's on the matter. Ever since he told us last night 'bout his mission with Eugene an' Rosita, I'm surprised they were even still here when we woke up. But they seem to have bonded with Glenn an' the others. I have to trust them, too.

"We aren't leavin' 'til we at least try to find my sister. You heard Daryl. He thinks there's a good chance she's out there. We need to find her, an' it'll be a lot easier in numbers." Maggie an' I have already recruited Rick, Glenn an' Michonne to search for Beth. Now that our feelin's 'bout this place are out in the open, Bob, Sasha an' Tara have agreed to keep their eyes on it.

"Well, we can't just leave them to find that girl on their own, Abraham. A few more days won't hurt. I don't want nobody bein' left out on'a count of me." Eugene may be an idiot, but he's got a good heart. An' Abraham follows him without question, Rosita's the same. Looks like we got a good team goin'.


	24. Chapter 24

"What's that building back over there?" Abraham is a no bullshit kinda guy, I'm learnin' that now. If somethin' catches his eye, he calls it out. I can respect that. Travis came to get us to go down to the mess hall an' eat. There's a buildin' just to the side of it, if you ain't lookin' for it, you'd miss it. It's beaten to hell, looks like some kinda barn. I see Travis ain't all that thrilled that it's been noticed.

"That? It's where we keep our sick, like an infirmary. It's quarantined off, so it isn't something I can just parade you through." He seems to wanna brush off the subject, starts talkin' 'bout the chances of rain an' how good it'd be for their crops out back. If there's one thing Merle always told me, it's never trust a person who brings up the weather that ain't no weather man. Merle said it's the best way to spot a liar. Or a person tryin' to hide somethin'.

"Y'all got a lotta sick 'round here? That's a big ass buildin' to only hold your quarantined." He stops walkin' an' turns to face me. There's a cold look to his eyes, that off-feelin' I been gettin' comes back to me. I know this guy's hidin' somethin' from us. If it were only a quarantine, why not at least point out that it's there?

"Every now and then someone gets sick. It's practical to have a place of refuge for them. We use that building to store all of our medical equipment, as well. That's why it seems so big." It's obvious he's closin' the topic. I know we're gonna try to get a better look into that buildin'. Place of refuge, my ass.

We're sittin' 'round two tables, our plates piled with bread, cups fulla water. Travis has been explainin' the fence lines to us, sayin' we need permission to step outta those gates. I ain't the only one uncomfortable with that. Maggie's the first to speak up.

"Well, we have others to look for. We can't just sit 'round here hopin' they make it to this place on their own." Travis smiles at her, I don't like it.

"Tell us what they look like, sweetheart. We have a team that goes out frequently for drifters. We find them, we'll bring them back." Now Rick speaks.

"With all due respect, Travis, we fend for our own. We've already decided who goes on the search and who stays back. We know one of ours is still out there, we just have to set out to find her."

"Her?" I don't know why it bothers me that he cares that it's a man or woman we search for. For all I fuckin' know, he's concerned we're out lookin' for someone's fuckin' grandma. But I lock eyes with him an' I make it crystal clear that we ain't fuckin' playin' 'round.

"Yeah. A girl. Curly blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin. She's 'bout 5'4, 110 lbs soakin' wet. She was last wearin' a yellow shirt, jeans an' boots. Hair up in a ponytail. Her name's Beth. You see her?" There's a slight flicker behind those dark eyes. Maybe nobody else sees it, but I do.

"Well, we can keep our eyes open for her on our trips. We'll let you know what we come up with." He's pretty fuckin' stupid to think I'm gonna trust him to find Beth.

"You deaf? We already said we're goin' to look for her. We don't need no permission from anybody, no chaperones either." Rick is quick to take my side.

"If it's all the same to you, Travis, we're going to look for her ourselves. She won't come to a stranger. We'll take our weapons and head out. If y'all don't want us back, we understand. But we do for our own." Rick's gaze is firm. Travis looks 'round our group, eyes nervously sweepin' from face to face.

"Look, we're getting off to a bad start here. You guys aren't our prisoners. You can leave whenever you want. But we have a certain way of doing things around here. It's kept us alive this far. I get that you guys have some honor code, some 'no man left behind' thing going on. I respect that. But our roost, our rules. We can't let you guys go out and risk it all for some little lost girl." I'm on my feet, muscles tensed. The insinuation that Beth is just some stupid girl that ain't worth the risk has my vision blurrin'. I'm fuckin' pissed. Dumb son of a bitch.

"Beth ain't just some little lost girl, jackass. She's our family." I'm right in his face, sizin' him up. I only barely feel Maggie's hand on my forearm. She speaks directly to Travis.

"You have to understand. That's my little sister out there. She's the only blood I've got left. Daryl says he's sure she's still alive. We have to at least try." When she said my name, I caught his features somewhat slide. His sight twitched in my direction. I can't make out if he's sizin' me up now. He's quiet for a moment, an' only addressin' Maggie when he talks.

"Look, sweetheart, I'll bring it up to Mark. I'll see what we can do for you guys. I'll leave you to your meal." An' then he's gone. Aside from the quiet little woman by the kitchen, we're all alone. Abraham breaks the silence.

"We have to leave this place. I'm almost positive we won't be handed back our damn weapons with a charming little take-home package." He's right. They have no intention of lettin' us go. I look over to Rick.

"I say we raid that armory. Get our shit back. We can't stay here. This place ain't what we thought it was." He nods, he knows deep down I'm right. Glenn makes a comment 'bout how we sneak in. I'm starin' out the window at that little infirmary. Abraham picks up on what I'm thinkin'.

"We don't really believe that's a place for the weak and downtrodden, do we?" He's startin' to grow on me. "We need to get in there and check it out. Maybe there's at least some supplies we can raid."

Sasha stands, Bob an' Tara at her side. "We're gonna head back to the apartment. Pack our things, so we can be ready when the time comes. C'mon, Carl. We can use the muscle." The four of them head out while the rest of us lean in closer.

"I think we should split in two teams. One gets our weapons, one scopes the infirmary. If we split the work between six of us, two in each group can go through the buildin's, one stands watch at each post." I've never been one to serve out orders, but I just followed my gut.

It's decided then who was doin' what. Rick, Glenn an' Maggie were on weapon duty. Me, Michonne an' Abraham were on infirmary duty. Rosita an' Eugene would go back to stay with Tara an' Carl. They'll be watchin' by the window to keep an eye on us from above. We'll have Bob an' Sasha patrol the areas, causin' a distraction if needed.

"We all have jobs to do, let's get 'em done an' go find Beth." Maggie is optimistic. I'm catchin' on to the fact that the sisters have an awful lot in common. An' the hope spreads like wildfire. We're gonna tear outta here an' find my girl.

* * *

Fuck. Of all the people we take, my brother grabs one that has a small army out searching for her. I'm pacing outside of her door, waiting for Vic to get his ass down here. His boots thud on the steps behind me.

"What's the matter, Trav? You've been acting weird all day." I don't know how to handle this problem, but I decide blunt honestly is the best method.

"That big group that's here now, twelve of them, they're looking for a girl." He laughs at me, cutting me off.

"So? Ain't we all?" His smile pisses me off. He doesn't understand the severity of the matter at hand, so I go on.

"They're looking for that girl." I point to the door leading to Beth. The smile is completely wiped from his face.

"How the fuck do you know that, Travis?"

"They were talking about it this morning. They want to go look for her. They haven't got a clue she's in that room. Don't even know the room exists." The smile returns to his face.

"Well, as far as they're concerned, she's as good as dead. I don't see the problem here, Trav."

"Her friend is with them. The one you took her from. The one who chased you for miles all the way to that crossroad. Daryl." Not only is his smile gone, but it took the color of his face with it.

"We'll send them on a cold trail. Take her shirt and toss it out in the woods somewhere. Rip it up so it looks like one of the biters got her." It's a good idea. They want to search for her anyways. May as well send them out on a false lead. Vic and I head back upstairs, leaving the discussion at the door.


	25. Chapter 25

**First, I'd like to thank everybody who's been following my story. Thank you for your support, reviews and your kind words. Now, who's as excited as I am for the finale, tonight?! Definitely on edge here! Hope you all enjoy! :)**

* * *

Michonne an' I are outside gettin' ready to go out lookin' for Beth. I've got a cigarette between my lips, grateful to have found a pack in that apartment. The rest of the group's still in the mess hall. Michonne just starts talkin' to me 'bout our plan of action when we see Travis an' some other guy come up to us, somethin' in Travis' hand.

"Hey, I'm glad I caught you guys before you all headed out. I think we might have found something you'll be interested in." He hands the item to me, folded up. I hold it out, let it unfold, an' instantly feel like I'm gonna throw up. It's a yellow shirt that's ripped up an' stained in blood. I ain't stupid enough to believe in coincidences, I know it's the one Beth had been wearin'. What I don't know is where they found it.

"Does it look familiar to either of you?" The other guy's speakin', his voice sharp. Michonne glances from the rags to me. I nod.

"Where'd you find this?" I catch them sharin' a look before they respond.

"My brother, Vic here, found it about four miles south. He says it was just laying on the ground." I have the evidence in my hand, but somethin' still doesn't feel right. "I'm sorry about your friend. From the looks of it, the biters probably got her. You have our condolences."

"This all you find? Nothin' else? Body, blood, nothin'? That don't mean much more to me than tellin' me the direction we need to head in." I take a drag of the cigarette an' tuck the shirt in my bag. I don't need Maggie seein' it.

"You can't be serious? Didn't you hear what Travis said? I'm positive she's dead. Look at that thing! It isn't like she'd be running around in the wild throwing her clothes on the ground!" I can already tell I don't like Vic. My temper gets the best of me. I step up to him, look him over an' blow a large cloud of smoke right in his damn face. He makes to lunge at me, but his brother holds him back.

"You know what, Vic? Fuck it. Let these idiots make their little suicide run. You guys have a nice trip." They walk away an' I just barely make out Vic callin' me an asshole. I look to Michonne.

"We're still goin' out for her. What they said don't mean shit to me." She only nods, eyes focused on the two men. We watch as the couple of guards at the front jump in a jeep an' take off on their own search mission. That's when I realize, it's now or never to break into those buildin's. half their muscle just left. I tell Michonne what we need to do, an' explain it to the others when they come out.

"They all really just left like that? That's odd." Glenn's throwin' on his pack, lookin' over to where the men had just taken off. I tell them that it was at least four or five of them. Rick agrees with me that it's now or never. So our plan is put into motion. Carl, Tara, Rosita an' Eugene head up to the apartment, makin' sure our shit's packed an' watchin' for us out the window. When they're signaled, they'll grab our gear an' run out to meet us. Sasha an' Bob take opposite directions an' look 'round for any sign of trouble. Rick, Maggie an' Glenn head off to break in the armory where Maggie will keep watch.

That just leaves me, Michonne an' Abraham. Michonne stands at the door after Abraham an' I work our way in the infirmary. Normally, I'd take her but somethin' tells me I may need his muscle. We set to look through all the cabinets an' closets, Abraham stuffin' his bag with supplies. I notice there ain't more than six or seven cots in the place. Not much preparation for a quarantine.

"What the hell is that?" I spin 'round to see what caught his attention. Back against the far wall is some sorta chest. It's large, the two doors on the front have steel handle bars. I walk towards it an' I'm confused why it's in here. What would you need a freezer for in an infirmary?

"It's a freezer. You hear that? It's plugged in an' runnin' off a generator. Why put a big ass freezer in here?" Abraham stands next to me now. He scratches the back of his head. Even he can't work it out.

"There's only one way to find out, brother." We each take a handle an' pull. What we find's enough to bring a grown man to his knees: Body parts.

"Holy shit. Do they stock up walker parts? Why the fuck would they do that?" His voice is thick with disgust. I reach in an' pull out an arm, severed at the shoulder, hand still in tact. It has a grim reaper tattoo on the forearm. Lookin' over it more closely I feel worst than I did when we opened the fuckin' thing.

"These ain't walker parts. They belonged to the livin'." I toss the arm back in an' we closed up the freezer. Lookin' 'round I notice a door in the back. I go to open it but it's locked. Why only lock this door? I turn to Abraham for some help only to see him headin' for the exit.

"Where do you think you're goin'?" He spins on the spot, his face pale.

"Why do you think they keep fucking body parts? I doubt they've got some Frankenstein monster walking through here. We need to get our people out." I put two an' two together: Cannibals. I head to the door with him. Michonne's waitin' outside, she seems surprised to see us.

"That was fast. Dead end?"

"You have no fucking idea." Abraham tells her what happened. I glance over the lot, decidin' we can't wait. I run towards the armory. I turn the corner for the door when somethin' catches my eye in the group of vehicles an' run over there. It's the first time I'm seein' it, an' I almost thought I imagined it. I run my hand 'cross the trunk of the black car, brush over the white cross on the back windshield. I hear people runnin' behind me an' turn to see all of them starin' at me, even Carl an' them are here. Michonne musta signaled them.

"Daryl, what're you thinking? Take a car? Do they all have gas?" Rick is tryin' to look through the tinted windows of the car. My voice is a lot calmer than I expected when I speak.

"They took her." Rick stops tryin' at the door handles an' steps up to me.

"What?" I've got everybody's attention now.

"This is the car that I chased for miles. I'll never forget what it looked like. These people took Beth." My speakin' is too calm, too even. It almost doesn't sound like me. My mind's racin' with puttin' all the pieces together. From what seems like miles away, I hear Maggie gasp. I distantly hear her ask where they'd keep Beth. My mind is on a clear course now. Everything adds up, an' I know where she is.

I grab my bow from Glenn an' take off back to the infirmary. I know they're behind me. I kick open the door an' they flood in 'round me. Abraham points to the freezer. "That's where they keep body parts." There's gasps an' sounds of disgust amongst the group. I hear Maggie sob.

"Wait, what? Like they collect them?" Glenn's voice is broken, he's tryin' to calm his girl. Abraham explains our cannibal theory. Maggie falls to her knees. I can't be 'round this. There ain't no way Beth is in that fuckin' freezer. I run over to the locked door in the back an' kick it in. I'm lookin' down a dark stairway. I don't even hesitate, I take it two steps at a time. Wherever I am, it's got overhead motion sensor lights. They flash on like fallin' dominoes, slowly flickin' one after the other. It's a hallway with 'bout seven doors. I run the line an' kick the first door. It won't open.

"Down here! Down the stairs!" Rick is the first one down, gun raised. Abraham's on his heels. I turn to them an' nod at the door.

"I can't kick this one down. Help me." Rick an' I shove full force, shoulders smashin' into the wood. It's a sturdy fuckin' door. We go to charge it again but Abraham tells us to step back. He fires his AR at the handle an' the door slowly opens. It's an empty room. The next couple are also empty, but they're bloody as hell. Jesus Christ, this must be where they hack people up. I step in front of the last door, an' I'm absolutely terrified at what I might find behind it. The whole group is down here now, weapons at the ready. I don't know what makes me do it, but I call out her name.

"Beth!"

I don't hear anything. My heart's beatin' fast. The only sound I can make out is Maggie cryin' behind me. I feel so broken, so lost. They've killed her. She's gone. It's all my fault. She was here this whole fuckin' time an' we been up there playin' fuckin' house. I think 'bout how scared she had to be, all by herself. An ache rolls through me as I wonder if it was painless, if it was quick. I don't even know if I wanna see what's behind that door.

_ "Daryl?" _

It's so quiet, so weak. But I'd pick out that voice from miles away. For the first time since I lost her, I can feel my body kick back to life, my lungs are able to expand fully, my heart thumps powerfully in me. Time stands still.

"She's in there."

* * *

_A/N: Sorry to leave it there, but I have a lot going into where it goes from here. Hope you liked it!_


	26. Chapter 26

I'm deaf to the sound of the gunfire now. All I can hear is my own breathin' an' my heart pumpin'. The door slowly opens but it's pitch black.

"Beth?" My voice is weak. My hand slaps the wall for a switch. When I find it, the lights are blindin'. But there she is, layin' on a pile of dirty rags at the other side of the room. I can make out her hair from here. I don't see anything else in that room, it's a tunnel vision focused on her form. Maggie calls out to her now, an' I see her body move slightly. It's all I need.

My feet are actin' on pure instinct, survival. My mind tells my body to move forward, towards the one thing that's kept me goin' this far. I fall next to her an' I fight back tears as I look down. What the fuck did they do to her?

One side of her face brandishes a fadin' splash of purple an' yellow. There's swellin' an' a cut's right above her eye. The shirt they gave me was clearly ripped off her back. She's in a fetal position, huggin' herself tight to keep warm. All she has on is her bra an' jeans. The pale flesh of her torso is interrupted with bruises that match her face. I feel the first tears fall from my skin, hittin' the cement. Her face turns to me, eyes dull.

"Daryl?" My fuckin' heart breaks at how little her voice is. But she tries to smile up at me. I don't even think, I just act on instinct as my hand reaches down to brush the hair away from her face. My thumb hovers over the bruisin'.

"Hey, sweetheart. It's ok, I'm here now." I look up to see the group standin' 'round us. Their expressions swirl together in a blur: Relief, pity, anger. Maggie is at my side now, her hand replacin' mine on Beth's face.

"Oh, Beth. What the hell did those monsters do to you?" I stand up an' pull off my vest, take off my shirt.

"Sit her up, Maggie. Put this on her."

Glenn's with us now, he helps to prop her up. I hand Maggie my shirt an' she starts dressin' her as I put my vest back on. I see Tara runnin' in the room, I didn't even know she'd left.

"You guys, we need to speed this up. Those assholes just pulled in through the gates."

"It'll only be a matter of time before they realize we aren't up there, and then they'll see the door to here broken down. We stay here, it'll be like shootin' fish in a barrel." Abraham's right. We can't stay down here. I look back down to Beth, my hand cuppin' her unmarked cheek, her eyes are closed again. Rick's voice rings through the room.

"Everybody load up! Keep your weapons at the ready and do not hesitate to open fire!" I hear the changin' of clips, a murmur of strategies. But my bow is hung at my back, hands on my knees. Beth is out again, whether from hunger, dehydration or her injuries. The sight is torture. Maggie squeezes my arm.

"Daryl, help me lift her up. I'll throw her arm 'round my neck an' carry her up that way." My hands slide under Beth's side, but I don't shift her off to Maggie. I fall into step with what now came natural to me. I pull her up to my chest, hold her tight against my heart. A brief look of surprise flashes 'cross Maggie's face, but she's quick to put it away. I nod in the direction of the door, motionin' for her to lead.

Climbin' up those steps was hard, but I'd climb a thousand more to make sure she's safe. When I make it up to the others, I see a young guy on the ground with a blade handle stickin' outta his ear. Rick goes to pull it out.

"This one was already in here looking around." His voice is quieter than before. Abraham comes up to me an' says he'll take Beth so I can load up my bow an' help lead them out. But I'm not 'bout to put her down. I step away from him, shake my head. Rick gives the count after searchin' through the cracks in the window, an' everybody runs out, Maggie an' me in the back.

Gunshots echo through the perimeter, firin' from both sides. Bob an' Sasha make it to the gates, takin' out the two that were waitin' for us there. I see Carl shoot a man over by the jeep they took out, right through the chest. Blood sprayed from his back. Maggie fires rounds into three men chargin' us. That's when I see those two fuckin' brothers. The ones who lied to me 'bout Beth. The ones who kept her down there. My eyes start to go hazy, anger coursin' through my veins.

"Take her." They're the only words I can get out. I set Beth down an' prop her against Maggie's side. Her eyes flutter open, an' she looks right at me. I don't have time, I have to kill them both before they can get away. I swing the bow 'round my front an' the shot pierces an older man through the throat. Once he drops, I step on his chest an' pull the bolt out. It's a satisfyin' sound hearin' it tear through muscle an' flesh. The brothers are right in front of me. The older one raises his hands, but I'm too far gone. The bolt hits him between the eyes an' he falls at his brother's feet. I pull out my gun an' approach Travis. His own gun is at his feet an' he drops to his knees. I look down into those black eyes, switch the safety an' cock back.

"Daryl, stop!" If it was any other voice, I would've ignored it an' blew the bastard's skull out, castin' his brain matter over the dust. My finger is painfully frozen at the trigger. I look over my shoulder an' see her, leanin' on her sister, her dirty face streaked with tears. Her eyes hold mine.

"Daryl, please. Don't do this! Don't lose yourself to this." Her words sound so weak, but hold me firmly in place. Maggie tells me that the others have cleared the lot. Travis is all that's left an' we can move out. They're all standin' at the gate, all eyes on me. Even if I can't pull the trigger, I can't just leave him, either. I can feel the rage rollin' down my muscles, the ice has come back to my chest full force. But the fire in her eyes is back. I can feel the ice meltin' away, pieces fragment an slide down to my stomach as I look back in the eyes of the man I put on his knees.

"Please, I didn't hurt her. I kept her alive! They wanted to kill her when we first got her here, I wouldn't let them! I saved her from one of our other men who tried to rape her!" At those last words, the haze completely falls over me. I put my finger back on the trigger. But the look she had given me is burned in my memory. It wasn't fear. It was concern for me. For my own well being. She's back to guardin' my heart. Her words ricochet in my skull.

_ "Don't lose yourself to this." _

I lower my gun. Relief washes over his face just before I fire two rounds, one in each of his knees. His screams fill the air as he falls on his side. I run back to the girls an' pick up Beth in one smooth motion, her arms fold 'round my neck. I look over to Maggie an' tell her we should go. Runnin' past Travis, I hear him yell at us not to leave him. Fuck him. Far's I'm concerned, I was merciful. We meet the others at the gate. Nobody says anything more, we just run off into the woods.

* * *

The others have started a fire an' we set up our camp. I'm wipin' down my arrows when I see her come out of the tent, she'd been sleepin' since we first broke ground. She'd been swept away from me by the others, all glad to see her alive. But there she is. Leaned up against that tree, hair fallin' past her shoulders, face glowin' in the light of the fire, she meets my eyes. My heart jumps at the sight of her. A ghost of the smile I love starts to play at her lips. It's all I can take. I look 'round to make sure everybody else ain't payin' no mind, then I make my way over to her.

"How you feelin'?"

"I'm alright, thanks to you." I can't help but smile at her. It wasn't me that saved her. The whole group worked together to get her out of there. I put my eyes to the ground.

"After all we've been through an' you still can't stand to look me in the eyes, Daryl Dixon?" So I do look into them an' her face is set. The fire burns so brightly there, I'm helplessly drawn to her as I feel my insides blazin'. The look she gives me is the one that has kept me hopin', kept me goin' all this time. I remember the night where our moment was taken from us, when I knew what everything had meant an' I thought she felt the same. I can't run the risk of never havin' the chance again. I clear my throat.

"It was you." Her eyes are questionin', so I continue, "That night, when you asked me 'bout believin' in good people? You asked what changed my mind? It was you." I hadn't noticed she moved closer to me. An' I didn't flinch when she wrapped her arms 'round my back. The feelin' of her holdin' me together made me stronger. I knew I had to at least tell her what happened.I let out a heavy sigh an' place my hand on her back.

"This is all new to me, Beth. No matter how hard I fight you, you needa fight me back." She lifts her head away from my chest an' stares up at me.

It was like one of my dreams, when we're back in that kitchen. Only nothin' stopped it in my dreams, an' nothin's stoppin' it now. Beth's hands reached up to my cheeks. I closed my eyes at how warm they felt on my skin. Slowly, she pulled my face down to hers. I found it hard to breathe.

I opened my eyes then, I had to know this was real, that I wasn't wakin' up from a dream. I didn't wanna find myself starin' up at the trees or some moldy ceilin', where my heart would sink further into darkness. But my eyes met hers. We were only inches apart. I had to close the distance this time. My hand slid up her spine, wrapped 'round the back of her neck. My fingers tangled in her curls. I looked at her for a second, needin' to be sure this is what she wanted. When her face split into that smile it was all I needed.

My lips crashed into hers, rough against soft. I tried to be gentle, rememberin' her bruises. But she was takin' control now. Her hand reached to the back of my head an' pulled me tighter to her. Her lips moved quickly against mine, then. It was too much, an' I couldn't go slow anymore. I drew her bottom lip into my mouth, lightly sinkin' my teeth into it. She let out a sweet moan, an' I thought I was gonna lose my fuckin' mind when I felt her tongue brush over mine.

It took all my strength to pull away, to try to catch my breath. I couldn't help it, I let the smile take over my face. All this time I thought back to that night, how it would have been like if it actually happened. None of it even came close to this.

Maggie called over to her now; nobody had seen us. We could make this work. Tomorrow we leave for Washington we'll have time to figure everything out then. I turn to head back to my bow as she makes toward Maggie. She stops and touches my arm.

"I'll give you your shirt back tomorrow. Thank you for lettin' me cover up in it. That was very sweet of you." I laugh at her an' roll my eyes.

"You keep it. Looks better on you, anyways." The flush of her cheeks then was worth more than any fuckin' shirt I have.


	27. Chapter 27

"Beth, you feelin' alright? Your face is flushed." Maggie had me sit down next to her, offerin' me some bread that Sasha an' Bob had taken from that cafeteria. But I turned it away, not wantin' to stir the butterflies still in my stomach.

"Yeah, I feel better. Sleep definitely helped." That wasn't entirely a lie. I was still sore an' my head pounded every few minutes. I wasn't goin' to tell her why I was blushin'. I peeked over an' saw him starin' at me, one side of his mouth turned up. My heart jumped in my throat.

"Those bruises look awful. How's your head an' side?" My sister has always been one to peck away at me, like a nervous mother hen. But, given our recent struggles, I warm up to it. I know she only cares about me, an' you always worry over the things you care about.

"I'm okay, really. A little sore, but I'm better than I've been in days." Her eyes tear up, an' I remember what she's gone through over the last week or so. First, watchin' our dad get murdered, gettin' separated from Glenn, then not knowin' how she'd find me in that basement. I have to keep in mind that I wasn't the only one who suffered.

I tell her that I'm gonna go back to my tent an' rest some more. We head out to D.C. tomorrow so I'm gonna need to store up all my strength for the trip. I don't wanna be the one holdin' everyone back. I send Daryl one final look, a big, stupid grin plastered on my face. But he returns it with a real smile of his own an' the butterflies turn to eagles.

I think back to what happened between us tonight. He had told me that I was the reason he changed his mind about good people. The way his eyes shone as he talked about how I made such a difference. Then he actually told me that this was new to him. I feel lightheaded at the notion that he's doin' this for me. I'm not so sure he's ever had a girlfriend. I think about what Daryl would've been like to date before the turn. But I know he woulda never given me notice back then. I tuck that thought away.

An' then I think about his lips on mine. My skin heats up at the memory of that first kiss. I almost feel ridiculous. It ain't like that was my first kiss ever. I'd kissed Jimmy an' Zach. But this was different. Kissin' them for the first time was sweet an' slightly awkward. Daryl only hesitated for a moment before he made his move. An' that was the best kiss I've ever had, like he knew exactly what he was doin'. It wasn't a sweet, polite kiss. It felt like he depended on me to breathe, there was so much passion an' longin'. It was beautiful.

My head's spinnin' at the thought of what this means for us an' it makes me feel like a stupid teenager for wonderin' if it makes me his girlfriend. I have to remember that the two of us aren't like Maggie an' Glenn. I don't even know if we could have that if we tried. I sigh with the realization that a relationship with Daryl Dixon would never be a story book romance. If he even wanted a relationship.

I decide to stop overthinkin' things an' just go to sleep. I quickly realize that the things I had been overthinkin' were what protected me from what awaited me. Away to myself, the memories of my time locked away swarm through my mind like a thousand angry bees. The blood. The screams. I turn over to my side an' wince at the stabbin' in my ribs. My thoughts return to Vic's beatin'.

_It was after Travis killed Mitch. My head was still throbbin' from the way the man had hit me when I fought him off. The door swung open, but I couldn't turn to see who it was. Almost immediately after, I was bein' lifted off the ground an' he shook me violently. Terror erupted through my entire body when I looked into his face. Vic was the maddest I had seen him, yet. I remember his hand as it went back. The slap resonated in my skull. He threw me back on the cement an' stood over me. For a split second, I thought he was finished; that he'd leave me there. But that's when he went for my ribs. His foot had connected with my side so many times that I thought he'd broken one or more of my bones. I remember how hard it was to catch my breath, the awful pain I felt when I cried. I don't know how long it lasted, but when he finished he told me he wouldn't stop the next time; he'd kill me._

I open my eyes an' try to catch my breath. I wipe away my tears an' poke my head out of the tent flap. The fire's been put out an' everybody is sleepin'. There's only one way I'll be able to get sleep tonight. I can't be by myself.

Quietly as I can, I unzip the tent. He's completely passed out, layin' on his side. I pause for a moment, wonderin' what limits we have now. I push the idea deep back in my mind when I think of turnin' back to my own tent. I can't be alone. On hands an' knees, I crawl as quietly as I can to his side. I pull up the old sheet he uses as a blanket an' carefully tuck myself under. I feel mended already as I curl up next to him an' place my head on his arm.

"The hell?" He slurs as his eyes open. When he finally focuses on me his features soften.

"Hey. Couldn't sleep?" I shake my head. His arm wraps 'round me an' pulls me tightly to him. I think back to how much I wanted this before, to how I would lay on that cement an' imagine him there at my side. My protector. I feel his lips touch my forehead, when he speaks it's a rough whisper.

"S'okay, sweetheart." Sweetheart. My stomach twists in knots at the memory of Travis callin' me that. I start to pull away from Daryl, I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

"What is it?" His arm holds me still, but I try to break away. "Beth, stop. What's the matter?" Words can't begin to explain what is wrong with me. I should be thrilled to hear him call me an endearin' name. But the nightmare associated with that word tears me to pieces. He still won't let me go an' I begin to sob into his side. He lets me lay in his arms an' rubs my back as I cry. The roles have been reversed: The healer is broken an' the broken man tries to hold her together. As I drift to sleep I hear him whisper.

"S'okay, Beth. I'm here." An' it was okay.

* * *

My first thought when I hear the screams is that I'm dreamin' about that basement again. I try to think of somethin' else. Someone' pulls me off the floor.

"Beth! C'mon, we gotta go!" On my own feet I feel dizzy, but I realize the screams weren't from my nightmare. I'm seized with panic, stuck to the spot. It's all a blur, then. Daryl grabs my hand in his an' pulls me outta the tent. I don't have time to register the chaos in our camp. I hear Maggie shout for Glenn, then for me. I hear the gunshots, but I can't see anything. That's when I hear them, too.

Walkers.

Daryl pulls me behind him, his bow at his side. I hear the same woman screamin', someone else shouts to save her. I don't have time to look back. I hear him fire the crossbow an' he lets go of my hand to get the arrow back. I step ahead to get closer to him when my foot snags on somethin'. I couldn't help the scream I let out when I saw the walker holdin' onto my leg. Someone had knocked him down an' now he was tryin' to pull me to him. I shouted out again, aware that my knife was back in my tent. I kick it in the face hard, it's grip loosens. Steely arms wrapped 'round me an' pulled me up. When a hand laced fingers with mine I knew it was Daryl.

Rick cried out for everybody to run to the road. The light of day was just kissin' the horizon as we broke through the brush an' trees. Maggie an' Glenn were ahead of us, but I couldn't see anyone else. I didn't dare to turn back. We tore through the line of trees an' I fell over. Daryl had his hands on his knees, bent down an' tryin' to get his breathin' corrected. Maggie an' Glenn stood next to me.

We stared into the trees, waitin' on bated breath for the rest of our family to come out. After us it was Carl an' Rick, Michonne was just behind them. Bob an' Sasha ran out a few minutes later. I heard stumbles an' cries from the woods. Just when I thought I'd take off to help them, Rosita, Abraham an' Eugene appeared. I let out a sigh. We were safe. My family was ok.

"Where's Tara?" Glenn's voice was unusually high. He ran to the last three that came out.

"Sh-she didn't make it. Walker. Grabbed leg. Bitten." Abraham was out of breath, doubled over. Speakin' was difficult as he tried to calm hisself down. That's why I thought I had heard him wrong. But I looked to Rosita an' Eugene. She was cryin' an' he wouldn't look up. This was real. Tara was gone.

"No!" Glenn fell to his knees. Maggie ran to his side, slid down next to him an' cried on his shoulder. Tara had been the one who helped Glenn find Maggie. She was their friend. She was a friend to all of us.

The sunrise was bloodstained, eerily fittin' to the horror 'round us.


	28. Chapter 28

Things had finally seemed to turn 'round for us. We were together, we found Beth. But we got ahead of ourselves thinkin' the worst was behind us, it weakened us. An' our vulnerability cost Tara her life. There's a somber mood hung over the group, but we push on. I don't know how many miles we've covered on that old ass track. I'm beginnin' to wonder if anybody even knows which way we should be headed. But we follow Abraham, Rosita an' Eugene regardless. They say D.C. will be safe, that we'll be greeted with food, water an' shelter. Am I the only one who remembers any of the other fuckin' places we've been to? Atlanta, the CDC, Terminus: Weren't they all supposed to help us in the same ways?

We come to a split in the track. There's a few cars stranded here. Rick tells us this is the place to take shelter for the night. As we comb through the vehicles for anything we can use, I can't help but think how someone's misfortune turned into our campsite. There's enough cars for some of us to sleep in, a truck an' between the lot we found two tents. Bob mentions that we can check to see if they can run, but there ain't no point.

"Dammit! They've all been drained dry. Look at the hoses coming out of the gas tanks. Someone must've already siphoned them." Sasha sounds pissed, an' I can't help but feel it, too. I almost wonder why they'd take the gas an' leave the rest. Maybe they had all the shit they thought they needed. If that's why they left it, we'll probably find their mangled bodies further down the track. You can never have too much of anything out here.

It looks like the people who owned the vehicles took whatever food they had with them, or the people who took the gas needed somethin' after all. Everybody's hungry. 'Course we are, we ain't ate nothin' since that bread last night. The same bread that's been left behind with our tents an' everything else back at our last camp. It wasn't worth the risk to go back there an' get that shit. We had to suck it up an' move on. But we might as well think of food if we're stayin' here for the night.

"I'm gonna head out in the woods. Kill us some dinner while y'all get the shelter situation sorted out." Rick agrees. There's that look he always gives me: Gratitude an' trust. I'd better fuckin' get somethin'. I set my bow at the ready an' start towards the trees.

"I'm goin' with you." I smile at her. 'Course she's goin' with me. Maggie doesn't seem too excited 'bout Beth headin' out, but Rick tells her she'll be fine an' that I might need the help out there. I doubt he believes that second part. If he thought I needed help he'd have sent me out with a little more muscle than Beth. He probably just figures we could use the distraction after all that's happened. So we head into the woods.

After 'bout an hour, we've got three squirrels, a rabbit an' a woodchuck. Hardly enough to feed a group of twelve. We still have at least two or three hours of daylight left, so we push on. Beth points out a spot that was obviously bedded down by a deer. I'm not gonna lie, I was damn proud of the girl for rememberin' what that looked like an' bein' able to spot it. We start trackin' the animal, listening' for any sounds that give away it's location. Beth lets out a heavy sigh, so I turn back to look at her.

"You alright?" She smiles at me an' tells me she's just hungry an' tired, not to worry 'bout her. I suggest we stop for a minute. Last thing we need is to be too fuckin' beat to hunt down our food. I swing my bow off my shoulder an' prop that an' our game against a tree. I check out the bushes 'round us for any hint of wildlife, an' find some berries to share. We stand quietly, chewin' our fruit an' I look over at her.

She's leanin' against a tree, hair pulled up, in those same ripped up jeans an' beaten boots. She made it a point to give me back my flannel shirt this mornin', changin' it for a blue sleeveless shirt Maggie gave her. Somethin' she'd found in the apartment at Terminus. The color really brought out her eyes an' it was beautiful against her pale skin. I pop another berry in my mouth an' try to look away from her. But she's already caught me starin'. She's finished her own berries an' wipes her hands on her jeans. She smiles up at me an' I can't help but give her a small smile in return. Jesus, Beth really is a beautiful fuckin' girl.

"Why don't you come over here with me? Keep me company? I promise not to bite you." Her big doe eyes hold my gaze. The way she looks at me now, her lips slightly pulled at the corners, tells me she wants more than just my company. I lick my fingers clean an' walk over to her. There's a decent sized space between us, but she clenches the front of my vest in fists an' pulls me against her.

Her lips find mine an' she runs her hands up my front, grippin' onto my shoulders. I let everything else in my mind go an' just follow her lead. My own hands grip at the flesh of her waist, now exposed by her shirt when she reached her hands into my hair. She tugs at the back of my head to pull me even closer to her an' my fingers dig into her skin. She lets out a quiet sigh, partin' her lips just enough for my tongue. I'm lost in the taste, her mouth sweetened by the berry juices. Her tongue pushes back against mine an' we move together. I'm vaguely aware that I've pulled one of her legs up 'round me. My hand skims down her thigh, hookin' under her knee to pull her closer.

In the very back of my mind, somethin' tells me I should feel stupid for actin' out like some horny fuckin' teenager. Like I've turned into some dumbass for makin' out in the middle of nowhere. But it's been so long since I've had anything like this, an' it's more to me that I finally have someone I want to do this with. It was always some stupid shit girls wanted to do before we'd have sex. All I ever wanted was to fuck, I had no intentions of makin' anything more with those sluts. But this is different. I don't even know where to start on how to be the romantic kinda guy for Beth. That's why I just follow her blindly into this. She calls the shots so I don't have the chance to blow it.

She moans into my mouth, pulls back slightly an' bites my bottom lip. A low growl rips through my throat. Any control I had has slipped away from me, the voice in the back of my mind is long gone. My hand leaves her leg an' reaches up to her face, my other hand's flat against the small of her back. I hold her chin as I pull my mouth away from her, keepin' her in place. My lips travel down the front of her throat, my tongue tastes the sweat on her flesh. She lets out a whimper an' the sound sets my blood on fire. When my mouth touches her shoulder, I gently bite down on the smooth skin. In a breathy whisper, Beth says my name.

I pull my mouth away from her an' look at her face. Her eyes are hooded over, her skin is warm an' flushed. Her breathin' comes out in silent little pants. Jesus Christ, I've never been so turned on in all my fuckin' life. I don't even think as the hand I have on her back reaches down to her ass, slides along her thigh an' lifts her other leg over me. I press into her, my hips pinnin' her to that tree. She lets out a gasp as I hold her up with one hand under her, my other starts to pull at my belt.

Her arms wrap 'round my neck, an' I look at her again. There's a nervousness there, an' I stop myself. She's lookin' up at me with those big innocent eyes, her lips swollen. I clear my thoughts enough to know that this is wrong. I can't just fuck her out here in the middle of the woods against some fuckin' tree. She deserves better than that. I set her on her own two feet, take her face in my hands an' gently kiss her lips.

"Daryl, why'd you stop?" I know she's upset, but I can't help but think she'd thank me later.

"Not here. Not like this." My voice is raspier than I meant it to be. There's a hurt look in her eyes, but I have to ignore it. I pick up my bow an' the food an' motion for her to follow me. When she finally talks, she sounds pissed.

"You plan on findin' some fine hotel? A sweet little cottage in the middle of a flowery meadow? Last I checked, Daryl, we spend a majority of our time in the woods. You didn't have to stop. I want the same thing you do." I turned to her, irritated that she can't just fuckin' accept what little chivalry I scrap together. Nobility ain't somethin' I've ever used in that situation before. Back before all this shit, I woulda had no problem with sex in the woods. But things are different. I'm tryin' to be better.

"You get off on shit like that? Somethin' on your fuckin' apocalypse bucket list? _'Let a man twice my age fuck me in the woods'_. That's what you want?" The way she can't look me in the eyes then tells me what I'd already guessed at. The realization pisses me off, more at myself than her. I scoff at her. "You really want your first time to be like that? I got news for you, girl. I ain't gonna pop your cherry fuckin' you against some tree." The blush reaches all the way to her chest. I feel a little guilty for lashin' out at her like that. It ain't like she was the only one actin' up back there. I reach down an' take her hand in mine. She looks up at me again, her eyes fightin' back tears. I kiss the top of her head in an attempt at an apology.

"I'm sorry. I was bein' stupid. You're right. I don't want it to be like that. But it isn't some item to check off a bucket list either, Daryl. I really do want that. Not the woods or whatever. The experience. I can't die a virgin. An' before you cut me off an' tell me that I don't know what I want, let me make it clear." She reaches up on her toes an' presses her lips against mine. "I want you. Not as a last resort or some teenage rebellion. Don't even think like that. I feel like you an' I've come a long way together. I feel somethin' for you an' I know you feel the same way. There's no reason we have to fight that."

I look down to the ground. I don't know how to take her comin' right out an' tellin' me that. We both want the same thing. That at least makes workin' through this shit easier. The hardest part will be hidin' it from the others. I can only imagine how they'd take it if they saw us holdin' hands an' hangin' all over each other. This is gonna be a fuckin' pain. She smiles up at me, her tongue runs 'cross her swollen bottom lip.

"Let's go kill us a deer." Her voice is light an' happy. She steps in front of me, still holdin' my hand, an' leads us along the trail.


	29. Chapter 29

The fire licks away at the venison an' the smell of meat lingers 'round us. I'm glad we were able to bring back food to our family. Everybody sits 'round the little pit as we wait for it to finish. Our moods have picked up some since this mornin'.

"Be honest, Daryl. Beth took that deer down." Everybody laughs, Daryl rolls his eyes. Michonne smiles at him, her harmless ribbin' is somethin' he's used to by now. They're good friends an' that's hard to come by these days.

"Yeah, with her bare hands." He smiles at her as he says it. The laughter feels right, even given how the day started. I still like to believe that there's hope for a brighter tomorrow. I know we've been knocked down constantly, but every time we still get right back up. That has to count for somethin'.

Carl sits next to me an' talks about what he thinks D.C. will be like. I feel rude that I'm only half listenin', but it's pretty hard to take your eyes offa someone like Daryl. He's cuttin' at pieces of meat to give out to us. Glenn had found a large cardboard box in the trunk of a car an' had ripped it to pieces to use as plates. Carl an' I get our plates an' start chewin' at the tender meat. When Eugene gets his plate, he sits on my other side. I smile politely at him.

"How're you doin' tonight, Beth?" I tell him that I'm much better now that we have food. He seems excited that I went on a hunt with Daryl. He starts to talk to me about some video game he used to play at an arcade, one with plastic guns that you aimed at deer an' bears on the screen. I pretend to be interested, but I was never one for video games. By the way Rosita glares at him, I get the impression that he brings this up a lot.

"An' I held the highest score on that game for the next six months. There ain't a much better feelin' than seein' my name at the top of the line every weekend I went in there. Not to brag, of course." Of course. He had just complimented me on how pretty my shirt was when I hear a throat clear in front of us. I look up to see him with a cold scowl on his face. His tone is rough when he speaks to Eugene.

"You're in my spot." I feel dizzy at the insinuation that he wants to sit by me here, in front of everyone. Poor Eugene just smiles up at him an' apologizes. He tells me we'll continue our conversation at a later time, then he takes his seat by Rosita. Daryl sits down next to me an' nudges my shoulder. I smile at him as he shoves a piece of meat in his mouth. I feel so stupid for how attracted I am to him. Even the way he eats is manly. He licks his fingers an' it makes me think back to this afternoon in the woods, lickin' his fingers as he walked up to me.

A shiver runs through me, deceivin' as I feel warm. Daryl notices. He takes off his vest an' pulls the long sleeved flannel he's wearin' off. Leavin' him in a shirt with ripped off sleeves. He hands me the flannel, puttin' his vest back on when I take it. I feel myself blush, but put it on right away. It smells like smoke an' tobacco. Further proof of his masculinity. I look back at him to see he's starin' at me, an' I bite my lip at the intensity of his gaze. I begin to wonder what he's thinkin'. Then I remember that we ain't alone out here. I feel my stomach drop when I look over an' see Maggie watchin' us. I smile innocently at her an' continue to eat my venison.

Once we've finished eatin', Daryl an' Rick agree to take the first watch. As everybody makes their way to the places they've set up, his hand tugs at my elbow. With nobody lookin' he leans down from behind me, his breath ticklin' my ear.

"I called the truck earlier. Get in it's bed. I'll be there at the end of my shift." He presses his lips to the soft skin under my ear an' heads off with Rick without another word. My heart is hammerin' as I make my way over to the truck, relieved that Maggie an' Glenn are already tucked away in the car behind it. They won't even know this is where I went.

I lift up the door of the cap an' drop the tailgate as quietly as I can. When I'm finally in an' closed back up, I realize Daryl had made a bed for us in here. There are old sheets to lay on, the kind that used to be used to cover the floor while you painted. The fabric wasn't soft by any definition, but it sure beat layin' on the bare bed. I don't know how long he'd be out on watch, but the lack of sleep I've had has finally won the battle. I close my eyes as I clasp the sheet over me.

It must be near midnight when I hear the cap door open. He climbs gracefully over the tailgate an' slips in beside me once we're closed in again. The moon is high in the cloudless sky. The stars are perfectly visible as I look out the cap window. I feel Daryl's arm slip over me as he moves closer to me. I turn to face him, the moonlight shinin' brightly through our windows. It's so beautiful out here. I place my hand on his face, my thumb brushes over the stubble at his cheek. His eyes are softened, his full attention on me. It makes my insides melt. He lets out a sigh before he speaks.

"I gotta keep my eye on Mullet." I giggle at his nickname for Eugene, but his eyes don't show humor.

"You can't be serious? He was sweet. Somethin' about video games an' high scores." The look on his face makes me cover my mouth to hide the laugh. He's bein' ridiculous.

"You didn't see the way he was lookin' at you. Like you were the last glass of water in the fuckin' Sahara." I can't believe he's insinuatin' that. But I humor him, all the same.

"What's so wrong with him thinkin' I'm somethin' worth lookin' at?" The look he had changes in an instant. No longer is it hardened by resentment towards our new friend, it looks more like worry. I notice he's bitin' the tip of his thumb again. I've learned that it's a sign he's thinkin' somethin' over.

"I don't like the way he looks at you like that." I give up. I'd no sooner turn water into wine than get him to answer me directly. I don't see what the big deal is. If anything, Eugene has way more beautiful girls to be starin' at. But I don't ask Daryl what's so special about me. It's obvious I'm a last resort out here. Maggie's with Glen, Rosita's with Abraham an' Sasha's with Bob, now. Michonne makes it obvious that she only sees us all as family. The four of them are what men would want to have. They're all gorgeous an', unlike me, strong.

I realize my hand is rubbin' at the scar on my wrist. It's somethin' I do when I think about how weak I am. It reminds me of a time when I was at my lowest point in life. Where I had wanted to give up. It was a stupid, selfish act. Daryl had called it a cry for attention. I didn't think it was that. If I'm honest, I wanted to die. I felt no reason to live anymore. Had I known what I was doin' when I pulled that glass across my wrist, I probably wouldn't be here right now. Next to him.

I feel his hand reach up my arm. His fingers gently skim over the scar. I'm almost ashamed that he saw what I was doin'. He had made it very clear how he felt on that matter. His finger brushes back an' forth over the raised skin, soft enough to soothe my thoughts. I rest my head against his chest. I feel vulnerable an' exposed with his hand there. But I also know I need it.

"I get why you did it." I almost jumped at his words. He's been so quiet for the last few minutes. I pull my eyes away from his hand at my wrist an' look up. When I don't say anything, he continues. "I ain't sayin' it was a good idea. But I get it. I know what it feels like to want to fall asleep an' never wake up. I'm glad you didn't." I can't imagine strong, survivor-man Daryl Dixon ever lookin' at any other option but the will to live. I don't know if he read the confusion on my face, or if he's been meanin' to get it off his chest for a while.

"I told you my past was ugly. My mom died when I was a kid, smokin' her Virginia Slims in bed. The house went up in flames, took her with it. Completely erased her from the earth. Almost didn't seem real." He sighs, an' I wait for him to continue. "The old man resented her for it. For leavin' him with me an' Merle, the house bein' gone. Everything. He thought he'd find all the answers at the bottom of a bottle. Our house was fulla empty bottles, but not one of them had whatever fuckin' answer he was lookin' for." I tense up at the realization that, not only is this the most I've ever heard Daryl speak, but that he is tellin' me about his childhood.

"One night, he came home an' saw me cryin' while I was holdin' one of my mom's pictures. It really pissed him off. I won't go into it, but he beat the shit outta me. It wasn't the first time that belt lit me up, but it started a whole new world for me. I looked up to Merle to save me, I knew the son of a bitch had been beatin' my brother, too. But Merle was never 'round. After a few years, I had grown used to it. One night he was beatin' me for bumpin' into him an' makin' him spill his shine all down his front. When that belt cut my skin, I hoped he'd go too far an' kill me. That I no longer had to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. But no higher power or helpin' hand rescued me. I saved myself when I was old enough to pack my shit up an' run 'round with Merle." An' I knew where it went from there. How he followed Merle all those years since.

He sits up then, pulls my hand to his mouth an' kisses the scar on my wrist. I could feel my pulse quicken, I had to look away. The gesture was sweet, carin'. I thought my heart would explode if I stared too long. But he lets go of my hand an' pulls off his vest. When that's cast aside, he starts undoin' the buttons on his shirt. He won't look at me. I watch as he slowly pulls the shirt offa him. My mouth goes dry at the sight of his bare chest an' his stomach. He reaches down to me, his hand pullin' me up so I'm sittin' opposite of him. He leans into me, both hands holdin' my face as he kisses me. His lips are rough against mine an' I feel cheated when he pulls away. I watch as he's hunched over, he looks so haunted that I just want to hold him. Before I get the chance, he's turned away from me.

The moonlight flashes across his back an' a small sob gets stuck in my throat. There are dark scars striped across his skin. I can't begin to count how many there are, but it's almost too much for me to look at. I now know why he had ever put up walls. His own father had mutilated his body. If you can't trust your father, why would you trust anyone. All of the pieces start to fall into place now.

I can't see his face, but I see his shoulders are tightened, hunched over. I imagine this would have been what his father saw every time he struck him. The thought that it never made him stop causes a bitter taste in my mouth. I sat there quietly, just starin' at the lines when I realize he isn't movin'. He hasn't said a word. I feel sick when I think he's broken again. I don't even hesitate as I push myself up an' throw my arms 'round him. I hold him as tight as I can, tears fall from my cheek onto his skin. I can feel his muscles loosenin' up, very slowly. The only thing I can think of is to whisper his own words in his ear.

"S'alright, Daryl. I'm here." He turns his face to me an' I'm stricken with the stoic man lookin' back at me. But he won't move. I crawl 'round in front of him, pausin' only for a moment before I decide to throw caution to the wind, an' I climb into his lap. He doesn't even flinch, just wraps his arms 'round me an' pulls me to his chest. I can't be certain how long we stay like that. I was startin' to fall asleep when I felt him shift me to the side, layin' me back down. His body was pressed tight against the back of mine, his arms were firmly wrapped 'round me. I felt myself drift away. When my eyes were closed I felt his lips on the top of my head. He held them there for a while. I'm sure he thought I was already asleep. For the most part, I had thought I was dreamin'. His mouth moved down to my ear, his lips brushed gently on my lobe just as he whispered to me.

"I love you, Beth."

* * *

"Glenn which one of these do you think Beth's in?" He's still pullin' on his shirt. I'm already dressed an' just waitin' to find my sister. Michonne had said there was a stream 'round here somewhere. I figured we could go down an' wash up.

"She isn't awake yet?" He looks 'round the camp.

"I haven't seen her yet. I hope she didn't sleep alone last night. I feel awful thinkin' of her by herself." Glenn smiles at me. I know what he's thinkin', an' I don't think I'm bein' overprotective. Beth's an adult. She can sleep wherever she wants. There's nothin' wrong with me wantin' to know where she is.

The truck in front of us opens up, the tailgate drops. Glenn looks quickly back at me an' says, "Don't freak out." I step to the side to see what he's talkin' about. All I can make out is Daryl puttin' on his shirt. I see a pale arm hold out his vest to him, watch as he smiles back at the bed when he takes it. Then he grabs the hand attached to that arm an' pulls the person out. I see the long blonde curls, the small hand squeezin' at his bicep as the pretty young girl smiles up at him.

"Maggie, stop!" I only barely hear Glenn's voice as I storm over to that truck. I see her face fall, afraid. She damned well better be afraid. I get right up to him. He turns to look at me an' my fist makes a crackin' sound against his jaw. My hand screams in protest but I bite back the cry. Instead I shout.

"Daryl Dixon what the hell are you doin' with my little sister?"


	30. Chapter 30

I lay there, wide awake, lookin' at her. I'd almost forgotten how peaceful she looks sleepin'. I think 'bout last night, 'bout openin' up to her. She had been touchin' her wrist, I could see the scar clearly in the moonlight. It made me think of the harsh words I had said to her back at that cabin. They were out of anger, but they did their damage. I could see she's ashamed of herself. I knew she didn't have to be. I've felt it, too- that sudden desperation that anchors you down. You try to push on but you can only go so far before you're pulled back. It kills me that I ever held it against her. She probably thought I was some ass that felt he was above other people's pain. I needed her to know she wasn't alone. So I told her everything. An' she lay silently, takin' it all in.

I felt tellin' her wasn't enough. She needed to see me. I braced myself as I sealed my lips over her scar, hopin' she understood how much I care 'bout her. That I don't see the scar; I see the strength that grew from it. I pulled her up to sit in front of me. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, so I reached out to my lifeline. My mouth met hers an' I tried to put everything I had into that moment. I needed her to know how much she means to me. What I was goin' to do scared the shit outta me an' I knew that meant it could scare her, too. I guess I thought she may never want to look at me again when I showed her, an' I had to feel her against me one last time.

I completely exposed myself to her. Frozen by my own fear. I heard the little sound she made. I wanted to cover myself back up, to make her forget what she'd seen. I don't know how long I sat there but I felt vulnerable for the first time since I was a fuckin' kid. The only people to ever see these scars were my father, my brother an' Hershel when he mended me up after his fuckin' horse threw me off. But Hershel was a good man. He never asked me any questions.

Just when I thought it was over, that my weakness would finally put an end to me once revealed, she came through for me. Again. I heard her shift an' felt her arms squeeze me to her. She had been cryin', my shoulder was wet with her tears. I wanted to tell her I was alright. That she didn't have to cry over me. 'Specially not over somethin' from a life so far away from where I am now. I turned to look at her, my face a mask. Then I watched as she crawled 'round to my front an' she climbed in my lap. I didn't even know I had held my breath but, when she put her arms 'round my neck, I let out a deep sigh. It was relief. I know that now. She had fallen asleep with me again. I had to admire the only person who could tear away my walls an' still leave me standin'. When I knew she was out, I kissed her ear an' whispered that I loved her.

Lookin' at her sleepin' next to me, I know that I'm in love with her. Love's always seemed like a joke to me. I never thought someone's whole world could revolve 'round one person in the center. But I know that I'd do anything to make her happy, to keep her at my side an' keep her alive. Somewhere in all the chaos of our last few weeks, a change had started in me. I found myself lookin' forward to the way she smiled at me. The way she wants to be next to me. I can't help but feel like an idiot. But I know she doesn't see it that way. I'm gonna tell her I love her. She had told me we wanted the same thing. This has to be what she meant.

I decide to wake her up, figure we could go out on another hunt before we set off again. It'd be the best way to tell her. I shake her arm. She looks up at me with big, tired eyes, her hair's a fuckin' mess. I can't look away from her. She smiles at me, sits up an' kisses me. I feel stupid when I think I can get used to wakin' up like this everyday. Love makes you stupid, I guess. I open up the tailgate, climb out as I'm buttonin' up my shirt. Then I look back at her.

"You don't have to put that shirt back on, if you don't want to. I won't mind none." She's flirtin' with me. I laugh at her as she hands me my vest. Then I reach back to pull her out. Her hand folds into mine, completely natural now. She drops on the ground, a firm grip on my arm to steady herself. I look down to see her smilin' up at me. She's fuckin' gorgeous. I'm lookin' forward to headin' out in the woods with her again. But her face drops as she looks in front of me. When I turn to see what it is, a fist catches me in the jaw.

I think the shock got to me more than the pain. Judgin' on how Maggie was holdin' that hand, I guess hers was more pain than the shock of strikin' me. She screams at me to explain what she's seein'. I didn't want this to be how we told her, so it ain't like I had a reason on the tip of my tongue. Beth steps in front of me.

"Maggie, don't do this." Her voice is quiet, pleadin'. Maggie looks at me when she talks to her.

"What're you doin' sleepin' in that truck with him?" Her voice is raw, tears shinin' in her eyes. I don't know if it's the pain in her hand or her anger.

"Maggie, please. I wanted to tell you, really. I just didn't know how to bring it up without you freakin' out." Maggie's face is red, she laughs at what Beth's said.

"I'm not freakin' out! Why does everybody keep sayin' that? Is it too much for me to care about the only flesh an' blood I have left? I know you're lonely Beth. I get that, I really do. But we're headed to Washington. You could find a nice boy there. You don't need to tangle up with the first man that'll have you!" Beth's cheeks flame at that comment. My tongue is between my teeth, almost drawin' blood at my attempt to shut up. Beth lets out a little cry, an' I look into her face. She's breakin' right in front of me. I do the only thing I can think of an' knot our fingers together. I don't know if it's smart or stupid. Maggie's eyes meet our hands, the look could burn the hell outta us. But I don't let her go. Beth takes strength in me.

"I don't want to find someone else. I care about Daryl an' he cares about me. We've been through a lot together, things you can't even imagine. An' I'm not 'tanglin' up' with anybody. I have feelin's for him an' I know he shares them. How can you be so in love with Glenn an' try to deny me the same chance with the man I choose? I want you to be happy for me, I need you to accept this." Maggie's hand wipes away at her eyes. She looks between the two of us before she focuses on me.

"Can I have a word with you? Alone?" Beth goes to say somethin' but I stop her. Maggie deserves that much.'Sides, I doubt she'd take another swing at me. I nod to her an' she sets off in the trees. I squeeze Beth's hand before I take off after her sister. We get out 'bout thirty yards before she stops an' turns to me.

"What, no crossbow?" Her voice is venom. But it's still only Maggie. I can't help but smirk a little at her attempt to fight with me. I shrug.

"You said you wanted to talk. Didn't think I'd need the protection." She's pissed off, but her eyes don't look as wild now. I can tell she's tryin' to calm herself down.

"I need to know what exactly is goin' on with the two of you. That's my little sister back there lookin' up at you like some diamond in the sky." I scratch at my jaw, tryin' to think of the best way to smooth this over. Far's I'm concerned, I don't give a shit what anybody thinks 'bout us bein' together now that they know we are. Deep down, I know Beth needs her sister to accept us. I just don't know what else there is to tell her.

"Beth pretty much said it all." She rolls her eyes at me. The anger is all but gone, replaced with impatience.

"That's bullshit. But she made it pretty clear how she sees y'all. The girl's crazy about you. How about you? Do you love her?" I look to the ground. How can I say it out loud to her sister but hesitate with her? But she thinks Beth's in love with me, too. I know I have to put myself out there.

"Yes." My voice is low, but she heard me. Her eyes search my face for signs of deception, but come up empty. Her whole appearance changes. She looks like she might even smile at me.

"You're a good man, Daryl. I meant what I said before about you bein' family. I know she's safer with you than any other guy she'd meet." I catch her stare an' know she's bein' honest. We start to head back to the camp.

"I really am sorry that I hit you back there. I don't know what came over me." I shrug.

"I get it. If I had a little sister crawlin' outta some truck with a grown ass man, I woulda done the same thing. Lucky you didn't have your gun out." She laughs at me an' carries on. We almost make it back to the camp when she stops an' spins 'round to face me.

"I'm gonna trust you to do right by her. I know I don't have any choice in the matter. I can't keep you two from bein' together, but I will make myself clear. If you hurt her, Daryl Dixon, I swear it'll be my gun aimin' for your face next time."

Far's I'm concerned, it's an empty threat. I have no intentions of ever hurtin' Beth. But I appreciate knowin' that I ain't the only one who'd walk through fire for the girl.


	31. Chapter 31

Maggie an' I step out from the brush an' I tell her I'm takin' Beth out to hunt. She doesn't respond, just smiles at me. It's obvious she's still tryin' to work this shit out in her mind. Least she doesn't want me dead. I look up to see Beth still standin' by that tailgate, lookin' relieved. Probably 'cause neither of us had killed the other out there.

Beth stares at me an' I smile over at her. The good feelin' slips away when I see Mullet standin' at her side. Guess he thought she needed to be comforted. He's really startin' to get on my fuckin' nerves. I walk right up to her, ignorin' him speakin' to me. I look him over, not a big fuckin' threat to me. But it doesn't matter. Call me animalistic, but I know when somethin' I want is bein' coveted by someone who ain't me. It's stupid as fuck, but I need to mark what's mine. 'Sides, what difference does it make, now? We've already been put out in the open.

I pull her to me, both hands hold her face firmly. I can feel one corner of my mouth turn up when I look at the surprise in her eyes. Before she can say anything, my mouth's on hers. It's almost a violent kiss. I don't know why I put so much force into it, maybe it's a primal urge. It just felt right. Her lips move against mine with equal strength. I feel her hand grab hold of my hair, crushin' me to her. The tip of her tongue brushes my bottom lip an' my mouth opens just enough for her to access. The only way to describe that moment is to say it's like bein' drunk. The taste of her makes my muscles relax, my thoughts get blurry. I'm completely lost in her. But I finally remember where we are.

It takes more power than I thought I had to separate us. My hands still hold her face as I look down at her. My favorite smile is spread wide 'cross her perfect features. I can feel my insides ignite. I don't know how people can go 'round feelin' like this all the time. I kiss her forehead, my arm now over her shoulder, an' turn to Mullet.

"What were you sayin'?" The smile is long gone from his face as he looks over us both. He tells me not to worry 'bout it before he sulks back over to Abraham. You better fuckin' walk away, Mullet.

I reach into the truck bed an' pull out my crossbow, swingin' it over my shoulder. Her hand closes over mine. I glance 'round to see Glenn an' Rick starin'. Glenn's mouth is set like a fuckin' bull frog gapin' over at us. Rick smiles at me. I've always said it, but now I needed it most. He's always trusted me an' he gets me. Rick's my brother an' even though I don't need his approval, I can't help but appreciate it. I tell them we're goin' out to bag some food. Just before we set out, Abraham speaks.

"Make sure you're back soon. We can't stay in one place more than we need to. Gotta long way to go to get to D.C." I nod to him. I've come to respect Abraham. He's got a good head on his shoulders. I lead Beth out into the wild. Once we're outta earshot from the others, she laughs.

"I can't believe you just did that! Poor Maggie probably had a heart attack."

"Don't worry 'bout Maggie. She ain't against us no more. 'Sides, it's Mullet that needed to see it." She laughs again. It's contagious, I don't even try to hold back my own. What I did back there was stupid an' impulsive. I don't really know what came over me. But she loved it. That makes it okay.

We're a little further out now. I have my sight set on a nice, fat squirrel a few yards away. I focus all my effort on my aim. The rodent moves a little higher up the tree. I steady my breathin', finger on the trigger as I lead my sight. The little bastard moves 'round too much. I just need him to stay in one fuckin' spot. Finally, he settles an' I let out my breath as my finger squeezes the trigger. My arrow cuts through the air, pinnin' him to the lowest branch.

Beth's face lights up as I pull him down. She's a sight starin' back at me with her messy curls an' fiery eyes. In that blue shirt, I think 'bout how smooth her pale skin is. My mind drifts back to what happened just a little while ago back at camp. I remember how fuckin' good her lips felt against mine. How great she tasted. Jesus. Everything 'bout her has me fucked in the head. I wonder why I acted like that, but only one thing makes sense: I felt threatened by another man. I know he's nothin' to her. I just saw how his eyes raked over her, an' somethin' stirred in my depths.

I feel like a far more feral instinct in me is tryin' to claw its way to the surface. I'm kiddin' myself to think I can hold it down much longer, what little shred of conscience I have is hardly enough to ward it off. She looks so sweet smilin' at me, completely unaware of the storm ragin' right in front of her. But she was just as untamed as me underneath that good-girl skin. My lips ache at the memory of how roughly she kissed me back. I need somethin' to take my mind off shit, so I pull out my smokes an' light one up. I take a soothin' drag as I smile at her.

"Your turn."

* * *

I've got his bow out in front of me. My form is all wrong an' I know it, but he hasn't corrected me. When I shoot at the rabbit I go too far to the left an' it takes off. He doesn't seem mad, he's actually smilin' at me. He takes the cigarette outta his mouth an' tips it between his fingers to drop the ashes.

"Gonna needa teach you the basics again, girl."

He retrieves the arrow outta the dirt, wipes it on his pants an' sets it back up. The way he stalks over to me, bow at his side with the cigarette back to his lips, reminds me of a predator honed in on its prey. The corner of his mouth pulls up an' there's a wicked gleam in his eye. I feel like a stupid teenager when I realize I'm gawkin' at him.

But I'm paralyzed by his gaze; the little rabbit cornered by the big, bad wolf. He's at my side when he holds the bow out to me again. I take it with tremblin' fingers. He's startin' to set up my stance, an' it's almost like the night we burned the cabin. Only, this time, his fingers linger on my arms. They trail slowly up, leavin' a blaze of fire in their wake. When my form's been corrected, he moves behind me. He leans down to my ear an' I feel the smoke on my skin as his voice purrs.

"Steady your breathin'."

I do my best to remain in form, but my breathin' is shaky when he stands so close to me. His hand pulls at my shoulder to keep me from hunchin' too far over. It grazes down my side, over my ribs an' to my waist before he flattens it against my stomach. Then he tugs me back an' I'm pressed against him. I see his other arm reach out 'til it becomes a tan outline of my own, his trigger finger over mine.

"Aim at that tree. Pull the trigger."

His voice is husky, he stays perfectly still against me. I let out my breath an' squeeze the trigger. When I hit my mark I turn to see his reaction. I'm lookin' at eyes burnin' into me. After takin' a long drag of the cigarette, he flicks it to the ground, grindin' it down with his boot. He blows the smoke outta the corner of his mouth, makin' it so it doesn't get in my face. The hand that's stretched along mine pulls the bow away from me an' sets it down beside us. When he stands up again, he pulls me back against him.

I can feel myself shakin', but I know I'm not afraid. This side of Daryl sets fire to my veins. Hadn't I told him before that I like how undomesticated he is? Both of his hands are firm on my hips now. A shiver runs through me when one reaches up to my jaw an' turns my face to his. I catch his familiar scent of tobacco an' sweat. I don't wait for him to make the first move, my arm reaches back as my fingers run through his hair. My grip is firm when I pull his lips to mine, the taste of his last cigarette is in my mouth.

Everything seems to go in fast forward then. His hand tugs my own hair back an' he controls our movements now. He grabs my chin between his thumb an' finger, holdin' me still as he kisses along my jawline an' down the side of my throat. I feel his tongue brush against my skin before his teeth nip at me. When I cry out he smirks against my neck; I'm not the only one enjoyin' this. His finger skims the top of my shoulder as he slips my shirt strap aside.

Everywhere his mouth touches me is on fire an' I feel like I'm gonna burst into flames any minute. I'm tryin' to be still an' let him take the lead, but his free hand holds flat against my stomach like before an' I squirm against him when he pulls me tighter. I don't know how far this is gonna go, how far he wants it to go. My nerves are shot just thinkin' about what he may be after, an' it makes me feel stupid. Just yesterday I pushed him for the same thing, why be nervous now? He's completely caught up in this, an' it may be my only chance to get what I wanted.

I never had the opportunity to go too far with Jimmy or Zach. There's a part of me that wishes I had so I would know everything I'm supposed to do, but there's a bigger part that's excited that it can be with Daryl. Adrenaline surges through me at the thought of how bad we both want this. I wasn't expectin' it so soon, the way he talked yesterday. I can't imagine what changed his mind, but I don't want to ruin anything by askin'. I push my hips back against his when his lips brush my ear. He lets out a low hiss at the friction an' next thing I know, I'm facin' him. I take the moment to stand on my toes as I run my lips down his throat. He lets out a groan when my fingers dig into his shoulders. I'm caught by surprise when he grabs my hips an' lifts me up, but instinct kicks in an' I'm quick to wrap my legs 'round his middle.

The moment is now playin' out in slow motion, there's a change in him. He gently kisses me, my arms wrap 'round his neck an' he slowly lowers us to the ground. The twigs an' leaves scratch at my skin, but I don't care. All I can focus on is him kneelin' over me, the warmth that's come to his eyes an' the sweet smile he gives me. The sight before me is devastatin', so beautiful my heart just might explode. He leans down an' kisses me softly before he sits back up an' his hands go to his buckle.

This is it. Everything we want is right in front of us. He's more than I coulda ever hoped for or imagined in my entire life. The broken man who wants me to hold him together. The man who can be rough an' dangerous but still has a sweeter, gentler side. An' he opened that up to me. He wants me just as much as I want him. I smile up at him.

"I love you, Daryl."

His hands still at the button of his pants. It takes a moment before he looks me in the eyes, an' I'm worried that what I said scared him. But the smile he gives me now is unlike any I've ever seen. He leans back down an' cups my face with his hands. His lips lightly touch my own before he lets go an' holds tight to my gaze.

That's when the first round of gunshots rung through the air. He's fast on his feet to pull me up. His bow swings over his shoulder as he's lettin' out a string of swears. He reaches for my hand. His voice is hardened.

"Son of a bitch!"

We take off in the direction of the camp, followin' the sound of the gunfire. My heart pounds with the exertion an' my mind goes numb at the possibility of what we'll find when we get back.


	32. Chapter 32

All I can think is how fast this is goin'. At first, I liked it. It's what I knew. Quick, rough sex was always my thing. Probably 'cause I wanted to get what I needed out of it an' send the girl out the door. Funny how many girls were into that.

No matter how fast I moved, Beth was keepin' up the pace. I already knew where I saw this goin', an' when I lifted her up I knew she thought the same thing. I couldn't help but think I'd opened up another dark door to my past. She was blindly followin' me through it. She trusted me.

I looked into her face an' almost lost it at how she gazed up at me, just like yesterday. Hooded eyes, parted lips, warm flush. She really wanted this. But then I remembered the rest of yesterday. She's never done this before. I haven't fucked a virgin since high school, but I know you should be easy the first time. The way she looked at me sealed the deal.

I kissed her more gently, her arms went 'round me an' I took us down to the ground. Kneelin' over her gave me a second to wrap my head 'round this, to be sure she really wanted us to go through with it. Her eyes were wide an' bright, I saw her tongue run over her lips. Her hair was all 'round her face, leaves stickin' to it. She smiled at me as I leaned down to kiss her again.

This is what we both wanted. I've never craved havin' sex with any woman before, never desired it to be with any single person. It was just sex then. But the thought of what we're 'bout to do makes my chest tighten. I need to have this with her, an' I push any doubt I have aside. I love her. For the first time in my life I don't intend on a quick, selfish fuck. She needs to know this means more. She means more. I finally finished workin' over that stupid fuckin' buckle. My hands are shakin' like crazy. I needa get it together. I just start to pull at the button of my pants when she says it.

"I love you, Daryl."

My fingers have stopped movin'. It takes a second for it to sink in. I can't bring myself to look at her, afraid it won't be real. But I can't sit there forever, so I finally meet her stare. A sweet smile plays at her lips, there's a warmth comin' from her skin. For the first time since I don't remember when, I actually smile. Not my usual jackass smirk. A full blown, idiot-helplessly-in-love smile. She just told me she loved me. I don't even think as I lean down to kiss her. Her cheeks are heated under my hands. I pull away from her, stupid grin still splittin' my face.

This is what I've been waitin' for ever since that fuckin' funeral home. The moment where we finally get eye to eye. I almost can't handle the bubble swellin' in my chest at what this means for us. That distant feelin' of hope seeps in through the cracks. She loves me, too. The words have almost rolled off my tongue when we hear shots fired.

My body acts on pure impulse an' adrenaline. We take off towards the camp. There are screams an' the only thing I can think is walkers. I let go of her hand as I whip my bow in front of me. My voice is gruff when I tell her to stay behind me. The forest edge is just in front of us now. My heart's hammerin' painfully against my ribs as branches scratch at my face an' arms. But we push on an' make it through to the track. I don't have time to think when I take in the sight 'round me. There are no walkers, but Rosita's on the ground. Blood pools at her side. I see the back of Rick an' I run over to him.

"The fuck happened? We heard shots fired an' ran back." I'm all outta breath. Sasha's at Rosita's side, makin' a tourniquet out of a shirt. From the looks of it, Rosita was shot in the thigh. She screams out again when the tourniquet tightens.

"We were attacked. There were three men that came out of the woods. We didn't see it comin'." He's angry. When I look just past Rosita I see two bodies on the ground.

"Thought you said there was three?" But that's when I understand the worry I see on all their faces. One got away. How much of a threat was he? Lookin' down at Bob tryin' to remove the bullet from Rosita, I know that whoever it is, they're a real threat. Good people don't just open fire on anybody.

"He went out there?" I nod towards the woods opposite of where we just came from. Rick tells me that he took off that way when the others were killed. Abraham had fired shots at him but he'd gotten away. It's too much of a risk. He could stalk us all the way to D.C. Any minute he could shoot us up without us expectin' it or seein' him. There's only one thing we can do for the good of the group.

"We gotta track him down. Kill him." Abraham looks at me. His brow furrows. But he makes up his mind.

"Daryl's right. We better kill him before he gets the chance to kill us." It's settled. I'm settin' out with Rick an' Abraham. The others will stay back. Maggie, Glenn an' Michonne on watch. I set up my bow when I feel her hand on my arm. I face her, but she won't look directly at me.

"Please don't go. Let Rick an' Abraham handle this." Her words are shaky. Her hand reaches up to wipe at her eyes.

"They need me to help track him, Beth. I'll be back once we take care of it."

"Please don't leave me, Daryl." The sentence cuts through me, stabbin' at my heart. It's a plead. She's beggin' me not to leave her. Jesus. I look at her, eyes wide an' afraid. It kills me to see her lookin' at me like that. But I can't put her in danger. This is what we have to do to protect our own. I kiss her forehead.

"Be right back. Promise." I pull away from her but she's pulled me back. I brace myself for an argument, but she grabs my chin an' pulls my mouth to hers. There's so much feelin' in that action. She lets me go. I kiss the corner of her mouth an' whisper against her skin.

"Promise."

* * *

There's a trail of blood from the track. I follow that a few hundred yards before it starts gappin' more. The bleedin's almost stopped. My hand catches a browned leaf, droplets of blood spattered on it.

"He's still headin' west. C'mon." The signs are all there. Broken branches, blood stains. One stain rubs against a tree, 'bout five or more feet off the ground.

"Y'all got him in the arm." Rick nods. Abraham looks confused.

"How do you know that? What gives it away?" Rick turns to him.

"You wanna lesson in trackin' or you wanna find this son of a bitch." I catch his eye. That's the same fuckin' thing I said to him the first day we set out lookin' for Sophia. 'Cept I had asked if he wanted to find the little girl.

"Point taken." Abraham takes no offense, he knows there's a job to do. He's a good man. We've gone out a good mile or so when the trail starts to slip away. Don't help that the sun's gone down.

"It's gettin' dark. We're not gonna find him out here tonight. Let's head back. We can take shifts keepin' watch." Rick has a point. We won't be no good out here all night. 'Sides, they need us at the camp. We head back. Rosita has been moved to the truck, Sasha an' Bob keepin' watch over her. Abraham an' Mullet will sleep in the cab. Abraham convinces Rick to give him first watch, tells us he'll wake one of us in a few hours. I climb in the back of the SUV they'd given up for the truck. Beth's there waitin' for me.

"Told you I'd be back." It's pitch black out, the sky's too clouded to see shit. No moon, no stars. I reach out into the darkness an' find her hand. She tugs at me an' I drop next to her. I feel her head lay on my chest, her arm wraps 'round me. I rub her back.

"I'm glad you're alright. I missed you while you were gone." I let out a small laugh.

"Missed me? I was gone maybe two hours." She kisses my chest, right over my heart. My grip tightens 'round her.

"Two hours without you is a long time, Daryl."

I don't know how long we lay like that. She sits up an' tells me she has to go to the bathroom. I tell her I'll go out with her but she refuses. So I tell her to stay close to the car. She slips out an' I can only just make out her figure steppin' away from me. I stay upright, waitin' for her to get back.

I start thinkin' 'bout earlier, when she told me she loved me. I realize I haven't said it back. I think of the best way to bring it up to her. I've never done this before, but I figure it means more if it's sorta romantic. I don't know the first fuckin' thing 'bout romance. Part of me is glad we didn't go through with our intentions. I'd hate to think she woulda regretted it. I really needa figure out the romance concept.

It dawns on me that she ain't back yet. I can't imagine her pissin' so long. Maybe she went too far an' couldn't see her way back? I climb out, bow at my side. I make my way down to the bushes.

"Stay right there."

I stop midstep. It's a cold voice, turnin' my blood to ice. He's here. I can just make out his shape. I put my hands up. My voice is calm.

"Take it easy. I'm not gonna hurt you." He laughs at me. I hear a small cry an' my entire body goes rigid. He has her. I let her step out by herself an' he grabbed her. The icy voice reaches my ears again.

"I already shot one of yours. This one makes us even for both of mine." I can't breathe. I try to clear my head, figure out what to do. The clouds have shifted slightly. The light ain't much, but it's enough to see him holdin' her. His gun's at her temple.

"Let her go. You wanna be even? Take me. I'm one of the ones that just hunted you down." His face is set, I can't figure what he's thinkin'. Beth looks terrified an' there's no move I can make. I set my bow down in front of me, my foot kicks it to the side. My hands are still up. I can't plead with him. That'll only make him wanna kill her. I gotta think fast.

"Look, your men tried to rob our camp. You were lookin' for somethin', right? We have a stash of weapons in the woods. Canned food an' water bottles, too. I'm the one who hid it all." For a split second, his eyes flicker. I'm takin' a gamble here. I know there ain't shit in them woods. But he don't know that. I keep up my poker face. I need him to fall for my bluff.

"Take me out there. I'll dig all that shit up for you. Put a bullet in my head when it's done. You get the shit you came for an' you get even." Beth's cryin' now. She tells me not to do this. I need him to fall for it. Even if I can't kill him, I won't let him kill her. He lets out another laugh.

"Well, sugar, looks like you got yourself a knight in shinin' armor." He throws her to the ground. She isn't hurt, but she's beggin' him to let us both go. I turn to her. This is it. I could die tonight.

"I love you, Beth."

She lets out a sob, her hands cover her mouth. My sight locks on hers. Away from his face, I drop my eyes to my crossbow so she can see. There's a fire in her gaze, now. She understood.

"I love you, too, Daryl."

He scoffs at us. "Alright, shinin' armor. Lead the way." I step in front of him an' make towards the bushes. He says somethin' 'bout how I'll be able to find the stash in the dark when I hear the crossbow release. The telltale thwack lets me know she hit him. I turn to see him gapin' at me, the bolt juts outta his heart. When he drops to his knees I see her behind him, bow raised.

He's on his back now, the arrow's pushed further through his chest. I stand over him. He's still breathin'. My boot holds him down an' I reach for my arrow. My hand's firm 'round it. When I speak, I mock his icy tone.

"You better hope you're dead before the walkers find you. You stupid fucker." I rip it out of his chest. He shouts out an' we turn away an' leave him to die. Abraham comes runnin' at us, gun raised.

"Holy shit! What the fuck were y'all doing out there? It ain't exactly the perfect evening for a midnight fuckin' stroll. I could've shot one of you!" My arm's over Beth, holdin' her tight to my side. I spit at the ground an' nod my head back to where we were.

"You'll find the fucker who shot Rosita bleedin' out by the bushes. Do yourself a favor, no mercy kill. It ain't worth the bullet. We're goin' to bed."


	33. Chapter 33

People musta heard Abraham shoutin' at us, 'cause now they're all outta bed. I just wanna be alone with Beth. After what we just went through, I need to know she's alright. Abraham tells everyone that the attacker's been killed. Questions buzz through the air like hornets. I have more important shit to deal with.

I tell Rick we can go over everything in the mornin'. That I needa fuckin' sleep. We make our way to the back of the SUV an' I can hear them all tryin' to figure out what the fuck happened. Abraham gives 'em what he knows. My focus is on Beth. She hasn't said a word since we left the bushes. I have to make sure she's okay.

She takes me by surprise when she pushes me down to the floor soon's I open the door. I hear it close behind us. On hands an' knees, she moves her way up my legs 'til she straddles me. She's workin' at my buckle.

_This is wrong. _

I pull on her hands. They slip under my shirt. Her fingers dig into my flesh as she drags them back down. I hiss through my teeth. She grabs at my vest an' tugs on it.

"Off."

I'm propped up on my elbows when I push myself up. She's still in my lap. I pull off my vest as she unbuttons my flannel, pullin' it open an' pushin' it off my shoulders. I throw that over with the vest.

_ We're goin' too fast. _

Her hands are flat against my chest when she shoves me back down. I look up at her when she leans over me. Her lips fall just over my heart. Then they slowly trail to the other side, an' her tongue flicks over my nipple. I groan. My hand's in her hair, holdin' her to me. I feel her lips graze over my chest. They skim down my stomach 'til she gets to my pants.

_ We can't do this. _

She sits back up. Undoes my buckle. Her fingers grasp the bottom of her shirt. I watch as she slowly pulls it up. I'm frozen beneath her. The pale skin of her stomach shines in the moonlight, she's just pulled it past her ribs.

_Stop. _

My hands close 'round her wrists. Her expression changes from lust, to confusion, to hurt. She won't look me in the eyes as she speaks.

"Don't you want this?"

What can I say to that? I want this but not in the back of a fuckin' vehicle? Not after a man just held a gun to your fuckin' head? My brain an' my heart are barely touchin' the same wavelength. My body's on a whole different frequency. She shifts in my lap an' the friction nearly kills me. I bite down on my lip to muffle the moan. Doesn't matter. She caught it.

"Obviously I'm not the only one that wants this, Daryl." She purposefully rubs against me this time. I'm not fast enough to contain the moan, now. My hands grab her hips an' hold her in place. For fuck's sake. There's only so long I can control myself.

"Is tonight really the night for this? After what just happened?" I don't mean to sound harsh. But I have to make her stop. She lets out a humorless laugh. She's agitated.

"Shouldn't this be the other way 'round? Aren't _you_ supposed to be the one tryin' to get in _my_ pants? Well, I figure since the world's at an end an' death faces us at every freakin' turn, why not? I told you yesterday. I'm not dyin' a virgin."

Is that what this is? Another fuckin' quest like the booze run? I feel like I been dunked in a tub of ice water. I sit upright, an' lift her offa me. Now we're facin' each other.

"That what this is to you? Somethin' else to cross off your 'I Never' list?" I can't mask the pain in my voice.

"Don't put words in my mouth, Daryl. That's not what I said. If it was somethin' to do just to pass the time, I would've given in to Zach the first time he asked me at the prison. I'm not after sex. I cared about Zach an' Jimmy, but it wasn't enough to go that far. I needed it to mean somethin' to me. Of everything this crappy world has taken from me, I can't let it rob me of that, too. Don't you want me?" Her eyes burn into mine.

She wants love. An' she's makin' it clear that she wants my love. I want this. More than I'm willin' to admit to her at the moment. But I do want this over everything else. I have to shift the odds in my favor. I'll compromise.

"Course I want you. But not like this. Don't think you're the only one that this means somethin' to. This is new to both of us. Is it such a fuckin' surprise that I want the first time with you to be more than just sex?"

Whatever the answer, she ain't mad no more. Her blush travels down her chest. There's a small smile workin' at the corners of her mouth. I'll never understand this girl.

"So it's agreed? We're really gonna do this?" I roll my eyes to the ceilin' at her response. She didn't answer my question. Fuck it. An exasperated sigh cuts through my lips as I speak.

"Yeah. But not here an' now. Let me do the first time right. After that, I'll fuck you anywhere an' anyway you want. Just give me the first time." I didn't wanna sound like such an animal, but there ain't no point in sugarin' it up. She seems drawn to the darker side of me, anyways. Reminds me that I need to show more of the lighter parts. Her voice is quiet when she finally speaks.

"Deal."

I hate that this feels like some fuckin' wager. I need us to get back on track with where I want us to be. I lay back down, she curls up at my side.

"Daryl?"

"Hmm?"

"Wanna talk?"

I laugh. We just went over an arrangement for sex, an' she wants to talk. I can't imagine what she has to say, but I'll take any distraction right now with her pressed against me. My control hangs by a fuckin' thread. I tell her we can talk.

"What changed your mind?" I'm not sure what she means. My face must give that away 'cause she continues. "This afternoon, out in the woods. I was so sure we were gonna go through with it. You looked pretty ready to me. Now you wanna wait. What changed your mind?"

I think 'bout that for a minute. She's right. I know that. I had all lights on go when I laid her down in the dirt. But somethin' did change my mind. I'm almost thankful we heard the shots so it gave me an excuse to stop.

"You told me you loved me."

My voice's huskier than I'd like. She sits up now. Her face glows in the light of the moon an' I'm happy the clouds are gone. She's so fuckin' beautiful sittin' next to me. She lets out a small laugh an' wipes at her eye. But it's been eatin' away at me. I want an honest answer, so I come right out an' ask her.

"What changed your mind 'bout waitin'?" I chew on the inside of my cheek while I wait for her to speak. Her hand reaches mine. She knots our fingers together.

"I fell in love with you."

It's the answer I'd hoped for. I sit up next to her, brush her hair behind her ear. My hand slides down to hold her face. She relaxes into my palm. When I lean in to kiss her, it's gentle. Slow. Even when she opens her mouth to me, my tongue moves in slow strokes over hers. I never thought I'd be the type to wanna take it steady. But here I am. I raise my other hand to her face, my thumb trails over her jaw, down her throat. I run it back up again, brush her warm cheek. I breathe against her lips.

"I love you, Beth." My mouth's fully on hers again. She gasps when I bite down on her lip. A whimper slips outta her throat. I pull back an' take in every feature of her face. She laughs.

"Shh. Hear that?" I strain my ears to pick up whatever she hears. Moans. Jesus. After everything else, now there's walkers. I tense up an' her hand grabs my arm.

"Relax. It's Maggie an' Glenn."

"You've gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me." She falls back on the floor gigglin'. I don't see what's so funny. I really don't wanna listen to this shit.

"Ain't it weird? Havin' to hear Glenn givin' it to your sister?" Her face twists up at my words. But she laughs again when she answers.

"I shared a cell next to them for months, remember? Even cement walls couldn't protect me from them. Of course I can hear them through the car." We both laugh now. Layin' on our backs, hands together. It feels right. Given all the shit we've been through together, it finally feels good to just relax. Even if it's only for a moment.

"So, are we a thing now, Daryl?" She sounds shy, like it ain't somethin' she wanted to ask me. I don't know how I should answer that.

"A thing?"

"You know. Am I your girlfriend? Are we goin' steady?" I want to laugh, but the tone in her voice is almost sad. Like she doesn't know what we're doin' or where we go from here. Makes two of us.

"I don't think there's such a thing as goin' steady anymore."

"What do you call Maggie an' Glenn, then?" That's what this is. She's seen what the two of them have together. They love each other. It's annoyin' an' obvious to the rest of us. Always hangin' all over each other.

"Lovestruck idiots."

"Very funny. So, if I'm not your girlfriend, what would you call me?"

Girlfriend? I've never had a girlfriend in all my life. I remember the drugged out whores Merle would date from time to time. He might've called them girlfriends. They were just a buncha broads that came over to get high an' pass out in his bed, far's I'm concerned.

Maybe it's 'cause I don't wanna put us in the same category as Merle an' his women. An' Maggie an' Glenn are married, so to speak. We ain't that either. I think 'bout that. 'Bout what we could eventually be. How I could tell her I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. It's kinda stupid, the world gone to shit an' all. But I can see myself askin' her. Imagine the look on her face while I wait for an answer. In my mind, she'd say yes. I could go into kids an' a house an' shit, but that kinda life doesn't exist no more.

Life's fucked us. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Before the turn, we woulda never met. Never even known each other existed. She woulda gone off to college, had a real weddin', kids. I woulda never gotten outta Merle's shadow. I'd either still be driftin' alongside him or dead. I sure as shit wouldn't be wrapped up in thoughts 'bout lovin' some girl.

After the turn, we were brought together. We opened each other up. Helped each other get by. But there's no fuckin' happily ever after for anybody anymore. Glenn an' Maggie are together, but they ain't ever gonna have a kid. How could they? We're always on the run. What hope does that leave for the two of us? For anybody? We just go along, day by day. All we can do is make the best of each day we get.

I think 'bout the question. I could call her my girlfriend. It just doesn't seem right. It ain't good enough to describe this. That's an old world term. I need somethin' that speaks to the world we inherited here. There's only one word I can think of to get 'cross what she is to me.

"Mine."

She wraps her arm 'round my chest. There's been a strong shift in us, I can feel it in the air.

"I've never discussed my virginity with a guy before." She wants to play her game, try to lighten the mood. I can play along.

"I've never stayed up all fuckin' night talkin' to a girl." She smiles at me. Guess I can't use that one anymore.

"I've never had a guy call me a pet name." I can't hold back my snort.

"What? Like Sparky or Fido or somethin'?" She laughs back at me. I see her eyes roll.

"No! A pet name. A term of endearment? Like callin' a girl 'Baby' when you talk to her." Now it's my turn to roll my eyes.

"Ain't it a little sick for a man to call a girl Baby when he's nearly twice her age?" Her laugh fills the whole space.

"Alright, alright. Bad example. What about somethin' sweeter? Like Darlin'? That's a good one, right?" This is so dumb. I never understood people nicknamin' each other. But it seems to be somethin' she likes. I feel like I could give it a try. For her.

"Whatever you say, Darlin'." She bites at her lip.

"Yeah. You can call me that anytime. I like that a lot." I laugh at her. What a weird girl. Her voice's gentle when she speaks again.

"I never thought I'd find love at the end of the world."

What she says warms me. I know how she feels. We've been in this together since the beginnin'. She curls tighter into my arms, her eyes flutter up to me. My lips press to her forehead as I whisper to her.

"I never thought I'd find love."

She holds me tighter, lets out a sweet sigh. Her eyes slowly close, breathin' evens out. My lips move to her hair.

"Night, Darlin'."


	34. Chapter 34

**I've spent all afternoon putting this together. I figured Sunday is still The Walking Dead day. Reader Beware: This is a part that I've spent building up to. I hate spoilers more than the next person, but (out of fairness) I have to admit that there's definitely smut here...and it's all from Daryl's POV. I'm already working on what comes next. Thank you all for your input, kind words and support. You guys are so awesome :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It's a few days before we decide to head out again. Wouldn't have gotten too far with Rosita's busted leg. She's still a little slow, but we needa move on. Wouldn't wanna risk anymore attacks- from the dead or the livin'. All our shit's packed up. Rick gathers us together to go over our plans. He grabs the map we found outta the truck. Hope it gives us better luck than the people who had it before. He flattens it over the hood of a car. His voice is determined. He's put a lotta thought into this.

"Vogel State Park's not too far from here. Maybe a little over a day's travel. It's just north of these tracks. It's at the base of Blood Mountain, so we'll have protection from at least one side." Glenn clears his throat.

"I hate to be the downer, but we've been on a mountain before. The Bellwood Quarry? Back in Atlanta? That mountain didn't stop the walkers from attacking our camp." Glenn's right. It was a fuckin' massacre up there. A chill runs down my spine as I remember all the screamin'. Back then, none of those people meant anything to me. They were the group that I'd been stuck with since Merle's original plan of robbin' them fell through. Can't be too mad at him. How could he have known a cop was there, fully loaded? Shane was just the kinda guy that woulda gunned us both down before we'd finish a sentence. I think 'bout everybody that died that night. I didn't know any of them. I look 'round the group here an' realize I can't lose them, even Mullet. We're too close now. They're all my family.

I turn to the map again. Try to figure this out. I see the state park, the lake, the forest. It's all right there in front of us. There should be a campground there. I wouldn't really know. Ain't like I ever been on some lakeside family vacation. It almost looks too good to be true. But what Rick's sayin' makes sense. It's in the direction we're already headed. The forest there could be fulla wildlife. It's a chance worth takin'. If we get a bad feelin' we can take off. I point out what I figure we might find.

"Well, it's a state park, ain't it? Like somethin' for tourists? Maybe there'd be cabins or campers." I look back to Rick as he nods at me. We're on the same page here.

"That's what I was thinking, Daryl. It's part of the Chattahoochee National Forest. It's got wildlife, streams. There's gonna be shelter for us. In the center of all of it is Lake Trahlyta." The lake definitely sweetens the deal. I hear a gasp an' turn to my right. Maggie an' Sasha are visibly excited.

"Did you say a lake? As in fishing and bathing?" Sasha's smile is ear to ear. Makes sense. Fish would be fuckin' nice. An' we all could use a fuckin' wash up. Bob puts his arm 'round Sasha's shoulders.

"I'm sure some people would appreciate certain other people bathing." The girls laugh at him. Maggie winks at Glenn. This is the first time our group has had any real light of hope since the fall of our prison. Beth smiles up at me. My hand squeezes hers.

"If it's north of here, it'll put us closer to the Carolinas. Move further north through them and we end up in Virginia. Maryland and D.C. are just past there. This could work in our favor. But we can't stay there for too long. No more than a day or two." Abraham's the voice of reason, I guess. I just know I go where the group goes. We're all serious then. We know the mission at hand: Get Mullet to D.C.

So it's settled. We make our way north. The sun beats down on us as we trudge along. It's still early fall, so it ain't exactly cold yet. I look in front of me an' see Maggie an' Glenn holdin' hands. Sasha an' Bob, too. I've got Beth on my back, every now an' then she whispers things in my ear. Nothin' serious. Stupid stuff she sees along the way, how excited she is for the lake. Things like that. It hits me that we aren't really different from the other pairs. Abraham is even piggybackin' Rosita. It's a great feelin' to know you belong to somethin'.

We walk 'til dark. I set out an' bag us some game. Couple squirrels, rabbit. Not much, but it's enough. The fire's out after the meat's cooked through. The air gets colder. We take shifts sleepin' in the open, huddled together. Beth stays up with me as I take the first watch. The others are all out.

"How much further do you think we have to go?" Her question's innocent enough. Even if she hasn't been doin' much walkin'.

"Legs tired?" She laughs at me.

"Shut up. I told you not to carry me. I just wanna jump in that water. Maggie's got a few bars of soap she'd taken from Terminus. I can't wait to have clean skin." I don't need to let my mind wander over her clean skin. Not while on watch.

"Jesus. Your sister really tore that place up for supplies, didn't she?" We had soap, water bottles, some clothes. She did a good job. Then Abraham had all that shit from the infirmary. Gauze an' bandages, ointments an' ibuprofen. Didn't think we'd need that shit so soon, but it shouldn't have surprised me. I wonder how much we went through with Rosita's injury alone.

Eventually Beth falls asleep leanin'' against me. I pick her up in my arms an' carry her to the others. I wake Michonne for her watch. She stretches her arms an' legs, looks from where I set Beth an' back to me.

"Go on, get over to your lady friend. I've got this. Least tell me you kept the seat warm." I smile at her. She's been a good friend to me for some time now. I appreciate her need to always wanna brighten the mood, even if all she does is tease me. It was refreshin' back at the prison. So many people were too intimidated by me to ever really approach me. She made it clear she wasn't scared of me. We bonded over bein' outsiders. Eventually we were inside the circle. We stayed close.

I make my way over to Beth an' lay next to her, pull her close to me. Before I close my eyes, I think 'bout what this could be for our group. Shelter, food an' water. I know we've been down this road before. False pretenses that lead us into deeper shit. I know there's nowhere in this world that's completely safe. Shit. I dunno how much I trust that D.C. is what we expect. Part of me thinks this new place's too good to be true. The other part's able to fall asleep at the idea that it'll be everything we need.

* * *

"It should be right through here. Look for any signs, Carl." Rick's voice is hoarse. We've been tryin' to ration water better 'til we could get to one of them streams. The sun's at the highest point in the sky- noon. We were right that it'd only take a day an' a half. Carl an' Michonne ran ahead to spot signs. After a minute, Carl runs back to us.

"The trail's right up there. We found a big sign, Dad." The sign tells us it's the state park. We follow the trail a little longer. It's shaded here, feels good to get outta the sun. Beth's on my back tellin' me 'bout the birds she sees when she suddenly slides off. I turn to see what's wrong with her.

"Oh my gosh. It's beautiful." I follow her eyes to the front. Everybody else had stopped, too. I see why. There it is. Mountain, cabins, lake. It is beautiful. I grab her hand an' we move forward. The mood's picked up. Glenn is laughin', he's so damn happy. We get to the waterside, there's a dock an' boat there. The boat's floor is a pool of water. There's a leak somewhere. Figures.

"Let's go check out those cabins, Rick. Clear 'em if we gotta." He nods to me. Fun an' games can wait 'til we know we're safe. The girls are knee deep in the water already, boots on the dock. Beth smiles up at me as they start splashin' at each other. Any other time I woulda thought they were a buncha idiots. But seein' her in that sparklin' water, sun shinin' down on her, makes me happy. Deep down I know we deserve one fuckin' day to be happy.

I'd never thought luck could be on our side. Ever. That changed when we scoped the cabins. We found some walkers, but not enough to concern us. They were put down easy. We took 'em out back an' burned the bodies. It was pretty nice here. On one side we had the mountain, lake on the other an' the rest was the forest. If we didn't have to go to D.C., I could almost see us livin' here.

We decide to share a cabin for the night. Better to stick the first night out together. They ain't little either. The one we picked out's closest to the water an' it's got five rooms an' a fireplace, deck out back. Glenn jokes 'bout how sad it is, this bein' his first vacation in years. I can't help but to laugh at that with everyone else. I ain't even bitter. Any other time I would've resented a place like this. I ain't ever been on no vacation to a lake, or anywhere. Merle an' I used to go swim at Yellow Jacket Creek, but even that didn't happen often. I see Beth smile at me outta the corner of my eye. She's the only one in the room that knows this is my first 'vacation'.

The woods here are exactly what I needed. Got us a big ass doe not even thirty yards from the campsite. This place is a fuckin' gold mine. Michonne an' Carl went out an' found the stream. Buckets of water sit on the bar at the cabin. Fresh, cold water. I find a fire pit out back an' get to work cookin' up our meat. Glenn an' Bob wanna fix up that boat to go out further an' fish. It's worth a shot. Beth tells me that the girls are goin' out to wash up. She's excited over soap an' water. I can't help but smile at her as she walks away. Rick sits next to me at the pit.

"Thanks for gettin' that deer, Daryl. Who knows when we'll be able to fish. Eugene found a broken line on the water's edge. He figures he can find a hook and stick and cast out when it's all fixed up." There's humor in his voice. Least I'm not the only one who thinks the guy's a joke.

"Jesus. What'd we do without Mullet Macgyver?" He laughs an' helps me turn the meat over. I let out a heavy sigh.

"This place's everything we needed for weeks, now. I can't believe there ain't more walkers than what we found." He smiles at me, puttin' his hand on my shoulder as he gets up.

"Sometimes, even we can catch a break." He walks back to the cabin. I can't fight the little hope that's bubblin' in my chest. If I was a prayin' man I'd ask for things to stay this way. We all eat at the bar, cups an' plates were dusty but that beats the alternative. Beth catches my eye when I've finished an' motions to the door. I lick my fingers clean an' take another gulp of water before I head over to her.

"Come down to the water with me." She holds her hand out to me an' I take it in mine. We get down to the end of the dock an' sit on the edge, feet hangin' over. Sun ain't so high now, probably after four. Beth lays back on the warm wood, hair spread out 'round her. Her eyes are closed, but she still talks to me.

"What'd Rick say this lake was called?"

"Lake Trahlyta." She giggles.

"What a funny name." Mostly, I wanna impress her. It ain't often that I get the chance.

"Do you know the legend behind the name?" She sits up now, eyes wide starin' at me. She shakes her head.

"It's named after a Cherokee princess who lived in the northern mountains of Georgia. One day, the Mountain Medicine Man told her to travel to a spring. He said she had to drink the water an' she'd become more beautiful with every sip. So she did. They say she stumbled on the Fountain of Youth. An' all the people learned of her beauty." I have her full attention. She's pulled up her legs an' wrapped her arms 'round them. Her head rested on her knees.

"There was a Cherokee warrior, Wahsega, who had tried to court her before but she had turned him down. When he learned where she was, he found her an' took her away with him. No matter how much she begged to be set free, he wouldn't let her go. Everyday she got weaker, sadder, longin' for her mountain home. She was dyin'. Trahlyta begged to be buried in her mountains that she loved. Accordin' to legend, she was buried there. As her last dyin' wish, she asked that people would place stones on her grave when they passed by. They would be as young an' happy as she had been there. Anything they wished for would be theirs."

"Daryl, that's beautiful. Sad, but beautiful. Is her grave 'round here?"

"Naw. Cedar Mountains." She looks out at the water, thinkin'.

"I'd wish for us to find somewhere peaceful to stay. Somewhere we could really call home. What would you wish for?" I already know the answer to that question. I already have the one thing I could've ever wished for on any stone, shootin' star or clover. She's right at my side. But I don't wanna sound like an idiot. So I say the next thing that means the most to me. My voice is just over a whisper, like I'm afraid to jinx it.

"That nobody else I care 'bout dies."

She moves so she's right next to me, her head rests on my shoulder. I pull her closer, my cheek sets on the top of her hair. I know I shouldn't push my luck. I got the most important thing I could ever need right here. I still can't believe I even have this.

We sat there for a while, just holdin' each other. The sun was startin' to fall behind the tree line. I shake her arm, motion for us to head back inside. Everyone's havin' a good time. Maggie found two bottles of whiskey under the bar, an' it's obvious that shit's already been passed 'round. I notice Bob hasn't touched any, an' I can't help but respect him for that. I know we should all be more cautious, but I feel like we fuckin' deserve this. 'Sides, Bob can chaperone. I grab one of the bottles from Maggie's hand an' chug it back. It burns all the way down but, fuck, it feels good.

Carl's passed out on one of the couches. So it's just us adults at the bar. Maggie tries to stop Beth from drinkin', but I hand her the bottle anyway. She swigs it back like a champ an' I'm damn proud of her. Her face says it all, an' I can't help but laugh at her with the others.

"Ew! An' I thought moonshine tasted awful." Maggie perks up. Beth still hadn't told her sister 'bout our booze run. She left that bit outta our story.

"How would you know 'bout what moonshine tastes like, Beth?" She looks at me, nervous. I shrug.

"Oh, just somethin' I heard. People always say how bad it tastes, don't they? I figure it can't taste worst than this whiskey." I blame it on the liquor an' Maggie's glazed over eyes, but she seems to accept that as a good enough answer.

I have a good buzz, I don't wanna go further than that. Beth didn't drink more than that first one. Everybody else is gettin' lit. Bob an' I are just teasin' Glenn for how red his face is when I feel a small hand grip my bicep. I turn to see her starin' up at me. She tugs on my arm, nods her head towards the door. I check to make sure no one's lookin' an' let her lead me outside.

We're back down by the water. She's kickin' off her boots. I have no clue what she wants, so I just look 'round us. The sun's completely gone, the moon's reflection shines brightly on the lake's surface. The stars are perfectly visible. It's fuckin' gorgeous out here. Her voice breaks my thoughts.

"I've never gone swimmin' under the moonlight before." My eyes shift from the sky an' lock on her as she slides off her jeans, pulls her shirt over her head. She's standin' in front of me in her bra an' underwear. I can't find my voice, but I swallow hard at the sight of her. Her pale skin is flawless from head to toe. I never realized how long her legs were, how small her waist was. What little dark fabric she's standin' in is a contrast to the snowy skin. I can't help but rake my eyes over her. She turns on the spot an' runs through the water, swimmin' as she gets in chest deep. She stands there starin' back at me. It reminds me of somethin'.

I think back to when I was a kid, an' Merle would read to me on nights we were home alone. Just books he'd take home from school. He loved to read, always said it was his one escape from the world 'round him. My favorite stories had been 'bout pirates. I loved the hunt for gold, treasure maps, sea monsters, mermaids.

Mermaids.

Merle told me they'd lure in sailors with their beauty an' pull 'em in the water to drown when they got too close. I look at her there an' I can imagine her as a deadly beauty. The risk is worth it. I drop my own clothes next to her pile, down to my boxers. Her voice sounds like a melody when she calls out to me.

"Come swim with me, Daryl."

I step into the water an' wade out to where she is. It feels great out here. We actually have fun. She pushes me under the surface. When I come back up, I shake off like a wet dog, sprayin' water all over her. She's gigglin' an' splashin' me back. I could've never dreamt we'd be here like this. She swims a little further out, still able to stand. I smile over at her. Her eyes are dancin' an' her lips pull up to one side.

"I've never gone skinny dippin' before." The smile's wiped clean off my face when I see her lift her hand outta the water, bra an' underwear clenched in her fist. She laughs again as she throws them an' they land in front of me. I look back up to see her swimmin' towards me. When she gets to me I can only make out the lines of her body under the water. She moves in closer, her hands grip my shoulders. I close my eyes as she lifts high enough in the water to have her mouth reach mine. She kisses me gently, slowly. Her arms find their natural place 'round my neck, one hand runs through my wet hair. I pull her to me, my body reacts to her naked flesh against my skin. I let out a sharp breath when her bare chest is crushed to mine. My hands grab at her hips, diggin' into her. She gasps into my mouth as my fingers rake up her sides. Her tongue teases mine, she tastes like whiskey. A low growl rises from deep down in me, breakin' through my lips.

I know that we'll never have a moment like this again. It's what I was waitin' for an' I can't waste one minute. This needs to be perfect. I speak against her mouth.

"What do you want, baby?" I can't believe I used that stupid word. It honestly just slipped out. Fuckin' whiskey. But, right now, I guess it feels good. She had said it's a name she liked. I can kick myself later for bein' an idiot. I feel her smile on my lips.

"You."

I pull off my boxers an' toss them over my shoulder, never breakin' contact with her. My hands move down her thighs, hookin' at her knees. I pull her up to me, she's light as air under the water, an' she wraps her legs 'round my waist. Somethin' awakens in me, but I push it down. I have to control myself. She pulls away slightly, hooded eyes gazin' at me. She bites her bottom lip. I reach up to her face, my thumb tugs it away from her teeth.

"Don't be afraid. All you gotta say is stop." She nods. I know she trusts me. My lips find hers again. Under the water, my hands pull at her thighs to get her to open them. I make my voice as gentle as I can, despite the animal clawin' away inside of me.

"Spread your legs a little wider." She does as she's told, no hesitation. My arm reaches under her an' pulls her closer to me. I move myself so I'm right where I need to be. I fight back the urges I feel an' look into her eyes.

"You sure 'bout this? You can change your mind. It's okay." That clawin' thing deep down is tearin' away at me, it can't believe I'd give her the choice. I just need to control myself a little longer. She gives me a nervous smile. Her lips touch my ear.

"I love you, Daryl. Please don't stop."

It's all I need to hear. It's insanely painful, even with the water over us, but I slowly push inside of her. She cries out an' I hold her to me. But I keep pushing' in. I notice her eyes are clenched tight, her teeth sinkin' into her lip. When I'm fully in, I hold her to me. My fingers brush away the tears on her cheek.

"It's okay, baby. Open your eyes. Look at me." She opens them an' the look she gives me breaks my heart. She's still cryin'.

"Am I hurtin' you?" She shakes her head.

"Just keep goin'. I'm okay. It's just a lot of pressure." I slowly pull outta her, she winces before I push back in. That's all I do for a few minutes to get her used to the feelin'. It's drivin' me fuckin' crazy, but I fight it. After one slow pull, she moans lightly in my ear. I feel her hips move under the water, she's tryin' to grind against me.

"Tell me what to do, Beth." Her voice is silky, the word wraps 'round me.

"Move."

I pick up the pace. We're kissin' again but we've stopped speakin'. The only sounds are the light splashin' of the water an' the noises we make. She pants in my ear an' asks me to go faster. This is what the animal inside of me was waitin' for. I can't help it when I start to get rougher. When my fingers grip her skin a little too hard, when I bite down on her lip. I'm anything but gentle as I move faster, push harder.

I completely lose myself in her. I forget everything we've seen, everything we've lost. I don't fuckin' care 'bout walkers or murderers, prisons or funeral homes. All I care 'bout is her. She cries out again an' again. This is what we've both needed for so long.

I feel her body tense up, I know she's almost there. Her nails dig into my chest an' the breath hisses between my teeth. She whimpers in my ear. Any minute now, she's gonna come apart. My breaths are labored. I feel her thighs tighten 'round me. She cries out again, then breathes out my name. I feel her body tremblin' against me as she crashes down from her high. I feel everything inside of me tighten an' I pull out just in time, she flinches. My forehead is pressed to hers, my body jerks under the water as everything inside me shatters. I'm glad that I saved somethin' like this for her, even if I never knew who I'd been savin' it for. Relieved that this is so much more than anything I've ever had, an' it was with the only woman I've ever loved. We stay like that for a few minutes. She kisses me again. I let out a heavy sigh. My body's fuckin' spent. I laugh at her.

"Jesus, girl. You're gonna ruin me." She smiles sweetly, completely unaware that she'll be my undoin'.

"I'm glad you made me wait, that was perfect. Beautiful. Thank you, Daryl."

Her words hit me in the chest. I'm so fuckin' happy that it meant so much to her, too. I lift her offa me, set her back down in the water. I grab her hand in mine an' we wade back to the grass. We get dressed quietly, wet clothes in our hands, an' head back to the cabin. Everybody's sleepin' now. She locks the door behind us an' I lead her to the room we picked out. We strip outta our clothes an' I toss her a shirt from my bag. I put on my only other pair of boxers. My shirt's too big on her, but she looks fuckin' gorgeous in it. I shouldn't expect any less. I realize I'm starin' at her.

She climbs into the bed an' reaches for me. I drop on the mattress next to her an' wrap the blanket over us. I pull her against me, her back to my chest. My fingers run through her wet hair. When she speaks, it's sweet an' quiet.

"If I close my eyes, I can imagine this is our home, Daryl. An' everything's back to the way it used to be. We're safe an' tucked away in our warm little bed. There's nothin' dangerous outside of these walls. An' we'll live happily ever after together, right here." I let out a sigh when I think 'bout what she's sayin'. I could imagine all of that an' then some. I lean over an' kiss her cheek.

"I love you, Beth. Get some sleep." She's quiet now. An' I think she's already out. I lay my head down an' feel her fingers tangle in mine.

"I love you, too, Daryl."

I close my eyes, but I fight off sleep as long's I can. Today was a good day. Tonight was perfect. There's no way good days an' perfect nights can last. I dread whatever will come next for us. Rick had said that even our group can have a break sometimes, I just wonder how long that break can be. Sleep wins over me an' I slip into the darkness.


	35. Chapter 35

"Damn. If it weren't for Abraham, I'd love to tear up a few sheets with Robin Hood over there."

I can already guess who she's talkin' about, but I follow Rosita's gaze anyway. Daryl's over in the shade, his back to us. He's got another doe strung up by a tree branch. The muscles in his arms flex as he pulls the rope, a counterweight to raise the deer higher. I can't help but appreciate how attractive he is, even from behind. I can only daydream about what the muscles in his back must look like, flexin' an' pullin'. But I know he'll never walk 'round the yard here shirtless. He's already exposed his scars to me an' I thought he had only broken hisself further that night. We've come a ways since then.

A smile spreads across my face when I think of our first time together. It was completely romantic, I still feel dizzy when I think that's exactly how he wanted it. It was perfect. How gentle he was, how much he loved me. An' he looked just as nervous as I felt. There's a pull at my belly when I think of how much I enjoyed the less gentle side of him in the water. The way his fingers dug into my skin, his pantin' breaths an' manly grunts at my ear as he pulled me closer an' pushed deeper. Lookin' at him now, I can already feel the heat risin' to my face.

I shake my head clear of those thoughts an' get back to washin' clothes. Rosita's sittin' on the dock, her bad leg stretched in front of her, the good one dangles down to the water. I like Rosita. She's tough like Maggie an' Michonne. I take no offense to her comment. If I were the jealous type, I'd lose my mind tryin' to hang on to a man like Daryl Dixon. But I don't have to be jealous when he doesn't realize what a catch he is. I always get sad when I think of just how poorly he sees hisself. Like lookin' at your reflection in a cracked mirror, the image's distorted. He doesn't accept what a good person he is. He shies away from all compliments, actually. There's still a lot of groundwork to be done with the task of rebuildin' Daryl.

I'm scrubbin' one of his shirts when I drop the bar of soap in the water. I bend down to pick it up an' grimace at the ache between my legs. It ain't the first time this mornin' that I felt that. I thought I'd be brought to tears when I bent down to take off my boots before gettin' in the water. I take a deep breath an' push through it. I wasn't dumb enough to think I wouldn't be sore afterwards. This mornin' plays back through my mind.

_ I woke up to a light tickle on my thigh. He was slowly skimmin' his fingers up an' down my leg. His face was in my hair, his breathin' soothed me. The sun was warm on my skin, shinin' through that big window. For a second, I could pretend everything was fine. It was like I told him last night, all I had to do was pretend. I could tell he thought I was asleep. He usually seems more relaxed when he thinks he's the only one awake. He whispers sweet nothin's in my ear, kisses the top of my head, my neck. It's obvious to me that he adores me. I just wish I could get him outta that shell. _

_The caressin' touch he gave me only paid memory to the touches from last night. There was a fire inside me, then. Without warnin' him, my fingers stretched back to his hair. I could spend hours runnin' my fingers through his shaggy locks. I find myself doin' that whenever we kiss. I added a smolder to my voice, tryin' to sound like one of those pretty actresses you used to see in the movies. The girls who always get the guys. I could only hope to come off with so much appeal._

_ "Mornin'." _

_He shifted so his lips were at my ear, his usual smirk. It sent a shiver through me as his hand left my thigh an' I felt the rough palm flatten against the lower part of my stomach. He was quiet, as though he thought the rest of the world still slept. Like we were the only two people to stir this early in the mornin'. His breath was warm against my earlobe as he spoke to me. _

_"Sleep alright?" I had told him it was the best sleep I've had in a long while. I didn't tell him that it was the first night I didn't have my nightmare. He doesn't know about that. I wasn't about to tell him then. His thumb lightly brushed my naval. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips. He chuckled softly against my cheek. Apparently, bein' ticklish was amusin' to him._

_ "You're such a girl." My hand dropped from his head an' my fingers grazed his ribs. My wrist was in a steel grasp before I could find out if I could get a good laugh outta him. I couldn't fight the pouty look on my face. His hand came up to my jaw, he grasped my chin firmly as he turned me to face him. He kissed me softly an' I felt my body heat up. He let go of me, rested his forehead in my hair. I heard him clear his throat, his voice quiet. Almost shy. _

_"How you feelin'?" It took a millisecond for me to understand the question, I almost blushed as the memory of last night flew through my mind. I sounded shy, too, when I answered him._

_ "I think I'm fine, actually." I felt him nod against me. A small laugh escaped him. _

_"Wait 'til you get up. You'll be hatin' me all day." He almost sounded sad, then. It was like he really thought I could hate him. I needed to pull him away from that. I turned on my side. He looked guarded again, like he was waitin' for somethin' bad. I didn't know how else I could make him see that we're alright. I gave him a small kiss an' decided to throw caution to the wind. I wanted him to smile. I needed him to be happy._

_My tongue pushed into his mouth causin' him to groan, I tugged forcefully on his hair. His hands cupped my face, but I pulled away. I sat up next to him, his complete focus on me. He licked over his bottom lip an' the sight nearly knocked me over. I lifted up the shirt he'd given me last night an' tossed it aside. I sat in front of him in nothin' but my boy shorts as his eyes raked over me. I didn't feel an urge to hide myself or cover up in front of him. He sat there, still as stone, a hunger burnin' in those beautiful blue eyes. I held onto his hands as I lifted myself over his body. The movement made me realize how sore I was, but I fought it. I purposefully ground my hips against him as I dragged my fingers over his bare chest. The moan he let out was intoxicatin'. I leaned down an' whispered against his lips._

_ "I love you." His own mouth smiled against mine as he grabbed my hips an' rolled me over on the mattress. I arched my back when I felt his thumbs hook into the only fabric on my body. His mouth fell to my breasts an' traveled down my stomach, nearly settin' me on fire as he slowly slid my underwear down my legs. He was on top of me, then. He nipped along my jaw as he slowly pushed hisself into me. Before he took me for the second time, he whispered in my ear._

_ "I love you." _

"Hey, did you hear me?" I realize I've been scrubbin' the same shirt this whole time. Rosita's starin' at me.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" She lets out a puff of air, flips back one of her pigtails.

"I asked if you wouldn't mind helpin' me back up. Fuck a busted leg, right?" She smiles at me as I toss the shirt up to the dock, pullin' myself up after it. I wince again, an' decide the pain couldn't go away soon enough. I lift her to her feet an' make sure she's steady. "Thanks, kid. Might as well get my ass inside an' grab somethin' to drink." She limps back to the cabin an' I'm left to myself. I glance back over to the yard but don't see Daryl standin' there. Just a strung up doe.

"Jesus. Thought she'd never leave." His voice makes me jump, but I'm relieved to see him walkin' up the dock. He looks better than he did when he first woke up.

"Why were you waitin' for her to leave? You know you can come over here if you want." He just shrugs, eyes on the ground. It was a stupid question. I know he still isn't completely comfortable with those three, yet. He looks to the woods.

"Wanna go huntin'?" I glance over at his doe, then back to him. I'm confused. He catches it. "Figured we could do somethin' together today." I understood what he meant. We fell into the swing of our old routine. Ladies washin' an' men workin' to secure the area, Daryl bringin' home our food. I hadn't realized how strained the last few days had been. How we could actually find time here to finally enjoy livin' again.

"I'll go get my knife."

"Don't need it."

We head out through the trees, my hand in his as his bow hangs over his other side. I take a second to appreciate the rough, callouses of his hand against the softer skin of mine. I think of his strong hands elsewhere, an' I bite my lip. He points out things to me I wouldn't ever notice on my own. Little signs of animals that he can track, like fur caught to briars an' tiny footprints in the dirt. I'm fascinated by everything he has to show me. I start to wonder why he never speaks up more. With me, he's at least open. I know there's so much more to him. I feel like I have all the time in the world to figure it out. A safe place like this can do that to you.

We've gotten a pretty good ways out. I stare down the sight at the rabbit we've tracked. I can see Daryl outta the corner of my eye, one leg kicked behind him as he's propped up against that tree. He's chewin' the tip of his thumb, watchin' me. My lessons have picked up again. When he handed me the bow, he told me that I was on my own today. That my stance an' shots were all up to me. I put everything I have into keepin' my focus on that rabbit. My aim an' trigger are one as I let out my breath. I'm rewarded with the arrow findin' it's way to the skull.

"That's my girl." He gently squeezes my arm as he walks past to get my prize. He holds it up by the ears an' tugs hard on the arrow. He smirks at me. "Ain't enough to call a meal, but I'm proud of you." My heart swells at his words. He tosses it to me an' I just barely catch it before it can touch the dirt. I laugh at him.

"One of these days I'll be the one takin' care of you." He rolls his eyes.

"That s'posed to be an old person joke?" There's humor in his voice, so I know he wasn't offended. He places his hand at the small of my back an' we go further out. When we come to a fallen tree, he motions for me to have a seat. I try to hide the discomfort from my face as I sit next to him. But a skilled hunter can pick up anything.

"Sorry 'bout that." He nods towards my lap. I can't believe he's apologizin' to me. It's hard to hide my irritation.

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm not. 'Sides, now that everything's finally goin' right for us, I figure we'll have plenty of time to practice." He almost smiles. He's turnin' my arrow in his fingers. I can tell he's thinkin' somethin' over. I know he won't speak on his own. "What's the matter?" I'm answered with a shrug. Now there's no hidin' my irritation. "I thought we were past shruggin' shoulders an' silent treatments, Daryl." A heavy sigh parts his lips, his shoulders hunch an' he's no longer playin' with that arrow. I can feel a sick twistin' in my stomach, anticipatin' his words.

"It ain't gonna last."

My heart stops. In fact, I think I feel it breakin'. I've been such a stupid girl to think I could be what he wants. My earlier assumption over Rosita makes me feel even more foolish. How could he possibly want me when there are much better women that would gladly throw themselves at him? I can feel the tears burnin' at my eyes. What could've brought this on? My inexperience? My age? I'm ready to accuse him of many things when he continues.

"This place is too good to be true. I feel it deep in my gut. I know I can't expect a good thing to last. The prison, the funeral home." He blanches. I quickly recover from my first presumption an' take his hand in mine.

"Maybe luck's in our favor? I mean, even our group deserves a break." I don't know what I've said to upset him, but he abruptly pulls his hand from mine, leaves my side an' stands in front of me. I can see his muscles tighten, he won't look me in the eyes.

"Y'all are awful dependent on luck an' faith out here. Jesus Christ. Weren't it luck we found that prison? What was it when we lost it?" He's really upset. I feel ashamed that I hadn't noticed before, this is somethin' that's really been eatin' away at him. I sit quietly as he continues. "The fuckin' funeral home? Shit, I was dumb enough to think me an' you coulda lived the rest of our lives there." He doesn't catch the surprise on my face at his words, too busy lookin' at the arrow between his fingers. He scoffs, an' his eyes now burn into mine. "Terminus? Fuckin' sanctuary, my ass! Don't you people get it? I been sayin' it all along: There ain't no more hope. It's all livin' an' dyin'. If y'all can get outta your little fantasy land, maybe we can work a little harder to stay away from the dyin' side!"

"Daryl, we ain't really livin' if all we focus on is not dyin'. I'm sorry, but I don't wanna spend the rest of my life runnin'. I can't. You an' I both know I'm not as strong as the rest of you. Look at everything that's happened to me because I'm so weak. It's only a matter of time before..." But I don't get to finish my sentence.

He's on me now, his lips brutally crush against mine. It's only just painful. His tongue begs entrance to my mouth, an' I give in. His hand tightly grips the back of my neck, the other rakes down my side an' digs at the flesh on my hip. I gasp into his mouth. Before I can fully wrap my head 'round the change in mood, I feel his lips slowly leave mine. He pulls me against him, his hands are firm at my neck an' the small of my back. It's the tightest embrace he's ever put me in. I almost jump when he speaks.

"Don't. I'll never let anything happen to you again. Just, don't." I take his hand in mine an' we start to make our way back. We're still a good distance away when Daryl throws his arm out, the impact knocks the wind outta me. I look up to him an' he puts his finger to his lips, silencin' me. Now I hear it, somethin's makin' it's way through the woods. I look 'round us, but I don't see anything. Daryl's voice is low when he speaks.

"Somethin's followin' us."

"Walkers or people?" He shrugs, he's strainin' to pick up anymore sounds. I stand frozen to the spot. Outta the corner of my eye, I see the movement in the tall brush to his other side. Luckily, he saw it first an' raises his bow. His voice is deadly.

"Walk on outta there. Hands where I can see 'em." I waited for a man or woman to step out. But they never did. Instead, four walkers finally tore their way through to us. An arrow flew through the forehead of one, Daryl grabbed my hand an' we ran a few good feet but the terrain was against us. He had just jumped over a bush when I tripped, my foot caught in it.

I could hear the dead closin' in on me as I tried to untangle my leg from the thorns. Strugglin', the briars tore at my skin an' soon my jeans were soaked in blood. He was at my side, his hands bleedin' as he pulled at the vines to free me. I let out a cry as a rottin' arm crept up my leg through the bush. It was strong as it pulled on me. I saw it's face was ripped at the mouth with teeth gnashin' at me. It pulled me harder an' I felt the thorns dig into my side. Daryl pulled at my arms, a deadly tug-of-war. The thing that was once a very large man was gonna pull me right through the thorns an' right to him. With another jerk Daryl's hands slipped as I was bein' dragged through the bush, the thorns were daggers in my skin. I screamed outta pain an' fear as I kicked my free leg at it.

I saw the crossbow connect with it's head, splatterin' the bush in brain matter. Daryl swung it at the third, knockin' it down. As my fingers worked at the vines, I saw him kick the fourth in the chest, spinnin' 'round to split his buck knife through the skull of the other. His grip was firm on the handle as he ripped it from tissue an' bone, drivin' it up through the jaw of the last with such force it was lifted off the ground. He turned back to me, lookin' afraid for the first time since I'd met him on my daddy's farm. It's terrifyin' to see Daryl Dixon afraid.

He quickly dropped back to my side, told me to hold still as he quickly sliced at the vines with his knife. When I was finally untangled, he grasped my hand an' we ran. I mostly limped, the pain in my leg was awful. But I pushed through it. Once we broke through to our camp he lifted me in his arms. We shoved past Rick an' Michonne who had been quarterin' that doe.

"Daryl? What happened?" Rick's voice is panicked. I see Michonne run in front of us to get the door, Rick right behind us. Daryl turns to face them, me still in his arms.

"Walkers. In the woods. Gimme a minute." He turns again an' takes me back to our room. I hear Michonne ask if I'm bitten an' feel as he swallows hard. He doesn't answer her. We get into the room as he gently sets me down on the bed. He won't look at me, just squeezes my shoulder an' tells me to stay.

I hear them speakin' out there. Daryl raises his voice a few times, but I can't make out what they're sayin'. I just start to pull off my jeans to assess my cuts when the bedroom door opens. Those blue eyes won't meet mine as he slowly approaches, the door closin' quietly behind him. He doesn't say anything to me. His hands grab mine as he pulls me to my feet. He falls to his knees in front of me, his fingers work at the button an' zipper of my jeans an' he gently slides them down my legs. I lift each foot as he pulls my boots off, my hands on his shoulders for balance. He won't look up at me, only at my bare legs. The first words he says are barely audible.

"Were you bitten?" I can't find my own voice, so I shake my head. He still doesn't look at me. When I can speak, it's hoarse.

"No."

"Scratched?" His tone is flat.

"Only by thorns. I swear." I see his shoulders relax, fallin' forward. Faster than I can notice, his arms wrap tightly 'round my waist, his face rests against my stomach. I don't know what else to do, so my fingers gently massage into his hair. He's shakin'. My voice's as soft as I can manage. "Daryl, it's alright. I'm okay. You're okay. We're both fine." He pulls away from me an' stands. His eyes are bloodshot, I hadn't noticed that when he came in. I see the wet streaks on his cheeks. He rubs at his eyes roughly before his hands hold my face. His voice is still so quiet when he speaks. The sound breaks my heart.

"There's only a few times in my life I've ever been so afraid. When I found Merle after he died. When the prison fell. The night you were taken right out from under me. Findin' you on that basement floor. The man holdin' you at gunpoint." He sighs an' I mean to say somethin', but he goes on. "When I saw that fuckin' walker grab your leg, I was afraid. When it pulled you right outta my arms, I was terrified. He coulda bitten you. You coulda..." He can't finish the sentence. Now I'm the one lookin' at the floor. I'm ashamed of the trouble I always find myself in an' I hate myself for hurtin' him. The gentle brushin' of his thumb against my cheek makes me wanna cry. I refuse to look at him. His hand grabs my chin, pullin' on it until I'm lookin' into those stormy eyes. My heart hammers away, the tears betray me.

"You're alright?" I can't speak, so I only nod. That's all it takes. His hands are in my hair, his tongue pushes through my lips. At first, I'm frozen, but I can feel him gently coaxin' me to respond. When my fingers pull through his hair he moans into my mouth. He lifts me up, my hands on his shoulders as he wraps my legs 'round him.

For a second, I think he's gonna lay us on the bed, but he moves just past the mattress an' pushes me against the wall. He breaks our kiss, sets me down on my own feet for a moment as he slips my underwear down my legs, then pulls my shirt over my head. He slides off his vest an' pulls off his own shirt. I pull his lips back to mine as I hear him undo his buckle, unzip his jeans. He lifts me up again an' I cling to his neck. He looks me in the eyes as he speaks to me.

"I'll die before I ever let anything happen to you." When his lips trail down my throat I glance up an' see our reflection in the mirror across the room. His jeans hang on his hips. My arms an' legs twisted 'round his back. I see his scars, see his muscles flex as he pushes my thighs further apart. His voice is a rumble from his chest as he speaks into my ear.

"I love you so fuckin' much, Beth. Jesus Christ." Then he pushes in me with a sharp intake of breath. It's not like this mornin' or last night. There's no hesitation, he doesn't treat me like I'm made of glass. This is so primal, so possessive. I sigh as his hips roll into mine, his rhythm is at a quick pace. When he buries his face into my neck again to stifle his moanin', I look back to our reflection. I watch his sinewy back flex with each thrust. His hand pulls mine off his shoulder, pins it to the wall by my head as he locks our fingers together. I turn my face to his, let out a sigh an' breathe into his ear.

"I'll always love you, Daryl."

His lips find mine again, an' we lose ourselves in each other.


	36. Chapter 36

Beth's sittin' on the bathroom sink. It's the first time we've been in here. Ain't like it does you much good when it ain't got no runnin' water. I have a cup of stream water, a bar of soap, alcohol an' peroxide spread along the counter. Abraham did a damn good job stockin' shit up. I quickly cleaned up the scratches on my hand before I turned to her legs. She bites her lip when I rub the towel over her cuts. I told her the alcohol would burn. But she ain't shed a tear. My girl's tough as nails.

As I look at her bloodied up leg, I have to fight back the bile in my throat. She coulda died today. She slipped right through my fingers an' into the hands of death. I meant every word I said when I told her how scared I'd been. If she was bitten, if I lost her...there's no words for how that would destroy me. Keepin' her safe's been my top priority since we left the prison. I can't help but think how many times she's faced danger while I was at her side. I'm s'posed to protect her. It ain't just makin' it up to Hershel no more. I'm in love with her. She's the only person who could ever save me, an' I only barely save her. She speaks up an' pulls me from my thoughts.

"What're we gonna do, now? More security measures?" Even when she's anxious, she's beautiful. Her voice's become my favorite sound in the world, it always guides me from the darker side. It's a sound I hold close to my heart. Mostly 'cause I always think when I hear it, it might be the last time I do. I look away from her cuts, up to her. Despite what happened, she still looks beautiful. Her hair's pulled back from her face, her eyes large an' bright. She's in her underwear an' a sweatshirt that's too big on her. Everything's too big on her.

"Meetin' tonight in the kitchen. Figure out our next move." I start applyin' the peroxide. Now that the bleedin's stopped, it don't look so bad. We shoulda cleaned her up when we first got to the cabin. I can kick myself the rest of the night for actin' on impulse an' bein' so irresponsible, but that don't make me regret what we did. I can completely forget the shit we been through when I'm with her. It's almost unnervin' just how bad I need that connection.

"Alright. You're all cleaned up. Let's go." I help her off the sink, take her back in the bedroom. Her jeans were scrubbed by her sister an' now hang to dry over the deck, from what I could tell she ain't got but the one pair. I throw her a pair of my pants to put on. More big clothes on her, but I like her wearin' my shit. Gotta be that possessiveness, again. I grab her hand an' we make our way to the kitchen.

Almost everybody's already there. The only person I don't see is Rosita. Musta taken some pain meds or somethin'. Beth stands in front of me, my arm wraps 'round her waist. Maybe it's the same possessiveness, maybe it's 'cause I almost lost her this afternoon. All I know is I have to have her next to me. It's like I told her a few nights ago, she's mine. Rick clears his throat to get our attention. I can't look him in the eye, not after our argument earlier.

_ "Daryl, if she was bitten there may still be time to amputate the leg." I felt sick to my stomach. I knocked over one of the barstools in my rage. _

_"She ain't bit! I woulda known!" I couldn't even hide the uncertainty in my voice. He crossed his arms over his chest, kept his voice lower than mine._

_ "If she was? Would you be able to handle that? I'm offerin' a chance to save her. Hershel survived it." I felt my eyes burnin'. I shoved him away from me, Michonne got between us. When she spoke, it was calm. _

_"If she was bitten, she'll turn."_

_ It made me remember a nightmare I had once. Beth had been dead, she'd turned. An' she tried to rip me apart. All because I failed her. I could feel what little life I had in my heart slip away from me. It was wrong. How can I finally find a light in such a dark world, after such a dark life, only to have the flame put out before it could ever grow? That's when I first noticed I'd started cryin'. I musta looked like such a pussy to them. But all I could think was, '_Not her_,'. I shouldered past Rick, he had told me to sort this shit out, that we were havin' a meetin' tonight to decide what needs to be done. I didn't answer him, only went to Beth._

I know I can't be mad at Rick. I know he was right. I'm ashamed of how I reacted. He won't ever hold that shit against me. We're brothers, now.

"This place ain't as safe as we originally thought. Daryl an' Beth had a run in with a group of walkers. It could've been an isolated incident or it could mean a potential larger threat. That's why we're here, tonight. We have some decisions to make." The room is silent. Everybody's already been informed of the details. Ain't no need for him to go into that. Beth leans back into my chest. She's tired. I just want this to be over so she can get some sleep. I rub her shoulders. Abraham speaks up.

"Look, this place was nice for a rest stop, but we still have the mission at hand. I vote we move on. The sooner we get Eugene to Washington, the sooner we ain't gotta worry about the dead anymore."

"I have to agree with Abraham. Bob and I both told him we'd follow them when we left Terminus. We now know this place isn't a complete safe haven, I say it's worth it to leave." Sasha's voice is confident, an' Bob obviously stands by her.

"Michonne?"

"I think we should head out. Soon as possible. We stay here, we might get carried away in the false hope of a normal life. Least when we're on the road, we keep our guards up."

"Maggie and I agreed already that we need to go to Washington. There's nothing to stop a herd from getting to us. If that's the case, we'll be trapped here. It isn't worth the risk." Glenn squeezes Maggie's shoulder as she nods. Now Rick turns to me.

"Daryl?" I feel Beth's hand close 'round mine. I knew all along we couldn't stay here. It was only a matter of time before somethin' bad would happen. I can't take losin' any more of our own. I take a deep breath, there's only one way I see us goin'.

"The original plan was D.C. I say we follow through." Rick smiles at me an' it makes me feel even worst for goin' off on him earlier. He looks 'round all of us as he speaks.

"It's settled then. We'll head out first thing in the mornin', set off to South Carolina. It's too risky to leave tonight. We'll stay close to the mountains for protection and food." An' that was it. There weren't any arguin', we all knew what needed to be done. The anxiety of settin' out again is mixed with relief. I want to believe we'll be okay. I'm not fool enough to bet on luck bein' on our side. What little luck we've had has always been misfortune disguised as a good thing. I don't rely on fuckin' luck anymore. Everybody slowly started to slip away for the night. I grabbed Rick by the elbow.

"Hey. 'Bout earlier," but he wouldn't let me finish. He smiled at me an' put his hand on my shoulder.

"I've been there, Daryl. I know what it feels like to have those kinda fears. You never left my side, I ain't leavin' yours." An' with that, he went to the room him an' Carl were sharin'. It was just me an' Beth now. I tugged at the little braid in her ponytail, nodded towards the bedroom. She stood still. I followed her gaze to the fireplace.

"It's a shame we never got to build a fire in there." I wonder what coulda brought that up. She sounded sad. It hits me, I know Beth saw this place as some safe house, I think everybody did. She still wants a normal life. I want more than just to keep her alive, I wanna keep her happy. So there's no hesitation as I lift her in my arms an' carry her over there. I set her down on the floor just in front of the fireplace. Once I get a fire goin' with two of the logs, I lean back against the couch an' pull her to me. She sits with her back to my chest, her hands on my legs. The fire makes the whole room glow. It felt like we sat in front of that damn blaze for hours when she finally spoke to me.

"Daryl?" It's stupid how much I love hearin' her say my name. I love how it sounds. If I ain't careful, I'm gonna end up as some sappy fucker like Glenn.

"Hmm?" She takes a deep breath, like she has to talk herself into whatever she has to say.

"You were right. About this place? I should know better than to doubt your instincts, they've never been wrong before."

I think 'bout what she's sayin'. I've always trusted my gut. It's gotten me through a lotta shit. Even before the turn, I could trust my instincts to save my skin. I always thought my upbringin' made me more alert to the shit 'round me, that I had some heightened sense of awareness to my surroundin's. Instinct made me a good hunter, a good tracker, an' a survivor. My whole life, it's all I've followed. 'Til now.

I can feel my heart beatin' at a steady pace. It ain't always been somethin' I paid attention to, mostly forgot I even had the fuckin' thing. For so long I only relied on it to pump blood through my veins so I could keep movin' forward. But that's changed. It's like she interferes with the signal my gut tries to put out, like bein' 'round her rewires the course of my actions from my instincts to my heart.

"Everybody wanted this to be more, Beth. Even me. But we'll be good. I'll take care of us."

"I meant what I said earlier, Daryl. I'm sick of livin' just to survive. I want life to be more than that. I'm tired of always bein' on the run." I was molded from birth into a person who lives by survivin'. I never knew there was more than that. Everyday was survival of the fittest. There's always casualties in that way of livin', but I somehow managed to keep gettin' the upper hand. Even now, sittin' with her in an actual house, I just want us to live to see another day. I thought we were already lucky enough to have each other, an' I always thought luck was against me.

I look up to the ceilin', like there's gonna be some fuckin' divine instruction on what I've gotta say to her. But I know better than that, any answer I ever got I came up with myself. I know this: _she's_ my more. There's no other way to describe it. I kiss the top of her head as I sit up, pullin' her up with me. I speak into her hair.

"Let's go to bed." I help her stand, then bend my knees. She hops on my back an' giggles in my ear as I carry her down the hall.

"See, Daryl? It's just like everything was normal. Like we're just two people, hopelessly in love an' tryin' to figure everything out along the way." I set her down when we're in the room, an' she continues as I slip my pants off her hips. "We're not like Maggie an' Glenn, I know that. I think that's the way I want it, honestly. I love how this is new to both of us. You an' I get closer an' work things out in our own way. We're beautiful together, Daryl."

She's right. I already knew we weren't nothin' like those two. What they had came natural. Beth an' I had to overcome so much shit to get to where we are now. It's changed us both. She kisses my cheek as she turns to the bed. When crawls onto the mattress, her small hand takes mine as she pulls me down next to her. I rub her shoulder as we stare out into the night. That view is the reason I picked this room. I don't feel caged in when I can look right outside. Past that deck ain't nothin' but woods, an' the wild will always call to me.

The comfort don't last long. A thought that this may be our last peaceful night for a while exhausts me. I can feel the worry down to my bones. A feelin' I just can't shake. Shit. Is it too much to ask for one more decent fuckin' night? I know what I need.

"You should sing to me."

I can see the muscles in her face pull up, I know she's smilin'. She turns to face me now, eyes dancin' wildly in the dark.

"What should I sing?" I tell her to sing anything to me, I just wanna hear her voice fill our room. She sits up an' tries to pull me to her lap. I almost laugh at her attempt to drag me. But I find myself between her legs, my arms outline her thighs. I lay my head back on her chest as her fingers massage my scalp. When she sings, it's hauntin' an' beautiful all at once. I close my eyes.

_ "I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away but I remember everything._" I know this song. It was one of my brother's favorites. The voice is beautiful, but it's painful. It's like an angel's stabbed me. The words are a dagger in my heart.

"_Everyone I know goes away in the end. An' you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt_." It's too depressin'. I look up to her face.

"Don't you know any happier songs?" She lets out a small laugh.

"_Hurt_ is a classic, Daryl. I thought you told me to sing whatever I wanted?"

"Sing whatever you want that ain't so fuckin' sad." Her gigglin' warms my entire body, it melts away the ache I felt. She thinks for a moment before she starts to sing that Amazin' Grace song. I remember the first time she sung that to me in the funeral home. It was the same night I realized I loved her. I know she remembers it, too. It's like she said, we're hopeless with this love thing. But it's right for us. This is her way of showin' me that. When she finishes, I pull her to me an' I kiss her with all the emotion I have in me. I fall asleep in her arms.

* * *

We're finally restin'. It's been a long fuckin' mornin'. The others are hungry, I know we need food. Beth an' I walk up a little ways before headin' into the woods. I just told her how this was probably far enough when I realized she'd already stopped.

"What is it?"

"We've found it." I follow her eyes to see the large pile of stones, must be almost as tall as her. She bends down an' picks up two rocks from the road, handin' one to me. She takes my free hand an' leads me over to the pile. I know what this is. She remembered what I told her. I can't believe she woulda even known to look for it out here. When I speak, my voice is low, tryin' to hide my surprise.

"Trahlyta's grave." She turns 'round an' smiles at me.

"So, how does this work? Do we place the stones an' make silent wishes, like blowin' out the candles on a birthday cake? Maybe we should speak them so she can hear us. What do you think, Daryl?"

"Think in your head. Feels like sayin' somethin' like that out loud could jinx it." She goes up to the pile, I see her squeeze the rock to her heart, eyes closed as though she's puttin' everything she's got into this. She places the small stone at the top an' turns to me, smilin'.

"I wished for Washington to be a safe an' peaceful place for us. Your turn."

"Thought we weren't sayin' it out loud?" She rolls her eyes at me an' shrugs.

"I don't see the harm in it."

I step up to the pile, turnin' the jagged little rock in my hand. When I had told her 'bout this place, I'd said that I'd wish for no one else I cared 'bout to die. It's the truth, an' it's almost too much to think 'bout losin' her. I can't bring myself to look at her as I place my own stone on the pile.

"What'd you wish for?"

"Naw. Keepin' it a secret. Too important to jinx." I take her hand an' set out into the woods. She talks 'bout what a good thing D.C. could be for us. Her hope will never be burned out. She says that she wants it to be more than what we've had before. Safer, more food, good people. She stops an' looks at me.

"Wouldn't that be great? No longer havin' to struggle to live? To finally have more?" I don't have an answer for her because I've learned not to take my chances on luck, hopes an' stones. But I nod anyways. I want her to be happy. I need her to be safe. Beth's the most important thing in my life now. She wants more than what we got, an' I already got more than I've ever had.

* * *

_***EDITED*** A/N: "Hurt" belongs to Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails (I'm going for the Johnny Cash cover). I do not own that song or any of Robert Kirkman's characters._

_***Thanks, Genroxanne for the FYI! Lol you very well could've just saved my skin! :)***_


	37. Chapter 37

The last couple days had been pretty warm. But it was cooler today, an' it's cold tonight. If I had to guess, I'd say it's late October. Explains my baggin' another deer earlier. I think 'bout last winter, how fuckin' hard it was for us to find anything. Our group needs to get to Washington before winter sets in. Deer'll be a hell of a lot harder to come across then. Someone clears their throat behind me, an' I turn to see Michonne.

"Thought you could use the company tonight." She sits next to me. We're a little ways from the road, out in the woods. It's safer hidden in the trees than takin' our chances out in the open. Ain't as safe as actual shelter, but we make the best of it. Before night fell we set up our tents an' sleepin' bags. Beth's sleepin' in our tent right now. I couldn't close my eyes if I tried, so I volunteered watch. Guess Michonne couldn't sleep either. I've got my back propped against this old tree, my knees pulled up. My bow balances on top of my legs, finger by the trigger. I know I always have to be ready.

"Been meanin' to give you these, but keep forgettin' to." I feel somethin' tappin' my arm, look down to see her handin' me a pack of Reds. I look back up to her face. She shrugs her shoulders an' explains. "Took these outta the car I slept in a few days ago. Back by the tracks? They're all yours." She smiles at me as I take the pack in my hand, noddin' my thanks.

"Shit. Probably why I can't fuckin' sleep. Jesus, I missed nicotine." I pack the smokes before openin' them. I offer one to her. She laughs.

"No thanks. I quit years ago. Enjoy your lung cancer." She says it with an even bigger smile, winks at me. I roll my eyes as I pull one out, puttin' it between my lips. I shove the pack in my jacket an' reach into my back pocket for my zippo. She watches me as I flick it open, bringin' the flame to my mouth. After savorin' a good, long drag I speak to her again.

"Maybe you haven't heard. Apparently, there's shit out there a lot worst than cancer." She tries to muffle her laugh with her hand. I puff out a cloud of smoke, creatin' a veil in front of my face. I hear her let out a heavy sigh.

"It's gonna be winter soon." I nod as I inhale again. She knows as well as I do what winter means for our group when we're out on the road. She dealt with it when she'd been alone with Andrea. Maybe it's 'cause I'm comfortable with her, or 'cause we're two of a kind. Shit, maybe it's 'cause she gave me some smokes. I decide to voice somethin' I been chewin' over ever since we left that damn lake.

"Fuckin' prison woulda been nice to have right 'bout now. We didn't get there 'til it was almost spring. I didn't think I'd have to live another winter like that anytime soon." She looks down to the ground, thinkin' 'bout somethin'. I regret even sayin' anything 'bout that place. I try not to even think 'bout it if I don't have to. Maybe she's been doin' the same.

"I never shoulda stopped lookin' for the bastard." Her voice is low, but it still cuts through the air like a knife. I hadn't meant it to come off like that. I'd only wanted to get the feelin' off my chest. This was probably her way of doin' that. I nudge her with my elbow.

"I shoulda never told you to stop. Shoulda never stopped, myself." I tip the cigarette between my fingers before bringin' it back to my mouth. I had no intentions of dealin' with heavy shit tonight. Least not openly like this.

"You were busy bringin' us more survivors, huntin', steppin' up in the council. You had your reasons to stop. I didn't." I hate hearin' her blame herself for what happened. Funny that just a few weeks ago I was doin' the same. I look back to the tent where Beth's sleepin'.

"You gotta let that shit go. Your past? It ain't good for none of us to keep focusin' on what we done wrong. The world's changed an' we changed with it." She lets out a humorless laugh.

"Sometimes I wonder what the changes I made cost me. How much of myself did I lose along the way, just tryin' to survive?" I know I didn't change much to survive. It's all I've ever known. But I did change. I never woulda stuck with so many people, never woulda had friends like Rick an' Michonne, any of them. I woulda never fallen in love or had someone worth dyin' for. I can't help but appreciate the change in me, now that I think 'bout it. I take one last drag of my smoke before grindin' it into the tree bark an' flickin' it to the ground. I blow the smoke outta the side of my mouth when I speak to her.

"You gotta stay who you are, not who you were. Got you this far, gotta count for somethin'." I hear Rick stirrin', probably gettin' ready for his watch. Michonne looks me right in the eyes, I see so much pain behind hers.

"I don't think I can let go of any of it. Not who I was, not the mistakes I've made." Rick's just walkin' over to us. I stand an' look down at her.

"You don't let it go, it'll kill you." I place my hand over my heart. "Right here." She nods, then a smile breaks across her face.

"When did Daryl Dixon become such a motivational speaker? What happened to the rough redneck who only grunted his answers?" Rick's just come over to where we stand. I nod to him, glance over at my tent, then turn back to her.

"Someone once helped me with the same shit. It ain't so bad once you let it go. Kinda nice." I start to walk to my tent, look back over my shoulder. I pull the Reds outta my jacket an' hold them up. "See what happens when you hang 'round? You learn shit 'bout people." She winks at me, even laughs a little.

I crawl under the blanket with Beth. She's out cold. My hand moves back the hair from her face. She always looks so much younger when she sleeps. I know she's made me a better person, helped me to even wanna be better. I'd still be alive if I didn't have her, but I wouldn't like the man I'd be. Always angry, always a short fuse. I ain't sayin' I've turned into some fuckin' saint. There's still times where I let my temper go, or when I wanna shut everything out. But I don't do that anymore. I lean down an' kiss her cheek before I lay down. The girl saved me.

* * *

"Do you think we'll make it to South Carolina today, Daryl?"

"Might. Pass me the squirrels. We should head back to camp." We been out since sunrise huntin'. Couple squirrels won't fill us all, but there's still some deer from yesterday. My bow is over my back, her hand in mine. I always preferred huntin' solo, now I can't imagine goin' without Beth. She's back to playin' that _I Never_ game again, her idea of us learnin' more 'bout each other.

"I never went to prom."

"Shit. Makes two of us." She stops walkin' an' stares at me.

"You never went to your senior prom?" I can't hold back the laugh.

"Dropped outta high school. I wanted to run off with Merle. Since he was always runnin' 'round, I didn't see no more point to school."

"Guess that means neither of us ever graduated."

"Yeah, but you had no choice. Don't worry 'bout it. Ain't like math an' shit can help you out here. No more than the basics. Guess I can't regret givin' up on it, too much." She squeezes my hand, blue eyes burnin' into mine.

"You didn't have a choice either, Daryl. You'd never have survived if you stayed under that roof. Look how far you've come, what a great person you are." There's a lump in my throat. I still have to get used to people tryin' to prove to me whatever they think my worth is. Rick always tells me how valuable I am to our group, but I've never taken it past face value. I know what he means, he thinks I'm some fuckin' hero. It's the same with Beth. I can't stand the thought of ever lettin' any of them down. She reaches up an' kisses my cheek, then we keep goin'.

We make it a little farther when I hear somethin' movin' through the bushes to our side. I pull Beth behind me, tell her to pull out her knife. I face the brush, bow in front of me. It don't sound like walkers, the pace is too even. No moanin', no draggin'. I hear a man say he heard talkin'. That tells me there's at least two of them, an' they know we're here. We could run, but it'd lead them to the others.

"Hold up. Step outta there slowly. Hands where I can see them." The talkin's stopped. I look down to Beth, she mouths "_Walkers?" _but I shake my head. I know I heard a man speakin'. "You deaf? Get your asses out here. Don't do nothin' stupid."

"Daryl?"

I freeze to the spot. Beth grabs my arm. We know that voice. She steps outta the brush knife at her side. The man behind her has a gun in his hand, a large pack on his back. When they face us, Beth lets out a sob. An' it's all I can do not to fall over. When my brain finally sends the signal to my voice, the words are weak.

"Carol? Tyrese?"

Beth runs out from my side an' throws her arms 'round Carol, then hugs Tyrese. I still can't move. These are two people I never thought I'd see again. Carol approaches me slowly, like I'm a stray dog. Then she hugs me. It takes me a second to register what's happenin', an' I hug her back. I thought she was long gone from all of us. I was so pissed when Rick sent her out. Part of me always understood why he did it, but I never wanted to lose her. She was the first person who treated me like I was more than just the hunter. Carol was like the sister I never had. She smiles at me, then turns to Beth.

"Is it just the two of you? Where's everybody else?"

"We have a camp just that way. Maggie an' Glenn are with us. So are Rick, Carl, Michonne, Sasha an' Bob. An' we met three others." When Beth said his sister's name, Tyrese let out a sob, placin' his hands over his face. I can't believe they're here. That the two of them made it this far from the prison. Carol says they've been lookin' for us for days. I can't hide my surprise.

"How'd y'all know where to look?"

"We were on our way to Terminus. We heard gunshots an' ran to where they came from. We went through the gates of the sanctuary to find all those dead people." Tyrese looks back to Carol. She picks up where he left off.

"There was a young man on the ground, his knees were shot. He asked us to kill him, put him outta his misery. We asked him if he'd met our group. When we described it to him, he'd told us you were the ones who killed everybody. That you had said something about D.C. So, I shot him in the head an' we started makin' our way out. I can't believe we've found you." She's cryin' now. All I can think is how Beth had stopped me from killin' Travis. If I'd killed him, they'd never know where to go, they'd never find us.

"They were bad people. Cannibals. A man there took Beth. But we found her an' we took care of them." They both look shocked.

Tyrese twists 'round to reach the pack on his back an' it catches my eye. I see him pull off somethin'. When I hear the little cry, my heart stops. Beth's heard it, too. She lets out another sob as she runs to grab the baby from his arms, holdin' her to her chest. I see the little hands reach for Beth's cheek, hear the little giggle.

"Asskicker?"

I don't need an answer, I just get to Beth. That beautiful baby girl smiles up at me an' it's like the world stands still. All this time I thought she was dead. Thought she was too pure to ever survive in a world like this. Beth hands her to me, an' it's like the first time I held her all over again. She reaches up an' tugs my hair. I can feel my eyes waterin'.

"Hey, sweetheart. You miss me?" She grabs my finger an' squeezes it tight. I laugh at her an' look at the others. They're all starin' at me, smilin'. "Shit, she's gonna have a hell of a trigger finger. Ain't that right, Asskicker?" They laugh at me.

Beth helps Tyrese change Asskicker an' Carol stands next to me. "I'm glad you made it out, Daryl. The group needs you most of all. You're our guardian." I roll my eyes at her an' tell her to stop. She nudges my arm. I'm too busy watchin' Beth with Asskicker. Takin' care of that baby comes so natural to her. She's nurturin' an' sweet. The warm feelin' I usually get whenever I look at her surges through me again. Before, seein' her with the kids at the prison just made me think she was the maternal type. Like watchin' a buncha kids all day was just as natural to her as breathin'. But now I see her in a new light. She's beautiful when she looks at that little girl an' her heartbreakin' smile lights up her whole face. Shit, it's like fallin' in love with her all over again. My heart is 'bout to break through my chest at the sight of her.

We hook Asskicker back up on Tyrese's back an' make our way to camp. I take Beth's hand. Carol notices it an' gives me a big fuckin' grin an' raises her eyebrows at me. I know I'll have to explain it all to her later. If anybody would understand, it'd be Carol. She wants me to be happy. An' in this moment, I am.

"Wait 'til everybody sees what we brought home. Y'all gonna be more welcome than a whole line of fuckin' squirrels."


	38. Chapter 38

"Dad, maybe we should look for a house or somethin'. Somewhere for the winter?" I look into my son's eyes. It still amazes me how much he's grown. It feels like just yesterday I was tuckin' him in and readin' to him. I know he isn't that little boy anymore. Everything he's been through, the things he's seen. Carl's a man now. I place my hand on his back and smile at him.

"We'll see what we can find. But the sooner we get to D.C., the better. C'mon, let's finish packin' up the tents and gear." I take a moment to look around our camp. Since the cabin, we've been pretty lucky with walkers. With Daryl huntin' everyday, we've kept a steady supply of food and we still have bottles filled with that stream water. I see Glenn and Maggie have already packed their things, Sasha and Bob are still workin' on what they've got. I look over to Abraham, Rosita and Eugene. If I didn't know better, I'd think they were up at the crack of dawn gettin' ready to head out. Lookin' at all my people, I have to believe D.C. will be good for us.

I walk over to where Michonne and Carl are busy rollin' up the sleepin' bags. They're jokin' 'bout somethin' and I can't help but smile at them. She's really brought my son outta his shell. I don't know how I'd cope with him by myself. Lord knows I try. I hear twigs snappin' and look over in the direction where Daryl and Beth had set off earlier. Guess they're back already.

"Hope y'all brought us back somethin' good, Daryl." I keep my tone light, I know he'd never come back empty handed. Michonne chimes in.

"Hope y'all brought back some cheeseburgers." Carl and I laugh at her. Daryl shouts back to me, just before he steps outta the bushes.

"Y'all won't believe what we got." I look up to see Beth climbin' out behind him, holdin' the line of squirrels. I shake my head.

"More squirrels?" Daryl smirks at me, Beth's face is glowin'.

"Shit ton better than squirrels."

When Carol stepped outta that bush, I thought my heart would stop. I hated that I sent her off to fend for herself. She was one of my own, I loved her like family. But I feared for the sake of everyone in our group when she admitted to killin' Karen and David. I feared for her life when I thought about what Tyrese would do to her if he found out. Despite what's happened, I can't stop myself from runnin' up and throwin' my arms around her. She hugs me tightly. When I pull back to look her in the face, there's only one word I can say.

"How?" She smiles at me, wipes the tears from her eyes.

"I'll explain later." I look past her face to see Tyrese. He still doesn't know what Carol's done. In this moment, I'm eternally grateful that I didn't get the chance to tell him who killed the others. He would've killed her. When he approaches me I clap my hand to his shoulder. I mean to tell him how happy I am to see him, but the sound that reaches my ears silences me. I look between the four of them as they all smile at me. Beth goes behind Tyrese and works at his backpack. She comes back around to face me, and the sight of what's in her arms makes me fall to my knees. I'm vaguely aware of the cry that I let out.

When Carl and I left that prison, I was certain my daughter had been killed by walkers. The bloody car seat was the only evidence that she'd even been there, and it was the same proof that told me she was gone. It had been too much. I couldn't stand the thought of losin' her after I had already lost Lori. I thought the world had been cruel enough to take my wife, the mother of my two children. The thought that my daughter was also gone ripped away at the edges of my soul that had only just started to heal. Lori died to give life to our little girl, and I had thought I failed to keep her alive. It broke my heart and the pain of it ate away at me. But I pushed it all outta my mind. I had to focus on Carl.

_Carl_.

I'm back on my feet and I take Judith from Beth, holdin' her tightly to me. I turn to face my son, but he's still workin' on packin' our things. When I say his name, it's a broken sob. He looks up to me and time is thrown in slow motion. I know he's shouted somethin', but I'm deaf to the world around me. I see him as he runs over to me. When his sight falls on his little sister, he starts to cry. I wrap my arm around his shoulder. For the first time in weeks, I finally feel almost whole again as I hold both of my children to me. I think of how happy Lori would be that we were together again. But for now, I'm just grateful that both of my children are safe. They're both alive.

I look back to see Carol smilin' at me. Tyrese has spotted Sasha and is runnin' over to her. As I kiss my daughter's forehead, I make out Sasha seein' her brother. She drops the pack she was holdin' and runs to close the distance, slammin' against him as he holds her close. Even from here I can tell they're cryin'. Daryl steps up behind me, his hand claps on my shoulder. I smile at him, the tears still fallin' down my face. The corner of his mouth turns up, and he nods to my children.

"Even we can catch a break sometimes, right?" I laugh at him and watch as he, Beth and Carol make their way to the others. I hold Judith out in front of me, hardly believin' she's really there. It feels like she's gotten so big since the last time I held her. Carl asks if he can hold her and I hand her to him. He kisses her cheek and walks back over to Michonne. We're all back together again. It's more important than ever that Washington has to be more than we can hope for. I've got too many people countin' on it. I make my way over to the rest of my family.

* * *

After the initial shock of returnin' with Carol, Tyrese an' Judith, Daryl had set to work cleanin' our kills an' makin' a fire to cook up the meat. I sat next to him as he turned the squirrels over the flames. He seemed in a lighter mood than he had before. Carol was across from us an' we watched as Maggie took Judith from Carl, holdin' her up to better see she's really there. Rick was at their side. Daryl asked Carol, "How'd you find Tyrese?"

"I had come back to the prison, but it was overrun. I barely saw him leave with Lizzie, Mika and Judith. It took at least two days for me to find them." I had to control the emotion in my voice, I already expected what the answer had to be.

"What happened? To Mika an' Lizzie?" Carol wouldn't meet my eyes. She let out a heavy sigh. When she explained how Lizzie looked at walkers, how she killed her own little sister an' how Carol had to kill her, my heart broke. Deep, deep down inside of me I couldn't be mad at Carol for what she had to do. From the sounds of it, Lizzie was unstable an' a threat to herself an' anyone around her. But I can't help but think what this new world did to that little girl. She watched both her parents die, she was surrounded by gunfire an' bloodshed. It turned her into a monster. Daryl hadn't said anything, but he didn't need to. There are no words fittin' to describe what this world does to you.

We're headin' northeast again. For the first time in weeks, everything feels right. In my heart, I always knew we'd all be reunited. I was so happy to see Carol an' Tyrese again, but seein' Judith eliminated any thought that I had of hope bein' lost. Fate seemed to be in our favor today. Rick told me I wouldn't have to keep up the same babysittin' duties I had at the prison. I just couldn't help holdin' Judith again as we first set off. I missed her smile an' her sweet little giggles.

I gaze down at her, propped on my hip. Her chubby little hand reaches up to my face an' I can feel myself startin' to cry again. I always wanted to be a mother, my whole life was spent thinkin' 'bout babies an' marriage. I look to my other side an' see Daryl next to me. He loves me. We ain't the type to be married like Maggie an' Glenn are. Part of me thinks it's almost better that way. We've never been like those two. What we have's unique to us. It's as if this is the life I was really meant to have an', for right now, it's enough for me. This isn't a world for bringin' in children. I shudder as I think of Lori.

"Here, Beth. I can take her." Carl's grin's a country mile wide as he reaches for his little sister. It's the happiest I've seen him in so long. I pass her to him an' he picks up his pace to walk with Rick an' Michonne. It's just Daryl an' I now, bringin' up the back.

"Surprised you didn't fight to keep her."

"It's her brother, Daryl. Besides, I'm sure I'll have her again at some point today."

It's a lot colder today. I wrap my sweater tighter around me. Daryl notices an' starts to take his vest off but my hand catches his. "I'm okay. Just need to find warmer clothes eventually." He shrugs but pulls me to his side. We keep walkin' with his arm around me, holdin' me to him. I pull my hair down outta my ponytail an' shake it out, lettin' it fall past my shoulders. Daryl plays with the ends.

"You should keep it down more." I smile up at him an' he leans in to kiss me softly. I look above when I hear the telltale rumble an' the sky gets darker. A storm's comin'. Rick shouts back to us.

"Let's hole up in that barn up there. Tyrese, Daryl, Abraham, the four of us can clear it. The rest of you wait for our signal." Daryl kisses the top of my head before he draws his bow in front of him, runnin' up to the front with the other three. The rest of us hold back. I stand by Carl an' Judith.

"I hope it's secure. I don't want Judith to be out here when the rain starts." I tell him that the others will make sure it's safe. Judith yawns an' tucks her head into Carl's neck. I hope it is a safe place, we could all use the rest. I watch as Tyrese an' Abraham pull the doors open. Rick has his gun aimed, Daryl's beside him with his bow raised. I jump when I see the walker come out, but the arrow penetrates his skull immediately. No others come out an' the men run inside. It only took a few minutes for them to sweep the area an' put down the other two walkers that were there. Rick steps out an' waves us forward. The sky opened up as we ran to the doors, soakin' us in a cold downpour.

I spot Daryl at the other end lookin' out the opposite doors into the open field, a cigarette between his lips. I make my way over to him an' take in the beauty of the storm. He pulls me to his side an' his hands rub over my arms. He murmurs somethin' about dry clothes but I cut him off. A grin breaks across my face as I look up at him. "I never went dancin' in the rain."

It takes only a second for him to pick up on what I've said but, by the time he tries to stop me, I'm already runnin' out into the storm. When I get just three or four yards away, I lift my face to the sky an let the cold water beat against my skin. I stick out my tongue, savorin' every icy drop. But I don't feel the chill. My blood is heated as I raise my arms in the air an' twirl around. In that moment, I don't care who's watchin' me or how foolish I look. The thunder rolls an' I feel wild an' free. I look back to the barn to see Daryl an' Maggie in the doorway. My sister smiles at me, he seems in a trance. I hold out my hand to him.

"Dance with me." He almost smiles, but shakes his head no. He tips his cigarette between his fingers.

"Don't dance." I roll my eyes to the sky above. My hand's still outstretched.

"Then come stand with me." Maggie steps back an' turns toward Glenn, givin' us privacy. Daryl stares back at me an' it looks like he's honestly conflicted. For a split second, I feel guilty for puttin' him on the spot like that. I give him a small smile as I lower my arm. Before I can tell him not to worry about it, he's taken one last inhale of his cigarette an' flicked it into the rain. Even from here I can see the way his blue eyes dance wildly as he takes me in. He's made up his mind.

"Fuck it."

He steps out into the rain an' I can't help but close the distance, jumpin' into his arms. He holds me up, an' I look down into his face. I don't even think as my lips crash against his. The action is natural as breathin'. His own lips work quickly against mine as the rain falls around us. His hand grips my hair, pullin' me closer as his tongue gains entrance to my mouth. I cup his face in my hands an' put all I have into our embrace. When he pulls away to catch his breath, I can't fight the smirk on my face. The corner of his mouth pulls up.

"What?"

"I've never kissed in the rain before." He returns my smile an' kisses me again. Lightenin' flashes across the sky.

"C'mon, girl. Back in the barn 'fore you get us both struck dead." An' he readjusts me so he's carryin' me like all those times before. I giggle as he runs with me, settin' me down in the doorway. We're completely soaked an' we probably look like idiots, but I don't care. My heart stops at the sight of him in front of me. His wet clothes cling to outline the hard lines of his body. The dark, shaggy hair sticks to his face an' the water drips down his skin. I feel the blush heat my cheeks as I take it all in. He's gorgeous. A rare an' beautiful smile spreads over his face as his eyes meet mine. He reaches his hand out to me. "See if anybody's taken the hayloft." I lock our fingers together, follow him to the ladder an' up to the empty loft. We look around us an' he approaches the loft door. As I set down our old sheet, I realize we're all alone up here, an' it's the first time in days that we've finally been to ourselves.

"We can open that once the rain lets up."

I don't respond. Instead I stand next to our makeshift bed. When he turns to me I hold up my hand an' curl my finger towards myself, coaxin' him to approach me. A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth when I speak to him.

"Come here."

My insides are on fire as I watch him slowly make his way over to me. I peek up at him an' stand on my toes, pressin' my lips to his ear.

"Do you trust me?" I pull back to see him lookin' down at me an' he nods. My fingers swiftly work at the buttons of his flannel, he pulls off his vest. His breathin' quickens as I push the shirt off his shoulders an' pull my own wet shirt over my head. I kick off my boots an' tug at my wet jeans, an' I motion for him to lay down. Once I cast my jeans to the pile of our wet clothes I position myself on his lap. I start to undo his belt when his hands catch mine. His voice is low an' husky when he speaks to me.

"We gotta be quiet." I smile at him as I finish bringin' his pants to his hips. Even with the bales of hay behind us blockin' us from sight, we can still be heard. As nervous as I am that we might get caught, I feel a rush when I think about what we're about to do. I'm not used to feelin' like this. It makes me feel whole again. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a new hope has begun to spread. We're gonna be alright. If things keep the way they are, we'll all make it to Washington. But once I lower myself onto him, an' the sweet sound of his hushed moan reaches my ears, I set aside all other thoughts that aren't of the man below me. The man I love.


	39. Chapter 39

"I never went dancin' in the rain."

I watched as she ran out into the storm, droppin' her sweater on the ground at my feet. Pack, too. There she was, spinnin' 'round in the freezin' rain in nothin' but her jeans an' shirt. Crazy fuckin' girl.

"Beth's always been a bit of a free spirit." I turned to see Maggie walkin' up to me, her eyes focused on her sister. Pride was spread 'cross her face. I knocked off some of the ash from my cigarette.

"If she ain't struck by lightenin' first, she'll fuckin' freeze out there."

"You're very protective of her." She hadn't been askin' me a question. She stated it as a fact. I kept my sight on Beth.

"Somethin' like that."

Beth's eyes locked on mine. Her clothes were soaked an' stuck tight to her skin, her hair dripped down below her shoulders. She's the strangest fuckin' girl I ever met. Crazy as hell, too. But I couldn't take my eyes offa her. She wiped away the water from her face, flashed my favorite smile an' held her hand out to me.

"Dance with me."

I ain't ever danced. Not with no one. I couldn't dance even if I tried. I shook my head no an' told her I don't dance. When she told me to go out an' stand in the rain with her, I stood still. Maggie laughed.

"Don't be such a hardass, Daryl. Nobody will think any less of your tough, redneck image if you go out to her." She walked away smilin' at me. I heard the others at my back, all pickin' stalls an' spots to sleep. They were too busy to focus on whatever we were doin'. Even if they weren't, it wouldn't matter to me. Beth's face fell a little, but she still gave me a small smile as she lowered her arm.

I've never understood romance in all my life. The kind where people would crawl 'cross broken glass just to be next to a person. When the world turned, I'd been grateful that I never once had those types of feelin's. Even bein' with the group made me realize how lucky I was to never feel anything so strong. The way Rick lost his mind over Lori, how The Governor used threatenin' Glenn to get Maggie to talk an' the way Tyrese reacted to Karen's death. I ain't ever thought I'd have those kinda feelin's 'bout no other livin' person. It was too much to lose when you made someone your whole life. But, as I looked out to her, I knew she was worth the risk. I took a long drag of my cigarette an' flicked it to the wet ground.

"Fuck it."

I stepped out into the rain, it was ice against my skin. Her whole face lit up then an' she ran to me. Holdin' her in my arms, rain soakin' through our clothes, I felt more alive than I had in days. I brushed the wet hair from her eyes as she looked down at me. As we kissed in the middle of that fuckin' storm I thought of how much I loved the crazy, strange girl who fights so hard to bring out the best in me.

* * *

"Daryl? You guys up there?"

Carol's voice is at the ladder. Beth quickly gets up off me an' grabs her clothes. I sit up as she tosses me my shirt an' vest. I can feel my face burn thinkin' how I shoulda known better than to think we could do this here. I stand to pull my jeans up my hips an' the friction nearly kills me. Fuck.

I try to sound normal when I shout down to her. "Yeah. Just findin' a place to sleep." I glance over to Beth as she struggles to pull her wet jeans up her legs. She whispers to me to head down the ladder to stop Carol from comin' up. I nod to her, tell her to wait for me here, an' make my way over to the ledge.

"Hold up. I'm comin' down."

When my feet hit the dirt I turn to face her. She looks up to the loft then back down at me with a knowin' smirk on her face. Son of a bitch.

"A place to sleep, huh?" She shoves my shoulder. I roll my eyes at her an' tell her to stop. She moves closer to me, her voice is low.

"I'd redo that buckle if I were you."

Fuck. I quickly fix it an' glare at her, but I can't stay mad. She's always teased me like that. It's like the way Michonne jokes with me. I follow her to the open door an' she leans back against it. I take the opposite side, cross my arms over my chest an' kick one leg back on the frame. I look out into the field, wonderin' what my chances would be at rabbits an' birds, when she speaks to me.

"So, you and Beth?" Shoulda known it'd lead to somethin' like this. I just nod.

"When'd that happen?" I turn to face her. She's still smilin' at me, so I know she ain't tryin' to start shit. I shrug.

"We left the prison together. Sorta just...happened."

"Cut it out. Something like that doesn't _just happen._ I'm just curious. I always thought you'd remain the eternal apocalyptic bachelor. I'm gone a few weeks and come back to you holding hands and finding sleeping spots with Beth. Obviously something changed your mind."

I know she was right. I just wasn't entirely comfortable talkin' 'bout it. I'm glad I made this connection with Beth. I can see how me bein' stupidly in love with her could raise questions. This whole time since the others found out, I never once considered explainin' myself or us. The only person I thought deserved that was Maggie. Even then I wasn't open. Carol's a good friend to me. 'Side from Rick, she was the closest I had for a long while. It feels wrong to not tell her.

"She did."

Carol's face lights up, even if it weren't the fuckin' speech she'd probably hoped for. It was a good enough answer to her. I wanna change the subject from me. I ain't ever been fond of no attention. 'Sides, there's somethin' I been meanin' to ask her. I lower my voice.

"You plan on tellin' Tyrese?" I don't need to explain, she knows damn well what I mean. She stops smilin'.

"Already did." I can't hide the surprise at hearin' that. I remember how Tyrese blew up after he'd found Karen an' David. He'd told Rick to find the person responsible an' bring 'em to him. He shoved me against the fence, punched Rick in the face. Carol was there. She'd seen his reaction. I can't imagine her still standin' here if she told him.

"I know what you're thinking, Daryl. But I gave him the choice to kill me. It was after we had buried the girls. He told me that he thought Lizzie might've killed Karen and David. I could've just as easily let him believe that."

I'm pissed off that she'd even consider somethin' so fuckin' stupid. I can't hide the bitter tone in my voice.

"Why didn't you?" I met her gaze an' I knew why. She had thought she was doin' what was best for the group. She had no idea that they weren't the only ones infected, that it had already started to spread like wildfire through the cell block. Carol had felt guilty.

"I couldn't live with myself that way. He trusted me. Every time he'd look at me I could see the pain in his eyes. So, I handed him my gun and confessed to what I'd done. I explained myself to him, I needed him to know why I did it. But I also knew what the consequences of that confession could be. He asked me if they suffered, if it was quick. I reassured him that they were both quick, no suffering. He told me he forgave me for what I did."

It's hard to think that she's only standin' next to me now 'cause Tyrese had shown her mercy. I take a deep breath, try to shake the thoughts. What's done is done. She confessed an' he forgave her. Tyrese is a better man than most would be.

"So, do you love her?" I look back to Carol. The question seemed odd after everything she's told me. Maybe this was her idea of changin' the subject like I did.

"You're the second person to ask me that in 'bout two weeks." I know I'm dodgin'. I'm uncomfortable with talkin' 'bout feelin's. 'Cept with Beth, an' I even hold back some from her.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Maggie saw we shared a spot one night- don't look at me like that. We didn't do nothin'." I wait until she's stopped laughin' 'fore I go on. "Anyways, she was pissed. Punched me right in the jaw."

"Maggie punched you?"

"Fuck, punched me real hard. Didn't know she had that shit in her. Well, they argued some an' then Maggie took me aside. She asked if I loved Beth." Carol smiles softly at me. Might as well just tell her.

"An' I told her I did. She was fine after that. Been fine ever since." Carol starts laughin' again. "What the hell's funny 'bout that?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just tryin' to picture Maggie taking a swing at you. I can't imagine the look on your face." I can't help but laugh with her. It's the first time I've really had a minute to think 'bout that mornin'. What a fuckin' disaster that'd been. Carol an' I just stand there for a while. She talks to me 'bout how we should make the state line tomorrow. The sun starts to set an' I'm relieved that it stopped rainin'. Travelin' with Asskicker will be a lot easier when it ain't fuckin' stormin'. We got lucky comin' 'cross this barn when we did.

"Guess I'll take first watch." That's the last thing she needs to do.

"Naw. You oughta sleep. Been rougher on the three of y'all the last few days than us." She smiles at me.

"I'd ask if you wanted company, but I guess you already have it." I follow her eyes as they trail up to the loft where we left Beth. She's probably sleepin' up there.

"I'll be fine. Gonna open that loft door an' keep watch from there. Night." An' I push off the wall an' head to the ladder. Carol starts to walk back to the front of the barn to her stall.

"Daryl? I know you, and I know that you don't feel like you deserve love from anybody. But you do. You're a good man. She's lucky to have you." I stop an' turn to face her. I don't know what to say to that, so I just nod. When I reach the loft, I find Beth dressed again an' wrapped in the sheets. I try to be quiet as I open the door, but she woke up anyways.

"Hey, sorry 'bout that. Go back to sleep." She rubs at her eyes an' shakes her head. I ain't 'bout to argue with her, so I prop myself against the wall an' stare out into the field again.

"I wanna finish what we started earlier." She's so quiet, I only just made out what she said. I turn back to see her standin' by the sheets. Her hair's a fuckin' mess, her clothes still wet. She looks beautiful, but we can't make the same dumb mistake. I tell her no.

"It's okay, Daryl. Nobody's comin' up here to check on us. We'll be quiet an' we can be quick."

Course she knows what I'm thinkin'. I can't believe she's even suggestin' we try that shit again. After earlier, I'd think she'd have more fuckin' sense than that. When I don't move towards her, she walked up to me.

"This is the first time we've been alone since the cabin. We don't know when we'll get this chance again." I don't say anything to her, I'm tryin' to stand my ground on this. Then she stretches up to kiss me an' I can't stop myself from kissin' her back, even if I was tryin' to prove a point. Her tongue runs 'cross my lip 'fore she gently bites down on it. I ain't quick enough to stop the moan from escapin' me. Her lips lightly trace up my jaw as she pulls my face closer to hers. When she whispers into my ear, my blood ignites. "Don't you want this, too?" I knew that I wanted this, I wanted it since we had to stop earlier. If we were somewhere completely alone, this wouldn't be a fuckin' discussion. "I need this. We need this. I love you, Daryl. Please?" Her plea cuts through me. Any restraint or self control I had up 'til that point was long gone. I pull back to look her in the eyes. This is really what she wants.

"Alright. But we gotta be quick."

She smiles up at me as her hands slowly start to pull up her shirt, but I stop her. There's only one way to do this quickly an' still give us a chance to cover up if someone comes up here. I feel terrible for thinkin' it, rememberin' my own past an' how I never wanted to be that way with her. But it's all I can come up with.

"Leave it on. Pull your jeans down to your knees an' bend over that bale." She flushes at my words, her eyes widen at the suggestion. It makes it that much worst when she looks so innocent starin' up at me. But I know what I'm doin'. We don't needa take off all our clothes for this. It's a hell of a lot quicker this way, too. I continue, "Case someone decides to check on us."

She nods an' starts to undo her jeans, I can see her hands shakin'. Watchin' her now stirs that feral instinct inside me. I can't even think straight as her jeans slip down her hips. I have trouble with my own fuckin' buckle when she leans down, lookin' over her shoulder at me. The darker side of me is clawin' to get out just at the sight of her. Jesus.

I stand behind her an' bend down to kiss her, my hands movin' her thighs as far's her jeans'll let her go. When our lips meet I quickly push myself inside her. She moans loudly an' my hand reaches to her mouth without hesitation.

"We gotta keep quiet, Beth." I don't move my hand from her lips as I pick up a rhythm, my free hand grips at her hip, my fingers dig deep into her flesh. The animal in me won the battle as I rock into her as hard an' fast as I can. Her cries are muffled by my hand. My other rakes up her side, under her shirt an' tugs at her bra. When I grip an' pull at her soft skin, she begins to grind back against me. Her body matches my rhythm perfectly. This is what I knew. I can feel the tension startin' to slip away. She was right, we did need this. It almost scares me to realize that. It ain't too long 'fore she's tensin' up beneath me, she whimpers against my palm. I lean down so my front covers her back. When I feel her body shudder beneath me, I groan.

"Fuck."

I feel everything inside me tighten an' pull out quickly as my own body shatters. I bite down harder than I mean to on her shoulder to muffle my own moan. I slip my hand from her mouth an' slowly stand, helpin' her back up when I get to my feet.

Now that my urges are gone, I feel like shit. I reach to my back pocket to pull out my bandana an' gently clean off the small of her back, hatin' myself for doin' that to her. I feel sick to my stomach as my eyes skim past the red marks on her hip from my fingers an' focus on the teeth marks at her shoulder. Not only have I just marked her like white trash, but I bit her like I was some filthy fuckin' walker. Bile rises up my throat. Her eyes follow my gaze to her shoulder an' she tries to cover it with the strap of her shirt. Doesn't fuckin' help. She smiles at me an' her tone is light.

"Well, my sweater'll cover that right up. It's colder now, so it won't look suspicious when I wear that more." She closes the space between us an' wraps her arms 'round me. I don't deserve it. I can't believe she even wants to touch me right now. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of makin' love with you, Daryl Dixon."

I blame it on the irritation I feel with myself, but those words piss me off. I love this girl with all I've got an' she deserves better than how I just treated her. I think of the other times I almost took her in the same way, how I'd always been able to stop myself. This time I had every intention of doin' what I did. I scoff at her, fully aware that I'm aimin' my anger at the wrong person.

"That wasn't makin' love. That was me fuckin' you in some damn hay loft." I pull away from her but she grabs my arm.

"Excuse me?" I can't meet her eyes. I jerk my arm away an' reach for my bow. I don't know why, but I head back down the ladder an' find myself walkin' out towards the field. I hear her runnin' behind me an' I turn on the spot.

"You oughta go on an' get some sleep. I'll be up after my watch." I just wanna clear my head. I don't want her to wake up in the mornin' an' realize what we done tonight. When her head ain't full of all her desires she's gonna hate me. I can't stand the idea of her bein' ashamed of that, of lookin' at me differently than she does now. I coulda been gentle, lovin'. In the moment I could only see one way, but I know I could've come up with somethin' better. Somethin' that woulda meant more than a quick fuck. I keep my eyes to the ground an' I see her feet firmly planted in front of me.

"What the hell was that about?" I still can't look at her. I don't say anything. "You're doin' it again, Daryl. You're shuttin' me out." I finally meet her stare. She's cryin' an' I feel worst than I did before. She wipes the tears from her eyes an' goes on. "You can't keep doin' this to me. Puttin' up your walls an' distancin' yourself? It's killin' me, Daryl. I love you. I don't know what just happened up there to cause this, but I want you to talk to me. Please just tell me what I did this time so I know not to do it again."

She thinks I'm mad at her. She can't see that I'm pissed at myself. An' I had honestly thought I couldn't feel worst. I finally find my voice.

"I don't like what we did just now. That ain't what I want for us." She looks confused.

"I don't know what you mean. What's different between what we did now an' what we've been doin'?" I have to remind myself that she really doesn't understand what just happened. She thinks everything is love an' romance. She doesn't know the other side. I take a deep breath, an' turn away from her.

"That's all I ever knew my whole life. Fuckin' a girl to get off an' never seein' her again. You're the first girl I've ever been with more than once." I look over my shoulder to see her. She stares quietly at me. I know I have to tell her everything. I look back to the ground.

"What we did the first time? I ain't ever done that before. Every time after that was new to me, too. What we did now? That's what I always knew." I walk up to her an' hold her face in my hands. "That ain't what I want, Beth. I want what we had to start with. You mean more to me than some quick fuck for us to get off. I love you, I don't want you to ever be ashamed of what we do."

"That's what you think? That I'd- what? Regret that? Daryl, you can call it whatever you want. But every time I'm with you, it's still love to me. Why didn't you tell me this before?" I shrug. I know the answer. I didn't want her to think I was some prick usin' her for my own needs. I know I'm not that guy with her but I still feel like I needa protect her from the man I used to be. I know he still lies deep inside of me. I felt him come out up there with her. She takes my hand in hers, pulls it up to her mouth an' kisses my palm.

"I love you, Daryl. Nothin' you say to me will ever change that. I don't care what you used to be like. I'm in love with the you that I know, an' that's all I need." I tug her by the hand an' pull her to me. I press my lips to hers as I take in everything she's told me. Deep down, I always knew I could trust her with all of me. I don't know why I always shield myself from her, but I know I need to stop. It hurts her too much. An' I can't live with myself knowin' I hurt her. I break our kiss an' lead her back to the barn. We climb the ladder an' sit at the loft door next to each other. Beth had picked up the sheet an' threw it over our legs. She leaned against my side as I held my bow on my lap. For a while, we just sit quietly lookin' at the world 'round us.

"I never ate frog legs." I laugh at her. She always knows how to lighten the mood.

"Shit. You're missin' out. Spring comes 'round an' we can catch some. I'll cook those up for you an' you'll never want squirrel again." Her gigglin' fills the loft an' it's the most beautiful sound.

"I already never want squirrel again. Rabbit's not so bad. I like deer, too. But I don't think you'll get me to eat a frog. That's disgustin'."

"Girl, you tear up squirrel like it's a steak dinner. I don't wanna hear that shit. You ate snake, frog's nothin'." She nudges my arm.

"I hated that snake. An' I eat squirrel outta necessity. What I'd give for a cheese pizza..."

The rest of the night went like that. We talked 'bout stupid shit but, with her, it wasn't really stupid. It was relaxin'. I love how she makes me forget all the shit we've gone through an' how fucked up everything really is. I'll always keep my guard up for danger. But on nights like this one, I can't help imaginin' things gettin' better. Even if it's all talk. It makes her happy to be so damn optimistic an' I feel better when she's happy.

She falls asleep against me an' I pull the sheet up 'round her. I think 'bout the rest of our trip. Findin' shelter along the way, food, water. We're still a long damn ways from where we're headed. A cold chill runs through me once the pipe dream of what we could have slips away from me. I want Washington to be more than what we've ever had. I know I shouldn't waste time on hopes an' wishes, but this is more than that. It's a matter of life an' death. I honestly don't know how much longer we can all survive out here.


	40. Chapter 40

Rick an' me are skinnin' the rabbits I got this mornin', already cleaned the other two. Four rabbits between fourteen people definitely ain't much, but it's better than nothin'. The sooner we set out again, the better. Ain't much I can do with such little land to hunt. I look up at the sound of laughter. Carl an' Beth've been out there all mornin' tryin' to teach Lil Asskicker to walk. I watch as Beth holds her up by her hands, steppin' slowly with her. Asskicker's giggles fill the air, even when she falls.

"I can't believe she'll be walkin' soon. Seems like she only just started to crawl." Rick's focused on his children, the rabbit dangles in his hand. I grab it from him an' nod towards his kids.

"Go on. I got this. Soon's this is finished, I'll make a fire an' we'll head out right after we eat." He smiles at me an' goes out to them. When he reaches them, Beth holds the baby's hands out to Rick an' she comes to sit by me. "Shit. Asskicker's gonna be walkin' all over the place in no time." Beth smiles at me.

"She's such a good baby. Won't be long 'til she starts learnin' to talk." I watch her face as she watches that little girl. She loves her. Hell, we all love her. I finish up the rabbit an' put it in the pile, standin' to go start the fire. Beth walks back over to Rick an' Carl. When I get to the pit we made yesterday, I'm surprised to see Glenn already workin' at buildin' one. Sasha an' Bob are sittin' with him.

"Hey, Daryl. Figured we'd get things started here." Glenn looks tense. I almost think I stepped in on a conversation they were havin'. Sasha smiles at me.

"Thanks for hunting this morning. We could really use that before we hit the road." I nod to her. I hate it when any of them thank me for gettin' food. It's what I always did, my main effort in this group. They're all lookin' at me an' it makes me uncomfortable. I start to turn back to get the rabbits when Bob's words stop me.

"What? We're not gonna get Daryl's opinion?" I turn to face him.

"What y'all needa hear from me?" The only one who'll meet my eyes is Bob, but Glenn's the one who finally says somethin'.

"We've been thinking about looking for vehicles while we're out. Like what we did back at the prison? If we can find a lot or gas station or something, we figured we might be able to hot-wire a few cars to split between us. It'd be a lot safer than all of us just walking down the road." Sasha finally raises her eyes to mine as she speaks.

"A big group like ours is bound to draw more walkers to us. If we have vehicles we'd still draw attention, but we'd be faster."

I look 'round the three of them. What they're sayin' makes sense. I know that. But I also know how dangerous it can be to sit 'round some fuckin' lot tryin' to find cars that can be hot-wired an' still have gas. I scratch the back of my neck.

"Y'all talk to Rick 'bout this?" All eyes fall to the ground. Course they didn't. I don't know why they wouldn't. Rick's always done right by our group. Even in the shittiest situations, he managed to get us out. When Bob speaks, he least looks me in the eye.

"Rick just got his little girl back. We all know he should be focused on his children. But we don't know how much that could affect his judgement on the matter." I already know what they're gettin' at. I turn back to see Rick with Beth an' his kids. I let out a deep sigh.

"I'll mention it to him. See what he says." Sasha smiles at me.

"You're his right-hand man, Daryl. Everybody knows that. If he listens to any of us, it'd be you."

I head back over to fetch the rabbits. Rick catches my eye an' I tilt my head to gesture he come over to me. Beth takes Asskicker from him an' he stands at my side, still smilin' over at his baby girl.

"What's up, Daryl?" I figure the best way is to come right out an' tell him. I ain't ever been one to beat 'round the bush.

"When we hit the road, we should look for some cars an' trucks to hot-wire. Just enough to split between everybody. It'd be safer than stayin' on foot." He glances over to the other three by the fire.

"That what they were talkin' to you about over there?" I hadn't reckoned that he noticed us. I nod to him. I don't want him to be upset that they didn't go to him themselves. Not like they meant anything personal by it. "They didn't wanna put that decision on you. They know you just got your family back together an' had to focus on them. But I don't feel right if we don't run shit by you, first." He nods to me, turns back to his kids.

"I appreciate that, Daryl. I know there's no harm meant by them. What do you think?" Just like Rick to always ask my thoughts on any matter. I shrug.

"Least worth a try. Ain't sayin' it'd be easy. We first gotta find some vehicles. But we need vehicles that'll start up. An' we need them to have gas." He doesn't say anything. I pick up the rabbits an' look over at the kids an' Beth. I don't take my eyes offa her when I speak to him. "I know what you're feelin'. Ain't too thrilled 'bout the task, myself, but we both have people that make the risk worth it."

"We'll do it. We just gotta be careful."

I head back over to the fire with the meat.

"Rick's in." All three sets of eyes stare at me. Glenn smiles.

"You already talked to him? Just now? And he agrees?"

"It ain't that hard talkin' to Rick. He always wants to do the right thing by all of us. He's a good man." Nobody says anything else on the matter as we skewer the meat on sticks an' roast 'em over the fire.

"Daryl, come here!" I turn to Beth. Sasha takes the stick outta my hand an' tells me to go to her. They all give me smirks an' grins. I head over to Beth an' she tells me to stop where I am an' stay still. She's got Asskicker walkin' towards me. When that baby girl's eyes meet mine an' she smiles at me, my heart melts like some dumb sap. I crouch down on the dirt an' hold my hands out to her the way I saw Carl doin' earlier. Him an' Rick are behind Beth, watchin'.

"C'mere, sweetie. Almost there."

Ever since the moment I first held her in my arms I knew she'd have me wrapped 'round her finger. She ain't even my kid an' I already know I'd do anything to keep her safe. After I'd gotten back together with Rick, Michonne an' Carl it nearly killed me when I found out they thought she was dead. All I could think was the day she was born. How Hershel had said if she didn't get formula she'd die. Somethin' inside me withered at the thought. I had told him we weren't losin' her. When Maggie an' me got back an' they let me hold her, feed her, I knew then an' there. I loved that little girl.

"C'mon, Lil Asskicker, almost there." I glance up at Rick. I try not to call her Asskicker 'round him. But he just laughs at me. When Beth's got her just in front of me, she lets go of her hands. Asskicker takes a step on her own but stumbles forward. I catch her 'fore she can even notice she was fallin'. I hold her hands in mine an' straighten her back up. The laugh she gives when she looks at me warms my entire body. I don't even think as I pull her to me an' hold her over my heart. Carl comes to my side.

"Dad says I learned how to walk young. Maybe Judith will, too." I hand him his sister an' watch as he takes her back into the barn, Michonne waitin' there for him. Rick laughs.

"What's that sayin'? It takes a village to raise a kid?"

* * *

Everybody's all packed. I was right to think nobody'd get their fill offa four lousy cottontails, it's in everybody's eyes. But not one of 'em complains. We head 'round to the front of the barn an' Rick stops us.

"The plan's still to reach South Carolina today. Keep your eyes open for any place we can get food or supplies. We also need to be on the lookout for vehicles. It's faster than on foot." Everybody agrees an' we set out on the road. Me an' Beth are in the back as usual. She's holdin' Asskicker an' I can see she's strugglin' with her an' her pack.

"Here, give her to me." She looks up at me as she hands the baby over. I swing my crossbow 'round my front, bend down an' set Asskicker up on my shoulders. The baby's pullin' at my hair but she seems happy up there. Beth smiles brightly at me, raisin' her eyebrows.

"What?"

"Look at you. If I didn't know better, I'd say Uncle Daryl's gonna ruin that baby. She'll be spoiled rotten." I laugh at her. But, deep down, I know I'd give anything to keep the kid happy an' safe. I just don't know how to put that in words for the others to understand.

We make it a few miles when Abraham spots a run-down convenience store. The windows are all busted out, ain't even got a damn door no more. I take Asskicker off my shoulders an' pass her back to Beth as me, Rick an' Abraham approach the store to clear it. Glenn runs over to a beat up old truck sittin' just outside. There's a four door car next to that. Him an' Bob set to work on the wirin' while the three of us walk into the store. I make my way through the aisles, Abraham on the other ends. There's a walker at the other side, but someone's already put it down. That means it'll be that much fuckin' harder to find shit we need. Rick heads back to the door an' tells everybody it's clear, to find what they can an' grab what they need. I see Carl standin' just outside the door holdin' his sister, meanin' Beth came in here.

I grab some of the old ass newspapers from the end of one aisle. It surprises me that people wouldn't take shit like that for startin' a fire. All the lighters are gone, but I find two packs of matches on the floor behind the counter. Just my luck that the smokes are completely cleaned out. Nicotine's a hard addiction to quit even if the world's come to an end. I swing my leg up onto the counter, pull myself up an' push myself off, decidin' to find Beth. I see Sasha an' Carol grabbin' what little bandages are left. Michonne holds up a candy bar to show me. She shrugs. "For Carl." I smile at her. I glance back to Carl an' see that Beth's standin' out there with him. When'd she go out there?

We all gather 'round outside the store showin' what we could scavenge. It definitely ain't much. Tyrese had found a few bags of chips an' we all split those. They were stale, who knows how long ago they probably expired. But they helped ease our hunger. I was next to Beth splittin' a bag with her. When we'd finished, she licked her fingers clean, suckin' on the tips to get the last trace of chip grease. Her eyes closed as she savored the taste an' I was stupidly lost in the image of it, the sight stirred cravin's in me that were beyond hunger. Least for food. She opened her eyes again, slowly pullin' her pinky outta her mouth an' she held my gaze. The girl's gonna be the death of me. I cleared my throat an' nudged at her pack.

"Find anything good?" There was a different look to her eyes, then. They reminded me of a storm over water. Her lips pulled into a grin that was anything but innocent.

"You bet I did." She reaches back into the bag an' I'm almost nervous to see what she pulls out. "You prefer Marlboros, right?" She holds up a pack of Lights. They weren't ever my favorite, but damn if I wasn't happy to see them. I take the pack from her an' laugh a little.

"Shit, I didn't know what you were gonna pull outta that bag. But ain't much better than a pack of smokes." I pack them in my hand, tear off the wrapper. She bats her lashes at me. Her voice is a low, sultry whisper an' it almost made me drop my cigarette.

"Wanna bet?" She tugs on the zipper an' opens the pack enough for me to look in. When my eyes fall on the box I almost choke on the smoke. I look into her eyes an' she winks at me. Jesus. I tip the cigarette between my teeth an' think 'bout what she's got. She was right. The condoms are almost more welcome than the smokes. I take another long drag an' savor the nicotine coursin' to my brain. Almost.

My thoughts are interrupted when that old ass truck roars to life. Bob still can't get the car to start. I head over there an' try my hand at it. In a few minutes that one's runnin', too. Glenn tells us the truck has a little over half a tank. I glance at the dash of the car.

"This one's just under half."

We decide it's better than nothin' an' divide between the two. It ain't gonna be the most comfortable ride with all us piled on each other, but it'll beat the shit outta walkin'. Rick takes the driver seat of the car. Abraham's next to him with Rosita in his lap. Michonne sits in the back, Carl next to her holdin' Asskicker. Eugene's on the other side of Carl. That leaves the of eight of us to the truck. Fortunately it's a crew cab. All eight of us could fit in there, but I don't wanna be confined to such a tight space. I grind my cigarette into the ground, tug on Beth's hand an' gesture towards the truck bed. The others pile inside while I help Beth lift herself onto the back, followin' behind her an' liftin' the tailgate back up. I see Rick back the car up an' I beat my fist against the back window to let Glenn know he can go.

"We're real lucky these were there, huh?" I nod to her. I don't tell her how we ain't gonna get too far with the gas they got. I stretch my legs out in front of me. She sits opposite of me, her own legs stretched. For the most part, we're alone. I figure I'd better say somethin' 'fore they speed up an' we won't be able to hear each other over the wind.

"You go in lookin' for those or you stumble 'cross them?" She doesn't have to ask. She knows damn well I ain't talkin' 'bout cigarettes. She blushes. Apparently that rebellious edge slipped away, replaced again by her innocence. She shrugs.

"I mean, I wanted to find food or water. Anything. But everybody else was already grabbin' that stuff. This was stickin' out under a bottom shelf an' I couldn't help but think you might like it." I laugh at her.

"You go in there for shit we need, an' manage to come out with two things just for me?" She rolls her eyes at me.

"Well, obviously the cigarettes are for you. But these," she pats on the bag. "These are for both of us"

It ain't like I'm mad at her. In all honesty, we been real stupid not usin' any protection. I'll give her credit, it was a smart find. But I also don't wanna give her the impression that this means we're gonna be havin' sex every chance we get. Not that I don't go crazy half the time thinkin' 'bout her like that. I just know I don't want that to be all we have. I like gettin' to know her an' lettin' her get to know me a little at a time. She sees through me an', whatever she sees there, makes her think I'm a good person. I just have to keep workin' at it to prove to her she ain't imaginin' that.

We start to pick up speed an' I see her hug herself tighter, wrappin' her sweater 'round her. I hadn't thought 'bout it gettin' colder once we really got goin'. I lean forward an' grab her hand, gesture with my other hand for her to come over to me. She crawls 'cross the bed an' sits between my legs, her back to my chest. I wrap my arms 'round her. As the wind blows, her hair whips me in the face. I let go of her an' grab her hair in my hands. I lean down to her ear.

"Gimme your rubber band." She hands it back to me. Doesn't ask questions, probably 'cause she knows I wouldn't hear her anyways. I pull her hair back gently, catchin' it to keep it from flyin' 'round. I think of the braided leather cords on the sides of Merle's old vest. Didn't seem too difficult. I split her hair in three pieces an' started wrappin' them 'round each other. Even 'fore I finished, I knew it looked awful. But I could feel the hum in her chest as I played with her hair. I had her purrin' like a kitten, an' had to admit I enjoyed that. I shook the failed braids twice an' restarted, finally decidin' to just do what I could. There were still loose strands of hair, an' the braid itself was a fuckin' mess. But her hair wasn't hittin' me no more.

Her hand reached back an' grabbed her hair, holdin' it out to the side to get a better look at it. I mean to tell her I can try again when she turns 'round an' kisses me.

"It's beautiful, Daryl. I love it." I wrap her in my arms an' lean back to stare up at the sky. I could live everyday with her like this.

* * *

The sign back there said we're a half mile from South Carolina. Everybody's upset that the we ran outta gas a little ways back, but all I can think is how much closer we are to the line. I play with the end of my braid. I know it's messy, but Daryl did it for me. He tugs the end of my hair an' takes my hand in his. He may not realize it, but he can be really sweet sometimes. We're further back from the group, as usual. Somethin' tells me he prefers the time alone. I can't say that I disagree. I mean to ask him if that's what it is, when I hear Rosita shout back to us from the front.

"There it is!"

When I glance at the road ahead of us I feel the excitement rush through me. I tug on his hand as I try to move us faster, get us to the rest of the group. I let go of him as I run with all the energy I have in me. My muscles cry out to me an' my lungs burn from such sudden exertion, but I don't care. Daryl's keepin' pace next to me. We rejoin the group an' I get closer to the sign.

"We made it! Can you believe that?" I turn to see him standin' a few feet behind me, eyes locked on the words in front of us. He's frozen to the spot.

**WELCOME TO SOUTH CAROLINA**

**SMILING FACES**

**BEAUTIFUL PLACES**

That's when I remember what he told me before. An image of a more haunted version of the man standin' before me comes to mind.

_He's sittin' across from me on the floor with a jar of moonshine in front of him. I wanted him to open up. I thought of all the things I never got to do, wondered what he never did._

_"Just say the first thing that pops in your head." He hesitated for just a moment. Probably thinkin' of what he should or shouldn't tell me. He was so guarded with me then._

_"I never been outta Georgia."_

I grab his hand in mine. It's warm an' rough against my skin. He looks down at me as I reach up to kiss his cheek an' gently pull him forward.

"We'll cross it together."

We get right under the sign when he stops again. I look behind me, now. So many emotions flood through me, I hadn't expected this. Georgia was my home. My mama an' Daddy were both born an' raised there. Sure, we went on vacations but Georgia was our home. I realize that, once I cross the line, I won't just be leavin' behind a happy childhood. I think of the family I've lost, my mama an' my brother. Jimmy, Patricia, Lori, Zach. All the people I grew to love, all the people who died. A lump forms in my throat as I think of my daddy. How much I wish he was right here with us. I can feel the tears start to fall. The rough, calloused hand brushes my cheeks, gently's he can. I'm ashamed of the little sob I let out, my cheek presses into his warm palm. I look up to see pain in his eyes.

This was Daryl's home, too. He was leavin' behind his past, buried right next to mine. I imagine he's thinkin' of his brother. How he'd never been outta Georgia, either. Daryl an' I've come so far from where we were when this all started. It's changed the both of us, an' we're still adaptin' to it everyday. I was so excited to get to this place, but now I'm afraid. I don't know what lies ahead of us. But I remind myself that I'm not alone. I have my group, my family. I have Daryl.

The others are already over the line, there's a few cars stranded a little ways up the road. I grab his hand from my face an' squeeze it tightly in mine. I smile up at him.

"Ready?"

He takes a deep breath an' we step into the state of South Carolina hand in hand, leavin' our past behind us. We don't look back.


	41. Chapter 41

**I would first like to start by thanking all of you for following this story. Your kind words and support have really helped me along the way. I love reading all of your theories, thoughts and suggestions. Please, keep them coming! I hope you enjoy this next chapter, as well as the ones that lie ahead! :)**

* * *

"What's the hold up, Glenn?"

I look over the side of the truck from under the hood. Abraham's been on edge for the last half hour or so, pacin' back an' forth. The first two cars we tried wouldn't start. We wasted enough time just on them. Glenn stops what he's doin' an' looks up at Abraham. He's just as irritated.

"Look, I'm doing the best I can. Who knows how long these have been sitting out here? There could be messed up wires, dead transmissions, bad oil. We got lucky with the two from the convenience store."

"Wasn't real lucky when they shit out on us after only a few miles." I step out from the front. I've heard enough. Ain't like it's Glenn's fault. 'Sides, them arguin' 'bout it only slows us down more.

"Where'd we be if we didn't have them at all, man?" Abraham looks like he wants to argue with me, but I see him hold back. I ain't tryin' to throw down some pissin' match with anybody. That ain't who I am anymore, the last year's really changed me. Right now, all's I care 'bout is gettin' this fuckin' truck runnin'. I lean back under the hood. This shit's a fuckin' mess. Whoever had this truck never took good care of it. I let out a heavy sigh an' slam it shut. It's no use to us.

"Let's try that suburban. If that don't work, we'll keep walkin' some more."

We head for the SUV. I glance over to the side of the road where the others are waitin'. They already grabbed what they could outta the two cars. Abraham motions for them to search the truck. The driver side door of the suburban's already open. We look inside to see what might've gotten left behind while Glenn starts workin'.

Abraham searches the front, unlockin' the back door for me. I open it up an' take a look 'round. There's a carseat an' kids toys thrown 'round the floor. I pick up the little things an' place 'em in the carseat. Figure Asskicker could use this shit. The third row has some blankets an' pillows an' I shove them in the pile, too. I climb back to the cargo an' find some campin' shit: tent, stakes, a cast iron skillet. These people were packed up for a fuckin' family trip, not the end of the world.

I walk over to the the rest of the group. My crossbow hangs behind me, the carseat fulla shit in one hand an' the campin' shit in the other. I set it all in front of them. Beth starts pullin' the things outta the carseat an' sets the baby in there. She hands her one of the toys I brought back an' the kid's face lights up. Everybody starts packin' the rest away when I head back to the SUV. Beth follows me.

"You think this one might start?"

"Too soon to tell. Glenn's still workin' at it."

We just get to the door when we hear the ignition. Thank fuck for that. He shouts out to the others to get over an' pile in. Everybody grabs their shit an' crosses the road. Carol opens the door an' looks in.

"Think it'll manage with the fourteen of us?" I shrug at her.

"Gotta make it work 'til we can find another."

After we squeeze in, Glenn takes off. I'm in the cargo with Beth, Michonne, Carl an' Asskicker. It's obvious the vehicle's just barely holdin' all our weight. Glenn can't get it to go too fast. Beth's tucked in my lap, my fingers run over my pathetic attempt at a braid. She coulda taken it out an' fixed it. Can't imagine why she didn't. I glance up to see Michonne smirkin' at us. I look away from her 'fore she can start shit.

Nobody says much of anything. Guess we're all just tired. Holin' up in that barn was barely somethin' you could call restful. Not when we only spent a night there. I start to wonder if we'll ever stop runnin'. I think 'bout Washington an' if it'll be any different than Atlanta. They all said to go to the big cities for sanctuary, but Atlanta was completely overrun. D.C's the nation's capital, wouldn't that be the biggest sanctuary of all? I don't know which to expect: sanctuary or death trap.

We get a few miles up the road when Glenn slams on the breaks, jerkin' us forward. Rosita's head smacks against the window.

"What the fuck, Glenn?" He rolls down his window an' sticks his head out to look back.

"Didn't any of you see that van?" Rick turns 'round to look back, too.

"A van? Turn around. Maybe we can get that started, too." Rosita rubs the side of her head, her voice's venom.

"You nearly cracked my skull for a fuckin' van? You can't be serious!" Glenn pulls his head back in the window an' looks 'round all of us.

"Someone was drivin' it down the other way."

We all climb out onto the road an' look back. Sure as shit, there's a van headin' the opposite way. I look over to Rick.

"What you reckon that's 'bout?" He shakes his head.

"No idea." We start to climb back in when Abraham shouts.

"Oh, shit! Walkers!"

I draw my bow in front of me, pushin' Beth back in the SUV. I run 'round to Abraham's side an' look ahead at just what we've driven into. Fuck. The herd comin' our way's the biggest I ever seen. We can't take on numbers like that. I pull Abraham by the elbow.

"Get back in! Glenn, we gotta go!"

It's complete chaos as we all struggle to fit back in that fuckin' vehicle. People are shovin' an' pushin', grabbin' to pull each other in. I almost feel relief once we're all locked up. Glenn gets it to turn over, but it falters. He tries again an' it still won't start.

"C'mon, baby. Not now. Please! You worked just fine a minute ago!"

Abraham shouts at him, "Why the fuck'd you turn it off, Glenn?" Nobody else says anything. Probably all too scared. I feel Beth shakin' in my lap. She's murmurin' under her breath. I almost think she's prayin'. I look past the people in front of me to the herd ahead. They weren't too far from us now. If they hadn't noticed us yet, they will soon.

The car just won't start. The only thing we can do is get out an' make a run for it. It's that or sit here 'til they're on us. So we grab our shit an' abandon the suburban, takin' off in the opposite direction. I notice Carl havin' a hard time keepin' a grip on the carseat handle so I take it from him, handin' him my backpack instead. Nobody looks behind us, we continue on a flat out run. I almost suggest we head for the trees when I hear tires squeal. Glenn's outta breath, his words barely come out. "That. It's, it's the van."

I look up to see the flash of white flyin' towards us. A few feet from us the breaks lock up an' it spins so the side's facin' us. The door slides open an' a man's voice shouts out.

"Hurry! Get in!"

As we sprint to the open door, a thought flashes through my mind. We don't know who the fuck this is. I glance over my shoulder to see the herd's maybe a hundred yards away. I realize that I don't really have a choice in the matter. Rick takes the passenger seat, the rest of us pile in the back. All the seats were gutted from this van so we all sit on the floor. Tyrese slams the door shut an' the man takes off away from the walkers. Everybody's catchin' their breath. Beth's pantin' next to me, Maggie's on my other side. She's on her knees an' bent over, hands on her thighs. She sounds like she might get sick. I place my hand between her shoulder blades an' rub over her jacket.

"S'alright. Deep breaths. For the love of God, Maggie, don't throw up in here." Maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe it's exhaustion, but she laughs at me. She's still lookin' at the ground when she speaks to me.

"Thanks for comfortin' me, Daryl." I'm only just catchin' my own breath as I laugh at her. I look 'round everybody else. We're fuckin' beat. This shit's gotta stop. I snap back to reality an' remember where we are. I look up to the driver. He's a black man, wearin' an all black suit. A fuckin' suit. What nutjob just scooped us off the fuckin' highway? Rick speaks 'fore I get the chance.

"Thank you. Who knows how far we could've gotten if you didn't swing back for us." The guy keeps his eyes on the road. When he speaks, I notice his voice is deep an' very calm given what the fuck just happened.

"My son, I've been searchin' this road everyday for the last two months for fellow survivors. I'm just as grateful to have you as you are to be here." Definitely a nutjob. I can't hold my tongue.

"Where exactly you takin' us?" All eyes turn directly to him. I see his face in the rear view mirror as he smiles back at me. The skin 'round his eyes wrinkles with the gesture.

"I've got a church up the road a little ways. I was the pastor there for many years. You fine people can call me Gabriel." A church? He can't be serious.

"Gotta big group up at that church of yours? Sure you got enough room for all us?" His eyes meet mine in the mirror again. He smiles, but it's different now. I can't place the expression.

"Son, I've been alone in that church for so long now. It was always a house of refuge and worship. It'll be nice to have fellow souls surroundin' me." Rick clears his throat.

"Pastor-"

"Please, call me Gabriel."

"Right. Well, Gabriel, I'm Rick. We certainly appreciate your hospitality."

Gabriel just nods at him an' keeps his eyes on the road. It doesn't take us long to get to the church. Two more vans are parked out front. The buildin's old as dirt an' has a lotta wear. There's a steeple with a bell, an' at the top's a big ass cross. We all climb out onto the gravel drive an' the others start to follow Gabriel in. I hold back an' look up at the structure in front of me. Beth's hand grabs mine.

"What's the matter, Daryl?"

"Just wonderin' if I'm gonna go up in flames as I walk through that door." I meant it as a joke, but she didn't laugh. There's a pain to those beautiful blue eyes.

"Well, good people don't have to worry about that. So you'll be fine. C'mon." An' she pulls me behind her. My heart beats painfully against my chest at the idea that she'll never give up on me or the notion that I'm good.

We step inside an' it's exactly how I imagined it would be. Rows of benches, candles, paintin's an' stained glass windows. At the very front's a podium with a large cross standin' behind it. He's kept the place clean. The walls are white, red carpet. All them benches an' that cross are shined. I notice a door near the back.

"Where's that go?" Gabriel follows my eyes an' smiles. He speaks to all of us.

"That'll lead you into the kitchen. We gathered a food pantry for the homeless for many years. You'll find various nonperishable items in there. Please, have your fill. I can show you around after you've eaten." He don't needa tell us twice. We all head back in there, Rick an' Carol start handin' everybody food an' water bottles. Gabriel reaches into a cupboard an' passes 'round a box of plastic forks an' spoons. I take a fork an' dig into my canned ham.

"Holy shit. That hits the fuckin' spot." I glance up to see Gabriel smilin' at me, an' I realize I just swore in his sacred house. I wouldn't feel bad if he hadn't given us the food. I quickly glance over to him. "Sorry." He laughs at me.

"The sentiment seems fittin' in this situation. Even the good Lord can let that slide at a time like this." I just nod, ain't 'bout to get in no religious debate with the man. I ain't one to bite the hand that feeds me.

I offer Beth some of my ham. She takes a piece an' offers me some fruit. I shake my head. She needs it more than me. I open my water bottle an' tilt it back, I didn't realize how thirsty I was. I see Sasha rollin' her bottle on the counter. She sighs.

"Shame there isn't enough water to wash up." Maggie casts a longin' look at her own bottle. Gabriel laughs.

"There's two wells on the property. I have generators to run the water here. The hot water won't last long, but I'm sure you can manage."

Beth squeezes my hand an' I look down at her. This place ain't so bad after all. I pick up my water as we follow Gabriel out the back door of the kitchen. There's two buildin's side by side, trees surroundin'. You'd never see this from the road. Before anybody can ask , he speaks up.

"After Hurricane Katrina, the members of this church worked together to build a place of refuge for the people affected. It wasn't much, but we did what we could. In the buildin' to the right, you'll find cots, pillows and blankets. The buildin' to the left is a wash house. There's six showers in there. Outhouses are further down that way, as well."

It's almost too much to take in. All this time we been hopin' for a place of refuge an' we probably just found it. We decide to take showers in shifts. I already know I'm takin' mine last, when nobody can walk in on me. Hot water or not, last thing I need is all them seein' my scarred up back an' askin' questions. I head to the shelter with Beth an' some of the others.

It's a lot bigger than it looks from the outside. There's more than enough spots for us to sleep. I drop down to the cot closest to the door, Beth takes the one next to me. As everybody scatters to find their own spots, I lay back an' look up at the ceilin'. I can't help the good feelin' that flows through me as I lie there. I prop my head on my arm an' pull one leg up, the other hangs off the side.

"What're you thinkin' about?" I look over at her, large blue eyes curiously watchin' me. When I don't answer, she continues, "I can always tell when you're thinkin' somethin'. You bring your hand to your mouth an' chew at your nails." I hadn't even realized I'd done it. I pull it away an' place it 'cross my chest. It's crazy the way she can pick up on stuff like that.

"Just thinkin' this place ain't so bad. Kinda nice." She smiles an' comes to lay on the cot with me. It definitely weren't meant for more than one person. I sit up an' pull the other right next to it, she lays there beside me. Her hand folds into mine an' we just lay there for a while, not sayin' anything. It's nice to finally be able to just lay down an' breathe.

* * *

I've found myself back in the church, sittin' on one of the benches up front. My elbows are propped on my knees, my chin on my clasped hands. I just look up at the big wooden cross above me. Beth puts a lotta stock in hope an' faith. I can't understand what she sees in all of it. I imagine if she were next to me, she'd explain things. But she's with the last group to shower now, I'll go in once they're gone. Everybody else is already settin' up for sleep. I originally came in here just to have time to myself to think things over. I close my eyes an' try to figure out just what the fuck we're gettin' ourselves into with this damn trip. I can't shake the feelin' that we're headed for trouble.

"Never took you for the prayin' type." My head snaps up to see Rick approachin' me from the kitchen, his hair still wet from his shower. He's got two water bottles in his hand, one that he passes to me. I twist the top off an' take a large gulp.

"I ain't the prayin' type. Never done no good for me." Rick sits next to me, starin' up at the cross.

"You know, I almost have a restored faith. After everything we've been through, all we've lost and suffered, we're still here."

"If you say so. I see it as us bein' damn good at survivin'. 'Sides, even if all this shit were from some greater power, I don't see any pearly gates openin' up for me at the end of my road." Rick almost looks saddened by what I've said. But it's the truth. I know there ain't no power merciful enough to look past my sins.

"You're a good man, Daryl. Half those people out there? Myself? We'd never made it this far without you. You can call it survivin' or instincts, I call it your natural urge to protect. Bad people don't protect others, Daryl."

Bad people. Rick has no idea what I'd done. He always saw me as some redneck with a short fuse 'fore I started actin' right 'round him. From then on, he saw me as his equal. I don't deserve it. I'll never deserve it. Maybe it's this damn place, or the guilt that eats away at me every time he tries to convince me I'm worthy of anybody's appreciation. I don't know what makes me do it, but I blurt it out under my breath.

"When Merle an' me came 'cross that camp back in Atlanta, there weren't no good intentions. Merle wanted to rob the place blind of their supplies. I went along with the idea only 'cause I did whatever he told me to. But I still went along with it. He didn't care that there was women an' children there. The only thing that stopped us was Shane pullin' a gun on us when we first pulled up. Introduced hisself as a cop an' then we saw how many people there were. Merle told me we'd wait for a better opportunity. Then y'all left him up on that rooftop."

I won't look at him. I can't. Instead I train my eyes on that cross an' wonder what damage I just inflicted on myself. I hear Rick take a deep breath.

"We've all done things we ain't proud of. I sometimes think I'm losin' myself to the world 'round me. It's hard to imagine the way I once was an' the way I see myself now." I decide to look at him. He's focused on the cross now, his face is pained. He turns to me. "You only did what you thought you had to in order to survive. I ain't sayin' it was right, I'm sayin' I understand. You aren't the same person you were at that quarry, Daryl. Not even the same as you were back on the farm. You may not believe it, but you are a good person. You're one of the best of us. One day you're gonna see that, too."

I drop my sight to the floor. I want to believe what he's sayin'. I know i've changed, I feel it everyday. It's just hard to accept what that change really means. His hand falls on my shoulder an' I look up to him again.

"I'll always trust your instincts and value your opinions. We've come a long way from the men we were in Atlanta. You're my brother, Daryl."

His words ricochet in my mind. I always knew I had developed a strong bond with Rick over time. He always done right by me. No matter which one of us would lose their temper or try to drift away, the other was always there. Even now, after what I just told him, Rick still holds me up high. I know I can't ever let him down. The emotion's strange to me, it ain't like the love I have for Beth, but I know it's love. I recognize the feelin' by what I kinda had with Merle. An' I know Rick's right. We're family now. I nod to him. "You're mine, too."

* * *

I check on Beth to see her sittin' up on the cot, an oil lamp lit at her side, bright eyed an' washed up. Her hair drips down her back. I notice we're the only two up. I kiss her forehead an' tell her I'm gonna jump in the shower. I make my way out to the buildin' an' flick on the lights. Damn, electricity's nice. I step into a stall an' strip outta my clothes, hangin' everything over the side. I don't really care if the shit gets wet or not. I'm surprised the water's still hot. I find the bar of soap an' run it through my dirty hair, over my face, down my body. I drop it when I hear the door open.

"Shit! Someone's in this stall, grab another." The handle turns an' in walks Beth with a devilish grin spread 'cross her face. "Jesus, girl. You tryin' to give me a heart attack?"

"I came to shower with you." I realize I'm starin' at her. I point to her wet hair.

"Ain't you already took your shower?" She bites down on her lip an' starts to pull up her shirt.

"Yeah, but I wanna shower with you." She tosses her shirt over the door an' undoes her bra. I can't take my eyes off her, barely registerin' that I'm wastin' what hot water I might have left. I reach down to pick up the soap, an' from that angle I see her cotton shorts she found earlier drop to her bare feet. I look up to see the only thing she's wearin' is that wicked smile. Jesus Christ.

I clear my throat as I stand back up an' just stare at her. She holds up her hand an' I see the condom wrapper in her fingers.

"I thought we might put one of these to good use."

She steps outta those shorts an' walks over to me, pulls the soap outta my hand an' runs it over my chest, down my stomach. She forms a lather an' places the soap back on the wall, lookin' up at me as she takes me in her soft hand. The groan I let out vibrates through the stall as she strokes me. I throw my head back under the water, tryin' to regain my focus. I hear her tear open the wrapper. She clears her throat.

"Um, you're gonna have to help me with this part." I look into her eyes as I take it from her, pinchin' the tip an' rollin' it over me. I reach back an' shut off the water, my last remainin' senses tellin' me we could break our fuckin' necks. She pulls me down onto the tile, I follow her lead as she kisses me, pullin' me over her. I trail my lips down her throat, back an' forth over her collar bone. When my mouth falls to her chest, she lets out a shaky breath. I take her into my hand, grip an' pull at her. My teeth graze over her other nipple an' I feel her shudder. I pull it into my mouth an' tease it with my tongue. She sighs an' whimpers my name. I trail my free hand down to her thighs, my fingers skim over the soft skin. I start to slip one finger into her an' she gasps. I pull my face back up to look at her an' smile at her surprised look. I let out a small laugh.

"Never?"

She shakes her head at me. The thought that so much of what we've done has only been done with me turns me on even more. That possessiveness, again. I place my mouth to hers an' swallow her moan as my finger slips into her. I start off gentle, but push a second finger in once she starts to buck against my hand. I pull away to look down at her again. It drives me wild to see her like this. As much as I love my innocent, sweet Beth, I really love this side of her. I press my thumb to her clit an' smile at the sound she gives me.

It ain't long 'fore she falls apart at my hands. When she comes down from her high I prop myself up to be face to face, my lips crash against hers. I groan against her mouth as I push myself into her. She moans an' whimpers with each thrust, her nails dig into the skin on my shoulder an' I let out a growl, realizin' how much I actually like that. Her legs hook over my hips an' I place my lips to her neck an' taste her smooth skin. It's all fresh water, soap an' honey. She whimpers again.

"Daryl?" I slow down an' look at her. Almost afraid I've hurt her. She bites down on her lip.

"What's the matter?"

"I know you don't like it but, just this once, will you call me baby?"

I completely stop. I don't understand what she's sayin'. She looks embarrassed an' it makes me feel bad. "What, you mean you want me to talk to you? Now?" She shakes her head an' tells me to forget it. I start to pick up my rhythm again, but feel bad for makin' her think it was a dumb idea. It was a dumb idea, but it wouldn't hurt none to do that for her. I don't know the first thing 'bout this kinda shit. I remember our first time together an' I called her baby, then. I guess if I only use it when we're havin' sex, it ain't so weird. I put my lips to her ear, suck on the soft lobe an' she sighs. I smirk against her skin, "You like that, baby?" I feel her thighs tighten 'round my waist, she lets out a small whimper.

I know there's things I still have to learn 'bout romance. I already knew dirty talk, but I didn't think that'd be right for the two of us. She wants love an' affection from me. I'll figure it out along the way, but I'll do my best with it for now.

I find that when I angle my hips a certain way, my pelvic bone rubs her just right. So I focus on that to keep gettin' those throaty moans. I look down at her, feel her tightenin' 'round me. I know she won't last much longer. My eyes run over her pale skin, the wet blonde hair spread out 'round her face, those big blue eyes. A moan escapes me at the sight of her. I lean down an' kiss her.

"You're so beautiful, baby."

"Oh, Daryl..."

Hearin' my name on her lips only fuels me further. It's become my favorite sound. I keep pushin' into her, one hand's grippin' her thigh, the other's holdin' her face. I smile against her lips at how good all of it feels, how good she feels. Everything inside me starts to tighten. My voice is ragged. "Come on, baby."

After one deep thrust she moans out my name an' I feel her shudderin' under me. In this moment, I'm eternally grateful she found those fuckin' condoms. I don't think I could stop to pull out if I tried. I push in her a few more times an' find my own release.

"Oh, fuck, Beth."

Everything inside me fragments as I collapse on top of her, tryin' not to put all my weight on her body. I feel her run her fingers through my hair. I slowly pull outta her as I kiss her lips. I help her up an' pull off the rubber, knottin' it at the end. She stretches up an' kisses me, wraps her arms 'round my neck. I help her get dressed, redoin' her bra an' pullin' the shirt over her head. I reach back for my own clothes.

"I'll see you back in the other buildin'. Last thing we need's a scene over us walkin' in together." I know she's right. I kiss her again an' watch as she walks away. Once I'm fully dressed I step outta the stall, toss the condom in the trash. I walk into the night, only to see it's pitch black now. The moon's covered in clouds, can't even see the stars. I see a light flickerin' to my side an' know it's comin' from the shelter. I walk in to see Beth sittin' up on the cot with the oil lamp in front of her. She smiles up at me as I take my spot next to her. I watch as she bends down to blow out the light, settin' it down on the floor next to her side. I pull down the blankets an' she curls tight against me. When I've covered us back up I kiss the top of her head. She turns to face me, those blue eyes dancin' in what little light there is.

"I love you so much, Daryl Dixon."

Those words set my body on fire, even after I'd come down from what we just did. Christ, the effect she has on me. I pull her face to mine, our mouths mold against one another as my tongue strokes hers. Her hand reaches up into my hair an' tugs at me. I grip her chin in my fingers an' tilt her head back to open her up to me more. Our limbs tangle 'round each other as we further deepen our embrace. In that moment, I don't care if one of the others woke up an' saw us makin' out like a couple of fuckin' idiots. Everything with Beth feels good to me, like it's the one thing in this world I keep gettin' right. I could die a happy man with the taste of that girl's kiss lingerin' in my mouth.


	42. Chapter 42

I open my eyes to the darkness around me. My fingers brush the hair from my face an' I realize I'd been sweatin'. My breaths come out in little gasps.

_It was just a dream_.

I close my eyes an' I can still see him run in front of me, in front of the gun. I can still hear the shot, see him fallin' at my feet as the blood stains his chest.

_It was just a dream_.

I blink again an' I see his lifeless eyes lookin' up at me an' I'm all alone at that fallen prison. The Governor's crept back into the shadows like mist over water. Bodies of the dead surround me.

_Dammit, Beth! It was only your dream. Michonne said she stabbed him through the heart an' left him for dead. He's gone an' he ain't ever comin' back_.

Now I'm cryin', an' I'm grateful it's too dark for anybody to see me. They're all still peacefully sleepin' while my recurrin' nightmare shook me awake. I don't close my eyes, too afraid of the horrific image that lurks behind my lids. I decide to focus on the present, anything to make me calm down.

His arm's wrapped around me, I can feel the warmth of his breath on the skin of my neck with his face buried in my hair. One leg is thrown over mine an' his chest an' hips are pressed firmly against my back. I just focus on his breathin'.

_See? He's still alive. He's still here_.

I match my breaths to his, concentrate on each inhale, every exhale. Focus on the rise an' fall of his chest against me. Once I feel myself calm down I notice his erection pressed firmly against the small of my back. My breathin' catches for a different reason now. I feel like a stupid girl when the heat rushes to my cheeks. I'm still a little shaken from my nightmare an' I don't know if I really want my thoughts to start down that path. I gotta get back to sleep.

I try to shift a little, make it less noticeable so I don't have to think about it. But as soon's I move, I know it was a bad idea. I brushed against him an' he moaned in my ear. I hate myself for the fire that spreads through the lower half of my body at the sound. I try to clear my thoughts, try to concentrate on anything else, but his hips press into mine in his sleep, the second moan he lets out causes me to bite my lip.

I know Daryl's still cautious when it comes to sex. I'm not stupid to think he's the type to throw me to the floor an' have his way with me, even if that's how I always pictured him. Just about every time we've been together has been initiated by me. He just follows my lead. It's silly when I'm the one who has no idea what to do. I should be followin' him. I think back to earlier in that shower, how timid he'd been when I first approached him. I have to remind myself that Daryl's like a stray animal. If you go at him too quick, corner him, he's gonna get defensive. But if you're kind to him an' gentle, he's sweet as tea.

I shift back against him again, his grip tightens around me an' he sighs in my ear. I think of how gentle he is with me, how much passion he shows me when I finally open him up. He really loves me. I purposefully move against him now, savorin' the sound he makes. I can't help it, I want him again. I decide to throw caution to the wind an' start grindin' back against him. I can feel his body reactin' to me, an' it drives me crazy. I reach my hand behind me, take a deep breath an' slip it down the front of his jeans. When I grab him, his hips buck into mine an' I hear him wakin' up. His voice is husky an' low.

"The fuck?" It only takes him a second to realize what's happenin'. Before he can make me stop I run my hand up an' down his length, he buries his face in my neck to muffle his groan. I turn my face to his now, his eyes are open an' smolderin' down at me. If I'd been standin' it woulda brought me to my knees. He makes to say somethin' but I smash my mouth to his, my tongue partin' his lips. I don't want him to try talkin' me outta this. He groans into my mouth, doesn't try to stop me. I move my hand faster an' feel his hips buckin' at the motion. I pull away from our kiss, my words are a whisper.

"I'll be quiet, I promise. It'll be like in the barn." His body goes rigid. I look into his eyes, an' they look- nervous? "Daryl?"

He reaches down to stop me, pullin' my hand away from him. He won't look at me now, won't say anything. I stare at him, waitin' for him to give me some type of explanation. He sighs, an' his voice is husky. "Not now, Beth. Not here."

I can feel the heat rush through me, but this time it's irritation. I keep my voice down. "You seem pretty ready to me. You wanna sneak back in the other buildin'?"

He shakes his head, still won't even look me in the eyes. I'm bristlin' now. It's harder for me to keep quiet. "I remember what you said last night in the field. I know how you see this. But it's not like that. I told you last night that any way we're together is love to me." I rub back against him an' hear the small groan he tries to hold in. "Please, Daryl?"

He pulls me tight to his front. One hand holds my hips still,the other arm wraps firmly across my chest. For a moment I think he's angry with me. I brace myself when he buries his face in my neck, feel his lips move against my skin. "Don't do this to me."

It's a broken whisper. He isn't angry, he sounds afraid. An' he's pleadin' with me. I ain't ever heard Daryl beg in all the time I've known him. I feel like he's just electrocuted me. I pull against his steely grip an' he finally loosens up enough to let me turn to him. His eyes are closed an' his breathin's uneven. He looks years younger like this, yet aged at the same time. Seein' him so broken in front of me, an' by my own doin', feels like ice water's been dumped over my body. I was bein' stupid an' selfish. I already knew how he felt but I tried to push him anyway. I feel awful as I look at him now.

"Daryl, I'm so sorry. It's okay. Forget about it." I pull him to me, best's I can. His face rests against my collarbone an' I slowly rub his back. I have to think of somethin' to say, somethin' to make him open back up to me. I hate when he shuts down, I hate it even more when I'm the reason. Before I can gather my thoughts, he speaks against my skin. The words are soft an' quiet.

"I'm tryin', Beth. I'm tryin' so fuckin' hard to be a good person. Lettin' go of all my shit. I don't ever wanna go back to who I was before." His voice may be gentle, but the words hit me with the force of a locomotive. I can't believe I could be so stupid. Wasn't it me all along tellin' him he's a good man? Wasn't I the one who told him he had to leave his past behind him? This whole time I've noticed a shift in him. He wasn't nearly as hardened as he was before. He kept a much tighter leash on his temper an' when he did get angry, he'd bury it just as quickly as it rose. Here he was, clawin' to climb outta the dark abyss that was his past an' I was tryin' to drag him back down. I kiss the top of his head.

"You are good, Daryl. I've seen the difference in you over time. I won't ever let you go back to the way you used to be. I promise." I feel him nod against me. I don't know if he really believes what I'm sayin' or not. I just know that he needs me to keep remindin' him. That's what he told me that night at the old shack. That I needed to remind him that he's changed for the better. I had said he couldn't rely on anybody else, but I'd been wrong. We do rely on each other. Maybe it makes us weaker, maybe it makes us stronger. I don't know an' I don't care. He needs me just as much as I need him. "Sorry I woke you up." He shrugs.

"Why were you awake?"

I sigh. I don't see the harm in tellin' him. "Nightmare." He pulls back from me an' looks into my face.

"What was it?" Daryl never asks questions, an' I assume this is just his way of takin' his mind off the dam we just broke through. I run my hand through my hair.

"The same one I have all the time. I dream that we're at the prison, that we're under attack." His eyes fall from mine. He's never been one to make eye contact when discussin' feelin's an' fears. I go on. "Everything happens the way it did that day. But I see Maggie run off an' I try to call her back. I see all the bodies around me an' when I look up, The Governor has a gun aimed at me. But every time I dream, you run in front of me." I almost feel choked. I've never said any of this out loud. His eyes meet mine. He reaches up to tuck my hair behind my ear. His voice is gentle.

"You know I ain't ever gonna let anyone hurt you."

He doesn't understand what scares me. I didn't think I could bring myself to say it but he's thinkin' I'm afraid for myself. "That's not what scares me. The dream used to end in you killin' him an' us runnin' into the woods. But ever since the first night in the funeral home, I've dreamt that you stood to protect me. He shoots you in the chest an' you die right at my feet. All I can do is watch you slip away." His hand brushes my cheek, an' only then do I realize I'm cryin'. I feel so stupid. The world around me is a terrifyin' place, an' I'm worried about silly dreams. He must think I'm an idiot. He grips my chin between his fingers, pullin' my focus back to him. His eyes are a stormy blue. There's so much emotion there that words could never give justice to.

"I ain't goin' nowhere."

I give him a small smile. Deep down, I know he means it to be true. But the wounded part of my heart reminds me that no one, not even Daryl Dixon, can make it outta this life alive. I kiss him, just a slow kiss, an' he follows my lead as usual. But I stop before we can get back to where this all started. There will be more chances for us to be together like that, I don't need to shake the frail foundation of what we've been workin' so hard to build.

"We're a mess, Daryl." He lets out a small laugh, but I finish what I meant to say. "But we're beautiful together." He smiles at me then, an' it's the rarest of all. A full, face splittin' smile that sends my heart meltin' like butter on warm biscuits. I snuggle into his chest as he wraps his arm around me. I can feel my eyes gettin' heavy, realize just how exhausted I really was. His hand gently massages my back, only further puttin' me to sleep. He leans into me an' whispers in my ear.

"I love you, Beth." I can't help the silly grin on my face as I slip into unconsciousness.

* * *

"I thought we all agreed that the mission was to get to D.C. as soon as possible?" I glance over to Rick.

"Look, Abraham, there's no change in our plans. All I meant was we could use the rest for another day or so."

They'd been goin' back an' forth like this for a while. Carol had brought it up earlier that we could use some more time here an' Rick said he'd discuss it. I stand there with Rosita, the others still eatin' inside.

"Rick, brother, I appreciate how much you care about keepin' us all alive. You do a damn good job at seein' to us keepin' fed, watered and sheltered. But we need to move on. We wasted time at the tracks, the lake. We need to focus on gettin' back on the road." Rick sighs.

"You're right. I know you're right. But at least give us another hour or two. Get our people fed, cleaned up, whatever it takes to make sure we don't burn them out. Don't forget that you're the one who asked for our help. It wasn't the other way around." With that, Rick heads out to the front of the church an' I follow him as the other two go back in the kitchen.

"Least you bought us some time." He doesn't say anything, just sits on the front steps of the church. I stand next to him an' stare over at the three vans. "You think the Good Father will let us take one or two?" He follows my gaze.

"I'm sure he'll let us take at least one. Doubt he needs all three when it's just him." I decide to voice somethin' that's bothered me since we first got in that van.

"Weird, ain't it? Him bein' alone since the start of shit. You'd think he'd run into at least some other person 'fore he found us. Maybe he weren't tryin' to find other survivors as much's he says." Rick glances up at me. From the look in his eyes, I can tell he's had the same suspicion.

"It's crossed my mind a few-" his eyes seem to lose focus as he looks straight ahead. "What's that on the back window of the vans?" It's a strange thing to point out, but it's the strange shit you gotta keep your eyes open for nowadays. I step to the other side to pick up what he's spotted. When I see it, my blood turns to ice. Son of a bitch.

"You think it's a coincidence?" I spit on the ground as we take the stairs an' throw open the church doors.

"We ain't got the luxury of believin' in coincidences no more, Rick."

Gabriel's at the front, talkin' to Maggie an' Glenn. Me an' Rick shoulder past the other two to get to Gabriel. Maggie looks like she's 'bout to mouth off, but I hold my hand up to silence her.

"Them vans out there? They all yours?" Gabriel looks confused at the question, so I continue. "All three of them, they yours?" Glenn starts to ask me what I'm tryin' to say. Rick cuts him off.

"It's a simple question, Father. Do you own those vans or not?" He nods, but his expression hasn't changed. Everybody else's come in from the kitchen to see what's happenin'. I see Beth next to Tyrese, an' I almost wish she'd get back in the other room, she don't needa hear this. I turn back to Gabriel.

"You ever have a car? Black? Had the same white cross on it's back window that all them vans of yours got." His look changes to understandin'.

"I did. It was my personal vehicle. A couple months back I heard it start up in the middle of the night and, by the time I got to the door, the person who took it was long gone."

I don't know if I can believe him. What's to say he ain't some nasty fuckin' cannibal like the ones he says stole his car? He coulda been in on it all along. Openin' up church doors to fool people there's some sanctuary an' all the while leadin' 'em to slaughter. Rick's temper gets the best of him. He shoves Gabriel into the podium. Glenn reaches to stop him but I hold him back.

"Bullshit! Your story hasn't made a bit of goddamn sense from the beginnin'! You couldn't have stayed in this church alone the whole time!" Gabriel's begun to cry, but Rick keeps goin'.

"You never had anyone with you? Nobody ever came here? Not one person?" Gabriel shakes his head. "It's all bullshit, Gabriel. Your cover story doesn't make sense! Who are you workin' for?" He doesn't say a word, just keeps shakin' his head. I hear some of the others gasp, some murmurin'. I pull Rick offa him, get right up in the lyin' bastard's face.

"The people in that black car took one of our own. They were cannibals, wanted to kill us all. You mean to say you ain't know nothin' 'bout that? You gotta be workin' for someone!" Gabriel hangs his head, but he finally speaks.

"No one! I swear I'm not workin' for anyone! I don't know what happened to your friend. I'm alone. I was always alone. It's all so clear to me now, I didn't find you. You were sent to me by God. You're here to punish me." Rick grabs the front of his jacket again, shakes him hard.

"For what? Dammit, what did you do?" Gabriel takes a deep breath, looks 'round all us an' drops his head again as he speaks.

"When it all started, I was here. Alone. It was late at night when I first heard about everything. I got scared, I locked up. Just to be safe. The next mornin', they started comin'. Neighbors, friends, members of my congregation; not many at first, then more as the days went on. They wanted a safe place to stay, a sanctuary." He lets out a sob an' I look to Rick. Before I can say somethin', he continues.

"I turned them all away. I only had so much food, I needed to be sure I could survive long enough to be rescued. I couldn't have those people comin' in, I'd starve. I chose my life over theirs. Most of them stayed outside the church, yellin', screamin' for me to let them in. They never left, they didn't stop. Until the dead came for them." I step away from him tryin' to understand what he was sayin'. There's more than enough food in that fuckin' kitchen. He turned all them people away, an' for what? He sobs again.

"Women, children, entire families. I heard their screams of agony as they were torn apart. Some of them callin' my name, damnin' me to Hell. I know what I did, I know what I deserve." He reaches his hands to the front of Rick's shirt.

"Kill me. Please, I've suffered enough. I want you to do it. I forgive you. Kill me and I forgive you. You are only carryin' out God's will. They died, they all died because of me. You have to make this right." Rick steps away from him. He's at my side. "Please, just do it."

Rick turns to head down away from Gabriel. Carol steps up from the front of the others. "What're you doing?" Rick looks 'round all of us.

"I believe him." Carol's face drops.

"What does that mean?" Rick speaks directly to her.

"It means I don't think he had anything to do with the cannibals, or with Beth bein' taken." At the mention of her name I turn to her. She's cryin', I can see her tremblin' from here. I can't tell which part of this set her off, my guess is him sayin' he left all them poor people to die. She always tries to see the best in everybody. How can a man of God, someone who should be the best of us all, turn his back on his own? I shake my head at the thought an' make my way over to her. She wraps her arms 'round me in sobs into my chest.

"Rick, we gotta go. You told me to give you time, and I did. We just found out that our gracious host-" he spits at Gabriel's feet, "-ain't as gracious as he made hisself out to be. We can't stay here. Everybody, go pack your shit. We're getting the fuck outta here." Abraham reaches for the door when Michonne grabs his arm. He turns to her an' she places a finger over her lips. We all catch the gesture, an' we all strain to pick up what she has.

Moanin'. A lot of it. The herd musta followed us here. I glance out the window 'bout fifty yards away to the shelter. The same shelter where all our fuckin' weapons were left as we came in to eat. Jesus Christ.

* * *

_A/N: First of all, I want to apologize for leaving it here. I PROMISE I've already started writing the next chapter! I was so excited to bring Gabriel into the story, his background story intrigued me so much while reading the comics. I'm also glad that so many of you were equally excited to see him show up! For those of you also familiar with the comics, you may notice that I took the exact conversation Rick and Gabriel had (for Gabriel's confession) and made it work into my story. As always, thank you for sticking by me with your support and kind words. You're all so wonderful! Hope you enjoyed this, and I hope you're ready for everything I have in store! :)_

_** I do NOT own the characters from The Walking Dead (show or comics).**_


	43. Chapter 43

The room's tense. Nobody moves. We ain't got no weapons an' we're 'bout to come face to face with the biggest fuckin' herd we ever seen. People are startin' to panic. They're arguin' over what we gotta do to get outta here. I look back outta the window. Fifty yards ain't that far. I make out walkers back behind the trees. It's a big group, but it ain't all the ones offa the highway. Shit. If I run, I might be able to make it.

"What're we gonna do? All our fucking guns are out there!" Rosita freakin' out only adds to the suffocatin' feelin' in this room. It hangs heavy over all us. That tension's gonna strangle us 'fore the dead even get in here. Abraham tells her to keep her voice down. I let out a deep breath. We're wastin' time. I know what I gotta do. I reach for the door but a hand pulls me back. I'm surprised to see it belongs to Maggie.

"Are you insane? You go out there an' you might as well ring the damn dinner bell!" I don't have the fuckin' patience to start this shit with her. Everything we need to keep from gettin' torn apart is just out there. Right fuckin' in front of us. I pull my hand away an' grab the handle. Her grip on my wrist feels like iron as she hisses in my ear. "Don't be so damn stupid! You die, who the hell's gonna be the one to put Beth back together? Or aren't you thinkin' of her anymore?"

I can feel the anger at her words course over my muscles, everything tightens up. I clench an' unclench my fists, tryin' to calm down. I ain't ever hit a woman in all my life, but fuck if she weren't close. I can feel the muscles in my jaw tick. It's takin' more strength than I got not to shout at her. Maggie ain't ever been afraid of me, so she don't know when to back down. She keeps goin'. "You told me you loved her, Daryl. Said you'd never hurt her. But here you are, about to rip her heart out!" That's my limit. I get right in her face.

"Who the fuck you think I'd risk doin' this for?"

She takes a step back from me, tears in her eyes. It ain't fear, it's worry. Maggie's told me 'fore how she considers me family. That's when I realize that she ain't just worried 'bout Beth's feelin's. The anger rolls offa me at the look on her face. I feel like shit for snappin' at her, but she knows how I feel 'bout Beth.

"You can't go, Daryl. It'll kill her if somethin' happens to you." I can't meet her eyes. I remember what Beth said last night when she told me 'bout her nightmare. She was afraid of me dyin'. Of everything in this world to be scared of, she's afraid of losin' me. I don't think I ever meant so much to anyone 'fore, 'cept maybe Merle. It kills me to think I could hurt her. Deep down, I know Maggie's right. I clear my head of the thought, pushin' it far back in my mind. Shit, I can't take a guilt trip on top everything else. For fuck's sake.

"You gotta better plan?" All eyes are on us now. My hand on the door's all the evidence they need to figure out what I'm 'bout to do. Nobody says shit, they all know. Those weapons are worth the risk. This is all we can do. We stay in here unarmed an' there ain't gonna be no need for a fuckin' dinner bell.

"You really think you can make it?" I look over at Abraham. He's starin' just past me, out the window. He probably sees the beginnin' of just what the hell we're up against.

"What choice we got?" He nods to me.

"Alright, I'm in. Maybe we can find somethin' in the kitchen to last us to the buildin'." We head through the side door an' start diggin' through cupboards an' drawers, Gabriel right behind us in the doorway. I'm through my second drawer an' still ain't found shit.

"Dammit! How the fuck you gotta kitchen an' ain't got no real knives? Holy Rollers ain't gotta cut up their food?"

I try to keep my voice down, but my temper always gets the better of me. Gabriel's broken into a sweat. He's more scared than the rest of us. Figures. Ain't like he ever been out there dealin' with this shit. I'm almost ashamed for him. Abraham tosses somethin' on the counter: a butcher knife an' a meat cleaver. It definitely ain't our best defense but it'll have to work. I can't tell how many dead are already out there, but if we're makin' a run for the weapons we'll needa use somethin'.

"These good enough?"

I nod to him an' grab the cleaver. I shove Gabriel outta my way as I go back through the door, Abraham behind me. The others are gathered over by the cross. Glenn looks at what we got.

"You guys can't be serious. That's all you could find?"

Abraham tells him there weren't shit in there 'sides these. Rick asks us if we could look for pipin' or anything bigger. Heavier. There ain't time for that shit, even if it would be better. Glenn runs his hands over his face, through his hair. He lets out a deep breath.

"What if we make a distraction?" Maggie speaks up an' she's pissed.

"You offerin' yourself up as walker bait? Thought those days were behind you, Glenn?"

"Don't, Maggie. That's not what I meant. I mean, what if we can make it out to the vans-" Abraham scoffs at him.

"And leave all our weapons and ammo out there? Not likely."

"Will you guys stop cutting me off? Look, there are three vans out there. Someone can take one the way we know they're coming from. Distract the ones that haven't gotten this far yet. Blare the horn, flash the lights, squeal tires. Whatever it takes to draw walkers to them." He looks up at Rick. "Remember Atlanta? It worked there. It makes sense. Drive a few miles, whip over the median and come back this way. Keep a couple here for getting the weapons. Take a van right to the door of the shelter, slide the side door open and load up there. If you run into trouble, you already have the weapons."

I gotta admit, it ain't a bad plan. The kid knows how to come up with shit like this in tight spots. Glenn's always come through on these runs. He's drawn attention to hisself with the group. They're circled 'round us now. Tyrese speaks up.

"What about the others? The ones not on the weapon run?" Glenn shrugs his shoulders.

"They drive like hell to get out of here in the third van. We all meet up back at the state line and drive out from there using all three vans. At least then we'll have our weapons and vehicles."

"Those of us in the bigger group can run out there with as much food and water as we can carry in one trip. I saw grocery bags in the kitchen, we'll have to be fast and just shove in what we can. This is a good plan, Glenn." Carol pats him on the shoulder.

"That leaves the dividin' of tasks and we gotta be quick. Time's a major factor here." Rick scratches his beard, tryin' to figure out who does what. Glenn offers to be the distraction.

"You can't leave me again, Glenn. I went through hell to find you already." Maggie wipes away her tears. I can't help but feel bad for her, even after what she said to me. I know she was only sayin' that shit to make me change my mind. I know she didn't mean it. Gabriel clears his throat an' it's the first he's said since his confession.

"I'll do it. I'll drive down a ways and try to lead them off you. Wait a little while after I pull out of here, give me enough time to cause the distraction."

I don't know how I feel 'bout that. Part of me doesn't trust him. But I wanna think it's him tryin' to right his wrongs. We all done bad shit in this world, bad shit we gotta carry with us the rest of our lives. I look to Rick. I can tell he's still pissed at Gabriel. Shit, so am I. But it's the best we can do. Rick looks right in his eyes.

"You think you can handle that, Gabriel?" I know what he's gettin' at. How's he plan on sacrificin' hisself to save all us strangers when he couldn't even risk his neck for the people he says he knew? Gabriel picks up Rick's meanin'. He nods. Rick turns back to all us.

"We'll need at least four people for the weapon run. We already know Abraham and Daryl volunteered. They'll have what they found in the kitchen, two others can run to the van and bring it back to the shed. Help them load up then get the hell outta there." Before Rick even finishes his last sentence, Michonne steps up. Carl grabs her by the elbow.

"You don't have to do that. You don't always have to volunteer for these runs! Haven't you done enough for us?"

The look on Michonne's face's nothin' short of pain. I gotta turn away from the sight. I decide to walk over by the window again. They don't need me for the rest of that discussion. I hold the cleaver firmly in my grip, test the weight of it. Enough force'll put it through a skull. That's all I needa know. Beth walks up to me. She ain't cryin' no more. I move the hair outta her face. "Be done 'fore you know it."

She just smiles up at me. It ain't her real smile, though. This is the smile she uses to try to hide whatever she's really feelin'. I know better, but I ain't gonna call her out on it. She reaches up an' kisses my cheek. "You'll be fine. I know you will."

Beth ain't like other women. She don't beg me to stay. Deep down, she knows what those weapons mean to us. My girl's shapin' up to be a damn good survivor. I pull her to me as I see everybody startin' to split up. I place my hands on her sides, lean down to kiss her. I tell her that I love her. She smiles up at me. "I love you, but I'm not gonna say goodbye." I can't fight the small smile pullin' at my lips. I kiss her again.

"You ain't gotta."

Gabriel grabs the keys to a van an' heads out the door. Tires squeal an' the horn blares. We all run in the kitchen an' start throwin' shit in bags while we wait for him to get enough time. After 'bout five minutes we go back into the main room, Abraham stands next to me at the back door.

"You think Gabriel's had enough time?" I shrug. Can't hear the horn no more. Either he's taken off on his own an' abandoned us, or he's drivin' them away. Guess we're 'bout to find out. The others are all standin' at the front. I keep my head to the ground, ease my muscles, soothe my breathin'. I strain my ears.

The moanin' ain't as loud as it was earlier. Glenn's idea for the distraction seemed to work for the most part. When the others open that door, we're runnin' out. Michonne an' Rosita are gonna pull the van to the buildin' an' help us load our shit up. I keep tellin' myself the plan's simple enough. I gotta keep tellin' myself that. I lift my head up an' see Beth standin' with her sister, lookin' over at me. A chill runs through me as I think this might be the last time I see her. I push it down. Thoughts like that make you careless. Careless makes you dead.

"Alright! Head out!" Rick's voice's low, but I heard it like he was standin' right next to me. I tighten my grip on the handle of the cleaver an' Abraham nods to me. I hear the front doors open, hear everybody crammin' through the frame to get out. I throw our door open an' take off runnin'.

The cold air hits me hard. Realization of just how fuckin' stupid this is hits me harder. My muscles switch to survival, pushin' me forward full force. Behind us, I can hear the two vans start. I keep my focus straight ahead, shovin' down the thoughts of this bein' a suicide mission. Abraham's just behind me.

"Daryl! Left!" I turn mid-step an' crack the blade through it's skull. The milky eyes are locked on mine, but it's arms drop. I kick it in the gut as I yank the handle back. I don't stick 'round to watch it fall. Abraham's at my side now, keepin' my pace. He can fuckin' run for a big guy. Another walker stands between us an' that fuckin' door 'bout twenty yards away. I glance to my left an' barely make out the shadows of the dead in the woods. Abraham shouts to me as we hear our van comin' back.

"C'mon, they're 'bout to come 'round!" He rushes ahead of me. Drives his knife through the jaw of the bastard in front of us, raisin' it up in the air an' throwin' the rotted body to the side. Like it weren't more than a damn doll standin' in his way. He reaches the door 'fore me an' throws it open as I get to him. We run in, closin' the door behind us. "Grab all of it. Throw it in a pile at the door. The girls can start loadin' shit when they pull up."

Abraham runs to the back, grabs the duffel bag fulla our guns. I run down the aisle, grabbin' up bags as I see 'em an' slidin' 'em up the floor to the door. He kicks another bag to me as the door opens. "You two start loadin' that shit up! Me and Daryl got the rest."

I run back to him to grab the last of our shit. I can just make out the sound of decayed hands clawin' to get in. The same hands that'll rip the flesh from our bodies if they do get in. I try to ignore it. We run back to the other two.

"Abe, hurry the fuck up! We gotta go!" Rosita starts throwin' shit in the van. Abraham tells her to get back at the wheel an' be ready when we close that door. I almost think it was an easy run. How damn lucky we were it worked out. But that's when I see Michonne fall to the ground an' see the walker under the van pullin' her to him.

"Michonne!" I grab her sword an' toss it down to her. She's quick to run it clean through the head, kickin' the fucker offa her before gettin' back to her feet. We jump in, pullin' up the last of our shit. Abraham shuts the door an' shouts for Rosita to floor it, but we don't move. I look 'round us at the fuckin' swarm of dead. Their hands beat at the the sides an' windows. Dark, rottin' blood smears 'cross the glass. We're trapped.

I'm on my knees next to Michonne. All I hear's the sounds of the walkers, the sounds of Rosita an' Abraham shoutin'. They're arguin' over stayin' put or drivin' through. Rosita says if we drive through we could fuck up the van. We'd be stuck. But sittin' here means we're stuck, too. He suggests openin' the windows an' shootin' 'em down one by one. But we only got the two front windows.

I realize our chances of gettin' outta this alive ain't good. For a second, I think 'bout Beth. How I had that sick feelin' that I may never see her again before we split up. I start to search through our bags, tryin' to find somethin' to get us outta here. I remember the night at that shack an' the way she smiled at me. I told myself that I'd make my last thought of her if I was 'bout to die. I close my eyes.

I think 'bout how she looks when she first wakes up. Her hair a fuckin' mess an' how she arches her back catlike when she stretches. The way she laughs at the dumbest things an' how my heart almost bursts at the sound. Those big blue eyes that hold a flame when she's lookin' at me. I think of how good her mouth feels against mine, how she tastes on my lips. The way she runs her hands through my hair. I can almost hear her whisper my name, tellin' me she loved me as I made her mine for the first time.

I open my eyes again. Tossin' aside the two bags I already searched, I can feel everything inside me burn. I knew from the start that openin' up to that girl would ruin me. Told myself her fire would reduce me to ashes, but I approached the flame anyway. I can't regret fallin' in love with her. She made me push to be better. It's wrong that I don't get more time with her. Everything this world's taken from me, an' now it's tryin' to drive us apart.

Rippin' open the fourth bag, I remember last night. How she had wanted so much more from me than I thought I could give her. I felt so broken layin' next to her, torn between right an' wrong. She'd told me before that she didn't care how we were together, that it was always love to her. I'd been so caught up on tryin' to save her from me, from the man I was. I hadn't even realized what it was doin' to her. She don't see it the way I always had. In her eyes, it was her bein' with someone she loved. An' I love her. I can't fight the guilt of not givin' the girl everything she wanted. She'd already given me more than I ever had.

As I listen to the walkers tryin' to get at us, I remember somethin' else from last night. When she'd told me she was afraid to lose me, afraid of me dyin', I'd told her I weren't goin' nowhere. I ain't ready to give up. Death ain't gettin' me 'til I'm ready for it. I reach into the bag I've carried since the fall of the prison. My hand grips tightly 'round the thing I've been lookin' for. I glance up to the others, pull their attention to me.

"We ain't dyin' like this. Rosita, when I tell you, open your window." I make my way up to the front seat, set myself between Rosita an' Abraham. "Soon's I say go, you better fuckin' floor it. Don't even hesitate." When Abraham sees what I'm holdin', a big fuckin' smile spreads 'cross his face. He whistles.

"You crazy motherfucker."

"Alright, now!" The window goes down, Abraham guns the nearest walkers down. I hear Michonne cussin' behind me, Rosita looks scared shitless. I pull the pin an' launch the hand grenade out the window, right in the middle of the swarm.

"Floor it!"

* * *

"I didn't say goodbye."

It's been a long time now, maybe an hour. Daryl an' them still aren't back. Maggie an' I opened the backdoor of the van an' we're sittin' there together. She puts her arm 'round my shoulder. I watch through misty eyes as Rick, Tyrese, Sasha an' Glenn discuss where we go from here. Everybody else is busy sortin' through the food we grabbed. Carl brings us a water bottle to share an' goes back to Judith in her carseat.

At first, I wasn't worried. I knew Daryl, knew this was what he's best at. I kept tellin' myself that if anyone could get through somethin' crazy, it's him. I saw a van speed up to where we were an' was relieved that he'd come back to me. When I saw that it was Father Gabriel, I began to panic. They should've been back by now.

"What're you talkin' about, Beth?"

"I told him I wasn't gonna say goodbye. It's somethin' we've talked about. Neither of us like goodbyes."

My sister looks at me with pity. It makes me feel all the worst. I pull my knees up to my chest an' wrap my arms tightly around them, tryin' to hold myself together. I fight back a sob, but my voice is still small an' broken. "Maggie, he can't die. I won't survive if I lose him, too."

What I've said to her is true in every way. If I lose him, my heart wouldn't be able to handle it. I know it'll kill me. But I also know that he's what's kept me livin' for so long. He's guarded me, fed me, sheltered me. I thrive on his will to survive, siphoning strength from him. He's taught me so much in the time we've been together. I can't hold back the tears as they finally spill over at the thought. We haven't had enough time together.

"It's okay. He's gonna be fine. He's with a damn good group that knows what they're doin'."

I can't grasp comfort from her words, words ain't enough right now. If there were ever a time I needed her at my side, it's right this second. I can feel all the emotions flood through me, fallin' down my skin in tears. We never got to talk about Daddy, we were split before we had the chance to grieve together. But I don't think I can think of such a devastatin' loss while tryin' to concentrate on Daryl bein' alive. My head drops to her shoulder, I cry against her sweatshirt. "I love him so much, Maggie. I've just finally started openin' him up. God can't take him from me, too."

She wraps me in her arms, holdin' me close. Her hand runs over my hair, her best attempt at soothin' me. I want to tell her everything, I want her advice. I haven't had anybody else to talk to besides Daryl. I feel like I've drifted so far from my sister in the last few weeks. But I need her. As painful as worryin' over him might be, I need somethin' to distract me from what might happen. I whisper into her shoulder, "He loves me, Maggie."

"I know he does, Beth. We've all seen it." I pull back an' look into her eyes. She doesn't look upset with me. I remember when she saw us that mornin', how she'd punched him. I don't know what's safe to tell her. If he survives this run, I don't want him walkin' into the barrel of a gun when he gets back. But she loves me. She knows he loves me an' that I love him. I bite down on my lip.

"Daryl an' I've... I mean, we've-" I take a deep breath. She gives me a questionin' look that reminds me of Daddy. I let out the air I was holdin'. "We've come a long way from how we were. Before." I backed out. Maggie searches my face. I can see her expression change from confusion to understandin' in an instant. She lets go of me, pullin' her own knees up an' mirrorin' my stance. Before she speaks, she lets out a heavy sigh.

"I know." I stare at her, tryin' to figure out what she means. My pulse's racin'. She looks at me an' shrugs. "I went in your bag last night while you were in the shower. I only thought my sweatshirt was in there, I couldn't find it in mine. An' it was. Right on top of the box. At first, I thought it was mine an' Glenn's. But I remembered he'd kept ours in his bag. That's how I knew."

I put my eyes to the ground. I don't know if I'm embarrassed or relieved. I'd wanted to tell her myself, but I'd been afraid. Now I don't have to do it. I run my hand through my hair, pullin' it back into a ponytail. She nudges my arm.

"I'm not mad, if that's what you're thinkin'. I understand. Guess I'm just glad you're smart enough to use protection. I don't ever want you to think you can't talk to me about things like that, Beth."

It's what I'd hoped to hear. I mean to open up to her. I want her advice on how to handle someone like Daryl. But the words escape me as I hear the sound of a vehicle comin' down the road. I jump to my feet, place my hand up above my eyes to block the sun. It's a white van. I hear Rick shout that they're back. We all gather in the middle of the road. When it gets closer, I can see the blood stainin' the white. They stop just in front of us. Rosita an' Abraham climb out from the front an' open the side door. Michonne jumps out an' they start walkin' towards us. When he steps outta the van, I lose all sense of everything else around me.

He swings his crossbow over his back, his eyes search ahead of him 'til he focuses on me. I throw my hands to my mouth to muffle my sob as he starts makin' his way to me. But he isn't goin' fast enough. I take off at a run, not carin' how stupid I might look. Just before I get to him, his arms reach for me. I jump into his hold an' look down into his face. I'm fully aware that I'm cryin' like an idiot. My fingers tug on his hair, trail down his neck an' grip into his shoulders. He's really here. Even through my tears, I can't help the giggle I let out as the relief washes over me. I give him my warmest smile as I look into his eyes.

"You had me scared to death, Daryl Dixon."

An' it's there again, just like last night. A full, face splittin' smile that heats my blood. His eyes are the same stormy blue, dancin' wildly over me to take all of it in. I feel all the love I have for him surge through my veins.

"Told you I ain't goin' nowhere."

I laugh again as I lower my face to his, my mouth hungry for our lips to meet. He kisses me fervently as he holds me up by my thighs. I forget everything in that moment. Where we are, where we were, who we're with. None of it matters right now. My tongue parts his lips, achin' to taste him again. One of his arms grips me under my legs as the other reaches up to the back of my head, lockin' my mouth to his.

I finally pull away. I look behind us to see the others were watchin'. I almost worry at how he'd react to them seein' us like that. He sets me on the ground. I know he isn't a fan of publicly displayin' what we are together. After almost losin' him, I realize I don't care anymore. I'll do whatever it takes to make him happy. He reaches back to swing his bow in front of him, bendin' down an' smirkin' up at me. I climb onto his back an' hold tightly to him as we make our way back to the group. I catch Carol smilin' at us. He doesn't set me down as he turns to Rick.

"We still headin' north?"

As we all situate amongst the three vans, Abraham tells us how Daryl got them outta there with a grenade. "If it weren't for that crazy jackass, we'd all be dead." Michonne smiles at Daryl, Carl close to her side.

"The crazy jackass almost killed us hisself usin' that damn thing." He laughs at her.

Everybody else is too busy talkin' 'bout the weapons, gas in the vehicles an' where we go from here. Daryl sets me down an' walks me to the back of the van where Maggie an' I were sittin'. We climb inside, he sits against the wall an' pulls me back against him. I can feel the rise an' fall of his chest against my back. I'm so grateful that he's here again. He wraps his arms around me. I smile, even though he can't see it. "I'm glad we didn't say goodbye, Daryl."

The rest of them are splittin' into groups between the three vans. Food an' water are bein' divided. Glenn gets behind the wheel of the one we're in, Maggie sits beside him. I see Michonne an' Carl comin' towards us, Rick's just behind them holdin' Judith. Daryl kisses the top of my head an' leans into my ear.

"We ain't ever gonna say it." His hand reaches up to my chin, turnin' my face to his. His eyes hold mine, they don't even slightly shift. I can feel it, somethin' in him's come alive. Somethin's changed. The force of his gaze confirms the truth behind what he's said to me. His lips fall to mine as he tells me he loves me, his words brush gently over my skin. I realize I don't care anymore what lies ahead of us. As long as I'm with him, I'd walk through Hell an' back.

"I love you, too."


	44. Chapter 44

He's sleepin' with his head in my lap. We've been on the road for a few hours. Rick's drivin' now with Glenn sittin' next to him. Maggie's asleep next to me, Judith in the carseat at her side. I glance over to see Daryl and Beth lyin' next to each other on the floor, him holdin' her. The sight makes me smile. We've been through so much already, it's nice to finally sit back and breathe.

I reach my hand down to him, brush the hair away from his face. I try to forget the look he gave me earlier when I had volunteered for the weapons run. He was so upset with me. Even when I told him I'd made my way through worst, he'd been so frightened. I knew he was mad when I told him I had to do that. I wished for a better way to make him understand. There's plenty of things we have to do now to stay alive.

He once told me that he was a monster. I don't see it. He does what he has to do to survive, same as the rest of us. Carl makes me think of what my own little boy coulda been like. I imagine Andre bein' a strong, independent teenager. I think of him growin' up out here with Judith and Carl. It wouldn't be the best life for him, but I'd make it the best that I could. I sigh at my own delusions and put the thought aside. Thinkin' of him still hurts me. Instead, I think of when we got back to the group earlier.

_I sat across from Daryl waitin' for the other two to open that door. I'd been nervously tappin' my foot on the floor. He took his hand away from his mouth and pointed at my shakin'._

_"What's wrong?"_

_It's comfortin' that we're good enough friends for him to pick up on the little things, even if I hadn't meant for him to catch it. I also tribute that to his keen eye in general. Always the hunter, the tracker. Always alert of his surroundin's. I let out the breath I hadn't noticed I was holdin'._

_"Can't stop thinkin' of the look on Carl's face earlier. Hope he isn't still mad at me." He nods. Maybe he'd been thinkin' of Beth's reaction to him comin' back in one piece._

_"Soon's he sees you, he'll be alright." _

_I was eager to get outta that van. When I saw that boy standin' just a little ways from me, I couldn't help but beam at him as I went to his side. "Told you I'd be back. You can't get rid of me that easy." _

_I handed him his bag and opened up mine. I reached in and found the candy bar I'd gotten for him at that store, held it out to him. "Besides, I needed to grab our bags, anyways. Still needed to give you this." He took the bar from me and hugged me. The sensation of his arms around me spread through my whole body. He's such a great kid, he makes me remember what it's like to be a mother. When he pulled back, I saw him wipe at his eyes._

_"I knew you'd be back. Just- just don't think you always have to volunteer. Because you don't. Not anymore." He opened the wrapper, holdin' the chocolate out to me. "Wanna share? We always split it." I'd smiled at him._

_"Just make sure to give me the bigger half this time. Think I've earned it today."_

_We helped Carol to sort out the bags of food and water between the three vehicles. Carl had asked me how long it'd take us to get to North Carolina. I told him it depended on the gas we had. What gas we'd be able to get on the road. When we finished sortin', we each grabbed a bag and headed over to the first van. Glenn was already in the front with Maggie, Daryl and Beth were in the back. Rick came up behind us holdin' Judith. I looked over at him and he looked almost as happy as Carl to see me._

"Glenn, keep your eyes open for a place to stay. House, barn, anything."

Rick takes a quick glance back, grinnin' when he sees his sleepin' children. I hear Daryl shift in his sleep and I look over to the two of them. There he was: the big, bad, bow-wieldin' redneck cuddled up with the sweet, pretty girl. I hold in my laugh at the picture. They're such a strange pairin', only, not in the world we live in now. I know how shy he is when it comes to the two of them. Hell, he's just reserved in general. Makes it too easy to tease him. The man doesn't show emotions too well, tryin' to hide his feelin's regardin' anyone. But the way he is around her is obvious.

I have to admit, I was slightly shocked at the two of them at first. They're such opposites, but I know now that it balances them out. I see him pull her closer to his side. For a moment, I can't help but feel sorry for him. I don't know what he was like before I met him. I've heard the others talk of his change. I knew he was a hardened man the minute I first saw him. The pain and hauntin' in his eyes were a reflection of my own. I didn't know what, but I knew he was runnin' from somethin'. Just like me.

Maybe that's why I was comfortable with him, even after he'd brought back his asshole brother. At first, it was hard to imagine they were even related. Daryl may not have realized it, but he was a much gentler man than Merle. Less temper, more forgivin'. I would listen to the two of them talk and wondered how he could put up with it. I remember Carol once told me that Daryl was bein' held back by his brother, that he'd let his bond with Merle bound him in chains. I could see it, too.

But my opinion of Merle changed when he'd taken me hostage to deliver me to The Governor. When he stopped that car and told me to get out, I couldn't believe he meant it. I looked into his eyes and realized where I could see the connection between the two brothers. Deep down, far beneath the surface, they'd both had good hearts. Merle just had a much stronger wall barricadin' his than Daryl did. Maybe Merle didn't sacrifice hisself for the group, maybe he only did it to save his brother. A final act to prove Daryl's loyalty to him had finally paid off.

I remember the look Daryl gave me when I told him what his brother had done. He'd told me not to tell the others where he was headed, he didn't want anyone followin' him or tryin' to stop him. I can still picture the hurt in his eyes when he came back to the prison without Merle. He'd told us that his brother was dead and left it at that. Even then he hid the way he felt. But I don't see the same haunted man in him anymore. It's still there, still buried deep inside, but he's changed. I return my thoughts to when we got back today.

_Carl had just given me some of the chocolate when I heard someone sob. I turned to see Beth starin' straight ahead at that van. I followed her gaze to Daryl, saw him search all our faces before focusin' on hers. He'd started to make his way over to us- to her - a small smile on his face. But that girl took off towards him. It was a whole new side of Daryl. I watched as he reached out to her, held her up in his arms. For the first time since I met him, he smiled. It wasn't his usual smirk or a small, shy smile. It was a full ear to ear grin. I've never seen him so happy as he was lookin' at that girl._

_When he kissed her, I laughed and looked back to the others. Just as dumbfounded as I was with the sudden display of affection. Seemed like the tough guy routine really was just an act after all. He set her down and they looked over at us. Beth had looked nervous but he was still smilin'. He wasn't even tryin' to hide how much he loved her. I was happy for him. I'd never seen him as the type to go around givin' piggybacks to girls or holdin' hands. Definitely never_ _saw him as the kissin' or holdin' type_.

_It came to me that I liked the contrast between the two sides of him. He can be strong and fearless, take risks and do whatever he has to in order to keep the rest of us alive. He has a hardened shell. But I know it's only there to guard the gentler side, the side I'd seen only a glimpse of in the time I've known him. He looked at that girl like she made all the things around him disappear, like she was the light at the end of a perpetually dark tunnel. It was nice to see him look happy for a change._

I'm brought back to the present. Rick musta just hit a pothole, the van shook violently. Daryl stirs again, this time I see he's wakin' up. He props hisself on his elbow, rubs at his eyes and looks over at me. I don't try to hide the grin from my face.

"Look who decided to wake up. Welcome back, Sleepin' Beauty."

He smirks at me, tells me to shut up. I watch as he leans over Beth, movin' the hair outta her face and checkin' to see she's still asleep. He quietly adjusts hisself so he can sit upright. He places her head in his lap once he's finally sittin', yawns and nods towards the front. "We find a place to stay?"

* * *

I can't believe how long I slept. I blame it on the fuckin' shit from earlier. I shouldn't complain, ain't no way of knowin' when you'll ever really sleep out here. It was just me, Michonne, Rick an' Glenn awake. The two up front were lookin' out for a place to stay the night. Somethin' we could secure better than a car. I hope we find somethin' soon, it's too fuckin' suffocatin' in this damn thing. As much as I appreciate the safety a car gives us, I appreciate freedom more.

Beth murmurs in her sleep an' I glance down at her face. The way it twists up, I can tell already she's havin' that nightmare again. I fight back the urge to wake her up, to try to stop it. She needs all the sleep she can get, even if it ain't exactly restful. I hear a horn go off. Glenn heard it, too.

"Hey, I think the others are trying to signal us. Pull over, Rick." Glenn leans back to look at the rest of us, grinnin' when his eyes fall on Maggie. The van veers to the side, Rick rolls down his window an' I hear the others pull up next to us. I make out Bob's voice.

"Gabriel says there's a neighborhood at the next right. We could find a good sized house and clear it out."

"Alright, have Gabriel drive up ahead of us. Your group can lead the rest of us there."

I hear the other van take off, feel us climb back on the asphalt behind it. 'Bout another mile up the road we turn right. Ain't too much longer after that when Rick stops, puttin' it in park an' turnin' off the ignition. Him an' Glenn get outta the front an' come 'round the back to let us out. I gently shake Beth's shoulder.

"C'mon, girl. We gotta place for the night."

We grab our shit an' head up to the door. Beth's just barely awake in my arms, both our bags hangin' from my forearms an' bow at my back. Abraham, Tyrese an' Rick go in to clear the house we stopped at. I felt like shit for not goin' with 'em, but Michonne told me to stay with Beth. I knew she was right. I look 'round the neighborhood. I'm surprised to see it looks normal. Like they weren't ever touched by the plague that haunted the rest of us.

It's all two story houses an' white picket fences out here. I see most of 'em don't have cars out front, they musta made it outta here at some point. The house we're at's a copy of the rest. Brick with a white door, garage on the side. I'm just thinkin' of what we might find in the garage when they come outta the house. Tyrese shrugs his shoulders.

"Empty. No walkers, no bodies. Just...empty."

Empty. I don't know if the word's comfortin' or not. It ain't like I wanna have to look over every corner to check for walkers. But I can't help but think of the last abandoned place I'd found that was clear: the funeral home. I decide to keep my unease to myself. Nobody else seems to feel it. Beth opens her eyes an' looks up to me, keepin' 'em open now. I readjust my grip on her an' head inside.

It's a big fuckin' house. Looks bigger than from the outside. Rick had said there were four bedrooms an' a bathroom upstairs. He said there's a big room with bookshelves to my left with a door to a livin' room, the kitchen's to the right. Abraham, Rosita an' Eugene head off to the livin' room. Gabriel wanders off into the kitchen. The rest of us head upstairs to pick rooms. I don't stick 'round to see who takes what. I take us to the room at the far end of the hallway.

"Beth, reach out an' open the door."

When she turns the handle an' I ease it open with my foot, I'm relieved to see the bed. I didn't know what kinda uppity shit to expect up here, comin' from people that fill a whole room with nothin' but fuckin' books. It's dark but I see it's a decent sized bed, big enough for the two of us. Beth's voice's light.

"Home sweet home."

I carry her inside an' set her on her feet, tossin' the bags to the ground an' layin' my bow at the closed door. She grips my bicep as she pulls off her boots, then takes off her sweater. My vest is tossed to the pile on the ground as I unbutton the top part of my shirt an' reach back to pull it offa me by the collar. I pull off the t-shirt I'd been wearin' under that. It's strange how comfortable I am barin' my chest an' back to her. But I know it don't matter. She's already seen my scars an' it didn't scare her away. She loves me. I needa talk to her, tell her what's changed.

I think of how she looked at me earlier. How happy she'd been to see me, how good it felt to hold her again. She told me I scared her to death. Everything this world put her through, an' I'm her priority. This girl's never given up on me. No matter how distant I been, she always managed to pull me back to her. I'd told myself in the middle of that swarm that I needed to be more to her, to give her all of me. I watch as she turns to the bed, pullin' her shirt offa her. The sight of her now pushes out any chances of talkin' first. The thought that crosses my mind's reckless. It don't surprise me, I been reckless all my life. Ain't no reason to stop now.

I hesitate for a moment 'fore I walk up behind her, take her by the wrist an' turn her 'round. Pull her to me. I reach to the back of her head to shake her hair outta that damn rubber band. 'Fore she can say anything, my hands grab her face an' my mouth crashes into hers. I close my eyes as I take all of her in, my hunter's senses heightened to pick up everything.

Her lips are smoother now since we kept better hydrated. I can taste the canned peaches she ate this afternoon on her tongue. I brush my thumbs over the warm skin of her cheeks as she kisses me back. Think of how today coulda gone wrong. How I coulda never seen her again an' it makes me fuckin' crazy. I pull away from her, needin' to see her face. To make this fuckin' real. Big, blue eyes shine up at me, a hunger behind them. Her tongue runs 'cross her bottom lip as her hands reach 'round my neck an' into my hair. I drop my head to her throat. She still smells like the soap from last night. A trace of somethin' sweeter's there, like honey. Jesus. Her scent hits me like a gallon of shine.

I press my lips to the skin of her neck an' taste the saltiness of her sweat mixed with that soap. I hear her sigh at my ear as she pulls my face back to hers. I look into her eyes, I needa know she wants this. I can't risk fuckin' this up, it'll hurt us both. She bites down on my lower lip an' it's all the proof I need. I lift her up as she kisses me, carry her to that bed an' set her down.

Even in the dark, the sight of her layin' there in nothin' but her bra an' jeans coulda killed me. I can feel the familiar stir in me but, as nervous as I am, I tell myself I can't stop. Her eyes rake over my upper body. I put my hands to work, undoin' her jeans an' pullin' them offa her so she ain't wearin' nothin' but her bra an' underwear. I almost groan just lookin' at her. I fight myself back enough to turn an' grab a condom outta her bag. When I come back 'round, she's sittin' up watchin' me. I can't make out the look on her face.

"Daryl, we can do this your way. I'm not gonna push that on you anymore. I said it myself: Love is love. I like what we do. I don't need more than that."

I just stare at her, can't get my feet to move from the spot. She's given me an out. In the back of my mind, I tell myself to take it. Give myself more time to open up. But somethin' else pushes that aside. I'd never live with myself if we never got the chance again. This is what she wanted. I shake my head at her an' take a deep breath. My voice is a low rumble from my chest. "I wanna try your way."

Her whole face lights up as I make my way over to her on the bed. I lay back an' pull her on my lap. Ever since Carol interrupted us the other day, I couldn't get the sight outta my mind of Beth on top of me. I watch as she reaches behind her, undoin' her bra an' tossin' it to the floor. She undoes my buckle, pulls my jeans just past my hips. She bends down to kiss me, sayin' how much she loves me.

My fuckin' heart nearly bursts outta my chest when I feel her small hand reach into my boxers an' pull me out. I throw my head back against the pillow, a low growl escapes me as she picks up a rhythm an' grips me tighter. I sit up to reach out an' grab her hips, pullin' her hand offa me. I hold her over me, my mouth claims hers as my fingers push aside the only fabric between us. I lay back again as I roll the condom down. She smiles as she slowly lowers herself, a small sigh parts her lips at the feelin'. I grip the sheets tightly as she starts to move.

I could die a happy fuckin' man with the image of her on top of me burned in my damn mind. I placed my hands on her hips to show her the right rhythm. My eyes locked on hers as she rocked against me. As uncomfortable's holdin' her gaze was, I couldn't look away if I tried. Everything 'bout her was fuckin' beautiful. The hungry look in her eyes that told me she was starved for me. When she'd throw her head back an' the throaty moans reached my ears. How her small chest bounced with the movements. She'd lean forward an' dig her nails into my skin, her hair fallin' past her face. I was fuckin' drunk on her. I felt that animal in me clawin' to the surface. If I let the bastard come through, it's under my control this time.

"You trust me?"


	45. Chapter 45

"You trust me?"

His voice is ragged underneath of me. Everything inside me's on fire with the sensation of him. Once I started to move faster, he'd started buckin' his hips up into me. His head would fall back as he swore under his breath an' whispered out to a God we both know he doesn't believe in. I'd never touched a single drug in my whole life, never even lit up a cigarette. I don't know what it feels like to be high, but I reckon the feelin' I have now is pretty darn close. I look down at him, an' the way he looks up at me is nothin' short of worship.

"Course I trust you."

He gives me a wolfish grin that makes my heart stop. The usual storm in his eyes has intensified, causin' my breathin' to hitch. I feel his fingers dig into my skin as he sits up to face me, the movement pushin' him deeper inside an' causin' me to cry out. His mouth's at my ear, his voice a wicked purr.

"Hop offa me, baby. Take off your underwear."

I couldn't hold back the whimper. He called me baby. I knew he thought it was stupid, but he knew I liked it. Even in such a sinful tone, it melted my heart. I pull away from him an' stand at the side of the bed. He watches me as I cock my hip to one side an' do my best attempt to shimmy my underwear down like the women did in the movies. Part of me feels like an idiot. I don't know how to be seductive or sexy. But the thought slips away when he speaks to me.

"Jesus Christ. You're so fuckin' beautiful."

I almost feel lightheaded. He takes my hand an' pulls me back to him. He doesn't say anything to me as he positions me on my hands an' knees. He leans over my back, his hands at my thighs pushin' my legs apart. My breathin' comes out in pants now. I feel his lips at my shoulder, trailin' to my neck before his voice is low in my ear again. "I love you, Beth."

I meant to tell him I loved him as he sat back up but he pushed hisself inside of me. It was just like back in the hayloft. I cried out as he rocked into me. For a while, he sets a fast pace, thrustin' into me almost painfully. My fingers claw at the sheets as I feel the build quicken inside of me. His arms wrapped around me as he pulled my body up to his, never breakin' our connection as he shifted me so I was sittin' on his thighs. My legs outlined his as he held me, my back to his chest. The new feelin' was almost too intense, but it was too beautiful to make him stop. I couldn't be positive if it was his intention, but he'd perfectly blended both our needs. I had wanted to try new things with him, wanted him to be passionate. He'd wanted to be gentle an' show me just how much he loved me. It was perfect.

His lips moved to my neck again, his breath warm against my skin as he kissed an' nipped at me. He'd slowed our pace, no longer rockin' into me. I could feel every push an' pull. It was good but it wasn't good enough, I thought I was gonna lose my mind. He seemed to enjoy it. His face buried in my neck, suckin' on my skin. I could feel his tongue move up the side of my neck before he gently bit down on my earlobe. I tried to move my hips against his, tried to do anything to put out the fire burnin' deep inside of me. I felt him smile against my skin as one of his arms tightened around my chest, the other a vice around my hips.

"Easy, baby. I got you."

The moan ripped from my throat when the hand at my hips dropped between my legs, his fingers strokin' me as he continued his slow pace. There were too many sensations at once, an' none were under my control. I felt like I was wound too tight. I moaned again an' the hand at my chest came over my mouth to silence me. He laughed in my ear an' I realized just how much I loved the more carefree side of Daryl.

"You'll wake up the whole damn house."

The fingers at my thighs moved faster, his hips still slow. I could feel the tightenin' inside of me. I was almost afraid of the tidal wave that was about to overcome me. I could tell he was gettin' close, too. He'd growl in my ear, moan into my shoulder. I felt him tense up under me, his teeth sunk into my shoulder an' I felt like everything inside of me exploded. I sighed into his hand as he turned my face to his. When our lips met, it was a tangle of kisses, tongues an' moans.

Daryl fell back, draggin' me with him. I winced a little as he pulled outta me. He moved us to our sides, rollin' onto our backs, an' we lay there catchin' our breaths. I looked up to see his arm over his eyes, the other arm across his chest. In what little light there was in the room, I could see the sweat gleamin' on his torso. I grabbed his hand an' pulled it to my mouth, kissin' his palm. He dropped his other arm from his face. For a minute, he looked nervous. I recognized the tactic before he had a chance to complete it. I had to pull him offa the edge. He'd done nothin' wrong.

"That was perfect, Daryl. Thank you."

He brought his hand to his mouth an' I worried over whatever he could be thinkin'. Before I could say anything more, he stood up an' pulled off the condom. He tossed it in the waste basket next to the bed. I saw him zip his jeans back up. He looked back down to me an' gave me a small smile. I watched as he went back to the pile of clothes we'd cast aside, pullin' his t-shirt back on, throwin' his crossbow over his shoulder. He reached into his bag an' grabbed somethin', I just couldn't make it out from here. I sat up to look at him.

"Daryl?"

"It's okay. Just really gotta take a piss." He held up the pack of cigarettes I'd gotten him at the store. "An' after that, I needa fuckin' smoke. Bad. I'll be right back."

I laughed at him an' the warm smile he gave me made any worries I had go away. I watched him carefully open the door an' slip outta the room, a cigarette between his lips. I got up from the bed, put my underwear back on an' grabbed his flannel shirt offa the floor. Before I pulled it over me I ran my nose over the collar, inhalin' the scent of tobacco, leather an' sweat. I could never get tired of the smell of Daryl Dixon.

* * *

It's fuckin' cold out here. I'd just finished takin' a piss over the porch an' lit up my cigarette. I look 'round the neighborhood we're in. All these fuckin' houses were too big an' too close together. There's hardly a yard between any of 'em. I can't imagine ever livin' in a place like this. I blow the smoke outta the side of my mouth.

The house 'cross the street has a swing set in the front yard, one with a slide. I imagine Asskicker would like to have somethin' like that when she's older. Hate that the kid won't ever get to really do kid shit. Fuck, not if I can help it. I know what a shitty childhood's like. I'll always grab what I can along the way to make her happy. I ain't gonna have that little girl grow up the way I did. Not when she actually has people that love her.

I take another drag as I lean over the porch an' look down. There's a doghouse next to the garage. Figure they musta taken him with 'em. I'd always wanted a dog, ever since I could remember. There had been these kids next to us when I was younger an' their parents used to breed huntin' labs. I remember goin' over to play with the puppies. Those kids coulda cared less. Said they had to deal with the dogs all the time. I remember thinkin' I woulda given anything I had to even have one dog. But the old man didn't like animals that weren't for eatin'.

I knock the ash off my cigarette 'fore bringin' it back to my mouth. I hear someone movin' 'round in the house. It's comin' from right behind me, so I know it's the kitchen. I decide to check it out, grindin' the rest of my cigarette into the porch railin' an' flickin' it over the side. I open the front door, lockin' it back up behind me. I get to the door on my right an' my fingers grip the handle. 'Fore I go walkin' into God knows what, I get my senses back. This June Fuckin' Cleaver house wife shit's gonna fuck with all our better judgement. I gotta remember to keep my common sense on alert, there ain't no safe places out here. I draw my bow in front of me an' open the door quietly's I can.

"I don't know what my purpose is anymore, Father. I'm no longer the watchful shepherd over the flock. I've become a lost lamb. Please guide me with your light, show me the way back into your good graces."

Gabriel's at the kitchen table, head rested on clasped hands. I see a bottle in front of him, an' somethin' tells me he's taken one too many swigs from the fuckin' communion trough. His words were sluggish, not slurred. An' he's fuckin' cryin' again. Dumb bastard hasn't even noticed I'm standin' in the doorway.

"Is it these people, Father? Are they my new purpose? I'd thought you'd sent them to punish me, but now I'm not so sure. I want to believe you brought us together for some reason. I can feel it amongst them, somethin' dark. Please, Father, help me to see your way once again. Help me to pull them back into the light."

"If he's taken any requests, tell him we could use a fuckin' tank. An' more cigarettes."

He jumps at the sound of my voice an' turns to me, almost knockin' the bottle on the ground. I lean back against the doorframe. I watch as he tries to get outta his chair, but falls back on his ass. I point at the bottle.

"Ain't indulgence a sin?"

He laughs at me, but there's no humor to it. The man's nothin' short of miserable. What's worst is he's the reason for his own misery. No matter how long you struggle to right what you done, the memory will haunt you the rest of your life. I almost feel bad for him. Then I think of what he's guilty of an' I feel my sympathy run dry.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you, Derrick?"

Now I laugh at him. I can't tell if it's the alcohol or he just don't know my name. But, for some reason, it's so stupid that it's funny.

"The name's Daryl. An', no. I went out to take a piss an' smoke when I heard you. You plan on settin' up a confessional in here?"

"My son, why do you find it necessary to mock the Christian faith?"

Now that ain't somethin' I'd expected from him. I don't have an answer. What do I say? How my faith never gotta good chance to fuckin' blossom growin' up in a pit of Hell on earth? I ain't ever believed in no higher powers. It was me I had to turn to for answers to my problems. When we was kids, Merle used to believe in all that shit. Up until our mama died an' our father only got worst. He'd wised up after that. Then I remember when he'd come back with me to the prison. He'd told me that he'd started readin' a bible in some library they had there. I couldn't believe my own ears. He told me that he'd figured he'd play it safe just in case. I'll never understand it.

"Faith ain't ever helped me none. Look 'round you, Gabriel. You tell me what part of this world's s'posed to make me believe in sunshine an' castles in the clouds."

His face falls, I can see it in the dark. It ain't my place to tell him or anyone else what they gotta believe. Fuck if I care. I realize I don't wanna be in here right now. For the most part, I'd had a pretty damn good night. Those are fuckin' rare. I decide to let him drown in sorrow on his own an' tell him I'm headin' back up to my room. I open the door an' panic grips my heart. Where the fuck's Beth?

I walk into the room, but it ain't big enough for me not to see her if she was here. I close the door behind me an' turn to the door a few feet away. I'm immediately grateful it's the bathroom an' I didn't walk in on any of the others. The good feelin' don't last. She ain't in there either. I decide to check downstairs 'fore I start lookin' through the other rooms. I get to the door at the bottom of the stairs an' step inside.

"The fuck you doin' down here, Beth?"

I keep my voice down, knowin' there's others sleepin' in the next room. She's got a candle an' she's lookin' through the bookshelves. She turns to me smilin'. As pissed's I am that she went off- unarmed - I can't help but feel relieved to see she's fine. This girl's honestly gonna be the end of me. She tries to whisper, but excitement got the better of her.

"Daryl, look at all these books they had!"

I walk over to her, set my bow down on the couch. They had a lotta fuckin' books. There's bookshelves 'cross three walls, the fourth wall's a large stone fireplace in the center. I never understood the need for readin' anything that weren't directions, maps or manuals. Not like I couldn't read, I just had better shit to do with my time. Readin' was always Merle's thing. She pulls a book offa the shelf just in front of her.

"Oh, Daryl! It's _A Christmas Carol_!"

I watch her face light up in the glow of the candle. She's actually pretty happy 'bout some old, dusty book. She heads over to the couch an' sits down, tryin' hard to read by candlelight. I roll my eyes at her.

"Gimme a minute."

I run back up the stairs to our room. I'd found a flashlight a while back on one of our supply runs at the prison. Threw it in my bag 'cause I never knew when I'd need it. I never once thought to use it, figured I was savin' batteries. Guess now's a good a time as any to break it in. I take it back down the stairs to the room. She looks up at me an' the smile she gives me's worth all the batteries in the world. I sit next to her on the couch an' lean back against the arm. I pull her to me, back against my chest, as I hold the light over her shoulder. She opens the book an' reads out loud, her voice quiet an' mesmerizin'.

_"Marley was dead to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, an' the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it, an' Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail."_

"Jesus Christ. Thought you said this was some Christmas book? Ain't Christmas s'posed to be happy? This shit's depressin'." She laughs at me an' her head falls back on my chest.

"Daryl, it's one of my favorites! Haven't you ever heard of Ebenezer Scrooge? The man who was cold hearted an' greedy?"

"Can't say I have."

"It's a beautiful story, a classic. It elaborates the spirit of Christmas an' how even the worst man can change for the better when he opens his heart."

I pick up on what she's said. A book 'bout a man who changes from bad to good. She hadn't meant it towards me, but I suddenly wanna know the story. I know there ain't no magic answer in that damn thing that'll tell me what to do. But least I might get some idea from it. I lean down an' kiss her cheek.

"Keep readin'."

She turns to smile at me, then picks up where she left off. I bring my free arm behind my head as I listen to her.

_"Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail."_

I smile up at the ceilin' as she continues. It ain't long 'fore she falls asleep an' I take the book outta her hand, foldin' the page she left off at an' settin' it next to me on the floor. I know I could carry her up to the bedroom, but somethin' 'bout this room drew her in. Gently's I can, I pull her up to me. I see a quilt draped over the back of the couch an' throw it over us. I actually feel myself smilin' as I fall asleep.

* * *

_A/N: *** I do not own A Christmas Carol or The Walking Dead.*** I had thought back to Merle being in the prison, when Hershel was quoting a verse from the bible and Merle finished it. He'd said that the best thing in Woodbury was the library. I always liked that line. It made everybody realize that he wasn't some "dumb redneck". I think a lot of people assume Daryl's not very bright either, but I disagree. I think his shyness and rough edges give off that impression, but I remember the deleted scene from S1, where he'd told them they weren't being observant (when they go back to the nursing home and find them all dead, the others assume walkers). Andrea mocks him by pointing out his use of a "three syllable word". He then explains that all the people were shot execution style and the walkers only showed up after. He tells the group that he'd be more worried about the people that did that than the walkers. Then he turns to Andrea and says, "Get a dictionary. Look it up. Observant." I LOVED that and hate that it was only a deleted scene. The part in S2 where Andrea gives him the book and he mentions how it doesn't have pictures makes him look like he's trying to joke about her previous assumption that he was stupid. Alrighty, then. End of that rant. Lol. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Can't wait to finish the next one!_ :)


	46. Chapter 46

"Maggie, this is crazy!"

"Relax, Glenn. Nobody's gonna come in here. The sun ain't even up yet. Probably all still sleepin'."

She tugs on my hand and I stop resisting her. The smile she gives me is one I'd do anything for, even something as crazy as this. I look into her big green eyes and smile back at her. I place my hand on the small of her back as she turns the handle, the door swings open and we step inside.

"Wow. It's really dark in here."

There aren't any windows in the garage so, even if the sun was up, no natural light could shine through. I reach into my back pocket and pull out my keychain flashlight. It doesn't brighten up the entire room, but at least now we can see where we're walking. I step in front of her and my light falls on the opposite wall. It's covered in tools and, even in the limited light, I know we could use some of that stuff. I start to walk towards it.

"You gonna loot the place for supplies or you gonna have sex with your wife?"

I smile at the mock irritation in her voice. With everything that's gone so wrong in this world, Maggie makes my life worth living. She's beautiful, fiery and kind; and she loves me. I was never so scared as I was when we got separated. But I put that fear aside because I knew she was still alive and that she'd be out there looking for me, too. I turn to face her and the light casts onto the front end of a car. "Huh. Guess now we know why the driveway was empty."

Maggie sits down on the hood of the car and starts to pull off her shirt as I approach her. Just when our lips meet, she pulls away. "Wait. You hear that?"

I listen more closely. It sounds like a scratching noise and I think it's coming from inside the car. I pull her off, set her next to me and trail the light over the hood. When it hits the windshield, I stumble into her.

"Go get Abraham. Him and the others are right down the hall."

* * *

"Okay, let me think."

It's still dark outside, but the sun's gonna start comin' up soon. She's leaned back against the arm of the couch, her legs 'cross my lap. My fingers graze over the cool, pale skin of her thigh. I'd been so worried 'bout findin' her last night, I ain't noticed she'd been wearin' my flannel. Even bein' big on her, it's probably the best thing I ever seen her in. When I woke up with my face buried in the smooth skin of her neck, the scent struck me. She still smelled like honey, but she also smelled like me. It reminded me that she's mine. She's only ever been mine.

"I've never smoked a cigarette." I snort at her an' roll my eyes. She'd said the point of this game's to learn more 'bout each other. There ain't no learnin' when it's shit you already knew.

"Figures."

I remember the first cigarette I ever smoked. I was settin' up on the porch with Merle. He'd just turned eighteen an' went out to get his first pack, least, his first pack he bought for hisself. I was eleven years old the first time I ever lit up, been smokin' 'em ever since. I never took Beth as the type that smoked. She was a good girl her whole life. It's one of the things I love most 'bout her.

Her gigglin' makes my chest go tight. She smiles up at me an' the feelin' only gets stronger. It's my turn, but I can't think of what to say. We already been through so much shit we'd never done. Sometimes we'd say stupid things, sometimes it'd be more. I think 'bout that doghouse I saw outside last night.

"I ain't ever had a pet."

She sits upright. Her jaw pops open, but 'fore she can say whatever she'd meant to, Maggie comes through the door. She almost looks surprised to see us here, an' I'm relieved to see she ain't wearin' her gun. When Beth sees her sister, she quickly pulls her legs offa me. 'Fore I get the chance to worry 'bout her seein' me sittin' here with her half naked little sister, I jump up at the look on Maggie's face. The surprise's gone. Somethin's wrong. I can feel my heart race, hear the pulse quicken in my head.

"Somethin' happen?"

"Walkers. In the garage."

There's a real panic on her face. I see Beth start to stand outta the corner of my eye. I turn to her an' shake my head. Whatever this is, the last thing I need's for her to get anywhere near a walker. The memory of that afternoon at the lake will haunt me 'til the day I die. I'm relieved she don't argue. I grab my bow offa the floor an' follow Maggie out the door.

"Thought they said this place was clear." I grind my teeth with the frustration, my voice's gravelly. They'd told us the place didn't have walkers. _Empty_. She doesn't say anything. I follow her the few feet it takes to get to the door that leads out to the garage. When she pushes it open, I raise my bow at the movement I make out in the dark.

"Easy! It's just me!"

"Dammit, Glenn! Almost put a fuckin' bolt through your head!"

It's too damn dark in here. Maggie tells Glenn to put his light back on. He shines it on a car. I walk over an' see two walkers sittin' in the front seats: man an' woman. Pair of senior fuckin' citizens. They almost look like normal dead. Only thing I see's she's missin' some flesh offa her arm. He ain't got a scratch on him; musta turned first. There's a bible on the dash in fronta them. It takes me a second to put together what happened.

"They opted out. Set themselves in the car an' ran it. Died from carbon monoxide. Glenn, give Maggie the light an' help me get the door up."

I hear their feet move on the cement. There's a dull thud, then an apology. Glenn musta bumped into her. She shines the light to the door an' we make our way over. Glenn an' me bend down an' start to pull it up. It don't take long, they musta had a broken motor or somethin'. The aluminum rolls up slowly, creakin' as it goes. When it's finally open I look 'round outside. Sun's just started to come up. Ain't as dark as it was.

"So do we open the door? Let them out one at a time? Or do you want to shoot them in the car?"

I look from Glenn to the walkers. I don't answer him right away. I needa see what kinda threat they are, so I walk 'round the rest of the car. When I pass the driver side window, the walker there beats his hands against the glass. I scan the back seat an' see there ain't nothin' back there. I shake my head.

"Ain't hurtin' nobody in there. Dumbasses can't even open the doors. Ain't worth the bolts or the bullets."

They look at me like they wanna say somethin' but I step out into the driveway 'fore they try to change my mind. Them walkers ain't hurtin' nothin' bein' trapped up in that damn car. I reach into my shirt pocket an' pull out my cigarettes. Shit, ain't got but a few left. I decide to ration 'em 'til I find more, grit my teeth an' put 'em back.

Glenn an' Maggie head back inside, mumblin' to each other. Just's I start to turn, I see somethin' dart under the porch. Not a walker. Musta been some animal. We got some canned food, but it'll never replace fresh meat. I raise my bow an' creep towards the porch, lower myself to a crouch an' peer under. Can't see shit. I set my bow to my side, lay flat on my stomach an' look again. I know I ain't seein' shit. A rabbit or somethin' just ran under here. As I strain to see in the dark space, a pair of bright green eyes meet my gaze.

"Shit. Just a fuckin' cat."

I get back up, grab my bow an' head back in, pullin' down the garage door behind me. Glenn an' Maggie are in the kitchen, Gabriel's passed out in the same chair I'd found him in last night. Lookin' at him there with that bottle of wine in fronta him, it reminds me of somethin' he'd said.

_"I can feel it amongst them, somethin' dark."_

Glenn picks up the bottle an' shows it to us. "He almost drank the whole thing. Man, he's gonna feel that today."

I lean against one of the counters while they search cupboards an' drawers for anything we can use. I can't pull my eyes offa Gabriel. What'd he mean by somethin' dark? I wanna brush it off as some drunken religious nutjob ramblin' on, but somethin' in me says it coulda been more. I think 'bout all us here. We all done shit we ain't proud of, but that don't make us monsters. We do what needs to be done to survive. There'd been a time when I'd thought there weren't good people left. But I don't know if I believe that anymore. Then I remember I'd left Beth in the other room.

"Y'all find what you can. Be right back."

I head out the door an' walk in that room. She ain't in here. I go back out an' take the stairs up to the room we were in last night. Standin' just outside the door, I hear her singin' quietly to herself. I love when she sings. Ever since I'd tried to hurt her feelin's that day at the shack, she don't sing much in fronta me. Not unless I ask her. I can't make out what the song is, but it's sad. She sings a lotta sad songs. I don't wanna ruin this, so I press my ear to the door to hear better.

"_An' all I can taste is this moment, an' all I can breathe is your life. When sooner or later it's over, I just don't wanna miss you tonight."_

Quietly's I can, I turn the handle an' slowly open the door. She's facin' away from me so she don't know I'm standin' here. I grip at the strap of my bow, hookin' my thumb underneath an' hitchin' it up higher. My other shoulder rests against the doorframe as I watch her. She sways her hips slightly, movin' to the rhythm of the music in her head. I can't look away from her. She's dressed in her jeans again, still wearin' my shirt. I see her workin' her hair into a braid.

_"An' I don't want the world to see me 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."_

I clear my throat. She turns to me an' I see her cheeks go pink. I walk into the room an' over to her, look into her eyes. I wanna tell her how much I love her singin'. Tell her how beautiful she looks in my shirt, or how I liked her readin' to me last night. Those types of words don't come easy to me. When I think I know where to start, she speaks first.

"Everything okay out there?"

I'm relieved she broke the silence, but pissed I couldn't just say somethin' nice to her for a change. I nod an' go to sit on the bed in fronta her. I set my bow next to me an' allow myself to fall back onto the mattress. My body ain't used to shit bein' so easy. Now that I ain't so tensed up I can feel how sore I am, how stiff my bones are. My hands run over my face, into my hair.

"An' the walkers?"

"S'alright."

I look up an' see her nod to me. I appreciate that she don't ask me questions. She stretches her arms over her head, archin' her back as she sighs. That reminds me.

"Found a cat."

Now her whole face's lit up. It reminds me of when I told her 'bout that mutt outside the funeral home. "Really? Where is it?"

"Bastard's hidin' out under the porch."

She grabs me by the wrist an' pulls me to my feet. Her small hand's smooth an' cool against the rough skin of my own when her fingers wrap tightly 'round mine. She tugs gently. "Well, c'mon. Let's go find it!"

I can't be irritated at how excited she is over a stupid cat. Gotta remind myself she's still lookin' for the good in this world. I pick my bow back up an' lead her outta the room an' down the stairs. The kitchen door opens up an' Rick steps into the hallway holdin' Asskicker. He looks to me, tilts his head back to the kitchen. I give him a quick nod an' he disappears back behind the door.

"I needa talk to Rick. Wait for me on the porch an' don't move 'til I get there."

She rolls her eyes at me an' walks away. As I open the kitchen door I hear the other door open an' she mumbles, "Yes, sir, Mr. Dixon." That damn smart mouth. I ignore the smirk pullin' at the corner of my mouth.

I step into the kitchen an' see Rick an' all the others 'round the table. I notice Gabriel ain't in here no more. Rick tells Carl to take his sister an' go in another room. I look 'round their faces. Rick speaks up.

"We needa search the place for what we can if we haven't already. I'd also like us to split into groups of two to search a few other houses for supplies. Glenn found some tools in the garage that he's already packed in a van. Who knows what we can find in the others. By nightfall, we're leavin'." Everybody starts pairin' up. I figure I'd go with Rick. I head outside to tell Beth what's happenin' an' my stomach drops when I see she ain't on the porch. I told her to stand right here an' wait for me. I try not to think of the worst.

"Beth!"

I run down the steps, 'round the side of the porch to see if she went lookin' for that fuckin' cat, but she ain't there. I glance down to see if she'd tried to crawl under to get it. When I get down, I see two pairs of legs standing over on the other side. Those ripped jeans an' boots are Beth's. I stand quickly, the blood rushin' from my head's either from the fast change in position or from my anger. Can't tell which. I walk over an' stop mid-step when I see her talkin' to some kid I ain't ever seen before. I raise my bow quietly. He looked 'bout her age, his hair's dark an' his skin's almost pale as hers. When he sees me he stops talkin' to her, makin' her turn to me.

"Daryl! What're you doin'?"

"Could ask you the same fuckin' thing."

I walk over to her an' grab her by the elbow, pullin' her behind me so I'm between the two of 'em. I look him up an' down, glad to see he looks scared. "Who the fuck're you?"

"Jesse. I was stayin' in one of the houses further down. I'd come out to look for food when I saw your cars here. Then I saw Beth standin' on the porch."

I can feel my temperature risin'. Complete fuckin' stranger just walks up to her an' in minutes they're on a first name basis. Jesse just stares at me, a dumb smile workin' on his face. He don't look dangerous. I'd taken in all sorts of types to head back to the prison. But this ain't like it was then. I tug on Beth's arm.

"Just wait out here. Me an' Beth'll go get the others an' they'll figure this out." As I lead her back into the house, his voice carries over to us.

"I'm a good guy! I'd never hurt anyone!"

The door closes behind us an' I turn on her. She looks like nothin's wrong. Like she weren't spendin' every fuckin' minute of every fuckin' day ignorin' the shit I tell her to keep her safe. I let go of her arm, run my hands over my face to stop myself from clenchin' fists. I try to make my voice low, calm.

"The hell you thinkin', talkin' to some complete stranger like that. We don't know that boy or-"

"Daryl, he's just hungry an' alone. He's been by hisself for a while now, livin' offa stale food he'd found in the house he's been in."

She just don't get it. All she wants is to see the good in people. I don't wanna be mad at her, I wanna try to get through to her how dangerous her hopefulness is. But my mind can't put that thought into kind words. I'm too pissed off. I turn away from her, hoist my bow up higher on my shoulder. My fingers rub over my eyes an' I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Dammit, girl! I'm gonna put a fuckin' bell 'round your neck so's I ain't gotta keep trackin' you down!" I turn to face her an' she looks like she's pissed at me. She cocks her hip out an' her arms fall to her side. She lifts her chin defiantly.

"You ain't my babysitter, Daryl. Or my chaperone. I thought we already established that? You don't needa keep me in your sights every minute of the day. I can take care of myself so I'm not such a damn burden to you!"

I can't believe she's mad at me. She's the one runnin' off chasin' hopes an' dreams an' I've done all I can to keep her alive. I tried not to get angry, but she hit a nerve assumin' I only wanna keep her alive 'cause I think she can't do it herself. Beth means more to me than my next fuckin' breath. I feel my blood turn cold. I bite down hard on my lip to try to stop myself but it's too much. I get right up in fronta her.

"Don't gimme that shit! You wouldn't survive one fuckin' day out there alone! If it weren't for me, you'd been dead weeks ago. You enjoy me practically killin' myself to keep you alive? Dammit! You're gonna be the fuckin' death of me, Beth!"

For a second, I think she's gonna argue with me. I feel the anger startin' to die down after what I said. My eyes are on the floor, I can't even look at her. When I see her feet step back, I think she might even hit me. She lets out a small sob an' the sound pulls my focus to her face again. Her hand's at her mouth an' tears fall down her cheeks as she blinks. I feel a pain in my chest an' my throat feels like it's swelled shut. _Her nightmare_. She'd told me she'd dreamt that I'd died to save her. I just used her own fear against her 'cause I was mad. I raise my hand to touch her face but she slaps it away.

"Don't touch me! You can go to Hell, Daryl Dixon."

She tries to push past me but I reach out an' grab her by the wrist. I hadn't meant what I said to hurt her. I'd just wanted her to understand how dangerous it is out there. She can't just go runnin' off wherever she wants to. She stops an' turns 'round, glarin' at me.

"Get offa my arm, Daryl. Let me go!"

Her voice's calm, but I know there's a storm formin' behind those blue eyes. I'd never seen her so mad, not even at the shack. I drop my hand to my side an' watch as she walks away from me. The kitchen door opens an' Maggie's standin' there. She watches her sister run up the stairs an' she looks back to me.

"What's that about?"

I don't wanna talk to Maggie. I don't wanna talk to anybody. I'd just hurt the one person I'd ever let in. All this time we spent tryin' to figure each other out, the time I spent happy with her. Deep down I knew it was wrong, knew all along I didn't deserve anything she had to offer me. Maggie walks up to me as Rick an' the others start comin' out. Teams to go scavengin'. I look past Maggie's questionin' face to Rick.

"There's a kid out in the yard. Late teens, early twenties. Says he's been stayin' in another house. Told him I'd get you."

I don't stick 'round for questions. I needa go to Beth an' fix this. 'Fore I even take a step in that direction, Maggie grabs my arm. She holds my eyes while she speaks.

"Glenn, you go with Rick. I'm gonna take Daryl on my run."

Nobody argues an' she gestures for me to follow her out the door. Rick an' Glenn are behind us. I point to where the kid's standin' an' we split up. The others start spreadin' out through the neighborhood, Maggie leads us to the house 'cross the street with the swing set. We get to the door, I got my bow raised an' she's got her hatchet in hand. I nod to her an' she opens it.

We clear the lower level an' she starts turnin' cupboards an' drawers. I just stay behind her, bow at the ready. My mind ain't here. It's back in that house 'cross the street, up in the room tryin' to make things right with Beth.

"You plan on tellin' me why I saw my sister run up them stairs cryin'?"

I look back 'round to see she's still lookin' through one of those cabinets. She ain't lookin' at me. I get the feelin' it's 'cause she knows I don't like eye contact. I kick at the ugly green rug with my boot. I don't say nothin'. Too ashamed of myself. She stands an' faces me.

"Daryl, I'm not stupid. You an' her have gotten real close. I know what you two are. I get it. You ain't gotta shut me out. I know whatever problems y'all might be havin' ain't my business, but you needa know that I'm here for the both of you. You can talk to me."

She ain't mad. I'd half expected her to split my skull with that hatchet. But she only wants to talk. I don't know what I'm s'posed to say to her. Instead, I move on to the next room an' act like I'm lookin' for shit. I hear her walk in behind me.

"This'll go a helluva lot quicker if we split up."

"Don't do that. Don't shut me out. We're all family, Daryl."

I turn to face her. She looks like she means it, like she ain't mad that I coulda just broken her little sister's heart. Shit, just thinkin' it eats away at me. I look at the floor.

"Found her out there talkin' to that kid. Complete stranger an' she's talkin' to him like it ain't nothin'."

Maggie looks like she understands. Course she does, she woulda acted the same way I had. "You lost your temper."

It ain't a question. Everybody in our camp knows I been fightin' back my anger lately. I don't take swings at people, don't start no fights. Not anymore. Of all the people who coulda brought the worst back outta me, it's the one I'd been workin' hardest to hide it for.

"Well, you just gotta talk to her. Apologize an' the two of you work it out. You'll be fine."

I grunt my response. I ain't in the mood to argue. I know she's right. But I ain't stupid enough to think I'd deserve Beth forgivin' me. If she even wanted to. I head up the stairs while Maggie searched the last room on the first floor. I grab pillows an' blankets, batteries an' another flashlight I'd found. I start pullin' clothes outta the closet when she comes into the room.

"That kid was pretty good lookin', huh? Looks about the same age as Beth."

I turn to face her. She's got her arms crossed over her chest an' one eyebrow raised at me. I bite down on my tongue. I ain't 'bout to start shit with her, too. Instead I grab a coat that I think Beth'll like an' throw it in the pile.

"Well, if you just plan on givin' up on her, maybe she can find happiness with someone else."

I throw the bag I'd been holdin' down. I don't need this shit on top of everything else. It ain't even crossed my mind that he mighta been someone Beth coulda had an interest in if we weren't...whatever we are. I only saw him as a potential threat to our safety. Maybe he coulda been a bigger threat to me than anyone else.

"The fuck you gettin' at, Maggie?"

"I'm sorry, did I finally get a response outta you?"

I grind my teeth, close my eyes an' fight back the anger tryin' to surface. Now I know what she's doin'. I keep my eyes closed as I speak to her. "You got a point, I suggest you make it."

She lets out a laugh. "Don't you ever get tired of it? Always fightin' your anger? You put up a big damn wall so none of us can reach out to you, but you know deep down you need us. You wouldn't be here if you didn't."

I feel my shoulders fall. I'm fuckin' tired. Tired of all of it. The anger, stress, all these damn feelin's I'm tryin' to figure out. It's been nothin' short of exhaustin'. I open my eyes an' look at her. Her arms still cross her chest, but her face ain't set so hard now.

"You don't always have to hold it in. We all understand, we're right there with you. It's okay to get upset. Yell, kick a wall. Hell, throw somethin' if you gotta. But don't hold it in. You've come a long way from the stubborn ass you were back on the farm, Daryl. Don't ever think we'd let you fall back into that."

I scratch the back of my neck as I take in what she's said. Maggie means well. I know she ain't tryin' to start shit with me. She only wants me to accept they're my family. An' they are my family, I know that. I don't know what I'd do if I lost any one of 'em. I nod an' she don't push me further. She just starts baggin' shit up an' I head out to the next room.

It looks like a girl stayed in here. All purple an' flowery. I go to the dresser to look for clothes when my eye catches somethin' shiny. I pick it up, work it between my fingers. I hear Maggie come up behind me.

"Pretty necklace."

My hand grips the silver chain tightly, the pendent digs into my skin. I close my eyes an' imagine what'd it'd be like to see Beth wearin' somethin' like that. Somethin' I'd given her. My heart beats faster when I picture her smilin'. I quickly shove it in my pocket an' start to go through the first drawer when I feel Maggie lightly touch my arm. I tense up.

"She's gonna forgive you. 'Specially if you give her that necklace." I turn to face her an' she gives me a warm smile. I don't know what to say. I just know that I want Beth to forgive me.

We finish grabbin' all we can an' make our way back to camp. We walk inside an' I hear Rick an' Glenn talkin'. Must be in there with that kid, still. Maggie looks from me to the stairs an' smiles. We drop the bags to the floor. When she turns her back to me to go to Glenn, I gently grab her arm an' turn her to face me again.

"Um, thanks. For back there."

She flashes me an all too familiar smile. I just nod to her. She lifts her arm an' gently squeezes my shoulder. Her eyes say it all, but her voice's gentle as she speaks to me. "We're family. It's what we do."

I take the stairs two at a time to get to her. I lean against the door decidin' if I should just walk in. I knock lightly. "It's me. Open up."

It's only a few seconds, but it feels like a lifetime waitin' for her to open that damn door. I can't blame her. I'd really hurt her this time. A part of me thinks I'll spend the rest of my life tryin' to make that up to her. Tryin' harder to never hurt her again. When she finally opens the door, I see her face's wet, her eyes are puffy an' red. I feel worst than I did waitin' for her to let me in.

She don't say nothin', won't even hold my eyes. I follow her into the room an' she sits on the bed in fronta me. I see she's wringin' her hands an' that's where her eyes focus. I take a deep breath.

"Look, what I said down there-"

"It's fine. You're right, I'm careless an' it's wrong of me. I'm sorry."

I hadn't expected that. She'd been so mad, I thought I'd have to beg her to forgive me. I didn't think she'd turn this 'round. But somethin' ain't right. She still won't look me in the eyes. I slowly reach my hand to her face, pause 'fore I even touch her. It'd kill me if she pushed me away again. When her cheek presses into my palm, I can feel myself breathe easier.

"You don't gotta be sorry."

Now she looks up at me. She gives me a small smile but it still don't feel right. I needa know we're okay. Needa know she ain't still mad at me. I stand her up an' hold her face, searchin' her eyes for anything that tells me what's goin' on in her head. She gives nothin' away. I lean my face down to hers, but don't make contact. I can feel it burnin' away at me to touch her, to make her give me some sign. Some response. She lifts her chin slightly an' I gently press my lips to hers.

At first, she don't respond to me. I start to move my lips against hers an' try to get her to follow me. I run the tip of my tongue lightly over her bottom lip, pushin' it gently against her mouth. She won't give in. I don't know what else I can do. I've fucked this up, I hurt her an' she ain't gonna forgive me. I might needa beg, after all. I let out a heavy sigh an' close my eyes, the tears burn behind my lids. "Don't push me away, Beth."

She lets out a small sob, it parts her lips an' I take my only chance. My tongue lightly strokes hers, I realize I can't get enough of her taste. I work my hand into the braid at the back of her head, gently pullin' her back to get better access to her mouth. She starts to kiss me. Slow at first, then she sighs an' runs her hands up the fronta my shirt an' diggin' her fingers into my shoulders. She bites down on to my lip. I moan into her mouth an' then pull myself away from her. She looks up at me again. The smile she gives me is still small, but it's her real smile. I broke through to her. I rest my forehead against hers, my hand grips the back of her neck.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I deserved it."

She sits down on the bed again, wipes at her eyes an' smiles. I'd thought I lost her. Thought she'd push me away an' chase after guys like the one downstairs. I ain't ever been the jealous type, mostly 'cause I ain't ever had nothin' worth takin'. But Beth's someone worth tryin' to take. I know we'll always run the risk of findin' others. I know it ain't really a bad thing all the time. The bigger the group, the better our defense out here. I gotta accept that there's gonna be other guys out there. Guys that'll see her an' think they're everything she needs. I just gotta trust that she won't leave me for one of 'em.

"How was the run?"

She don't ask me 'bout the boy. Either 'cause we just fought 'bout it, or 'cause she don't really care. I tell myself it's 'cause she don't care.

"Me an' Maggie found some clothes, batteries, blankets. Got another flashlight."

I can feel that fuckin' necklace burnin' a hole in my pocket. That was a stupid thing to do. Ain't ever seen her wear a damn necklace, probably don't even like 'em. I feel the heat from that damn thing travel up my spine, burnin' at the back of my mind. I needa just give it to her. She can do whatever she wants with it. I stand up an' shove my hand into my pocket, fist the necklace an' pull it out.

"Found somethin' there. Thought you might like it."

I shrug. She looks at my fist, back to me. I let out my breath an' open my hand. I can see her eyes flickin' over the chain an' the pendant. She don't say nothin' an' it's hard for me to breathe. Slowly- gently - her small fingers brush over my palm, pullin' the necklace up an' holdin' it in fronta her. She looks it over for a little while an' I can't make out her expression. Least she ain't throwin' it 'cross the room.

"S'alright if you don't like it."

Her eyes shoot up to my face. She smiles at me, an' it's the most beautiful fuckin' thing I've seen all day. A small laugh escapes her an' I feel like my heart's gonna explode.

"Daryl, it's beautiful. I love it. Will you put it on me?"

She stands an' hands me the chain, turnin' her back to me. I reach 'round her front, pullin' the two ends of the little chain behind her neck. I swallow hard as my thumbs brush the smooth skin there. I try to get the damn thing clasped without breakin' it. My hands weren't ever made for this shit. I'd worked on car parts an' weapons. The kinda shit that don't break so easily. I surprise myself when it finally hooks together. I let my hands run over her shoulders an' down her arms. She turns to me an' I scratch at my chin. I motion for her to look in the mirror, see for herself.

Even with her back turned to me, I see her reflection in the mirror. Her hand plays with the small charm, she smiles at its reflection. I walk over to her, stand at her side an' point to her hand.

"It's a dreamcatcher. Native Americans use 'em to catch bad dreams. That webbin's s'posed to tangle the bad dreams, only lettin' the good ones through. Thought it might help."

I stare down at my hands as my fingers run along the edge of the dresser. She touches my forearm an' I look at her again. There's tears back in her eyes. I almost feel like shit for doin' somethin' else that upset her until she stands on her toes an' kisses me again. She pulls away an' smiles up at me.

"You can be pretty romantic when you wanna be, Daryl Dixon."

I laugh at her, but deep down I feel my heart beat furiously. I hadn't meant it to be somethin' like that. I'd only thought she'd like it. I'd tried other ways to give her the romance she'd wanted. Had no fuckin' idea it was simple as a damn piece of jewelry. But I know it's more than that. It weren't just some damn piece of silver. When I saw it, saw what it was, I knew she needed it. I knew she had the nightmares.

I feel years younger with the worry of losin' her outta my mind an' offa my shoulders. I grab her hand an' pull her out the door.

"C'mon. Let's go find that mangy cat."

We head down the stairs an' I see Rick standin' in the doorway of the kitchen. That boy's set at the table, eatin' canned meat an' fruit. Rick turns to me.

"He's killed about eight walkers. Only one person." He scratches the back of his head. "Says it was his brother. He'd been bitten an' asked to go out a better way. Didn't wanna become a walker."

I nod to him. From the sounds of it, the kid seemed good enough. We've taken in others with a lot more human kills under their belts than that. Rick tells us to grab what we're takin' an' start loadin' up shit in the van. I grab a few bags an' head out there. When I turn, I see Beth hadn't followed me out. I head back to the house. The door to the book room's wide open. Beth's at the shelves, few books in her arms. I smile at her, grab the Christmas book we'd started readin' last night up offa the floor.

She turns to head out, books up to her chin. She returns my smile an' I take some of the books from her. We head out to the van an' drop 'em there. Without a word we go back to the house an' start grabbin' the rest.

We pack away all we got, waitin' for the others to come back from their scavengin'. I go in the kitchen an' grab a can of tuna, takin' it out to the porch.

"I guess he ran away. I don't see any cats down here."

"He might come back later. Here, set this down there for him."

She takes the can outta my hand, pickin' at the tab up an' pullin' the top back. She puts it against the wall. We go back inside to get somethin' to eat while we wait for the others to come back. She sits at the table, pickin' at her peaches while I eat some ham. I watch as she toys with the dreamcatcher, runnin' her fingers over it. Whatever I'd imagined of her wearin' that damn thing coulda never been as good as seein' her with it on right in fronta me.

* * *

"Y'all ready to head out? The vans are packed an' we gotta go."

"Just a second!"

I scribble quickly on the paper, Daryl hangin' back behind me. When I finish, I tear it outta the notebook an' we head out the door. I look over to the cars. Everybody's loaded in, spread out amongst all three. Me an' Daryl are gonna ride with Maggie, Glenn, Gabriel an' Jesse. We'll be second in the convoy. I look at the note in my hand, run my fingers over my necklace.

I'm nervous over what lies ahead of us. We still have a long ways to go to get to Washington. A small part of my mind tells me so much can happen between now an' then. It scares me. I grip tightly on the little dreamcatcher. I need it to catch my bad thoughts along with the nightmare. Daryl places his hand at the small of my back. He takes the note from me an' sticks it in the door.

**This house is clear. Walkers are in a car in the garage, but they can't get you. **

**Best of luck,**

**The Prison Gang**

He stares at it for a moment, then takes the pen outta my hand an' scratches somethin' at the bottom. He gives it back to me an' I smile at what he's written just as he turns us to head out to the others.

**This house is clear. Walkers are in a car in the garage, but they can't get you. **

**Best of luck,**

**The Prison Gang**

**PS- Feed the black cat under the porch.**

**Beth & Daryl**

* * *

_A/N: *The song, Iris, belongs to The Goo Goo Dolls. The Walking Dead isn't mine either* I hope you all enjoyed this! Sorry it took so long! _

**:)**


	47. Chapter 47

"Beth an' Daryl don't sound like prison names."

He looks at me. It was his idea to sign the note as The Prison Gang. He said people wouldn't try to follow a gang of prisoners. I had to admit it was a good idea. When I read what he wrote at the bottom, I felt my heart melt. I always knew he had a soft side, even if it had been buried deep down. Even if he only wrote it to make me happy. He reaches out his hand an' holds mine. It was nice to be back on this level with him. The fight we had earlier scared me.

I've never had a fight with a guy before. Jimmy always caved to me. Much's I liked him, I'd wished he was more challengin'. It gets borin' when someone just agrees with everything you say. Then there was Zach. He was fun to hang out with, he'd made me laugh a lot. If I had to be honest with myself, I never saw us goin' too far. Zach was a good friend an' someone to keep me company, but I don't think I ever coulda loved him.

An' now I'm with Daryl an' it negates any normal rules of bein' with someone. He's come a long way from how he used to be, but he still has a short fuse. He was so mad at me. I could feel the tension burnin' off his skin. I knew why he was upset, knew that he worried about me an' only wanted to keep me safe. But I don't like feelin' caged in or kept on some invisible leash. I didn't mean to scare him. I'd been standin' on the porch, like he asked, when Jesse approached me.

_At first, I thought it was a walker. He was filthy an' didn't seem to walk too steady. But he got closer an' called out to me. I think I was just excited to see another livin' human. I ran out to him an' saw his dirty clothes, ripped an' lookin' too big on him. His hair was black as an oil slick an' fell just past his chin. I looked into his face an' he looked back at me with big green eyes. Eyes like Maggie's. _

_"You gotta camp here?"_

_His voice was raspy. I felt so terrible for him. Poor thing looked like he hadn't eaten in days. I nodded to him an' we walked back towards the house. I stopped us over by the porch._

_"What's your name?" He smiled brightly at me. I returned it with a small grin of my own. I know I'm the last person anyone should be afraid of, but I wanted him to trust me anyways._

_"Jesse."_

_"Well, Jesse, I'm Beth. You look hungry. When's the last time you ate?"_

_He didn't answer me right away. His eyes fell to the grass an' it reminded me of another shy person that I knew. I watched the beaten toe of his shoe kick at the ground. His hands were shoved into his pockets._

_"Been stayin' in a house down the way for a while now. Ate some stale chips an' crackers there. Ran outta food two days ago, but I'd been too scared to come out. Thought I was gonna die in there."_

_His focus returned to the grass. It broke my heart. I was just about to tell him he didn't have to worry, that we'd take him in an' feed him up when I saw his head snap up an' he looked just past my shoulder. That's when I turned to see a very angry Daryl approachin' the two of us._

We stop just short of the others. I look to my side an' see Daryl take out his pack of cigarettes, thinkin' heavily before finally pullin' one out. He drops my hand, lights it up an' I see his whole body relax.

"When's the last time you smoked?"

He shrugs at me. Smoke billows outta his mouth like a chimney. "Last night when I went out to take a piss."

Well, that explains his temper. I'm not naive enough to think it was only fueled by a lack of nicotine, but I've seen how he gets on edge when he goes without. We make our way over to the van, the others are distributin' food an' water for the travel. I see him tryin' to smoke it quickly, either from the need to get as much nicotine as fast as he can, or so we can hurry to the van. I wouldn't know, I guess. I can't help but stare at him as he smokes.

He closes his eyes every time he inhales, his cheeks hollow. Occasionally, his tongue tips the cigarette between his lips before pullin' it outta his mouth to knock off the ash. I watch as he pinches the little stick of tobacco between his first two fingers, tappin' the end with his thumb. He draws his hand back to his mouth, scratches at his chin then seals his lips over it again.

Daddy always told me to never touch a cigarette as long's I live. Always said they put you in an early grave. I never had one, not just for my health, but for the fear of disappointin' my father. I think of how disappointed he mighta been had he known I drank that moonshine. Daddy always told me to never touch liquor, either. Daryl catches me starin' at him, pulls the cigarette from his mouth an' holds it out to me. No words are needed. He's offerin' me to try it.

I'd told him I've never touched one. Usually, we try to do whatever we say we haven't done. I look at the little thing in his hand, my own fingers tug gently at my necklace. I don't wanna think this is somethin' that'd break my father's heart. I look back up to Daryl. I've had a lot of firsts with him already. I'd like to think Daddy would approve of the two of us bein' together. Maggie did. An' Daddy thought very highly of Daryl. I reach my hand out an' take it from him. He gives me a small smile. To hell with all my stupid thoughts. I put it to my mouth an' breathe in. The smoke nearly chokes me an' I cough it out. He pats my back.

"Jesus." He takes it back from me. "Like this." He does his previous actions in slow motion. I watch him breathe out, put the cigarette to his lips an' breathe in. He holds the smoke for a split second before breathin' it into his lungs an' then he blows it out. "Here, try again."

I look around to make sure Maggie isn't lookin' over here. That's just what I'd need. When I see the coast's clear, I take it back from Daryl an' try it his way. His eyes are fixed on me, I feel like I'm under a microscope. But I do what he showed me. It really isn't so bad when you do it right. I don't even cough. I smile at him as I blow the smoke out. He takes it back from me, eyes holdin' mine as he breathes it in again. His lips pull at the corners, his mouth forms an 'O' shape an' he blows a perfect smoke ring just in front of me. I laugh at him.

"Show off."

He puts it out an' pulls me into the back of the van with him. Jesse sits across from us. I can feel Daryl tense up next to me. He must be nervous around a new person. But Jesse wouldn't be here if he was thought to be a threat. I feel like I should break the tension in here.

"So, Jesse, where're you from?"

He smiles warmly at me. His green eyes look brighter since he's eaten, his skin has a little more color to it. Poor guy. Outta the corner of my eye I see Daryl's set his bow next to him an' he's turnin' his knife over in his hands. He won't look up from there. He's so shy sometimes. Jesse clears his throat.

"I was born an' raised here- well, South Carolina. I'm from Beaufort County. Grew up in Seabrooke, right on the water. That's where my brother an' me stayed when this all started. Figured we'd survive offa fishin'..."

His voice trails off an' I know he's thinkin' of his brother. He looks tired an' so sad. I want to reach out to him, tell him it's okay an' that he's safe now. But I know how little the words help. Words will never be enough to make up for who we've all lost. All we can do is remember. Father Gabriel climbs into the van an' we all set off a moment later. He looks like he's gonna be sick.

I felt so let down when he'd confessed to what he did yesterday. I couldn't wrap my mind around a pastor turnin' his back on his people. I can't bring myself to hold it against him. We've all done things that weren't right. I realize my fingers are tracin' over the scar on my wrist. I look up to see Daryl watchin' me. His eyes flit from my wrist to my face an' he leans into my ear.

"Sing for me."

I smile up at him an' he gives me a small smile in return. It's quiet in here. Maggie an' Glenn watch the car ahead of us for any change in direction. Gabriel an' Jesse are both sittin' across from us. Gabriel has his knees pulled up, his head restin' on them. Jesse's head is hung back as he looks up at the ceilin'. I turn my lips to Daryl's ear an' whisper, "Nobody wants to hear me sing."

He turns to look me right in the eyes. His own eyes don't shift, but hold steady as if he's tryin' to tell me somethin' without actually sayin' it. I see his jaw tense up an' he brings his hand back to his mouth. Whatever he's thinkin', it's somethin' serious. I wait on bated breath. He closes his eyes, an' I just make out the small sigh he lets out. He leans into my ear again, his voice ticklin' my skin.

"I wanna hear you sing."

My heart beats furiously at the words. I'd thought he only asked me to sing before to break the silence. I try not to sing in front of him because I thought he honestly didn't like it. But he just said it. He _wants_ me to sing. I think of all the songs I know, run through my head the mood of this trip. I look into his face an' remember the first song I sung just for him. He'd told me he wanted to hear it, an' told me it was beautiful when I finished. He loved it when I sung it for him the second time at the cabin by the lake. I give him my warmest smile an' start to sing.

"_Amazin' grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind but now I see."_

As I continue, I feel him lean in closer to me. I close my eyes an' concentrate on whatever it takes to make him happy. Whatever it takes to further pull him outta that shell.

* * *

I close my eyes an' focus on just her voice. She was singin' my favorite song of hers. She coulda picked any song in the world an' she chose that one. I open my eyes again an' see Gabriel's lips movin' to the words, a small grin on his face. But his eyes remain closed an' he don't make a sound. Maggie smiles back at her sister. When her eyes meet mine, she winks. She's startin' to grow on me more an' more.

When Beth let out the first few words, I saw Jesse's head snap forward. His eyes had raked over her an' he's still starin' at her now. I can feel my insides bein' clawed at. I hold my knife firmly in my grip, no longer turnin' it in my hands. When she finishes the song, a big grin spreads 'cross his face an' it takes all I got not to bash his skull into the floor.

"Wow, Beth. That was beautiful."

He's complimentin' her on her singin'. I try to tell myself that's all he's doin'. He can't be so fuckin' blind that he don't see us leanin' against each other. Then I realize we haven't done anything to show him what we are together. I place my lips on the warm skin of her cheek, inhale her scent an' trail up to her ear. "Beautiful."

She looks me in the eyes, her cheeks flushed. That beautiful heartbreakin' smile splits her face an' I can't fight the urge to have my lips on hers. It's a quick, possessive kiss. Just enough to feel her lips on mine, an' just enough to show that boy all he needs to know. She leans into my side an' I wrap my arm over her shoulders. I glance over to Jesse an' his eyes are on the floor.

"Why are they pullin' off to the shoulder? Glenn, pull over behind them."

"What's goin' on up there?"

Maggie turns to me as I feel Glenn veer off. I turn to see the others are right behind us. She shrugs. "Rick an' them are stoppin'."

We come to a stop an' we all get out. Rick walks back to us, head lowered an' his hand rubbin' hard at the back of his neck. He lets out a heavy sigh. "That's it. We're outta gas. We'll have to split up between the others."

Glenn checks the gas on ours. "We're just under half a tank."

Abraham, Rosita an' Eugene climb in with us. Rick an' them head to the van behind us. It's a tighter fit now, but it ain't bad enough to complain. Better than us walkin', an' it's only a matter of time 'fore we're doin' that. Beth's moved between my legs, her head rests against my chest. I glance over to Abraham when I notice the thing in Eugene's hand. I nod to it when he catches my eye. "What's that?"

He almost looks nervous. Like he hadn't meant for no one to see. I make it out 'fore he tells me. "S'that a walkie?"

"It is."

Now Beth's starin' at it, too. Abraham clears his throat. "Eugene keeps it on him. It's his way of keepin' tabs on DC. Same time everyday he steps to where he gets signal and listens in. How we know they're still holdin' up."

I try to work through what he's said. We've been out here thinkin' it was all some damn suicide mission. I'd thought we was wastin' our time tryin' to travel up the east coast lookin' for some sanctuary up north. If Eugene's been listenin' to some broadcast everyday, that means there really are survivors up there. I take a deep breath.

I got a million questions racin' through my mind, but the knowledge that we ain't headin' to a dead fuckin' end makes me feel better. I feel my muscles relax an' I let out my breath. Beth's head falls to my shoulder, her own breath warm against the skin of my neck. I think of the life we can have together where we're goin'. If there really is some fuckin' safe haven up there waitin' for all us, it could mean more than just havin' food an' shelter. My whole life's been nothin' but livin' to survive. I think back to what Beth said in them woods by the lake. She wants more than that. For the first time in my life, I realize I want to do more than just survive. She'd give me the chance to have that. I close my eyes an' drift off, carelessly hopin' for more than I've ever had.

* * *

I look at the two bikes. Fuckin' crotch rockets. I rode one back in the day when I was a dumb kid. They ain't the same as a motorcycle, but they gotta work for now. I fire one up an' check the fuel gauge. Almost full. I don't wanna think of what mighta happened to the person that left it here like this. The other's just as full.

I hop on one an' ride it the few yards back to the two vans. Rick steps out from behind one an' watches me pull up. He looks exhausted. We're almost outta gas in them fuckin' vehicles. Won't be much longer an' we'll be on foot again. Abraham finally agreed to settin' up camp here tonight, we have the protection of the surroundin' vehicles on the road.

"You sure 'bout this, Daryl? It can wait 'til mornin'."

"We need the supplies. That kid says there's a store up the road a little further. Waitin' for mornin's only gonna slow us down. 'Sides, there's another bike over there. Anybody that can ride it goes with me."

Rosita gets up from where she sat. She eyes the bike I'm set on, rakin' her gaze over the white paint. She clicks her tongue an' raises her eyes to me. "You know how to handle that thing, Robin Hood?"

I roll my eyes at her nickname for me. The girl's such a smart ass. Rick tells her how I spent the better part of the last year an' a half on two wheels. I kick the stand down an' go to the others. Beth gets up when she sees me an' walks over to the bike. Her hand runs 'cross the seat. "I'm goin' with you."

She holds her head high, as if challengin' me to tell her she ain't goin'. I almost laugh at her. I wasn't plannin' on leavin' her here where Jesse could try gettin' to know her any better than he needs to. It's crazy, I know there's risks. But there's always gonna be risks. He looks at the two of us, still smilin' that dumb grin. I head to the back of the van an' reach in one of the bags. When I find the coat I pull it out an' walk back over to her.

She's standin' next to the bike, eyein' it like it's a damn wolf. I see her messin' with her necklace, the charm falls just at her chest an' I have to force myself to inhale. She seems to really like that thing. I can't fuckin' believe my luck at findin' it. Someone musta finally been on my side. I clear my throat an' hand the coat to her.

"Found this on my run with Maggie earlier. Ain't exactly girly, but figured you'd want it when we go huntin'."

She takes the coat from my hands, a big smile flashes over her face. She holds the camouflage up an' laughs as she puts it on. "It's a little big, but it's really warm. Thank you! Do I look like a dangerous hunter now?"

I stare at her. Those tight, ripped jeans are tucked into her boots with my flannel over her tank top. The necklace hangs down between her breasts an' now she's wearin' a coat I'd given her. She looks too fuckin' beautiful for words. I feel like she could bring me to my knees just to make her smile like that all the time; just for me. I swallow hard an' nod at her, handin' her the helmet I'd found on the seat.

I throw my leg over the bike an' help her get up behind me. Rosita comes over to us an' Jesse's with her. He looks just past where we sit. "Well, guess I'm going with you. I'm the only other person here that knows how to work one of these." For fuck's sake.

Damn my fuckin' luck. Him an' Rosita walk towards the other bike while Beth an' me follow. Slowly, we make it over to there. I readjust the straps on my pack as they climb on the bike. Jesse hands Rosita the only other helmet. Means there was at least two people together on these bikes. I try not to think of 'em.

He nods to me as I pull in fronta him. I feel Beth's legs an' arms tighten 'round me an' have to force myself to concentrate on not puttin' us through a fuckin' guardrail. I'd often let my mind run loose thinkin' of what it woulda been like to have her holdin' onto me on the back of Merle's bike. This was close enough, an' much better than any fuckin' fantasy.

We fly down the road. I hadn't meant to go this fast, thinkin' what could happen if I lost control or we ran into trouble. But Jesse seems to have a real adrenaline rush. He's whipped between cars an' shit like he does this all the fuckin' time. I gotta admit, I'm impressed at how he handles it. I see the sign ahead for the store an' speed up to get just behind him. We take the exit an' find ourselves in the parkin' lot in no time. I climb offa my bike, helpin' Beth off. The girls take off their helmets an' look at the store in fronta us.

"Think this place really has anything left, Robin Hood?"

I adjust the straps to my bag, pullin' 'em up my shoulders. I take my handgun outta the holster, make sure it's loaded. Beth checks her own gun. I turn to Rosita. "Worth checkin' out."

"My brother an' me never made it this far. I figured the same thing: worth a try."

An' we set off through the empty lot, makin' our way to the store. We don't needa say it. We're all thinkin' of what we might run into in there.


	48. Chapter 48

**I'd like to start off, once again, by thanking all of you who follow this story. You all help me move along with your support and suggestions. You're really the best :)**

**Secondly, I'll be lumping together a few of the first chapters to give me more room to continue _Push_. If things look weird or different, that would be why. Haha! I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)**

* * *

We step through the broken glass of the door. I pull out the two flashlights an' hand one to Jesse, the other to Beth. Figure him an' Rosita can go one way, me an' Beth the other. Shit gets done faster when you split up. Jesse shines his light ahead of us. The place's been searched through already. Racks are turned over an' shit's scattered on the floor. We're lucky if they didn't take everything we need.

"I think me and Beth should look for the stuff for Rick's little girl."

Beth's light falls on Rosita, standin' there with her gun at her side. I don't want the two of 'em splittin' up on their own. I don't want Beth outta my sight. But she agrees to go with Rosita 'fore I can argue. She kisses my cheek an' they set off to the left. I watch as their light grows smaller an' I shake off the fear of what could happen. Jesse clears his throat.

"Well, guess that leaves you an' me."

Of all the fuckin' people I gotta comb through the damn store with, it's the last person I even wanted to have tag along. I let him keep the light to hold. We don't just give out guns to newcomers, so he'll be in charge of makin' sure we see where we're goin'. He shines the light in fronta us an' we head off lookin' for any ammo that coulda been left behind. He don't say nothin' to me, an' I can't help but appreciate that. I don't much feel like talkin', anyways. Not when we don't know what's in here. It's quiet, all I hear's our footsteps on the floor.

"Why didn't you wanna bring your crossbow?"

So much for the not talkin'. My hand hovers over the gun at my hip. I ain't had a way to secure the bow to the bike. I had to wear the backpack to put the shit we find in. 'Sides, my crossbow woulda been too much to carry on that small ass bike with Beth behind me.

"Gun's easier."

My voice's gruff. He musta got the hint, he don't ask me anymore questions. When we come to a section of men's clothes he grabs the first coat he sees offa the rack. It's big an' black. He holds it up in fronta him an' decides it'll work. We don't say anything to each other, just keep walkin'.

We get closer to the back of the store when we see the sign over the huntin' section. He sweeps the light from side to side an' the place looks torn apart. He follows me behind the counter where the broken glass shows us all them weapons were taken. I start to scan the floor when he turns the light away from me. I follow where he's aimed it, right at the counter. He walks over an' opens the drawers, pullin' out a handgun.

"I used to work in a place like this when I was fifteen. Owner made us keep a loaded gun under the counter in case we got robbed."

I'd be lyin' if I said I weren't impressed he'd thought of that. Without a word he grips it by the barrel an' hands it to me. I'd thought he woulda tried to keep it for hisself, but I take it from him. We find a few boxes of ammo an' I don't take the time to see what kind. We got all sorts of guns back at camp. Bound to have somethin' we need here. He opens his pack an' we start silently loadin' it. He flashes the light on one of the racks where he finds a few small knives, packin' 'em in the bag. After a clean sweep of the area, we head off to find the girls.

He turns down one aisle an' we see our first walker. The bastard musta worked here, he's still wearin' a tattered vest. Don't even notice us here yet. I hand the gun to Jesse but he don't take it from me. Ain't exactly the time to be shy.

"Why don't you take care of it?"

He can't be serious. It's only one walker. 'Sides, I'd like to see him prove he can handle the gun. Eventually he's gotta carry one for hisself. I don't withdraw my hand. He looks like he's gonna be sick. "You gotta problem with guns or killin' walkers?"

He don't answer me. Just when I'm 'bout to shove the thing in his hand, the walker turns 'round. In the light, I see his name tag still on the fronta his vest: Michael. I glare down at Jesse for a second, pissed that he froze up the way he did. "Fuck's sake. Guess I'll put Michael down."

I put the gun in the back of my jeans an' grab my buck knife offa my hip. Don't needa be wastin' bullets or attractin' whatever else could be in here over one dead fuck. I force the blade into his forehead an' rip it out as he sinks to the ground. When I turn back to Jesse, he looks even sicker than he did 'fore. Then it hits me.

"You ain't ever killed one 'fore?"

He won't answer, just looks to the ground. He don't needa say nothin'. It's plain as day. I feel myself gettin' pissed off. He'd told Rick he'd killed at least eight. Why'd he lie to us? 'Fore I can ask what the fuck's goin' on, he finally speaks.

"I've never killed any of them. I could never kill a person, livin' or dead." He looks into my eyes. I realize he's sayin' he lied to us twice.

"What 'bout your brother?"

He turns his face wipin' at his eyes. I'd thought he'd least know how to handle hisself out here. Why'd he risk his own skin for a supply run if he don't even plan on protectin' hisself?

"He got bit. I didn't know what to do when the fever struck. He cried in pain an' I just sat there. I couldn't kill him; not my own brother. He was all I had left. That's the real reason I left that house. He died an' I got away before he could turn an' kill me."

I drop my eyes to the floor. It reminded me of findin' Merle out there. He'd turned. It wasn't easy puttin' him down, weren't somethin' I could just do. I don't wanna hold that against the kid. Bein' the one to kill my brother after he'd turned weren't exactly somethin' I'd brag 'bout. I'm still pissed that he lied 'bout killin' walkers, but I get it now. He wanted us to think he was strong.

"C'mon. Gotta find the girls."

A scream breaks through the air, followed by a gunshot. Me an' Jesse take off runnin' in the direction it came from. Rosita's on the floor, Beth's standin' over her with her gun shakin' in her hand. Just in fronta Rosita's a big ass walker, it's skull's blown out in fronta them. The rack next to them's turned over, bras are all over the floor. Beth sees me an' lowers her gun.

"It snuck up on us. We just got all we needed for Judith an' saw these here."

I look 'round the floor. They'd been attacked lookin' through fuckin' underwear. I fight down my anger, but Rosita musta seen the look on my face. She stands an' gives me a dirty look.

"Just 'cause you men feel the need to wear the same filthy underwear everyday, doesn't mean the ladies have to."

I roll my eyes at her as the two of 'em pick up what they'd dropped. Once they pack away what they can, we set back to the fronta the store. Beth takes my hand an' lets out a sigh. "I'm glad we only ran into the one. Y'all didn't see any walkers, did you?"

I don't know why I do it. I mostly think it's 'cause I felt sorry for the kid, but a part of it's 'cause he hadn't been watchin' Beth while she was lookin' through fuckin' underwear. Maybe he weren't much of a threat to me, after all.

"Naw. Ain't none where we were."

Jesse turns to me. I look anywhere but his face. He ain't a bad kid. I know that. He's what Beth would call _good people_. I think that's what's threatened me most 'bout him. He's somethin' she looks for in this world. The last thing I'd want is her thinkin' they're meant for each other or some stupid shit. I don't wanna think of that. The kid couldn't kill his own brother, can't kill walkers. He's holdin' onto the way things were. Least she has me to remind her the world's changed. Jesse ain't had nobody to show him that.

* * *

Camp's just ahead of us, I can see they made a small fire. We speed up, Beth's legs tightenin' 'round me. I pull in fronta Jesse right next to the first van. Maggie walks over to us, helpin' Beth offa the bike. She looks over to the other two, then back at me.

"Glad y'all made it in one piece. C'mon over by the fire. Rick an' Abraham wanna go over our plans for when the fuel runs out."

We follow her over, Jesse an' Rosita right behind us. Me an' Beth sit next to Maggie an' Glenn. I'm surprised when Jesse sits at my other side. He smiles at me an' I nod in return. I can't help but be reminded of all those fuckin' people at the prison that'd wanna be near me. It's a little unnervin'. Maggie passes down some canned food an' we eat while Rick speaks to us.

"As y'all know, we're runnin' low on fuel. We're gonna ride out until they won't go further. After that, we're back on foot."

It's common sense. I'd already figured we'd take them far's they'd go an' then walk. We might be able to find more cars on the road. It's gettin' colder everyday. All's I can think of is tryin' to keep Lil Asskicker warm. I look over to Carl holdin' his sister in his lap. Got her wrapped in a blanket we took from one of the houses. Ain't no way for a baby to live. We gotta figure somethin' out 'fore the weather gets worst. I know Rick's thinkin' the same thing. Written all over his face.

I finish eatin' an' stand to grab our tent outta the van. I'd already said I'd keep first watch tonight, an' that we weren't stayin' in a van with the others. 'Sides, me an' Beth ain't had a chance to be alone since earlier. I hear someone followin' an' I turn to see Jesse right behind me.

"Daryl, I wanted to thank you. For earlier? You didn't have to lie for me. I don't deserve that."

I lean back against the door, cross my arms over my chest an' look at him. He don't look sick no more. I hear Beth laugh an' I turn to see her an' Maggie talkin', both smilin' at each other. I look back to Jesse an' see him starin' at 'em, too. Son of a bitch. I'm 'bout to say somethin', holdin' back the urge to throw him to the ground an' break every last one of his ribs with the steel toe of my boot when he glances back at me. He's smilin'.

"Me an' Beth have a lot in common, don't we?"

I physically bite down on my tongue. He's still grinnin' at me. The muscles in my jaw tighten an' my fists clench. Now I wanna break a lot more than just his fuckin' ribs. He either don't pick up on my mood or he don't care, 'cause he keeps on talkin'.

"I can see it in her. She's a good girl, almost too good for this world. That's somethin' my brother used to say to me a lot, that I was too good to survive alone. He was right, you know. If I hadn't found y'all, I'd be dead in no time."

His words seep through the red, ain't where I thought we was goin' with that. It's strange for me to see another man, even a fuckin' kid, admittin' how weak he is. Shit, Carl's got bigger balls than this guy. I don't know what to say, an' I'm still tryin' to calm myself down.

"You're good for her."

I look him in the eyes. He don't look like he's bein' sarcastic. My anger starts to slip away. I scratch at my chin, my fingers brush over my lips. I don't know what to say to that. He ain't the first person to tell me that I'm good for her. I can only hope they're right.

"When I first met y'all, I thought you were her older brother or somethin', the way you were so protective over her when you saw us standin' together."

"We look like brother an' sister to you?"

He laughs. "You looked at least like half-siblin's. Well, you did up until you kissed her in the van. I know I don't know all y'all well enough. But I can see she's lucky to have someone like you to take care of her."

I just stare at him, no words come to me. He sighs an' turns 'round, headin' back to the group. Beth looks up at him, then looks to me. She stands an' walks over here. Her hand takes mine, lockin' our fingers together. She nods over to Jesse.

"What was that about?"

I shrug. How do I begin to tell her what he said 'bout her? That she's too good for this world an' the only reason she's still here is 'cause of me? I grab our tent an' pull it out. Beth reaches in an' grabs her bag, hands me my bow an' follows me to just outside the group. Settin' it up, I can hear the others startin' to settle in. The fire's been stomped out an' things go quiet. I sit on the asphalt, my bow at my side an' she sits down next to me. For a while, we just sit quietly. I can hear her hummin', some tune I ain't ever heard 'fore. It's relaxin'. Then she stops.

"So, you do like my singin'."

I smile, but it's too dark for her to see it. I could honestly listen to her sing all the damn time. I never realized back at the prison just how soothin' it was for everybody. Beth was a rare find. Someone who can find the will to lift the spirits of all them people 'round her in the only way she knew how.

"It's okay. You don't have to admit it again."

I can hear the smile in her voice an' swear at the dark for keepin' the image from me. She would never force my hand at emotions, not after she broke through to me at the shack. Gotta appreciate the way she can pick up on things without drillin' me for information. It's hard enough tryin' to deal with these feelin's on my own. But I remember Maggie tellin' me earlier how I ain't alone no more, how others feel the way I do.

Beth doesn't seem likely to hold herself up high. I can see it every time she touches her wrist. Even when she undresses in fronta me, she looks like it embarrasses her. I gotta remember she ain't like other women. She ain't ever gonna ask me to reassure her of herself.

"You got a beautiful voice."

Even in the dark, her hand finds mine an' she holds tightly. I look off to the camp an' barely make out Jesse climbin' into one of the vans with Gabriel. Carol an' Tyrese follow 'em in. Beth sighs.

"Don't you feel sorry for him? Jesse, I mean. Poor guy havin' to kill his own brother an' all."

Not that I need her fuckin' sympathy, but I don't ever recollect her tellin' me she's sorry I had to kill Merle after he turned. I'm even angrier 'cause I know the boy ain't killed nobody. I grind my teeth. We already fought today. I don't wanna go through that shit again. I try to calm myself, but can't hide the anger in my voice.

"He ain't the only one. Or you already forget 'bout my brother while worryin' over that boy?"

I hear her sigh next to me. Least she don't push me away. Instead her fingers knot through mine an' she squeezes tighter. Her voice's gentle when she speaks to me.

"I'm sorry, I hadn't meant it like that. It's just...you're so much stronger. You don't ever bring it up an' sometimes it's easy to forget."

Course. It's fuckin' easy for this whole damn camp to forget 'bout my asshole brother. Ain't one of 'em liked him when he was with us. I know he did stupid shit an' he made it clear he weren't their biggest fan, either. But they all seem to forget he'd gotten hisself killed tryin' to take down our enemy. I'd seen the bodies of the men he'd killed. I told myself he did it for us, to give us a chance to live. He was my only livin' blood an' I had to face everyday since tryin' not to think 'bout how he ain't ever comin' back.

"Easy for who?"

Now she lets go of my hand. I can feel the tension between us an' I brace myself, regrettin' my words. I really don't wanna argue again. I just wanna put all of it behind us an' move on. I know she don't mean it like that. She ain't tryin' to tell me his death meant nothin' at all. My temper will always get the best of me. I got a short fuse an' it's my biggest downfall.

"Don't twist my words around. You know better than to think I'd ever belittle what you went through."

She sounds pissed. I run my hands over my face an' rub at my eyes. I don't know how to turn this back 'round. I don't want her to be mad at me. I sigh an' reach out for her hand, it takes only a second to find it an' I'm relieved she don't fight me off. It's a good sign.

"I know."

I pull her hand up to my lips an' kiss the cool skin of her wrist, right over her scar. I needa remember I ain't the only one with losses an' pain. We already been through this, I just have to remind myself. I needa change the subject. Anything to get us back to where we were.

"You like your coat?"

She laughs. I feel my whole body relax at the sound. Least I know she ain't mad at me no more. She leans closer into my side. "I love it. It's really warm. Guess I can give you back your flannel, now."

I think of how good she looks in my shirt, how she smells like honey an' soap, but it's mixed with tobacco an' earth. The scent's intoxicatin'. Without realizin' it, I lean down an' run my nose up the side of her neck. She still smells like me. She sighs when my lips brush over her jaw. I speak against her skin.

"Naw. Like it more on you."

I can feel the muscles pull in her face under my lips as she smiles. Without a word she shifts herself an' ends up straddlin' my lap. Her fingers grip my shoulders an' she readjusts herself, the friction nearly kills me. She lets out a small laugh at my moan an' her lips are just above mine. "You want me, Daryl?"

Her voice's low an' throaty. Jesus, I don't think I'd ever wanted anything so bad in my life as I wanted her. An' not just here, like this. But always. I wanna find this safe haven in D.C. I wanna really have all the time to get to know each other, to show her I'm everything she needs. It'll never be easy, but I'll do whatever it takes to prove to her I'm just as good for her as any other guy could be. I just need time.

It's so fuckin' dark out, her figure over me's just another shadow. I lift my hands to her. One grips firmly at her hip, the other reaches to the back of her neck, pullin' her to me an' closin' the space between us. Her hands are at my face an' she sighs as my tongue parts her lips. She starts to grind against me an' I groan into her mouth. The friction's good but, fuck, it ain't enough. I grab her ass in both hands, tryin' to move her against me to relieve the ache. She whimpers against my lips, pushin' her hips down harder on me.

"Touch me."

Takes only a second to understand what she means. Those words fallin' from her lips send a trail of fire through my fuckin' body. She ain't ever been so forward with me as to tell me what to do. It only turns me on more to know she wants me just as bad as I want her. I unzip her coat an' open all the buttons of the flannel. Her hands hold tight to my shoulders as I kiss her, tuggin' the fronta her tank top down 'til it's under her bra. I push aside the fabric an' my fingers graze over her smooth skin. Her small breasts fit perfectly in my hands an' I nearly explode when she pushes herself against me.

"Fuck."

My thumb brushes against the necklace an' my pulse quickens. I hadn't meant it in that way, but I feel like she's marked by me. Marked as mine. I drop my mouth to her throat an' growl when she starts to move faster. I bite down gently, the vibration of her moan against my lips drives me insane. Bein' with Beth comes natural to me. I'd always thought fuckin' a woman was natural as it gets, but this ain't the same.

I ain't gonna lie, ever since the first time I took her, I'd thought of dozens of ways to fuck her. I'd hated myself for it, thinkin' I'd wanted us to be more than that. She's the one who told me it don't matter. An' since I'm all she ever had that way, I realized it really _don't_ matter to her. I just have to remind myself that she don't see it the way I always had. She's my fresh start, my chance to make my life better. I need her like I need the air in my lungs.

"Oh, Daryl."

Her breathin' out my name makes me realize how far we're both ready to go. Right here. I don't want that. I clear my head enough to remember what I'm s'posed to be doin' out here. With more strength than I ever thought I had in me, I pull away from her. She stops her movement an' I feel her smile against my cheek.

"After your watch?"

I kiss her again, my forehead presses against hers an' I nod. I don't trust myself to speak. Part of me is questionin' my own sanity for stoppin'. My jeans dig painfully into me an' I almost think it'd be easier to drag her into the tent an' take care of the problem here an' now. But I push it down an' fix her bra an' shirt instead. She crawls offa my lap an' yawns.

"Guess I'll wait for you inside."

She kisses my cheek an' slips inside the tent. I let out my breath an' run my hands through my hair. That girl's drivin' me wild. I stare out into the night, tryin' to think of anything to ease my tension. Can't see shit out here, but it's quiet enough to hear if somethin' approached us. I pull my knife offa my hip an' twist it in my hands. Gonna be a long fuckin' night.

I spent my watch thinkin' of the argument I almost started with Beth. How easily I lose my temper. I tap the tip of my knife against the road, chippin' at the broken pieces of the asphalt. Maggie had told me I needed to start lettin' it out. She'd said they understood how I felt. I need to figure out how to keep from bottlin' it up inside me without goin' off on anyone who even slightly pisses me off. I hate arguin' with Beth. Maybe it's normal for people to fight like that. All's I know is it makes me think of how my parents would start their fights. An' I remember how those fights would end. My knife grinds harder into the ground. I won't ever let myself turn into my father, no matter what happens or how angry I get. I can't lose Beth 'cause of my temper. I pick my knife back up, run my finger over the tip. Duller now. Son of a bitch.

I don't know how long I sat out there 'fore I heard one of the doors open. Abraham climbed out an' walked over to me. I stood, bow at my side, an' cracked my back. I nodded to him an' he returned the gesture, headin' to sit on the hood of one of the cars next to our camp. I unzip the flap an' climb in, settin' my bow at the front. It ain't the biggest tent, but it's good enough for the two of us. An' it's bigger than the one we shared when the prison first fell. At first I thought she'd fallen asleep, but then a flashlight turned on an' she sat up wearin' nothin' but the necklace I gave her. Holy shit.

"Wanna finish what we started?"

A wicked grin spreads 'cross her face an' I feel all the blood in my body rush to my erection. Fuck. I take off my two shirts an' vest, kick off my boots an slide under the sheets with her. Her body is smooth an' cool against my skin. She turns the light off an' tosses it aside. I lean in an' kiss her as her hands quickly undo my belt an' pants. She pushes 'em down my hips an' pulls me closer to her. One of her hands leaves my shoulders an' I hear it smack 'round the ground. She digs in her bag an' smiles against my lips when she finds what she's lookin' for. Her hand finds mine an' she slips the condom between my fingers.

I tear it outta the pack an' put it on. But I don't go further. I can't stop thinkin' of the way I snapped at her earlier. Then I think of how mad she'd gotten at me this mornin', our first real argument an' how I'd thought I'd lost her. She pulls on me again an' I get between her legs, pushin' 'em apart with my knee. My hand runs down an' my fingers run over the soft skin between her thighs. She whimpers an' tells me to keep goin', her hips buck into my hand. I slip two fingers into her an' feel her fall back onto her pillow.

I want her to be happy. Selfishly, I want her to be happy with me. I needa know we're really alright. Even if only a few hours ago we'd been holdin' each other an' makin' out like a couple of fuckin' idiots, I can't shake the thought that we're off balance. It could just be me, coulda been some fear still inside me at the thought that she could finally have enough of my attitude an' defensiveness.

I don't know what comes over me. She's right here under me, beggin' me to take her. She sits up an' kisses me again, my fingers still inside her. Any proof I could have of her wantin' me is right in fronta me. But somethin' inside of me splinters. I pull my hand away, tuck my arm under her back an' pull her up to me. I hold her there an' run my lips along her jaw. "Tell me you love me."

Her breathin's uneven, pantin' as she speaks to me. "You know I do."

I keep still, a firm grip 'round her. "Tell me anyways."

"I love you."

I lower us back to the ground an' slowly enter her. The white-hot feelin' makes me wanna move, makes me wanna throw aside all thoughts an' give into her. But I hold out just a little longer. Her nails dig into my shoulder an' she tries to move against me. I start to pull back, placin' one of my palms flat against her stomach to hold her still. "Tell me you're mine."

She's still tryin' to move against me. I'm too strong for her an' she whimpers in frustration. I just needa know we're okay. She sighs. "Daryl, I'm yours. I've only ever been yours."

I push into her again an' my lips fall to her chest. She whimpers as I flick my tongue over her nipple, bucks into me when my teeth sink into her flesh. Her nails scratch down my chest an' I growl out against her skin. When I move to the other side, my lips graze the dreamcatcher. I kiss it an' she sighs out my name as her hand pulls through my hair. My mouth finds the base of her neck an' I run my tongue up the column of her throat, skimmin' my teeth over her jawline 'fore I get to the skin at her ear. I breathe against her, "I love you, baby."

I continue to thrust into her, hookin' my hand under her leg an' pullin' it up to my side. I remember the way she likes when my hips grind against her, how I can rub her clit with my pelvis. I focus on that. Focus on her throaty moans an' the way her body arches under mine. I forget everything when I can concentrate on her. She's all that matters anymore an' I'd be fuckin' lost without her.

"I love you so much, Daryl."

It's a beautiful sound. It's enough to break my heart an' put it back together at the same time. I can feel my body tense, feel her startin' to tighten up underneath me. After a few more thrusts, her thighs wrap 'round my middle an' she puts me in a vice. I feel my own release comin' an' my mouth crashes into hers. I swallow her moans an' move to sink my teeth into her shoulder, mufflin' my own when I finally let go.

We lie there for a few minutes, our bodies covered in sweat an' cold from the late autumn weather. I pull outta her, removin' the condom an' tossin' it to the side. I lay next to her an' close my eyes, tryin' to right my breathin'. She kisses my shoulder.

"You mind tellin' me what that was about?"

When I don't say anything, she sighs an' continues. "Are you upset with me?"

I keep my eyes closed an' speak to the ceilin'. "I don't wanna fight no more."

"Daryl, people argue. It's no big deal."

I turn to face her, prop myself up on my elbow. I still can't see her in the dark so I can't make out her mood. Her voice sounded calm. I shrug 'fore I can remember she won't see it. I know I needa be honest with her. It's just choosin' my words so I don't sound like a fuckin' idiot.

"I don't like us arguin'. I don't ever wanna hurt you."

I feel her fingers brush over my cheek. I lean my face into her palm. Her thumb runs over my skin an' it soothes me.

"It's okay to fight sometimes. You could never really hurt me. I know you'd never do that."

"You seemed pretty hurt earlier."

"But you didn't mean what you said. You were mad at me an' you lashed out. Maybe you haven't noticed, Daryl, but you tend to do that a lot."

A small laugh escapes her. She's tryin' to lighten the mood. Tryin' to pull me away from the edge. She knows I'm turnin' against myself. I don't know if she realizes she's the only one who can save me. I kiss her. When I pull away, I bury my face into her neck. I hear her yawn an' wrap my arm 'round her. I feel her start to drift off, hear her breathin' even out. I wait for a little while to see if she's gonna say anything else. When I realize she's fallen asleep, I place my lips against her throat. It's easier to voice my vulnerability to her when she's sleepin'. I gently kiss her skin an' sigh.

"I won't survive if I lose you, too."


	49. Chapter 49

**After quite a bit of problem solving and some serious labor (lol) I have finally figured out how to fix my chapters and still continue my story. I'm not gonna lie, it made my head numb haha! But it's fixed and I'm so sorry for any problems/confusion. Hope you all like this chapter! I just started the next one :)**

* * *

_"Fuck! Shit!"_

_His arm's covered in blood. He throws his head back against his seat an' punches the dashboard. I can't get the key in the ignition, my eyes are clouded tryin' to hold back the tears. This can't be happenin'._

_"Motherfucker! I can't believe that son of a bitch got me!"_

_I finally get the truck started. I won't look at him, I can't look. If I don't see it, it ain't real. I step on the gas an' speed down the road. He swears the whole ride, his fist bloodied from hittin' the dash a second an' third time. I see a sign for the development an' swing the truck in. I don't stop right away, instead I head further back to the end of the neighborhood where we been stayin'._

_"Just fuckin' stop already!"_

_I swerve into the driveway an' follow him outta the truck an' up the porch. I'm havin' trouble breathin' as he works at the door to open it. I see the pool of blood formin' on the welcome mat an' I turn to vomit over the railin'. He turns back to me. _

_"The fuck you pukin' for? I'm the one that got bit! Jesus Christ!"_

_I finally meet his eyes. They're a stormy blue, slightly bloodshot. But he ain't cryin'. He's too strong to cry. I must look so pathetic throwin' up an' sobbin' like a child. But I can't help it. I can't lose him. We stumble inside an' open the first door into the kitchen. I help him set at the table an' start searchin' the cupboards for anything to help stop the bleedin'._

_"Just sit your ass down. Ain't no sense tryin' to help me now."_

_His voice's quiet, but still strong. He's always been so strong. He's kept me safe, kept me fed an' alive. If I lose him, I ain't gonna make it. I drop my hands to the marble counter. Run over the smooth surface. I wanna focus on anything else in the room to distract me from what's happenin'._

_"Sit down. You're makin' me nervous."_

_I let out my breath, slowly breathin' in again as I turn to face him. His head is hung back, eyes closed. His dark, shaggy hair's soaked in sweat. I can see he ain't got any color in his face. He runs his hand over the stubble on his cheek, up into his hair an' down the back of his neck. The injured arm hangs limp at his side, blood drippin' down to the white tile. I make my way to the table an' sit across from him._

_"You can't die. I need you."_

_I hate how my voice cracks on the end, hate that I can't be strong for him when he needs me most. I feel sick to my stomach. My hands grip tightly to the edge of the table. The pressure causes my knuckles to ache, but I don't let go. Gives me somethin' to focus on. He lets out a laugh._

_"I taught you plenty to survive. You know how to get food an' you know how to kill the dead. You know to break in places an' search for what you need. S'good enough."_

_His voice's much weaker now. I don't wanna look at him. My leg's bouncin' up an' down. I can't control my nerves or the sick feelin' I got. I wanna tell him it'll be alright. I wanna tell him I'll figure out a way to save him. Before anything can come to me, he cries out. I nearly jump outta my skin. I knock my chair over in my effort to get to him faster. He grips at his bicep an' cries out again._

_"Fuck!"_

_He's still sweatin', an' when I place my palm to his forehead I feel the heat comin' off like a wood stove in July. The fever came quicker than I thought. I'd seen people take a whole day before it hit. I figured he could at least get two more days with how strong he is. I pull my hand back an' stand over him. This is really it. He's gonna die right in front of me. He takes a deep breath, reaches to his side an' pulls his gun off his hip. He drops it on the table. _

_"Ain't gonna be much longer. You gotta put me down."_

_I close my eyes an' try to turn away from him. I won't do this. There's gotta be another way. I feel his hand on my wrist, burnin' at me like a flame. I can feel the heat his skin's puttin' off. My eyes open an' meet his. The blue in his eyes looks lighter, weaker. He still looks determined. Weak, but determined. His hand drops my wrist as he reaches for the gun, shovin' it into my palm. With shakin' fingers, I close around the barrel. _

_"You gotta toughen up. This world ain't what it was. You don't figure that out, it'll be you sittin' in this chair next." _

_His breath comes out rattlin'. This is it. He's really dyin'. I choke up, shake my head. I can't kill him. _

_"I can't do it."_

_He lets out a small laugh, his face twists in pain with the effort. He looks up to me an' I see he still ain't cryin'. If anybody would meet death head on, it's him._

_"Figured. You best take that gun an' get your ass," he winces. "Outta here."_

_Realization sets in that this is the last time I'll ever see him alive. That I'm really on my own now. I fight back the bile risin' in my throat. I ain't gonna throw up again. Slowly, I lower myself into the chair next to him. I ain't gonna let him die alone. Not like this. He smiles at me, his hand reaches to my forearm an' grips loosely, his strength ebbin' away. _

_"I said it 'fore. You're too good a person. You ain't ever gonna make it out here alone with all that fuckin' hopin' an' prayin'."_

_He's so quiet, I can hardly hear him. It ain't the first time he's told me this. I cringe at the thought it could be the last thing he ever says to me. I know he don't like emotions or openin' up to no one. But I don't care. He ain't gonna die without hearin' it. My voice's broken, silent._

_"I love you."_

_He tries to laugh again, but the pain's too much. I watch as he hangs his head back. His breaths come out slower, shorter. After a moment, it looks like he ain't breathin' at all. Tears burn at my eyes an' I stop tryin' to fight them. Pushin' the chair back, I stand next to him. The gun shakes in my hand as I raise my aim to his head. I can do this. I have to do this._

_A shaky breath escapes him an' I almost fall back. He's turned. He's gone an' now I gotta put him down. But I can't bring my finger to the trigger. I can't shoot him. I see his lips try to move an' then I hear it._

_"Love you, Jesse."_

_It's mumbled, too soft to seem to come from such a strong man. But I know what he said. I cry into my free hand as I see his head fall back again. His last words were that he loved me. I wipe at my eyes. He don't move. Don't speak no more. I know he's dead now an' I know he's gonna turn. But I can't do it. I stumble over the fallen chair as I make my way back to the door. My fingers slip on the handle, still wet from wipin' away my tears. I look back one last time at his body. _

_"I'm so sorry, Trent."_

_With a final sigh, I open the door an' close it behind me. It got dark outside. I can barely make out the house across the street. The day's already over. When I woke up this mornin', I'd never guessed that this would happen. He wanted me to be able to take care of myself, but I couldn't do it alone. An' now, I _am_ alone. I crumble to the ground an' cry myself to sleep. _

_The moanin' an' scratchin' at the door's what woke me. The sun shines in through the window an' I remember where I am. An' I remember what happened yesterday. I stand, gun in hand an' press my ear to the door. I can hear him growlin' in there. Only thing separatin' us is this piece of wood. I push myself away an' head for the front door, leavin' what once was my older brother behind me._

_I step out on the porch an' look down at the gun in my hand. It pisses me off that I let him turn, that I couldn't bring myself to kill him. We'd gone the last two days without food, an' he gets bit when we go out lookin'. I pull my hand back an' throw that gun into the bushes by the house. I ain't ever gonna be strong or brave like Trent. I'm gonna die out here. Just a matter of time. Part of me wants to give up, go back inside, lay down an' die quietly. I'm a coward. I don't wanna go the way he had._

_But he fought so hard to keep me alive. I give up an' he would've died for nothin'. My stomach growls. I feel weak from emotion an' hunger. I walk off the porch an' head into the neighborhood. I'll find another house. Find some food. I get a little ways down the road, past the houses we already searched when I see three white vans parked up ahead. My heart beats painfully in my chest. They weren't there yesterday. I slowly make my way over, my muscles cramp from malnourishment, but I push on. I can only hope they're good people._

_I stop in my tracks when I see a girl standin' on the porch. For a second, I think I imagine it. But I move closer an' she sees me. My throat's so damn dry from bein' thirsty. I try my best to call out to her. She runs down the steps in front of me. Her face splits into a big, warm smile that could melt a heart of ice, an' it nearly broke mine. The early mornin' sun shines off her pale hair an' skin. Her big, blue eyes are warmer than the smile. She looks like an angel. I smile back at her._

_"You gotta camp here?"_

I open my eyes an' clear my head. I hadn't slept all night. I'd heard the others wake up, climbin' outta the van. I'd pretended to be asleep then. Spent the entire time thinkin' about everything that happened yesterday. How I'd ended up here in the first place.

I sit up an' stretch my back. These people were good. Rick an' Glenn had been cautious with me, but they let me join them. Even gave me food. The women here were all polite with me, askin' me if I'd needed clothes or shoes an' givin' me what they could. Beth was sweeter than molasses to me. I grin at the thought.

At first, I was helplessly drawn to that girl. She was gorgeous an' she was kind. I couldn't pinpoint it at first, but there was somethin' more to her. Then she sung in the van an' it felt like my heart kickstarted again. I knew what it was, then an' there. She was just like me: a good person who still saw good in the world around her.

Then there was Daryl. The man was so much like Trent it nearly killed me. He had a temper, but he was an obvious protector. He was their guardian. Everything about him reminded me of Trent: eyes, hair, posture. It was a lot to take in at first. I'd thought him an' Beth were half-siblin's. Other than blue eyes, they didn't look much alike. But he watched over her the way Trent did for me. It surprised the hell outta me when I saw the way he kissed her. I was a little upset at first, but then I saw how he was with her.

The man rarely takes his eyes off Beth, keepin' her close to him. It's obvious he's in love with her. An' the way she looks up at him, I don't know how I'd ever mistaken them for bein' related. I gotta admit, seein' two people like that keeps my hope alive. This world can't be as bad as it seems if you can still find the person you're meant for. An' there ain't no denyin' the two of them were meant for each other.

I think of how upset Daryl was with me yesterday for lyin' to them. It just happened. I was afraid they'd turn me away if I wasn't strong enough. Even lied an' told them I killed my brother. Now that Daryl knows the truth, I imagine it won't be much longer until they all know. I reckon he already told Beth last night. He has every right to. He looks out for the best interest of the group.

I climb outta the van an' see the others takin' stock of the food. I don't see Daryl or Rick. They must be out on a run lookin' for new cars. The vans ain't gonna last much longer. I hear her voice before I see her. I turn an' watch her as she sways with that little girl on her hip. She's singin' softly to her, tryin' to get her to stop cryin'.

Beth's off limits as far's I'm concerned. Her an' Daryl are good together. I hope he don't mind me wantin' to be her friend. She gives me hope that good people like us really can survive out here. I don't even know if she wants to be friends with me now that she knows I lied, but I decide to walk over to her anyways.

* * *

"What's her name?"

I turn to see Jesse walkin' up to me. I'm bouncin' Judith on my hip, tryin' to soothe her. She's been teethin' an' especially cranky today. Poor Rick looked like he didn't get a moments sleep last night. I gotta remember to start searchin' for things she can chew on to help her.

"Mornin', Jesse. This is Judith."

He smiles at her, holds out his hand an' laughs as she squeezes it. I look him over. He's changed outta the ratty clothes he'd been in. Carol or Maggie musta given him some of what we've been scavengin'. His whole face lights up when Judith laughs. I see Carl comin' this way. He looks apprehensively at Jesse, then smiles at me an' his sister.

"Thanks, Beth. I can take her. Michonne found some toy keys in one of the stranded cars last night. Says it's somethin' used for babies when they're teethin'."

I kiss the little girl on her head an' hand her to her brother. He walks back to where Michonne an' the others are packin' food away. Won't be much longer before the vans give out on us. I look over to see Jesse starin' out into the woods. I can only imagine what he's thinkin' of. I feel bad that not everybody tries to open up to him more.

"Why didn't you wanna go on the run with Daryl an' Rick?"

He shrugs. "I overslept. Besides, I wouldn't be much help to them out there."

I don't understand what he means. He's just as capable as anyone here. I gesture for him to follow me back to the group to get some food. Carol hands us both some fruit an' I follow him over to the guardrail. I sit next to him an' start eatin'. I glance 'round the others an' wonder if Daryl an' Rick will have any luck today. I wonder if they really could've used the extra help.

"Why don't you think you'd be much help?"

He looks surprised at my question. Like he expected me to know whatever the answer is. I smile at him, waitin' patiently for a response.

"Well, after yesterday I figured Daryl wouldn't wanna have me out there. I mean, I couldn't even kill the one we ran into. How-"

"Wait, what? Y'all found a walker yesterday? At the store?"

His face falls an' the look he gives me is obvious. Whatever had happened yesterday was somethin' he'd expected Daryl to tell me. I look at the fruit in my hand an' try not to get upset. I bite hard on my bottom lip. If Jesse thought it was somethin' I should know, why wouldn't Daryl tell me? Then it hits me. He thought it would worry me. Thought I couldn't handle knowin' somethin' could've happened to them. I bristle at the idea that he can't trust me to handle the truth.

"Beth, don't be mad at him. He was only lyin' to cover for me."

Any anger I might've felt slips away. He didn't lie because he thought I was weak. I look at Jesse again, his green eyes hold my gaze. He looks like he's choosin' his words carefully. Then he finally speaks.

"I lied to Rick an' Glenn. I've never killed anything. Not the dead, an' not my brother."

He goes on to tell me what really happened yesterday; to his brother an' at the store. I follow his words, read his emotions. There was no malice in his actions. Jesse only lied because he thought we'd turn him away. My heart breaks for him an' for his pain. I can't be mad at him.

Daryl lied to protect him. Not to shelter me from the world. I knew he had a softer side, an' not just the lovin' side he has with me. This confirms that. Daryl wouldn't just lie to me to cover for someone if he didn't think they were good. Obviously, he sees the good in Jesse, too. An' I can't be mad at him. In fact, my heart swells at the thought of how much he's changed for the better. I'd never make him change his ways, aside from not lettin' me in. He's changin' hisself an' part of me wants to believe he's doin' it for me as much as for him.

Jesse an' I finish our food. We talk some more an' he tells me about his brother, Trent. He says Daryl reminds him of his brother. I tell him about Daddy an' how much I miss him. I continue to tell him about my big brother an' my mama. He doesn't bring up his parents, an' I know better than to ask. We just get on the subject of Maggie an' Glenn when I see Daryl an' Rick rejoin the group. Daryl takes some food from Carol. She says somethin' to him, an' whatever he says back makes her laugh.

I touch Jesse's shoulder an' motion for him to follow me back over to the others. I meet Daryl's gaze an' smile at him. His finger curls towards hisself, gesturin' for me to sit next to him. Jesse follows me an' sits on my other side. I watch as Daryl tips his can of fruit to his lips. I laugh to myself at how hopelessly in love I am. He smirks at me, then kisses my cheek.

"Gotta go huntin' here soon. Ain't gonna live offa canned fruit. 'Sides, give you a chance to break in that coat."

* * *

"How'd Jesse do on the run yesterday?"

I don't know what to tell him. I could cover for the kid again, but it's different with Rick. An' I still hate myself for lyin' to Beth yesterday. I don't lie to any of 'em. Ever. Ain't no point in doin' it. I've never been one to not tell it like it is. But at the same time, I don't wanna be the reason we abandon the kid on the side of the road.

"Try startin' it up again."

Rick can spot a diversion from a mile away. But he turns the ignition, anyways, an' nothin' happens. The keys had been settin' on the dash. Thought we'd gotten lucky after earlier. The vans ain't gonna last another two miles. We been checkin' what few vehicles there were all mornin'. He climbs outta the car an' sighs.

"Well, somewhere along this road we're bound to find runnin' cars. We should head back to get some food."

I look up to the sky. Sun's high, even through the clouds I can just make it out. It's 'bout noon. I pick my crossbow up offa the ground an' follow him. It's colder today than it's been the last few days. I'll have to dig through the clothes we scavenged an' find somethin' warmer to wear. More importantly, we could use more vehicles. There's gotta be some place 'round here we can start some up. I look for any signs, only seein' the speed limit.

"Think any lots 'round here?"

"We'll ask Jesse an' Gabriel when we get back. They'd probably know of somethin'. Speakin' of Jesse, you plan on tellin' me what really happened last night?"

I hoist my bow up again an' stop walkin'. Rick turns to me an' looks me in the eye. He's patient, won't push me further than he has to. I scratch my chin an' sigh.

"Kid ain't ever killed nothin'. Not his brother. No walkers. Shit. Nearly pissed hisself when we saw one yesterday."

I can see Rick's jaw tense up. I think of how he reacted to Gabriel's confession. But we'd both been grateful when Gabriel led walkers offa us back at that church. What Jesse did ain't as bad as Gabriel. Ain't even close. I don't want Rick to be mad at him.

"I ain't sayin' lyin' to y'all was right, but he probably only did it so we'd take him."

"What's to say that's all he lied about? How do we know we can trust him?"

I shrug my shoulders. Rick's right. He could be lyin' 'bout all of it. For all we know, he coulda killed a whole messa people. But it don't seem right. No alarms go off when I'm near him, 'side from me thinkin' he was after Beth. I don't even know if I think that anymore. I wanna think he's a good kid.

"Guess we'll find out." He rubs his eyes. I can see how tired he is. If anything, I reckon this trip takes more outta him than the rest of us. "For what it's worth, I don't get that kinda feelin' 'bout the boy. Think he's alright. But it's your call."

He nods an' turns to head back, I walk next to him. He lets out a sigh. "Alright. Guess we'll find out."

It don't take long to get back. We hadn't strayed too far. Carol an' Maggie are handin' out food. Rick walks over to his kids. I take some fruit from Carol an' look at the stack of cans in the pile.

"Damn. Ain't got no meat left?"

She smiles at me, raises her eyebrows. "You ate most of it. Looks like you're a vegetarian until we can find more."

"Hell with that. I'll go out huntin' for some squirrels."

She laughs at me an' we sit together on the road. "Guess you couldn't find anything out there."

"We'll keep lookin'. Gotta be more out there than this. Me an' Jesse can take them bikes back to that store today an' check there."

I look 'round an' see Beth over with Jesse by the guardrail. I lift my hand an' gesture for her to come over to me. She smiles an' the two of 'em come sit on my other side. I tell Beth me an' her are gonna go huntin' later. Glenn takes the spot 'cross us by Maggie an' continues whatever talk he was havin' with Eugene.

"I'm just saying, isn't it important to know the days of the week? At least to know what month it is."

Eugene looks like he's takin' it seriously. For the longest time, I thought he was just some jackass with a mullet. But he ain't as dumb as he looks. Since I found out he's been in touch with people in D.C., I know he ain't stupid. Abraham said he's a scientist an' that's how he knows what caused this. I see the walkie stickin' outta his coat pocket an' wonder if he's already listened to the broadcast today.

"I have to say, there ain't no way for us to figure out what day it is. Not unless we found a calendar from before. We could use that an' count the days from the turn. But we'd have to remember when it started. It'd be a messy process of guesstimatin'."

Beth's listenin' to 'em. Fascinated by whatever the hell they're goin' on 'bout. She turns to me. "Wouldn't it be great to know what month it is?"

I smirk at her. This girl will do whatever it takes to hold onto what she can from the old world. But I ain't dumb. What difference would months an' days make?

"Months don't matter. Only seasons do."

She rolls her eyes at me. Maggie smiles over at us an' decides to put her two fuckin' cents in. "I agree with Glenn. I think it's a good idea to know the days."

Eugene tells us he figures it's early November. Carol laughs next to me. I turn to see what's so funny. She smiles. "November means Thanksgiving. Haven't had a good one of those in years."

I think of her bastard husband an' could just imagine her slavin' over some hot stove all day while he watched tv or slept. Stupid fucker. I'm glad I never saw him touch her. Me an' her weren't friends then, but I wouldn't sit back while some asshole throws his woman 'round.

"Daryl? Did you hear me?"

I turn to Beth. I'd been lost in the thought of puttin' a few bolts through Ed's body when she was tryin' to get my attention. She laughs at me.

"I was just sayin' it'd be great to get to D.C. before Thanksgivin'. Maybe they keep track of time there. Our group could have our first holiday together. Wouldn't that be great?"

I stare at her, aware she's waitin' for my answer. Never paid no mind to holidays. My house never had reason to celebrate. I imagine what it'd be like to just sit 'round an' eat food with all of 'em. That damn holiday ain't ever made sense to me. Ain't we all sittin' together eatin' on this damn road? What's the difference?

"I think Daryl an' Glenn woulda liked holidays with us on the farm. All of y'all woulda liked it."

I look up to Maggie. Her eyes look wet an' I almost wanna look away, but she holds my focus. She ain't talkin' 'bout some squirrel an' canned peaches sittin' in her daddy's front yard. She means a real dinner an' all us sittin' at their table. She's talkin' 'bout when the world was still normal. She thinks I woulda actually fit in with her family. Beth's hand takes mine an' she sighs.

"You woulda loved my mama's homemade peach cobbler, Daryl. It won prizes at the county fair an' everything."

Glenn goes on 'bout how he'd like to have done that. All I can think 'bout is these girls sayin' they'd actually want me over for holidays. Make it seem like they woulda welcomed me with open arms 'fore the world went to shit. Part of me wonders what good I woulda been to their family back then. I'm only good for anybody with the world bein' how it is, now. But Beth smiles up at me, the familiar fire dancin' in her eyes. I realize she woulda loved me no matter what the world looked like. She woulda given me a chance.

I think of what it woulda been like to know her if things were the way they used to be. I imagine her on a hot summer day out in her yard. She'd have on one of those pretty dresses girls always used to wear. Her hair woulda been down an' clean. I can't see her pale skin ever holdin' a tan, but I reckon it woulda glowed. I picture her visitin' me down at the bike shop I'd work at occasionally with one of Merle's friends. She'd smile brightly at me an' I'd go sit with her in my truck for a bit. She probably woulda wanted to go on dates. We coulda gone out by the creek or laid out in the field at night.

Maybe she's right. Maybe D.C. could be a new start. They might have fences an' walls to keep us safe. No more sleepin' with one eye open. Me an' Beth could actually have a good life together. I'd have all the time to figure out the things normal people did together. An' we'd have the others with us. They're our family.

Everybody starts to separate, packin' clothes an' food. I take Beth's hand an' lift her up with me.

"C'mon, girl. Let's go get some meat."


	50. Chapter 50

*****EDITED*****

***I want you all to know that I greatly appreciate your critiquing my work. The constructive criticism helps me to grow and better myself in my writing. I want to put 110% into this story and your reviews help to make that happen. With that being said, I've taken what you've told me (both in reviews AND your PM's) and I have decided to tweak my original post. I hope this fits your expectations and you enjoy it more! :) ***

**And here it is! The 50th chapter milestone. I hope you all enjoy it, I couldn't have gotten here without your kind words and support. You guys rock! Let me know what you think. Here's to 50 more!**

** ;)**

* * *

I grab up my bow an' we head out, her hand in mine. I can remember when I preferred to hunt alone. It was quiet an' I had time to think to myself. An' I could concentrate more on killin' somethin' when I weren't worryin' 'bout the person next to me. But it ain't like that no more with Beth. I like havin' her out here.

Late fall's usually when squirrels an' deer are most active. Squirrels are gatherin' food for winter an' it's matin' season for deer. We walk silently through the woods an' I can see spots where the ground's been scraped at. Few trees have rub marks from antlers. Best thing 'bout rut's the bucks don't pay much mind to anything other than matin'. They get careless an' they're easier to hunt an' kill.

"Might find us a deer."

I keep my voice low. Beth's at my side an' I see her nod. She knows you gotta be quiet out here. I see fresh signs of our prey an' I take us in that direction. Ain't too long 'fore I get us on a good trail an' I stop to hand her my bow. She takes it without question an' I watch as she picks up where I left off.

She keeps her eyes to the ground, lookin' up only to make sure she don't walk into nothin'. I keep my mouth shut. She's doin' just fine on her own an' I'm damn proud of her. After a while, we hear movement ahead of us. She walks further out an' I stand back. The brush ahead of her shakes an' a buck steps out. He ain't big, but he's enough to feed the whole camp. I watch as she slowly raises the bow. From here, her stance's perfect. I hold my breath when I hear the bolt release.

* * *

"Good thing we ain't too far out. Bastard's heavier than he looks."

She laughs at me. I been draggin' her buck through the woods. Camp ain't much farther from here. She goes to a fallen tree an' sits down. I drop my grip on the animal an' sit next to her. She takes a drink from our water bottle an' hands it to me. It soothes the dry ache in my throat, but it's real warm. What I'd give for a cold glass of water.

"The others won't believe I killed it."

I watch her pull her knife offa her hip. She turns it in her hands an' I smile at her. The girl's picked up a lotta shit from me.

"Course they'll know you killed it. It's the truth."

Her eyes flick up to me an' I can see she's workin' somethin' out in her head. She stops turnin' the knife, starts bitin' at her bottom lip. I can't believe she'd actually be worried over them thinkin' I made the shot. She sighs an' her eyes fall to the ground.

"I know about Jesse."

She looks back up to me. There's only one thing she could mean by that. That jackass musta told her the truth, tryin' to get us to argue. I can't believe I fell for his nice guy shit, I try harder to accept people at their word an' this is what happens. Just fell on my own fuckin' sword thinkin' he'd come through for me eventually. I knew I shouldn't lie to her. I shoulda come right out an' told her 'bout the boy. I feel my skin crawl, my stomach turns. I bring my hand to my mouth, chew on my nail while I try to think of how to keep this from bein' another fight. Her hand reaches up to mine an' pulls it away from my lips. She squeezes gently.

"I know why you didn't tell me the truth, Daryl. That was very sweet of you."

I hadn't realized how tense my body was. I feel my muscles loosen up an' I sigh. I'd thought he woulda turned it on me. Figured he'd use my poor judgement to his advantage. "What all'd he say?"

"He told me about the walker in the store an' about his brother. He said I shouldn't be mad at you for not tellin' me that, figured you did it to keep us from leavin' him behind."

I nod. That's exactly why I'd done it. I know how important it is to be ready for anything out here. You gotta let go of what things used to be like so you could survive. I didn't know what Rick or the others woulda said if they knew he hadn't just lied to us, but that he'd also proven he ain't capable of takin' care of hisself.

Part of me thinks I just understand the role of the black sheep. In the beginnin' of all this, I woulda never been someone they'd look to for answers. I was all muscle an' huntin'. Carol once told me I was Rick's henchman, but I don't think that's entirely true. Rick's got a way of seein' what people's strengths are an' he puts 'em to use. He's a smart guy an' a damn good leader. I find myself hopin' he'll see somethin' useful in Jesse.

I feel her squeeze my hand again. She leans in an' kisses my cheek. When I look into her eyes, I think of what they was all talkin' 'bout on the road. Holidays an' time. 'Bout us all bein' a real family. I think of what it'd be like to get up north. It's a stupid thought, but I try to imagine what a real Christmas could be like. If we get there in time for that, it'd be my first one. A warm feelin' spreads through me at the thought of my first Christmas bein' with Beth. It'll be like that book she read to me, the one with the heartless man.

Sittin' out here with her, thinkin' 'bout families an' holidays, I realize I can't be completely heartless. Somewhere deep down inside me, there's good. She sees it, points it out often. It's terrifyin' to let someone in, 'specially when you spent all your life battlin' your demons alone. It's fuckin' exhaustin'. But Beth don't want me to fight it alone. That girl's in love with me an' she sees herself savin' me. I begin to think maybe she already has.

"I really wanna get to D.C."

Her eyes shine brightly at my words. I surprise myself at my own admission. But it's the truth. I been thinkin' 'bout it the entire time we been out here huntin'. Her an' the others keep hopeful of what we're gonna find an' I been hopin' for it, too. She reaches up an' kisses my cheek.

"I said it before, I knew you believed in good people. Washington's gonna be wonderful, Daryl. I just know it."

I look ahead to the trees. She's set on this bein' our new home. An' it has to be. We all been pushin' ourselves to get there. Our group's lost an' gained people. I know we're a good group. In the back of my mind, I remember what Gabriel said in the kitchen. How he saw somethin' dark in us. But he was wrong. We're good people. An' I have to believe there's gonna be good people where we're headed.

"I know."

I stand, helpin' her to her feet an' we set back off to the road, trailin' her deer behind us.

* * *

The others were almost as proud of Beth as I was. But we had bigger problems than meat. Rick pulled me aside an' said we needed to figure out vehicles. I walk over to Jesse, but Beth steps in fronta me.

"If you're goin' out searchin', I'm goin' with you."

I'd only meant for me an' Jesse to go. Figured we could take both bikes an' head up to that store again an' search the lot. But I know I'd rather go with Beth. We could just take one bike. Won't matter anyways if we can get least two cars. I hold my hand up to her an' get over to him.

"Jesse, you ever skin a deer 'fore?"

He glances down to the buck. "I used to help my brother skin his. You need me to do it?"

"Yeah. Me an' Beth are headin' back to that store to look for vehicles. Figured you could skin an' clean it. Carol can start a fire an' it should be done by the time we get back. Think you can manage that?"

He grabs his bag an' pulls out the knives we'd found yesterday. "Yeah, I think I can do that."

I leave him to it an' go to grab my bag outta our tent, swappin' my bow for my gun. Beth follows me, grabbin' her own bag. Figure we might find shit in whatever cars we can't start. I tell Rick we're headin' out an' to make sure Jesse gets that deer cleaned up right. After I help Beth on the back of the bike, I start it up an' we take off down the road.

It don't take too long to get there, probably 'cause I weren't exactly goin' slow. Beth sets her helmet on the seat an' we make our way through the cars. After the first one won't start, the second one ain't got no gas. Beth's hands fall to her sides an' she puffs out.

"This is ridiculous! If we find one that starts, it's got no gas. If we find one with gas, it won't start. We're never gonna catch a break!"

I process her words in my head an' that's when it hits me. I can't believe it's taken me all day to think of it. I hop outta the car an' slam the door.

"C'mon. Look for gas cans in any of the trucks. Even better if we can also find a hose, but I reckon there's some of those in the store."

She smiles ear to ear when she realizes my plan. We're gonna just siphon gas an' carry the cans back to the vans. We'd be stupid to think we'll find big enough vehicles to carry all of us that not only start, but also got full tanks. I walk over to a beaten truck, only to come up short. But I find a pretty decent rope an' hand it to her. "Can use that to tie the cans to the bike."

I'm hopeful that we'll even find any. I see a service truck a little ways down an' my hopes pick up higher. If there's gonna be cans anywhere, it's there. I get over to it an' nearly laugh out when I see two cans sittin' there. I grab 'em up an' take 'em back to our bike. "Let's go see if we can find a hose."

We walk through the broken glass an' Beth turns on her flashlight. She looks up to the signs for the gardenin' section. Reckon it's further in the back. So we walk through the store to get there. Her light flashes over the empty shelves. "You think they'll be any hoses left?"

"Don't exactly figure people were runnin' out needin' hoses for the end of the world, Beth."

She laughs at me an' I can't help but laugh, too. But I remember where we are. We don't know what else could be in here with us. I tell her we gotta keep it down an' focus on findin' what we came in for. Even in what little light we got, I can see her roll her eyes.

The garden section don't look like too many people searched it. I almost imagine it don't look different than it had when the world changed. Only things missin' are the shovels an' other tools. People only considered weapons when they ransacked these places. Not many thought of what you'd need after you got done defendin' yourself. I see a whole box fulla vegetable seeds. I drop my bag to the ground an' dump the packets in there. Maybe they got a place for crops in D.C.

Beth walks a little ways ahead of me, but comes back with what we'd been lookin' for. We head back outside an' I pull out my knife. I twist off the metal lip of the hose an' cut it down to 'bout three feet. I cut another section the same length, roll it up an' put it in my bag. Never know when we'd need a second. I grab the cans offa the bike an' we walk to the first car we see.

I pop open the fuel tank door an' twist off the cap. I stick one end of the hose in, dippin' it down an' pullin' it out to see if we got gas. Sure's shit, there's some in there. I bring the end of the hose to my mouth but Beth pulls it away.

"You can't be serious?"

"How else you reckon we get the gas out?"

"I understand the process, Daryl. What I don't understand is how you think it's safe to suck up that gas when you light up cigarettes all day. The fumes?"

I sit back on my heels. I hadn't thought of that. Fact, I don't even know if it's really a risk. But 'fore I can try to argue she pulls the hose outta my hand an' drops to her knees. I shouldn't let her do this, I doubt she knows what she's doin'. I can't help but stare as she hollows her cheeks an' begins to suck the gasoline up. She places her fingers over the openin' an' I watch her pull the hose out a little ways, shovin' the end in the gas can. I'm surprised when I hear the liquid hit the surface an' I smile at her.

She gets all she can from that car an' we move to the next. I feel stupid at how I'm watchin' her do this. It ain't just how she does it or how she looks doin' it, not like that at all. It's the fact that she can. That she knows what it means to survive out here an' she's willin' to do what it takes. It ain't long 'fore we fill up both cans, an' I'm relieved this trip didn't take half the time I'd thought it would. I'm leaned back in the front of a car, finishin' a cigarette an' she's layin' 'cross the back seat. I hear her sigh.

"You know, once we get on the road again it's gonna be a while before we get any time alone."

I shift in my seat so's I can turn to face her. The grin she gives me is all too familiar. I smile as I get outta the car, put out my cigarette an' climb in the back seat with her. She pulls off her boots an' jeans an' straddles my lap. When she pulls off her shirt, I kiss an' suck at her neck. She picks up her bag, settin' it in what little space we got between us. I play with the end of her braid as she digs through to find us a condom. I nod down to the bag. "We got many of 'em left?"

She counts what's in the box. "Nine outta twelve. We're really slackin'."

Her lips fall to mine as she laughs. I hold her face between my hands, gently bite down on her lip. My tongue parts her mouth further as she sighs an' she tilts her head down to give herself to me. I feel the smile on her lips an' I love how carefree she is. Just weeks ago I woulda never even considered climbin' in the back of some stranded car with her for a quick fuck. The thought woulda scared me to death, bringin' up dark reminders of a hauntin' past. But she's changed me.

Hearin' her talk 'bout us the way she had earlier opened me up to this. For a while, I figured I was the best option in a bad situation. I knew she loved me, but I'd only figured it was 'cause she weren't left with many other choices. But she'd talked like she woulda loved nothin' more than to have me sit with her family an' pass food down the table, like I was part of whatever she had.

Her hands work at my jeans as I continue to kiss her. Her small hand wraps 'round me an' I groan. She starts to move, tightenin' her grip enough to make my head fall back as I moan out her name. My own hand grips 'round her wrist to stop her an' I take the condom she'd set on the seat. She sits back an' stares down at me as I put it on. She bites down on her bottom lip an' I don't think she ever looked prettier than she did lowerin' herself onto me. My breath hisses through my teeth at the feelin'.

"Jesus, Beth."

She's movin' above me, her breathin's faster an' she digs her nails into the tops of my shoulders. I grip her hips, guidin' her rhythm. The dreamcatcher bounces with her chest. Her eyes hold mine an' I feel lost in 'em. For once, I don't wanna look away.

I'd always thought of her as a pretty girl, even back when I first met her on their farm. Nothin' I woulda ever done 'bout it then. She'd just been somethin' nice to look at when the world 'round me looked like hell. But I wasn't willin' to think of what she coulda really been. An' she was only sixteen when we'd met. That was more than enough to control my thoughts.

When she'd opened me up at that shack, I'd seen how beautiful she was. Everything 'bout her drew me in once I realized she's what I'd needed all these years. At first, it felt wrong. I'd battled with myself thinkin' that she was still just a girl. She'd already turned eighteen by then. So it weren't too much the fact that I was twice her age.

Part of me felt disgusted that I could ever look at Hershel's daughter that way. Sure, he'd told me plenty of times how he thought I was good, but that don't mean he woulda welcomed the idea of me an' his youngest girl bein' the way we are now. But Maggie accepted us bein' together, so I tell myself he woulda done the same.

What really worried me most was myself. I'd been so afraid of her realizin' I weren't any good. I knew what I'd been like. It ate away at me to think I could ever pull her into the dark. I was only just startin' to see the light myself. Bein' with her like this terrified me. But she always tells me I'm good, says she knows I am. So it ain't like that no more.

"I love you."

Her voice is gentle as her fingers move down the muscles of my biceps. I pull her face to mine, my hand runs down to the back of her neck an' I hold her close. In such a small space, it's almost too much. All's I can smell's her hair an' the sweat on her skin. I only hear the sounds she makes as she whimpers an' moans. The only thing I feel's her flesh against mine. I drop my lips to the base of her throat an' gently bite down.

Her nails scratch down my chest. I watch as she arches her back, her hand reaches to the headrest of the passenger seat an' she tilts herself away from me. She whimpers at the way it feels now, an' I run my hand up her smooth, flat stomach to her bra.

"Oh, Daryl..."

It's all I needa hear. My hand wraps 'round her back an' I work at the clasp. She pulls the bra away from her body an' tosses it down on the floor with the rest of her clothes. I lean up to meet her an' kiss her lips roughly, completely lost in this moment. She sighs against my mouth an' I move my lips down to her chin, kissin' an' gently bitin' at her jaw. I get to her neck an' open my mouth slightly to taste her. The soft skin's salty from her sweat an' I run my tongue down to the base of her throat. I feel myself smirk against her skin as she moans out again. I pull away from her an' gently tilt her back further. I keep one hand at her hip an' the other 'round her back. She smiles down at me, her voice breathy. "Daryl, what-"

I kiss the skin of her stomach an' move my lips up. She stops speakin' an' sighs. I graze my teeth over her breast, bitin' softly to get her to respond to me again. It's a beautiful sound to hear her say my name the way she does like this. I run my hand from her hip, up her side an' take her other one in my hand. She bucks against me when I roughly rub my thumb over her nipple an' whimpers as I continue. Her hips move faster an' I growl out as I move my mouth to her shoulder an' bite down.

At first, I knew exactly what this was: her fuckin' me in the back of a car. But it ain't. I realize somethin' I shoulda known all along: she's mine an' I'm hers. We even each other out an' we're stronger for it. Beth's the only woman who coulda ever had me like this. An' I've only ever belonged to her.

She pushes herself against me harder, finally sighin' my name one last time. I tighten my grip 'round her back, pull her closer to me. My forehead rests against hers as I thrust my hips faster. We're both pantin' an' I feel everything inside an' out tighten as I spill myself into the rubber. Her mouth covers mine as I growl an' moan out at my own release. We sit there for just a moment, I run my hands over her back. She reaches for her clothes an' hops offa me an' I toss the condom up to the front seat. I open the car door, readjustin' my jeans an' zippin' back up. Holdin' my hand out to her, I pull her outta the car an' flat against me. I kiss the top of her head.

"I love you, Beth."

I pick up the gas cans an' my bag an' we head back to the bike. Once I've tied the cans up best I could, we head back to camp. It's a slower ride this time. I don't want the cans of gas to fall off. It takes twice as long to get back an' when we do I can smell the meat cookin'.

Abraham's standin' with his back to the camp an' he looks angry.

"Fuck! You mean to tell me there's not one fuckin' car out there y'all could've started?"

Beth an' me get offa the bike an' I hold up the cans. The smile he gives me tells me that we're gonna be alright. As I head over to start fillin' the first tank, I show Rick what we got. He looks relieved an' I swear it's the first time I seen him smile in days.

"Let's eat so's we can head out."

* * *

We've been drivin' all night. Glenn said North Carolina's just a little ways up the road. Daryl's arms wrap 'round me as I lay back against his chest. I can feel my eyes gettin' heavy, but I told myself I had to stay awake long enough to know when we cross the line. It's somethin' I'd decided earlier.

I remember how it felt to cross into South Carolina. I knew that had been much different since it was us leavin' Georgia. But now that I think of how close we are, I realize I can't be sad when we move through the next few states. This is what we've been movin' towards for a while now. An' it's gonna be everything we need.

The past hour's been hard to keep my eyes open. But Maggie looks out her window an' tells us we just got into North Carolina. I try to smile but can't fight past a yawn. I feel Daryl's lips fall to my ear.

"You can go to sleep, now, Beth."

I smile to myself. I hadn't told him why I was stayin' awake, yet he'd known the whole time. He really does understand me. I close my eyes an' think of our conversation earlier. I picture us all sittin' together as a family. In Washington we can have holidays an' special occasions. We can really have a life there. Me an' Daryl can have a real life together. The last thought I have as I go to sleep is how he'd admitted to wanting to get to our safe haven.

_"Washington's gonna be wonderful, Daryl. I just know it."_

_"I know."_


End file.
